Nineteen
NINETEEN
Reagan
If it hadn’t been for the fact that my hand was gripping the door so tightly, I would have collapsed at the dizziness I felt.
Panic.
Nothing but blinding panic consumed me.
Spots marred my vision, waves of nausea washed over me, and my insides trembled.
He found me. Hart had found me, and he was here to take me back there. How did he know where I was? Had he followed me from my old house?
And why… Why was he looking at me the way he was? Why were his features twisted with a mix of relief and longing? Was he just relieved he’d found what he’d paid for, and now he thought he could take me back?
My breaths were coming in rapid bursts as I attempted to wrap my head around what I was seeing.
I hesitated for just a few seconds, trying to steady myself. I wasn’t quite sure I’d accomplished that when I took a step back and put all my might into slamming the door shut.
Only I was unsuccessful.
Hart’s hand darted out and prevented me from putting that barrier between us. Unbearable heat and rage flooded my body, and my breathing became even more labored. “Get out. Get away from me.”
“Reagan, please listen?—”
“No!” I pushed firmly against the door. “No, I won’t listen to a thing you have to say. Get out. I’m not going back. I won’t go back.”
My blood was rushing in my veins, my heart hammering.
Despite the panic, I couldn’t miss the way he grimaced. “You’re safe. I’m not going to hurt you.”
“Well, you’ve already done that, so forgive me if I don’t believe you,” I spat.
He looked like he’d been slapped in the face. “I know you don’t trust me. But if you give me a chance, I’ll explain everything to you.”
Did he think I was stupid?
I might have clung to him in that place, but it was just because he was the only source of familiarity and comfort I had. Things were different now. I wasn’t a prisoner who had no choice. And if I allowed him even an inch, I believed he’d see to it that my freedom was taken from me again.
So, I put everything I had into it and shoved my entire body against the door. It barely budged, and I screamed with frustration and fear and anger. “Get out! Please, leave me alone.”
“Not until you know the truth.”
Without giving him any indication, I made one final shove against the door before I stopped pressing my body into it, and because he hadn’t anticipated it and was still putting his strength into holding the door open, I went flying backward.
Somehow, Hart moved quickly enough to catch my wrist and prevent me from falling. Of course, that also meant he was able to step forward into my house and slam the door shut behind him.
I yanked my wrist out of his hold and stepped back. “Get out.”
Hart took another step forward, closing the distance between us. “I can’t do that.”
My hands clenched and unclenched. “Get out, or I’m calling the police.” My words came out strangled, since my throat was so dry from breathing so heavily. The shakiness in my voice gave away just how terrified I was, and I hated that Hart knew he was in a position of power, that he had me completely rattled.
“You’re not going to do that. You’re going to let me tell you the truth.”
I couldn’t gain control of my breaths. They were coming too fast; the room was spinning. If I didn’t get a handle on what I was feeling, I’d likely pass out. Then Hart would be free to take me away again. I’d never survive another round of this.
“Calm down, Reagan. Deep breaths, shortcake.”
My feet carried me backward, away from the threat. Away from the danger. I couldn’t trust that tenderness in his tone. “Don’t call me that. I’ll never fall for that again.”
Hart muttered a curse under his breath. “You’re going to fall. You’re hyperventilating. You have to slow your breathing.”
Tears spilled down my cheeks, and everything felt like it was bearing down on me. “Why? Why won’t you just leave me alone?”
“If that’s truly what you want, I’ll go. I promise.”
Three, four, five shallow breaths escaped. “Yes. Yes, that’s what I want.”
“Then I’ll go… after you let me say what I have to say.”
That was all it took.
He was doing it again. He was telling me what I wanted to hear, only to put himself in the position to do what he wanted.
I snapped.
My muscles tightened, and I steadied myself. Despite the tears that had spilled down my cheeks, I pinned my gaze on his and seethed, “I refuse to listen to anything you have to say. You’re nothing but a liar. You’re evil. You fooled me for an entire year, making me think we had some kind of mutual understanding, respect, and friendship. It was all a lie. And then you played on my emotions in there, being just sweet enough to make me rationalize why it wasn’t so bad for me as it was for the other women. But you know what? What you did was worse than if you’d just forced me to do those unspeakable things to and with you.”
