CHAPTER 32
THE REFUSAL
It was said that since the Shattering, the Arcanth wished for its strength to be whole once more. It knows. It sees. It chooses.
– Arcanthys Mythology
Her thoughts didn’t let up as she rode. Every beat of her valmare’s hooves echoed the same refrain:
You killed him. You killed him.
Sebastian had warned her. Had tried to keep her from this. She’d come anyway. Sebastian rode ahead, his dark cloak torn and billowing behind him in the cold night wind. Something dark radiated from him. Every heartbeat she waited, prayed even, for him to look back at her.
But he didn’t. Not once.
The guilt was eating her alive.
A monster. That’s what he’d see now.
But that was absurd. The man had cut through a dozen guards to rescue her – had killed in the temple beside her. Surely he wouldn’t condemn her for acting to save him? But the fear of his rejection was real. And his silence was doing nothing to ease her growing panic.
They didn’t ride back south to Sorrel, or west to Fatàn.
Sebastian hadn’t wanted to retrace their steps and progress in Fatàn was too slow and exposed.
They’d learnt that the hard way. Instead, he’d angled them southwest, away from the border, into Durent’s rocky hills, where patrols would be fewer.
The climb was brutal, steep stone ridges against the night sky, but the cover was better there.
They would be harder to follow, and harder to see.
And for now, distance was all that mattered.
They pushed the valmares hard until the Fire Temple and the volcano were small smudges in the distance.
Only when the creatures began to stumble did Sebastian slow, pulling them off the rocky trail into a narrow pass.
The cliffs leaned close on either side, muffling them from the wind.
At least no-one’s likely to find us here.
A little higher, half-hidden behind some fallen rock, they found a suitable place to camp, a shallow cave, out of sight from the trail. Safe enough. Sebastian entered first and checked every corner with his blade drawn. He turned and gave Kara a curt nod.
They unsaddled the valmares without speaking.
The only sounds were the mares stamping their hooves and blowing hard from the punishing ride.
Sebastian sat with his back to the wall.
His sword lay across his knees. His gaze was fixed, unblinking, on the mouth of the cave.
Kara threw down the blanket she’d taken from Rooksnest – at least it would take some chill off the stone floor.
She lay down in silence with her cloak wrapped around her.
She was exhausted – they’d ridden all through the night – it was late morning now.
But she couldn’t sleep. The soldier’s face appeared every time she tried.
So she stayed perfectly still, staring blankly at the ceiling.
Sometimes her gaze would find her hands, her mind turning the dirt there into the man’s blood.
Hours passed. Or maybe minutes.
Say something. Please.
Finally, Sebastian looked over to her. “Are you alright?” he asked.
No.
She wanted to say yes. Wanted to show him that she was strong and unshaken. But she couldn’t lie to him. So instead, she just whispered, “I don’t know.”
He nodded once. Understanding crossed his face before he looked away again. But he still didn’t reach for her.
“Sebastian–” she started.
“You should try to rest whilst you can,” he said, still not looking at her.
But Kara couldn’t go back to silence. She had to know. “You’ve barely looked at me since. Do you...” Her voice trembled. “Do you see me differently now? I’m a healer and I–” She took a breath. “I killed someone. So I understand if you think less of me–”
His head jerked up. “Think less of you?” He looked horrified by the thought. “Is that what you think?”
But before she replied, he crossed the cave in two strides and pulled her into his arms.
“Kara, no. Of course I don’t.”
Thank the Four for that.
“I didn’t know... didn’t know my magic could do that,” she cried into his tunic. “Take a life like that. I didn’t mean to do it. I just wanted him to stop hurting you. But then I saw his face–” Tears spilled down her cheeks. “It was me. I did that.”
“Hey,” he said, pulling her back slightly and wiping her tears away with a soft touch of his hand, gentler than she’d ever known him to be.
“Please don’t cry. I am so damned grateful for what you did.
You saved my life.” His voice cracked. “He had me, Kara. The nightshade – my magic was already gone. If you hadn’t stopped him, I’d be captured right now. You had no choice.”
The knot in her stomach loosened slightly. But she still didn’t understand. “Then why haven’t you looked at me?”
“Because you shouldn’t have had to do it at all,” he said roughly. “The only thing I’ve thought about since is that I should’ve been quicker, sharper. I should’ve seen him before he got that damn nightshade on me.”
The guilt was plain across his face.
No. This isn’t your fault.
“Stop that,” she said. “This was my choice.”
As she buried her head in his chest, breathing in the smell of him, she knew for certain: “I’d do it again,” she said fiercely. “If it meant keeping you alive.”
The truth of it startled her. Yet she meant every word. He tensed against her.
She lifted her head, her face tear-streaked but resolute. “Guilt or no guilt. No one is taking you from me.”
At the words, he pulled her closer, leaning his forehead against hers. He held her so tightly it almost hurt, and it still wasn’t close enough.
“No one,” he promised.
