CHAPTER 28 KAYLEE
“Why are you subjecting yourself to this rare form of torture?” Cooper asks on Sunday afternoon.
I shrug. “I always watch my brother play.”
“Coincidental how your ex-boyfriend is always standing right next to him.”
I sigh. It’s not coincidental so much as it’s convenient. I just want to know he’s doing okay, because I’m not.
I haven’t heard from him since the apology he issued via text message. That was the only sign he’s been thinking about me, and as I watched him play only a few minutes of the game, I could tell he’s affected by something, too.
It has to be what happened between us.
He’s thinking of me—or at least he was if it pushed him to send me that message. And my asshole response was posting that picture of Coop and me laughing with my vague caption.
Ellie called me out on it—via text since I haven’t answered her calls since that one.
I told her I was just trying to stir up some new sponsors. It worked, too.
I wonder what sort of sponsorships I could get for this pregnancy. I’ve heard of celebrities outfitting entire nurseries with donated items, and the only catch is I have to post about it.
I suppose I need a house first. I can’t live in this corporate housing apartment forever, though settling into San Diego with a roommate who has become like a brother to me has been fun.
I spoke to my mother a few days ago, and we text daily, too. It’s easier to keep up the lie of omission about the twins this way.
My second prenatal doctor’s appointment is tomorrow after work, and I have no idea what to expect. Coop has already offered to go with me, and he’s taking me out for pizza afterward. Or, at the very least, he’ll pick one up on the way home.
“Tell me more about Stacy,” I say petulantly, and he glares at me.
“You can be a real asshole sometimes,” he says, and I laugh.
“I’m sorry. I’m just deflecting.” I sigh as the camera pans to Ben on the sidelines again.
Damn, does he look delicious. But there’s definitely something off about him.
That isn’t the fun-loving guy with that joie de vivre vibe going on.
This guy is serious. Measured. He looks a little tired, but not from playing a few downs two quarters ago. He looks worn down.
Maybe he always looks like this during camp. I’ve never really studied him the way I am today. I watch as Jack talks to him then starts to walk away, and the camera pans back to the game.
I wonder what they’re talking about. I wish the camera would go back to them so I could study him some more, but I guess we’re here to watch a game.
“I thought Stacy was it for me,” Cooper begins quietly.
“I thought she and I would go the distance, but she just told me what she thought I wanted to hear. As soon as I was out of the game, her perspective changed. She didn’t want what I wanted for the future.
She wanted to be with a baseball player.
” He shakes his head. “She moved on to Alex Hamilton within a week after our break-up.”
“I’m sorry,” I murmur. “That must’ve been hard on you.”
He sighs. “It was.” He glances at the television. “Probably like it is for your man to see you moving on with me.” He shakes his head. “We probably shouldn’t lead people to the wrong conclusion.”
My brows dip. “It was your idea.”
“I know.” He presses his lips together ruefully. “I confessed what we were thinking of doing to my mom, and she made me see how it’s just hurting other people.”
I shake my head. “Freaking mama’s boy.”
He laughs.
“You’re right, though. Ben may have moved on, but I shouldn’t be pretending like I have, too,” I admit.
“Have you ever considered that maybe he hasn’t moved on?”
I shake my head. “No, I haven’t.” Maybe it’s not too late, but so much time has passed now, and I’m twelve weeks pregnant and still haven’t told anybody aside from Cooper. I don’t know how I just walk back to Ben and spring that on him.
It won’t be long before I’m showing. All my clothes are tight, so I’ve taken to wearing flowing dresses and big jackets already. I’ve read that twins show sooner, that I’ll get freaking enormous, and that on average most twins are born earlier than their due date.
I'm excited and scared and somehow I feel like I would be leaning more on the excited side if I had Ben to go through this with me. Instead I'm leaning more on the scared side as every day the realization of how alone I am in this hits me harder and harder.
I have Coop, which is a wonderful and amazing thing, but he's a friend who is helping a new friend in need. He isn't the father, nor is he a substitute for the father. I barely know the guy and who knows, maybe in a week we won't even like each other anymore.
I doubt that, but at the same time, I can’t ignore the reality of the situation. He's not going to be there to raise these kids or help me the way that the father would. The way the father should…if I had the guts to tell him about it.
