CHAPTER 11 KAYLEE
My vagina hurts.
We ride Miller back to the stable, and even just the act of spreading my legs over him is painful. As soon as I hop down, I sit as Ben grabs a first aid kit to tend to his bloody arm.
He kneels down beside me. “Can you wrap a towel around my arm really tightly so I can try to stop the bleeding?” he asks.
I nod. “Of course.” I shift to help him with his injury, thankful I’m not one of those people who gets squeamish around blood.
I didn’t have much of a choice growing up with two brothers a decade older than me.
They loved everything gross, and it seemed like they came home with minor injuries more often than not.
Sometimes I’d help them hide the things from Mom by taking care of them.
It was one of the ways we bonded when I was seven and they were seventeen and eighteen.
We hang out a while until the bleeding subsides, and he points to my arm.
“You got a few scratches, too,” he says, and I glance down. Nothing too deep, but I definitely look like I had a run-in with a tree.
I inspect my arm. “I think you took the brunt of my injuries when I fell on top of you,” I say. “Except for my vag, which seems to have gotten poked through all the way up to my stomach from your monster dick.”
He laughs, and it’s that hearty, boisterous laugh of his I’ve grown to love. “Luckily for both of us, the monster was safely tucked inside you, so he’ll be okay. Except, you know, he might be feeling a little blue.”
I laugh. “We can take care of that at some point.” I glance down at my vagina. “Not in there for a couple days, but I’ve got hands and a mouth.” I shrug. “We’ll figure something out.”
He just stares at me in awe for a beat. “God, I love you.”
“Right back at you.”
Once the bleeding slows, I help him tape up his arm.
He winces when he stands, his bruised ribs aggravated all over again, and I’m just glad I didn’t hit my head again.
We really need to be more careful. Sex on top of a horse was probably not the best idea we’ve ever had considering we’re both still recovering from another sex injury that happened not so long ago.
We hop in the UTV and head back to the house.
“So what's the story we're telling?” I ask, wanting to make sure we have our stories straight before we get back home.
Ben sighs. “The truth?”
“We were banging on top of a horse. He spooked and we fell off and hit a tree on the way down… Yeah, no. That's a big no from me. I’m definitely not ready to share what's going on between us, let alone to introduce it with one of our sexcapades.”
He laughs. “Sexcapades,” he repeats. “Okay…then I'll just go along with whatever lie you want to make up.”
I cross my arms over my chest. “Don't call it a lie,” I say. “I mean…I know that's what it is but when you say it that way, it feels icky. The reality is that I'm just trying to protect what we have.”
“You're right. I'm sorry,” he says. He keeps his focus on the path in front of us. “I know we're not ready to talk to them about it, but sometimes I wish we were.”
For the first time I realize he wants to admit this thing to my family…and I am the one holding us back. The fact that he wants to share it warms my chest in an unexpected way.
“We will. Soon. Let's just give Ellie the chance to bask in her news for a little while before we share ours, okay?”
“Yeah,” he says. “Absolutely. You mentioned that before, and I get it.”
“Okay, so we went out riding, your horse got spooked and threw you into a tree, I came over to help you and got scratches from the branches.”
“And how are you going to explain why you're walking funny?” he asks.
I giggle. “I guess admitting you were pounding into me as I was doing the splits and then I slammed on top of you while you were still inside me as we fell off the horse wouldn't be the best explanation even if we were ready to tell the truth.”
He laughs. This time it's not quite the hearty laugh I've grown accustomed to…but it's good enough.
We arrive back at the house and Ben tosses the bloody towel into the garbage can. We head into the house and Buddy is beyond excited to greet us. It's a little before dinner time, and Luke and Josh are sitting at the table while Ellie and Nicki are in the kitchen cooking.
“Smells great in here,” Ben says.
“We found all the ingredients to make a big pot of chili,” Ellie says.
“Sounds perfect.”
Luke finally glances up at us and his eyes widen as he takes in our injuries. “What the hell happened to you two?” he asks.
I start the story and do my best to give the truth. I suppose what I'm saying could be considered lies of omission, but it's for their protection…and ours. “We took the horses out for a ride. The horse Ben was on got spooked and bucked him off. He slammed into a tree.”
Ben lifts his arm to show off his gash, and then he picks up the story. “She came over to help me and her arm got all scratched up,” he says, covering for me and telling the lie so I don't have to.
“Jesus,” Luke says. “Glad you're both okay.”
Ellie looks over at us and narrows her eyes as if she's not buying the story. “Which horse were you on?”
“Miller,” I say at the same time Ben says “Miller.” Shit.
“He was on Miller,” I say.
“She was on Sammy,” Ben finishes.
“Sammy didn't get spooked,” I say. Because she was back in the stable.
Ellie's eyes are still trained on us, still narrowed, and I'm almost positive she's not buying the story.
“Well, don't do anything stupid to worsen that rib, Ben,” she says. “Can't have you messed up for camp. Chili will be ready in about twenty minutes.”
Ben and I glance at each other, and I swear I see a little relief in his eyes.
This whole thing would probably be hilarious if either it was happening to someone else or we were letting my family in on the truth.
The week passes quickly between wedding planning with Ellie and Nicki and entertaining my family, though sneaking in secret sexcapades is off the table with my vagina injury. We’ve all been immensely enjoying the grounds around Ben's house, and more and more I can see my future here.
The kids enjoy sinking their toes into the water of the lake as little fish nibble at their toes much to their sweet, little boyish giggles.
I keep seeing myself in that same picture with my own little boy and his cousins but then I have to remind myself that I've chosen a different path.
I wish I could feel comforted by Ben in those moments with a quiet embrace or his hand sliding into mine, but he hangs with Josh and Luke rather than clutching my hand.
I'm doing it to myself by my own request since I’m the one refusing to tell my family, but that doesn't make me feel any better.
When Friday comes, we head to our separate bedrooms to pack for Ben’s mom’s wedding weekend—I go to the one I pretend to sleep in then sneak out of when the house is quiet only to head back when my alarm wakes me a little after four in the morning.
It's a dangerous game and I am probably begging to be caught, but I can't seem to stay away. I can’t seem to sleep as well without him as I do with him.
I meet Ben down in the kitchen with my suitcase full of the clothes I’ll need to act like his girlfriend for the weekend—which shouldn't be hard since it seems to be the role I was born to play.
We say our goodbyes to everyone, and they promise to care for Buddy while we're gone the next couple days. A strange feeling permeates my chest.
I don’t know why, but I have this weird feeling that things are going to be different when we return.
I'm not sure where the feeling is coming from or what's going to change, but knowing we’ll be spending time around his ex is not a very comforting thought.