CHAPTER 18
BETWEEN FURY AND FIRE
Verify you are amongst allies before you lower your guard.
– Thorne Code of Honour, Tenet XV
Sebastian walked just behind her, the grass muffling their steps.
What the fuck just happened?
The satchel at his side shifted as he moved, the three Shards clinking against one another – almost in judgement. The sound cut through his thoughts, pulling him back to the mission. The reason he’d bled and run and fought his way here. The reason he couldn’t afford to be distracted by Kara Hale.
It had to be her they sent.
He should be furious. He was furious. He felt wrong in his own skin now; the absence of his scars was like an amputation. Pieces of his life carved away, like they had never mattered at all. Years of battles, duty, and survival – taken away without his consent.
His identity. His rank. His culture.
Erased.
He hated her for that. Or at least he told himself he did.
The wind caught her cloak, whipping it around her legs. She looked back once. Maybe checking he was still there. She was–
Beautiful.
The thought ambushed him. Uninvited. Inconvenient.
But undeniable.
He hated that he still thought it. After what she’d done.
What is wrong with me? She tied me to a Godsdamn tree.
But he’d felt it during the Arcalon – the pull between them. The moment their magic reacted – her warmth inside him – had changed everything. And the sick twist in his gut when she’d nearly been crushed by that beam. He’d burned himself to save her. Without a thought.
He’d cared about her then.
And despite everything, he still fucking did.
You’re an idiot, Thorne.
He clenched his jaw and forced himself to turn his gaze away.
She’d broken into his mind whilst he was unconscious.
Stolen what she wanted. Hurt him. Lied to him.
How could he trust her now? He couldn’t.
That was gone. And still his thoughts betrayed him.
And worse than that – he felt guilty. About grabbing her.
Putting his bound hands at her throat, whispering threats like the monster they all believed him to be.
He shouldn’t have done it. He’d been... desperate.
But that didn’t excuse it. That wasn’t him – he didn’t threaten unarmed women.
His father had seen to that, had drilled it into him since before he could remember.
The shame of it burned under his skin. Though, if he was honest, what unsettled him more was her reaction.
She hadn’t been scared. Not even a little.
Hadn’t struggled. She’d looked up at him, calm and defiant, as if daring him to try.
No one, not in his whole life, had looked at him like that.
He had no idea what to do with it. She’d even mocked him for being dramatic.
It should have infuriated him. But her absolute certainty that he wouldn’t hurt her – the unshakable belief she had in him – had left him reeling.
Especially after what he’d done.
After Navyr.
You killed them.
More guilt crashed into him. He could still see the captain’s face as the wave broke – weathered and disbelieving.
Could still hear the sailor’s shouts. He’d told them to come to shore.
The man had laughed at him. He pushed the thoughts away.
There had been no other choice. To delay would have risked capture.
Which happened anyway.
But Kara had let him go. Even after he’d threatened to kill her.
It was not lost on him that Karalynna Hale was the only person left in all of Vallenna that would have done that.
She’d looked at him with those bright, impossible eyes and refused to take him back.
Stood between him and execution. Taken Caldris magic for him.
Dark magic that bastard should never have known.
She’d risked blindness. Endured pain. Watching Henry hurt her had been its own kind of torture.
He’d wanted to end him right there. Tear him apart with his bare hands.
But Kara wouldn’t have wanted that. So he’d reined in his fury.
Henry Caldris was lucky – very lucky – that he had done so little to him.
The thoughts spiralled in his mind. She’d chosen him. Over the Council. Over Caldris. Over everything.
She chose me.
Not him... me.
The thought ripped through his chest. Possessive.
Dangerous. It thrilled him – his heart beat faster.
He hated it. He shouldn’t feel victory in this, not now that she’d thrown everything away.
If he truly cared... he wouldn’t have let her get herself into this.
He had damned her right alongside him. But her words kept echoing in his mind:
I couldn’t let him hurt you.
It made his stomach flip – he’d believed her, at least for a second. Still wanted her–
Fuck. No, you don’t.
He crushed the feeling. Locked the emotion away. Told himself she’d only done it for Vallenna’s sake. Not that the why mattered. She was here. At his side. And if they caught her, she’d die for it. Every step with her was a contradiction. He didn’t know whether to be furious or grateful.
“You shouldn’t be here,” he muttered, though he wasn’t sure whether he meant this camp, this mission, or anywhere near him at all. She didn’t answer. Just kept walking casually until she reached the two hitched valmares, like she hadn’t set fire to her own life.
Kara untied the grey one and brought it forward. “She’s a Hale valmare,” she said, holding the reins out to him. “They’re the fastest in Vallenna... we’ll make better time on them.” She nodded back towards Henry. “And it’ll slow him down.”
The mare was well-bred, and leaner than any Thorne valmare, built for speed rather than power.
He reached for the reins, then a sharp spike of awareness made his hand hover, remembering her magic sliding under his skin, cold as poison, dragging him down into darkness.
The sensation of his will being smothered until there was nothing left but her command.
Not again.
It took all his self-control not to jerk his hand away from her.
He forced himself forward and took the leather carefully, avoiding her fingers, but felt the brush of her sleeve on his hand.
She noticed his avoidance – he saw it in the faint crease between her brows as she looked at him – but she didn’t comment.
His own hand tightened on the straps until the edges dug uncomfortably into his palm.
Stop looking at me like that, Kara.
“Thanks,” he muttered, vaulting into the saddle.
She reached down to her golden valmare’s saddle straps and removed a familiar pack. She held it out to him.
“Yours,” she said. “I kept it after Henry drove off your valmare.”
He took it from her without a word, slinging it over his saddle. She’d kept it safe for him. Whilst capturing him.
What the fuck am I supposed to do with that?
She mounted the golden steed beside him, settling like she’d been born there.
“Lead the way,” she said, briskly.
Right. North. The Fire Shard.
He stared, just for a moment, at the absurdity of it all. At her, the good little Hale heir, actually coming with him. She looked back, calm and resolute.
“I could be wrong, you know,” he said. “About all of it. Did you think about that?”
Kara nodded. “Yes.”
“And?”
“And I still untied you.”
Sebastian didn’t know what to say to that so he simply clicked his tongue, and the valmare leapt forward at his command.
He could hear Kara behind, following without hesitation.
He risked a glance over his shoulder. Her braid was coming loose, strands of ebony hair flying in the wind.
Lavender and something he couldn’t name.
That’s what her hair smelled like – he’d caught the scent when she’d held him on the mountaintop.
He hated that he’d noticed. Filed it away.
He dragged his gaze forward again. He should not be doing this.
He should have told her to go, that he didn’t want her help. Left her standing in the cold.
But he didn’t.
Of course he didn’t.
Hales and Thornes don’t mix.
That’s what she’d said. What everyone said.
It had taken approximately one day of knowing her for him to decide that didn’t matter.
But she found a new way to hurt him every time he reached for her.
At the Arcalon, she pulled away when he leaned in.
Today, one moment she was in his arms, the next she had him bound.
The pattern was becoming embarrassing. She’d burn him, and every damn time, he came back for more.
See. A fucking idiot.
So why was he riding with her now? Letting her come along?
As the wind blew through his hair, he forced his thoughts back to the mission. The only thing that mattered.
He couldn’t afford to want her.
He couldn’t afford to trust her.
His fists flexed restlessly on the reins. How the hell was he supposed to sleep tonight with her only a few feet away – the woman who’d already betrayed him once? He couldn’t let her get close.
If she turned on him again, he didn’t think he’d survive it.