The color drained from his face, and the icy persona he’d shown me in that prison locked into place. “Reagan, I was doing the best I could in the situation. I was battling emotions while doing what was necessary to keep you safe. I know it wasn’t ideal, but how could you possibly say that it would have been better for me to take you against your will?”
A laugh marked with disbelief spilled out of me. “You might not have taken my clothes off me, but everything that happened there was against my will, Hart. And yes, what you did was worse. Because at least the other men never pretended to be decent. They never pretended to be anything but the disgusting, vile human beings they were. Do you think random acts meant to be perceived by me as kindness put you on some moral high ground? You’re just as guilty as the others. You’re just as awful.”
Hart’s body had gone completely still, and he seemed to be at a loss for words.
I guess that was nothing new. He seemed to only have things to say when someone wasn’t questioning his morals.
“I don’t know why you look so shocked.” I continued. “It’s not like I had to do some major soul searching to figure any of that out. This was all a game to you. You said it yourself. You wanted someone like me who’d fight you, so you could get the satisfaction of breaking me. You told that man at the dinner that last night that the best way to get what he wanted was to just be sweet. That a woman would be more likely to give him what he wanted if she felt like she was being taken care of. And you played that role perfectly, didn’t you? You held me the night before when I broke down in tears. You made sure I wasn’t left starving. You offered me the privacy of a closed door to use the bathroom and take a shower. You gave me your shirt to wear, so I wouldn’t be exposed in that awful dress they made me wear. And I ate it up. I accepted it as kindness. But now that I think about it, it had been your plan all along to make me notice any hint of compassion. Isn’t that why you got me that birdhouse more than a year ago? Isn’t that why you spent a year doing what you could to make me think you were a good guy?”
Hart closed his eyes and shook his head, disappointment etched into his features. “You read it all wrong, Reagan. All of it. In the moment, when you were caught up in all that was happening there, I could easily understand why. But now, all these weeks later, you still don’t get it.”
“Oh, I understand it all perfectly,” I assured him. “Now, I’m asking you to leave.”
“And I said I wasn’t going to leave until you heard the truth from me.”
I felt a prickling sensation on the back of my scalp as the hair lifted on the nape of my neck. I felt so uneasy being around him. It was a shame how quickly things had changed between us.
The anger I’d mustered up had faded, and I felt nothing but hurt and sadness. Tears filled my eyes, and my bottom lip trembled.
I sucked in a breath and bit down on the insides of my cheeks.
No.
No, I wouldn’t break down in front of him. I wouldn’t allow him to see me as some weak woman who let that place destroy me, who let him destroy me.
“Did you forget I was there?” I questioned him, unable to keep the bite out of my tone.
“Of course not.”
His voice was marked by genuine sadness. He really was great at pretending. I wouldn’t be fooled by it. Not again. Never again.
“Then it makes no sense to me why you believe you need to tell me anything,” I fired back. “I don’t need any truth from you, Hart, because I experienced it first-hand. I stood there in that cell and heard the evil things you said about what you planned to do, about how you intended to break me. I looked into your eyes and felt sick seeing that cold mask slip into place. I was left alone for hours after spilling my heart and soul to you, and you didn’t even have the decency to respond to a word I said. But worst of all, when you dragged me to that dinner and made me listen and watch what was happening there and I could no longer take it, you sent me back to that cell. You sent me back there like I was a child who needed to be punished. I’m just glad you didn’t realize your mistake when you gave me your jacket. I’m glad I was smart enough to realize I had one opportunity to get out when the power went out that night. It’s a shame that things didn’t go the way you planned, Hart. I’m sure you’re angry that you wasted your money and didn’t get what you wanted. But I’m not going to be what you want me to be. I saved myself once. And if you force me, I’ll do it again.”
My voice remained steady and controlled, my shoulders back as I held my chin high. Even if I wasn’t sure I could do what I’d just told him I’d do, there was fight and determination in my words. He had to know I wouldn’t go quietly.
“That’s where you’re wrong, Reagan,” he deadpanned. “Everything didn’t go exactly as I originally intended, but what wound up happening went precisely as I hoped it would.”
I rolled my eyes. “Right. I’m sure you were just relieved to know you sent me off to that cell, and I managed to get out.”
He took a few slow strides in my direction, stopping only after I was backed against the wall with nowhere to go and his face inches from mine. “Who do you think cut the power to the building?”
