CHAPTER 10 BEN
Her words that she can handle it should make me feel better.
They don’t.
Instead, I feel a little disappointed.
What the fuck is that?
I’ve been very clear about what I want. I want to remain detached. I want to keep this casual. I just want to have some fun.
But feelings are getting in the way already, and my instinct is to run.
We should scrap this whole relationship for the media plan and run far as fuck away from each other.
This is Jack’s little sister. I saw how he almost had a hernia when Cory Marshall mentioned something as simple as asking Kaylee out for a drink.
I can’t imagine how protective he’d get over an animal like me wanting to get into something serious with her.
The problem is that he still sees her as a little girl, the sweet, innocent sister.
And ever since their father passed away, he’s taken on the role of her father figure.
I get him wanting to be protective over her even though I don’t personally have any siblings to feel protective over or otherwise.
But the way he still sees her—it’s not her. She’s none of those things. Sweet—maybe sometimes. Little and innocent? Not so much.
As proven by the way she fucks, among other things.
I get it, though. He doesn’t want some asshole like me to break her heart. He knows how she feels about football players, and I don’t blame her for wanting something different out of life.
But I can’t play football forever, and I’m not planning to go the coaching route upon retirement, though broadcasting might be fun…but more than likely she’s safe with me when it comes to not wanting the game to be her life for the rest of time. I’d estimate a few more years max.
In other ways, though…she’s definitely not safe when it comes to me.
I’m not used to any of this, so when she starts yawning, things take a bit of an awkward turn. “Do you, uh, want to go to bed?” I ask.
“I need to. I have an early meeting and you just worked me over. I’ll be exhausted tomorrow, but that was definitely worth it.”
I nod. “You can sleep in my room if you want.”
“If I want?” she echoes. She looks confused for a beat. “That’s the plan, isn’t it?”
“Well, yeah, but if you want to stay in the guest room…”
“Do you want me to stay in the guest room?” she counters.
I feel like I stepped on her toes and I was just trying to be nice. I try to backtrack. “No! I just, I mean—” Oh hell. I have no idea what the fuck I mean. “I just want you to be comfortable here.”
She leans in toward me and presses a kiss to my cheek. “I’m just teasing you. This is just casual, right? I’ll sleep on the freaking couch if it helps you feel a little less awkward.”
I shoot her a sheepish smile. “Am I that obvious?”
She nods. “Beyond obvious. I know this is unconventional, but like I’ve already said, we’ll manage this however works best for us.”
“Do you really think a wedding would help us raise money?” I ask. I realize my question comes out of the blue, but I feel like it’s a question I need the answer to.
She lifts a shoulder. “I think it would only strengthen our cause. I dislike the idea of lying about it, but I really do see a ton of potential with it.”
I press my lips together. “What if you, I don’t know…just like drop hints about a possible wedding?”
“What do you mean?” She tilts her head as she asks, and every time she does that, a strange wave passes across my chest.
She’s not just gorgeous and hot and fuckable. She’s cute, too. And I’ve never found anything about a woman cute before.
Hot, yes.
Fuckable, definitely.
But cute? Never.
“I don’t know. Never mind.” I shake the idea right out of my head.
“Don’t give me that, Olson.” She tugs on my arm.
I blow out a breath. “What if you posted a photo from one of those stores that sells wedding dresses? Or were caught buying magazines with brides on them? Just shit like that. Dropping hints to give them something to talk about.”
She raises her brows. “Hey, now that’s not a bad idea. Let me chat about it with Ellie tomorrow and we’ll put together a game plan.” She narrows her eyes at me. “But you do realize this will give me an advantage, don’t you?”
My brows dip. “What will?”
“Posting about wedding stuff. Dropping hints. People will flock to me so they can get an inside look at you.”
I hadn’t thought about that.
It’s just another example of how we fit so well together. She makes up for what I lack, and maybe vice versa, though I can’t think of a damn thing she lacks.
It’s in that moment when a new thought comes to mind. I’m starting to move into this new territory where I feel like I don’t want to have any regrets versus being too scared to take a risk with her.
I don’t want to leave any what ifs out there. What if we are meant to be more than just casual? What if I’ve closed myself off for something more this whole time when all it took was the right woman to come along and open that possibility up?
I’m starting to feel like I have to do this with her. I have to give it a real shot. No woman has ever made me want to before, but when I think about what it would look like not to talk to her every day…
My stomach twists violently at just the mere thought.
Yeah, this definitely ain’t just casual anymore. But just because I’m starting to feel unfamiliar things doesn’t mean we need to label anything just yet.
And so as she leans over and presses a kiss to my mouth then bids me goodnight as she heads up the stairs to my bed, I don’t say a thing. I do, however, keep my eyes on her sweet, peachy ass until she turns the corner.
We’re fine to keep chugging along as we have been.
Feelings can grow, but they can die just as easily, as proven by my history.
Nothing needs to change right now—in fact, if anything, it would be stupid to admit my feelings are in transition since we’re tied into this deal for the next five months.
If she doesn’t feel the same, it’ll only hurt what we’re doing.
Or if she does feel the same and we give it a real try and it doesn’t work out, that’ll fuck our deal, too.
So I’ll keep my mouth shut for now. And if those feelings continue to grow…well, I guess we can figure out what to do about them when our deal is up.