Chapter 12 Sam
Sam
Alaugh burbled out of me. What the hell? “And what’s that supposed to mean?” I shoved a hand through my hair, snagging my fingers on the tangles in the ends. “A mate? I don’t think so.” I shook my head as I still worked at my hair. “It was just sex.”
All of these vampires were crazy.
I was a thrall. There was no way I was anyone’s mate. Certainly not this guy’s… This hot, hot guy who I’d willingly given my first time to… He was a vampire. I couldn’t stand vampires. One of them was slowly killing me — and enjoying every fucking second of my death.
“Sam?” When he spoke, my voice held a question. A whole lot of questions, but I didn’t have any answers.
“That’s crap.” The words exploded from me. “I’m no vampire mate.” There was no fucking way. “I’ve seen vampire mates and they’re —” I paused. “Well, duh! They’re vampires. Or they wanted to be one.”
Like Sean. He’d have willingly given his life to join Esmé for eternity.
He had given his life. Only not in the way he’d intended. And now I was giving my life instead. As well. Something. Involvement with Esmé had killed both of us.
I turned away from Kyle. Maybe this was even more cruel because I was Esmé’s thrall. No one would actually want me, and to tease me about it, or to joke or whatever this was… Well, it was just unnecessary.
“No, Sam.” But he sounded gentle, and he barely made a sound as he approached where I was sitting. He crouched down beside me. “No, Sam,” he said again. “Vampire mates start off as human.”
“Well, duh,” I said again, my irritation ringing out loud, and nearly fell into his brown eyes as they softened despite my harsh mood.
They’d never held so much expression before, almost liquid with a plea for my understanding.
“Humans with a screw loose. I’m a thrall.
Not just any old human. I’m not a mate…” But I stopped speaking.
Well, damn. What if there was a genetic connection? First Sean, now me? How the hell hadn’t I considered it before? Not that it would have mattered. I hated vampires. Or at least I did now. Being a mate wasn’t something I would have ever wanted to consider or explore.
“My brother,” I mumbled.
“What about him?” Kyle lifted a hand like he might stroke my cheek. Then he sighed and dropped it. “I didn’t know you have a brother.”
“Had.” I sighed. “It’s a long story.” I shook my head.
“Except, no. It really isn’t. Esmé took a shine to him.
Said he was her mate. I’m the reason he met her.
” I shrugged. It also meant I was the reason he’d died, but I always screwed that guilt up as tight as I could and shoved it somewhere dark and deep inside my head.
“He’s also the reason we’re still tied together like this.
I saved Esmé after she failed to save Sean in the attack that killed him.
And now she hates me for the fact that she’s still alive.
” I expected Kyle to defend me somehow, to tell me what a bitch Esmé was, but instead he sucked in a breath then remained quiet for a moment like he was working out the best way to say something.
“Losing a mate can send even the most stable vampire crazy. It…” He hesitated and rubbed his fingers over his scar, like he seemed to do when he was stressed or frustrated. “It explains a lot about her.”
“I lost my brother.” I couldn’t keep the annoyance from my words. “My family.”
He nodded. “I know. And I’m sorry. I’m… Two mates in one family. You’re unusual.”
I shrugged and my lips moved into a stiff smile of resentment. “Yeah, what are the odds?”
“Sebastian’s mate was a human witch before he turned her. And Nic’s — the king’s,” he clarified like I wouldn’t know he meant Nicolas Dupont himself. “Both Sebastian and Nic mated recently.”
That much I knew — Esmé had spoken of it at length in the most bitter and loathing of terms. She hated mated pairs with a passion.
“What will she do to me?” I didn’t need to clarify which she I meant.
“Nothing.” His reply was immediate. And abrupt as he rose to his full height. “You’re with me. I’ll take care of you.”
Take care of me… The idea sent a thrill of excitement through me, warming me in places that no longer warmed, no matter how many layers I wrapped myself in.
But I didn’t want to be turned… Did I? I didn’t want to be a bloodsucker. That much, I knew. I didn’t want Esmé to be my maker. But Kyle…
I looked at him again, trying to study him discreetly.
There was something about him… something that drew me.
But maybe it was his kindness and the fierce way he’d taken to protecting me when he really didn’t have to.
It had been a long time since anyone had done that for me.
No wonder I was attracted to this guy. It was like Stockholm syndrome in reverse or some shit, right?