My stomach dropped. I opened and closed my mouth several times, but I couldn’t manage to get any words out.
“Speechless?”
“You’re lying.”
“Keep telling yourself that,” he croaked. “Keep telling yourself that you managed to escape from that place all on your own. There was a plan, Reagan. There absolutely was a plan when I got in there, but when you told me about being abandoned by your parents, I had to switch everything up.”
I swallowed roughly.
He was twisting this. He was a clever man. Surely, he could easily twist this to fit whatever narrative he planned to reveal. But I wouldn’t fall for it.
“I learned a lot about the kind of man you are while we were in there, but to take the truth about my life and twist that to fit some narrative about how you’re the hero is low,” I murmured.
“You think I’m lying?” he countered. “You think I just happened to not be paying attention to precisely what I was doing when I told you what would happen if you tried to escape from that room? You think it was just an oversight on my part that I told you exactly where you’d need to go to get out? You honestly believe I didn’t know what I was doing when I ordered them to take you back to your cell and gave you my jacket with a switchblade in it? You think it’s a coincidence that the power went out just long enough for you to get out of your cell? Next thing I know, you’ll be telling me it was pure luck that Mallory and Nixon just happened to be there when you and Erin escaped.”
I blinked my eyes rapidly.
No.
There was no way he could know about Nixon and Mallory. Unless… unless he still went to the deli, and she told him about what happened.
But how was that possible?
I’d spoken to the police. I told them what happened. Hart should have been arrested, and if not, he should have been on the run. How could he be roaming free in this town after what he’d done? I might not have told Mallory and Nixon about Hart when I initially shared the story with them, but once we were at the hospital and the police arrived, they’d become privy to the names of as many men I knew from that place.
Terrified, unable to believe what I was hearing, I asked, “What are you talking about? How do you know about Mallory and Nixon?”
“Because I was the one who made sure they were there to get you when you got out.”
I shook my head.
I shook my head, tears spilling down my cheeks. “No. No, I don’t believe you. If you really wanted to get me out, why not take me out yourself?”
His brows shot up, questioning me. “And leave the rest of those women to suffer through that? Don’t tell me you would have been okay with that, that you wouldn’t have been eaten alive every day by guilt that you got out and they didn’t.”
He wasn’t wrong about that.
But still…
“I wanted to,” he finally said, his voice laced with regret. “I saw you in that cell, and I wanted nothing more than to scoop you up and take you out of there immediately, but we had an entire operation planned. I had no choice but to pretend to be somebody I wasn’t. And it cost me, Reagan. It cost more than you’ll ever know. I did what I could to give you some semblance of peace and comfort in there, but I also had a job to do. One mistake could have left you and those other women at much greater risk.”
My gaze became unfocused as I attempted to run through everything that had happened from the moment that I became aware that Hart was in that cell until this very moment. There was a lot that he said that made sense, that made it seem as though he could be telling the truth. But what about those horrible moments? What about when he stood in front of me and watched as Javier groped me? What about some of those horrible things he’d said? Most importantly, if he really was one of the good guys, why hadn’t he come to see me sooner? Why had it taken him two months?
I was so caught up in all the thoughts and questions and disbelief that Hart took advantage. Before I realized what was happening, he lifted his hand to my face and stroked his thumb along my jaw.
“I wish this never happened. I wish I could undo everything you went through. But I can’t. I did what I could to keep you safe while you were in there, and I did everything I could think to do to get you out as soon as possible.” His voice was tortured, like he’d been beating himself up for weeks. “Like I said, everything had been meticulously planned before I got there, but I made a last-minute judgment call and changed the timeline. I did that for you, Reagan. From that point forward, everything went according to plan. The only thing that didn’t was me not coming here to see you sooner.”
With unshed tears filling my eyes and the softness of his thumb against my jaw, I asked, “So, why are you here now? Why not just allow me to move on?”
Hart’s thumb stroked along my jaw again, something unexplainable passing through his features. His eyes got watery, the emotion coming from him holding me captive. “I needed you to know the truth. I want to tell you everything. I know you hate me, Reagan. God, I understand why you do. But I… I can’t have you hating me without you knowing the full truth.”
“What truth?”
He leaned in closer, his body caging me in. “I love you.”
With those three earth-shattering words, Hart turned my whole world upside down.
And before either of us could say another word, a knock came at my door. My dinner had arrived.