23. Vandal
VANDAL
God, I want to reach for Daisy. This isn’t a craving or addiction. It’s like my heart is going to beat its way through my ribs if I don’t touch her right now.
There’s a flicker of guilt that my absence left enough of a gap for trouble to walk right in and reach Daisy and Elsie, the two people I left behind.
I know Havoc is right behind me on the stairs, waiting for me to step inside, but even though I’ve been thinking about this moment for the last ten days, it still doesn't feel real.
She stands inside the hurricane shelter dressed in denim shorts and a faded yellow tank. Her hair’s pulled messily back, and her face is too pale. But she’s still the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen.
For a second, neither of us moves. And I think about what has happened in the time we’ve been apart.
The meetings. The shaking. The sweating.
The mornings I woke up and wanted to drink so badly, I had to sit on the bathroom floor until the need stopped trying to kill me.
The nights where I stared at my phone with her name on the screen and told myself that love wasn't a good enough reason to drag her into the wreckage that was my life.
Even now, I wonder if I don’t need a drink to help myself get through this. But I believe enough in myself to stand with that feeling for a heartbeat and remind myself that I don’t. My body has done a lot of healing since I’ve stopped poisoning it, and I don’t want to stop that progress.
Daisy whispers one word. “Vandal.”
And then I’m done. I cross the space between us, catch her face in my hands, and kiss her.
I suppose it should have been pretty; I suppose it should have been soft. But instead, it’s a lifetime of want. It’s the sound she makes when her fingers fist in my shirt. It’s the way I bend her because I need more of her mouth, more of her breath.
And I want more proof that she’s here, whole, and safe. That she’s mine to protect even if I haven’t earned the right yet.
Her body meets mine, and it’s not careful at all.
I groan into her mouth because, fuck, she’s here. Warm and trembling and tasting like sweet tea and fear and relief.
My hands slide from her face to her back. I pull her in until there isn’t room between us for all the things I almost lost and all the things I need to say.
She breaks the kiss first. Barely. Her lips stay against mine, her breath shaking. “Elsie.”
My forehead drops to hers, but I do ease my grip on her for the sake of propriety.
She shudders a little. But her hands don’t stop moving, climbing higher and higher on my chest like she needs to check the shape of me, like she’s forgotten what it felt like to have me close.
“I’m sorry I didn’t call. In hindsight, I should have,” I say.
“You did what you had to do, but I’m glad to see you,” she says.
A small sound comes from the sofa. A gasp. Then bare feet slap across the wood.
“Vandal!”
I release Daisy just in time for Elsie to launch herself at me. Her arms lock around my neck so tight, she nearly chokes me. Her face presses into the side of my throat, and her whole little body shakes.
“There was a mean man, and you were gone,” she says.
Jesus Christ. Talk about knocking a man out in one sentence. I close my eyes, one hand spread over the back of her head the other arm underneath her butt, holding her to me like she weighs nothing. It’s taken ten days away to realize I had no clue just how empty my arms could feel.
“I was,” I say.
“You didn’t say bye.”
“No, ma’am. But I won’t do that again.”
“Did the doctor fix you?” Elsie asks.
I have no idea what story Daisy told her is my reason for leaving, but the question seems to sum it up nicely. “Some.”
“Did you get shots? Because I hate shots.”
I shake my head. “Not where I went.”
She eyes me suspiciously. “Did they have snacks?”
That makes both me and Daisy chuckle. “The snacks sucked, and so did the coffee.”
She cups my cheek carefully. “Momma could make you some good coffee. She sighs when she drinks hers in the morning.”
“This is true,” Daisy says. “One day when I’m rich, I’m gonna buy myself one of those barista-style coffee stations for the kitchen.”
“And an ice cream maker,” Elsie adds.
I reach out my arm to tug Daisy back to me.
We both wrap our arms around each other and Elsie, and suddenly my world feels more complete than I knew was possible.
I stand and breathe the two of them in as my throat closes.
When I look down at Daisy, the look on her face punches through me harder than any fist ever has.