The next afternoon just before we're getting ready to call it a day, Carla checks in with us on the Jump-A-Thon, which is just a few weeks away.
“Are we all set?” she asks.
Coop fields the question since he knows how nervous I am the closer we get to quitting time.
“It's all under control,” he says. “Jamie already had the venue set, and between the buddies I've roped into donating either time, physical goods, or resources, plus Kaylee and me as your celebrity spokespeople, I am confident this event will be a huge success.”
“That's amazing, Cooper,” Carla says, and I’m pretty sure the look of adoration she gives him is laced with attraction rather than admiration. “What sorts of items did you get your friends to donate?”
“Everything from ball tickets to signed bats to gift shop vouchers…all kinds of stuff,” he says. “I also talked a couple of my retired friends into making an appearance at the event and pending the postseason schedule, I might be able to get a few current players down here for the Halloween party.”
Carla looks at me. I just raise my brows and smile even though I know she's waiting for me to say how many Vegas Aces players will be coming to her events.
Zero.
First, they’re in season, so it’s not like they can drop what they’re doing to attend a charity event.
And second, I’d need to actually talk to someone in Vegas to get a player out here.
Luke would gladly come if I simply asked.
I’m sure of that. Ellie would come, too, and they’d bring Nolan, and they’d probably stay at Jack’s place and we’d have a lovely family visit where I can finally spill the secret I’ve been holding onto.
But I’m not ready for any of that.
It’s easier not to extend the invitation.
Carla’s brows dip at my silence, but she turns back to Cooper. “Well great. We have twelve days until the event, so let me know if there are any last-minute items we need checked off.”
Cooper nods, and I glance at the clock.
It’s quitting time…which means it’s time for my ultrasound.
Cooper drives, and I check into my new doctor’s office when he drops me at the door. He walks in a minute later as I’m taking a seat in the small waiting room, and I fidget until I’m called back a few minutes later.
“So twins, right? You two must be so excited.” The ultrasound technician smiles at me as I hop up onto the exam table.
“Oh, he’s not—” I begin at the same time Cooper says, “I’m not—”
“He’s just a friend,” I clarify.
“Oh,” she says, clearly embarrassed at her blunder.
“I’m sorry about that.” She cuts the small talk and gets down to business, instructing me to move my pants down while Cooper sits in a chair next to my shoulder.
We both face the large screen on the wall in front of us, and a moment later we see my uterus up there.
Tears form in my eyes as I look at my babies. They’re not just the little peanuts I saw last time. They’re actually starting to look like babies now. Two hearts beat strongly as we listen and watch. They look like they’re sleeping on bunk beds in there, one up on top and one on the bottom.
Cooper reaches over to squeeze my hand, and I squeeze back. I don’t let go as tears freefall down my cheeks.
We’re released to an exam room, and the doctor comes in a moment later. “Kaylee, hi. Eileen Bosco. Let’s take a look at your pictures.” I hand over the images the ultrasound tech gave me.
“Beautiful,” she murmurs, and it’s easy to see she loves her job.
“Two placentas,” she says, nodding. “That puts you at far less risk for certain complications.” She explains a whole bunch of stuff I’ll never remember, and then she smiles at me.
“You’re growing two healthy babies. Keep doing what you’re doing.
Try to stick to a good diet and get some cardio in—swimming, brisk walks, stuff like that. ”
She glances at Cooper and smiles. “You’re the father?”
He shakes his head. “Just a friend.”
She nods without reacting or judging before she turns back to me. “Any other questions?”
I shake my head even though I have probably two million questions darting around my brain, but none of them will actually form right now. Instead I’ll use the internet to search for answers later and probably scare the crap out of myself with whatever results come up.
“Congratulations, Kaylee. If anything comes up at all, you can call the office any time.” She offers a smile on her way out the door, and that’s that.
Ben and I have two healthy babies that are twelve weeks, four days along.
As I get down from the exam table and exit the doctor’s office, I’m hit with the urge to tell him. He should be coming with me to these appointments. He should be holding my hand as I cry tears of joy that they’re okay in there.
But even if I tell him, there’s no guarantee he’ll be able to do any of that—and not just because he’s in season now. There’s no guarantee he’ll stick with me since this isn’t the life he ever wanted.
And that’s the thought that continues to keep me from dialing his number.