The guilt didn’t disappear, but it did quieten slightly. This man – the one she loved more than she’d ever thought possible – was here safe in her arms because of what she’d done. She could live with it. She would live with it. For him.
But she still felt different. Wrong. Dangerous.
Maybe she always would.
Sebastian’s voice pulled her back. “We did it though, Kara,” he said. “The Shard. We got it.”
Kara made a disbelieving sound that was almost a laugh as she shifted against him. Wiped her tears away.
We got the Shard.
In the aftermath, she hadn’t even considered what that meant. They had the whole Arcanth. Here. Right now.
“Yeah,” she said hoarsely. “We did.”
They both stared in awe at the satchel at his side. Neither moved. She got the distinct feeling he wasn’t ready to let her go.
“So... shall we do it now?” she asked tentatively. “Put them together?”
Sebastian smiled, as though the reality of it had only just hit him. “All of them,” he said, almost to himself. “We actually have all of them.”
He reached for the satchel and pulled them out one at a time.
Earth – a deep golden glow, steady and solid.
Water – a rippling blue, light flickering across the cave walls.
Air – a swirling mint white, curling like smoke around his fingers.
Fire – a crackling red, burning brighter than torchlight.
To see them together – the Arcanth whole – felt unreal. This was it, what they had risked it all for.
“Ready?” he asked.
She nodded.
Together, they knelt before the Shards. Sebastian reached for Earth and Fire, Kara took Water and Air.
Slowly, they brought them together.
At first, the glow sharpened, each Shard flaring as though recognising the others. Energy sparked between them. Kara’s heart leapt – it was working. But then, as they touched–
It all went wrong.
A violent shudder ripped through the cave. A flash of blinding light. An unpleasant surge tore through Kara’s entire body – like being plunged in ice and fire at once.
Then it pulled away from them.
Leaving only darkness.
Silence.
Searing pain shot through her hands. They both dropped the Shards. They hit the ground with a low crack. Lifeless. The glow that had pulsed around them – gone. Like it had never been there at all. Kara stumbled back, her palms burning.
“Wh–what was that?” she stuttered.
Sebastian didn’t answer. He stared at the Shards.
He grabbed Earth and pressed it to Water. Nothing.
Fire to Air. Nothing.
“No,” he muttered, shaking his head. “No, that’s not possible. We did everything right.” He forced all four of them into a pile. “Come on,” he muttered. “Come on–”
Nothing.
“Sebastian... why won’t it work?”
“I don’t know,” he said desperately. “It called to me. It wants to be whole. I don’t understand.”
Kara wrapped her arms around herself. She’d seen the vision in his mind, felt the Arcanth’s calling. But here it lay, refusing them. She couldn’t think of a single thing to say. The silence stretched. Finally, tentatively, she voiced the fear she knew they were both thinking.
“Sebastian... what if this was all for nothing?”
“Don’t say that,” he snapped. He dragged a hand across his face, visibly reining himself back. He stared at the Shards like they had betrayed him.
She watched him. Waiting.
But he said nothing.
Not a single word.
More minutes ticked by. Sebastian stared out of the cave. There had to be something he was missing. They had followed the vision, risked everything, bled for this, killed for this – and still the Arcanth lay broken. They needed information. Answers.
What the hells were they going to do?
Fatàn... they know the most about the Arcanth, don’t they?
He flexed his fingers, then fisted them together on his knee.
The old texts, their library archives his father had told him about. No House had studied it longer. No one else even claimed to understand. But then he shook his head, furious at himself.
What if they don’t know?
He glanced at Kara. She looked so small sitting there, her arms hugged tight around herself.
Please don’t let me have put her through all this for nothing.
He wanted to tell her they could run, that he’d take her south. They could find some corner of the world where no one knew them. But they’d come so far, and sacrificed so much... and she’d say no anyway.
Not when Draknor was coming. Not when Vallenna would burn if they failed. And could he really do it? Run? Abandon their people? He forced his gaze back to the Shards. They looked so harmless now, like pieces of coloured glass instead of the power of the world.
Fatàn. It’s the only option.
Fuck.
He took a deep breath, forcing himself to accept it.
“If anyone has answers, it’ll be Fatàn. Their archives. They have records of the Arcanth that go back further than any House. If there’s a reason it failed, they’ll know.”
Kara went pale. “You want us to go back through Fatàn?”
Not really.
“Unless you have any other ideas?” His voice was flat, resigned.
He could see she didn’t. But of course she didn’t like it.
I don’t either.
“Last time we were there, your father’s soldiers found us. They’re patrolling Fatàn lands. What if–”
“I know,” he said shortly. “But the patrols will be looking for us at the borders. It’s... unlikely they’ll go deep into Fatàn, they won’t expect us to linger. If we can get to their capital, to the library...” He trailed off, frustrated.
She stared at him. Then at the lifeless Shards on the cave floor. “Fatàn, then.”
He was already mapping routes, the best trails to make it to Aeterna without being seen. They’d have to move slow. Smart. He’d told Kara that Thorne wouldn’t patrol deep in Fatàn.
He’d lied.