Footsteps thudding up the stairs remind me that we’re not alone in this room. Maren is busying herself over by the bed. And Havoc is leaning with his back against the kitchen counter. But it’s Knox who steps into the shadow of the doorway, his expression hard.
He’s been a lot of things to me in recent weeks. A friend. An MC brother. A father figure.
But right now, he’s standing there as my president.
“We need to talk,” he says.
Daisy stiffens, and I feel it before I see it. “Not in front of Elsie,” she says.
Knox nods and then looks to Maren. “Hey, sweetheart, everything is safe outside. Do you want to take Elsie to go get some more pie?”
Maren nods and offers Elsie her hand, but Elsie shakes her head and buries her forehead into my neck.
“I want to stay with Vandal.”
I manage to disentangle Elsie’s hands from around my neck a little bit, just enough so that I can see her little chin wobble. “I’m not going anywhere again, Elsie. I’m back, and we’re gonna have dinner together tonight. But this is grown-up shit.”
“Language,” Daisy reminds me. And, yeah, I guess becoming an instant father figure is gonna take a little bit of getting used to.
“Sorry, yeah, we need to have a grown-up conversation first. So, you can either go sit back over there and watch TV, or you can go with Maren and have more pie.”
It’s so wild watching the trade-offs happen in real time on Elsie’s face. The TV sounds tempting. The pie sounds amazing. Another ripple of guilt passes through me when I see that the indecision is purely being caused by my absence. Because what five-year-old wouldn’t want pie or television?
“I can have more pie?” she says finally, looking over to her mom.
Daisy touches her cheek gently. “Yes, you can have more pie, and you can even have another soda, as long as Knox says it’s safe and Havoc goes with you.”
Havoc steps forward. “Come on Els-bells. I haven’t seen you for days either. You can catch me up on whether Joni’s still sick.”
Elsie rolls her eyes. “It was Jodie, not Joni.”
“I was only a couple of letters off, gimme a break, Els.”
Knox nods and whispers quietly. “It’s safe. The guy is already on his way to our compound.”
When the door finally shuts behind Elsie, the room goes quiet. Daisy stays close enough to me that her arm brushes mine. I don’t even think she realizes she’s doing it.
I reach for her hand and hold it, my thumb rubbing over her soft skin. Ten fucking days without her. That’s it. Ten whole days. And now I can’t seem to stop touching her.
She twists slightly toward me instead of Knox. “I need to tell you something, and I really hope you won’t be mad.”
I tuck a loose curl behind her ear, then wind it around my finger before it slips free again. “Okay.”
“It’s the tattoo. I’ve seen it before. And I didn’t know what to do.” The words rush out quietly now. “I knew you were struggling before you left, and I didn’t want to make it worse.”
I remember something Doc said about taking accountability for where you’ve been without judging yourself for being there. “It’s okay, sweetheart. Just tell us what you know.”
Daisy swallows hard. “That’s what freaked me out that day at the bakery with Maren. The guy leaning against the window had the same tattoo, although it wasn’t the same guy. I know what the tattoo means because Elsie’s father had one too.”
Silence hits the room hard as Knox purses his lips. Every violent instinct in my body just woke the fuck up, but Daisy rushes to keep talking before either Knox or I can say anything.
“I didn’t tell anybody because I panicked. Elsie’s father was a right-hand man for the crime lord called Alvarez. Mateo Alvarez.”
I blow out a breath, but I try to guard my expression.
Daisy grabs both my hands and squeezes them tightly. “I was young and inexperienced when I fell for him. And he offered me a life that I had no chance of reaching on my own. I guess that makes me foolish, but I didn’t realize how deep the loyalty goes in Alvarez’s organization.”
“You still in contact with Alvarez?” Knox asks.
She stiffens, and I squeeze her hand to reassure her. “I was never in contact with Alvarez. Just one of his henchmen.”
Knox huffs. “You still in contact with him?”
