CHAPTER 5 ALEXIS
I'm caught up in the tornado of press as I take quick interviews and guest star on acquaintances’ podcasts to answer questions about the engagement.
I lie about how happy I am, praying Danny isn't listening to any of it since it's all a lie.
I put on my best acting chops as I take on the role of a lifetime to please my father so I can get out of that contract and move forward with what I really want out of my life.
Something I’m still not sure of, except when it comes to Danny.
I’m sure I want to be with him. I’m sure I want to figure out how to make this work even if we have to be secretive about it publicly.
I’ve made up my mind that the engagement is for the Alexis Bodega brand, not the person. Now I need to get Danny to understand that.
And I also need to take the time to figure out what I want out of my future. Maybe it’s time to look at the Alexis Bodega brand through my own lens instead of through my father’s.
Maybe it’s time for me to take control of my own life. My own destiny.
By Wednesday evening, I still haven’t heard from him, despite sending texts and trying to call when I can in between the madness that has become my life.
I don't know if we're still on, but I have the details for the hotel where he's staying along with his room number, so I bid my father and Brooks goodbye as I head out for my fictitious spa appointment.
My dad, Brooks, and Gregory all take off in separate directions in the three black Yukons we use to lose the paparazzi who are constantly tailing me.
As we turn onto the highway, though, I tell Gregory to detour back to the Beverly Wilshire.
“Ma'am?” he says, his voice a question as if he wonders what the hell I'm doing.
“The Beverly Wilshire,” I say a little more forcefully.
He doesn't question me further.
He drops me at the same back entrance as the last time and I take the service elevator up to the same floor where I met Danny before I went on tour.
I can't help but think how much has changed since that moment.
Over the last half a year, I've gotten to know him on a completely different level than I ever imagined, and I've learned that he's not just the man I want to be with. He's the man I’ve fallen for.
And I need to tell him that. I need to explain what’s been going on.
I walk down the hall toward the same room I met him in last time, the room where we shared bacon and donuts and a kiss. The hottest kiss of my life. The kiss I’ve banked on for the last six months. The kiss to end all other kisses.
I need him. I crave him in a way I’ve never felt before. I can’t let this slip away because of my father and Brooks.
I will not leave here without making him understand why I said yes.
I lift my hand to knock on the door, the racing of my heart turning to thundering as a new fear hits me.
What if he backed out? What if he didn’t show?
I knock three times, and I wait.
Last time, it took him a minute to get to the door because he was in the shower.
This time, I wait a minute before I knock again.
When I don’t hear any movement on the other side of the door, and it doesn’t magically open, I think it’s time to face facts.
I missed my window.
I should’ve told him that my dad wanted me to get engaged to Brooks. I just…didn’t want to talk about Brooks with Danny. They’re separate parts of my life.
Except…they’re not, and I should’ve come to terms with that earlier than I did.
Because now I’ve screwed everything up. I couldn’t give him the warning ahead of time because I didn’t get the warning myself. I thought I had more time.
It’s a load of excuses, but I’ve got plenty of them.
I slide down the door and sit there for a few beats, unsure what to do.
I pull out my phone to text him—to let him know I showed up for him, but as I pull open our text conversation, all I see are the texts I’ve sent over the last few days that have gone unanswered.
I feel sick.
I feel broken.
I feel awful that I hurt him.
I suck in a breath, and I push to a stand.
I face the door, and I try knocking one last time.
This knock is more than three, and it has an edge of desperation to it.
It doesn’t matter how desperate I become, though. That door isn’t opening.
I suppose it’s time to slink down the back elevator to the car waiting for me. Gregory assumes he has a couple hours, but he’ll be there anyway waiting for my return.
At least there’s one relationship in my life I haven’t completely obliterated despite his questioning tone earlier.
I turn away from the door to walk that old walk of shame back to the elevator, but I stop short when I see him standing there.
He’s frozen, staring across the space that divides us.
I stare back, and it’s all still here. The feelings, the emotions, the bond we’ve built by getting to know each other on a deeper level than I’ve ever let anyone get to know me.
It’s what sets us apart—the fact that I’ve let him in. I’ve told him things about myself Brooks doesn’t know. Things my dad doesn’t know. And I think he’s done the same, and knowing him the way I do is a unique trait that I alone own.
And that’s why I should have believed that he’d show up.
I never should have lost faith in us.
I just hope he can find it in his heart to restore that same faith.