Still, an unexpected shiver of something… anticipation? Desire? Worked through me. It was like my body had decided this was something I wanted — Kyle to turn me, without any input from logic.
I tried to look away from him in case he caught sight of the desire, which I didn’t understand, lurking in my eyes.
But he met my gaze and sucked in a breath anyway. “Do you… do you want me to turn you?” He sounded more hesitant than I’d ever heard him, suddenly unsure of himself, like my answer really mattered.
“Would I… would I survive it?” I never thought that would be the first question I’d ask, but I hadn’t ever considered the idea of being turned, either.
I’d only ever discounted it as something I never wanted.
But I didn’t even need to ask whether Sean would have let himself be turned. Esmé would have done it for him.
I didn’t know the ins and outs of their relationship, and I hadn’t known their future plans or what they were waiting for. Sean had always seemed as head over heels as Esmé, but maybe he’d been reluctant because of Mom, because of me. Maybe he’d struggled with the idea of vampires. Who knew?
But if Esmé had already turned him before the night of the attack, would he have still been with me now? I almost didn’t want to explore that question.
As much as I hated what she was doing to me now, Esmé had never done anything but love Sean.
His death had destroyed her, and because I’d condemned her to life without him, she hated me with equal fervor.
The same passion that would have driven her to make Sean immortal, their love eternal, had doomed me.
I hadn’t answered his question, but Kyle spoke again — without answering mine, either.
“I can turn you if you want,” he said. “I can do that for you.” There was a strange undercurrent of eagerness in his voice.
“But first I have to complete my mission. I need to get rid of Brock. Get rid of Esmé. And not just for Nic anymore. They’re dangerous to you, and yes, they’re dangerous to all vampires and the Dupont reign.
But they could end your world as you are now, a human thrall, or endanger your life as a vampire. ”
“Esmé?” I whispered her name.
It seemed almost unreal that Kyle wanted to kill her. That Esmé could really die. I couldn’t imagine that. She was vengeful and a force to be reckoned with… a vampire. Beings like that didn’t just roll over and die.
“It has to be done. Otherwise, you’ll be hunted your whole life. You’re her thrall, Sam. She’ll never just let you go. Just like you need her, she needs you.”
“One of us is going to die. It’s the only way to end it.” I nodded, certainty in my tone as I spoke. And it looked straightforward now. Either Esmé would kill me, or I could somehow help Kyle to kill Esmé because even if I left her, I was going to die from the shock of withdrawals, anyway.
I hadn’t expected Kyle’s help to be offered like this. I’d planned more of a business arrangement or begging, but something about the situation just felt right, and I didn’t want to question it.
We sat quietly for the next few hours. Well, I sat quietly as the sun rose.
Kyle puttered around his apartment. There was nothing here for him to putter with, and I hadn’t taken him for a fussy guy, but he busied himself straightening shit and fixing things and bothering over where a chair was placed in the room.
I drew in a breath. The air was dank in here and it sat in my chest like something wet and itchy. But it didn’t smell as bad as where I lived, and it didn’t burn my throat like I was choking on someone else’s puke.
Eventually, Kyle began to slow his movements, as if reluctance had crept into him. Then his mouth set into a grimace. “I need to head out.” He didn’t quite meet my eyes, and apprehension strummed at my consciousness.
“Where are you going?” I had no right to ask, and I certainly had no right to sound so suspicious.
What Kyle did was very much his own business. But that didn’t explain my sudden irrational fear that he might not come back.
“Brock’s.” He only spoke one word, and he made it quiet, but it filled me with dread.
Just that man’s name had the power to frighten me. I tangled my fingers together, working them into painful knots of paper-thin skin and knobbed bone.
“I’m not sure you should go.” My voice came out thin too.
He smiled slightly, and it was almost reassuring. Then he shrugged. “I don’t really have a choice. I have to go — for appearances’ sake, right? It’s not like I can stay away today without him sending someone to look for me. It looks more suspicious not to show up to work, right?”
I nodded. Yeah, I got that. He needed to still be the good little soldier, one of Brock’s enforcers. But Brock trusted Esmé more than Kyle. If he trusted anyone at all.
But he’d take her word over Kyle’s in a heartbeat.
“What about Esmé? What if she gets you in trouble or she tries to get her revenge?” I didn’t finish my sentence. None of the endings were pretty, but Kyle nodded as if he’d filled the rest of the words in, anyway.