Daisy shakes her head. “I’m not. But I think the rest is between Vandal and me for now. For the record, I haven’t spoken to him since Daisy was two. He has no role in her life, and we receive no paternity funds from him.”
I drag my knuckles lightly along her jaw. “You should have told me.”
“I know. And I’m sorry. But we barely knew each other, and I knew you had other things on your mind.”
I feel Knox watching the both of us. Thinking. Connecting dots. Doing the president thing. But Daisy’s still looking at me like she’s waiting for me to decide whether what she’s said changes something between the two of us.
It doesn’t. It doesn’t change one fucking thing.
“So, you don’t know the names of the men you saw at the bakery or the man who just came into Maren’s store?” Knox asks.
Daisy shakes her head. “I have no idea who they are. I’ve done everything I can to create distance between me and Daisy’s father, so I’ve had no part in that organization for years.”
“I’m gonna ask you once,” Knox says. “And I want you to look me in the eye. Your arrival in this town and theirs, it’s pretty convenient timing.”
“Knox,” I warn. I don’t like where this is going.
He puts his hand out in that way he does, telling me to shut the fuck up, but I pull Daisy closer.
“Daisy,” he says. “You understand why I gotta ask. Did you bring them here? Are you part of their organization?”
“You think I’d willingly bring those men anywhere near my daughter?
” She shakes out of my hold and steps right up to Knox.
In any other situation, it would be funny.
The tiny kitten and the bulldog. “I’ve had to teach her to hide in bathrooms and lock doors.
I count grocery money down to the nickel and tell her no to things we both want her to have because I’m trying to keep us alive.
And she hasn’t willingly gone near a man until Vandal walked up to our door. ”
She jabs a finger in my direction, and Elsie’s trust in me is like a blowtorch through my gut.
“So, no, Knox. I’m not part of Alvarez’s organization. And I didn’t bring them here. My ex wants access to her, and I don’t want that. It’s why we’ve been running and hiding. Those men appearing is my worst nightmare, because I finally feel happy somewhere. I don’t want to have to leave again.”
“Understood.” Knox looks as though he’s about to leave, but before he does, he turns and looks at Daisy. “Are you sure the ink you saw was definitely the design you remember?”
Daisy nods. “There’s an easy way to confirm if he doesn’t confess. Look at the handle of the blade. On it are the initials ‘M’ and ‘A’.”
“Good enough.” He pats the doorframe. “For the record, Daisy, you did good today. Telling us. Alerting Vandal so he could help you through this. It helped the club. Looks like the guy was hoping to worm his way into the club for intel. Got pretty close to pulling it off by hanging around with the club the way he did.”
She waits until he’s out the door, then lets out her breath in a whoosh. “I’m not the enemy, Van. I promise.”
I cup her neck and rub my thumb over her pulse. “We’ll talk properly soon. I trust you. And I think you and Elsie should come and stay with me for a little while.”
“Won’t it be confusing? Us. Elsie. Your…”
“Recovery. No. It might even help, but not in a way that I’m putting it on you.”
Daisy blows out a breath. “Okay.”
I take her hand. “Then let’s go get Elsie and get you to your house so you can pack what you need.”
“I have a question I thought of while you were gone,” she says.
“What’s that?”
“Why are you called Vandal?”
I huff at that. “The Vandals were an ancient Germanic tribe that famously sacked Rome and looted the city. It’s where the word vandal and vandalism come from.
One of the old-timers had seen something about it on a cable show and decided it suited me.
They weren’t scared of the Roman Empire, even though they were massively outnumbered.
They just believed in their own strength. ”
The words flowed because I’ve explained my road name a million times, but the power of it hits me straight between the eyes as I explain it to Daisy.
Against overwhelming odds, they were strong and powerful and successful. Maybe it’s time I earned the name.
We make it to the door before Daisy tugs me to a halt.
“Hey, Vandal.”
“Yes, sweetheart.”
“You think when we’ve gotten home, and calmed down, and maybe eaten something other than pie, and slept, we can have a do-over on this reunion?”
I kiss the back of her hand. “Absolutely.”