Chapter 33 Shards and Salvation #2
Holden’s anger is a force, threatening to obliterate me as he begins muttering words that restrict my entire body, including my breath in something that feels too familiar to something Lochlan would summon.
“It’s a charm,” Kai shouts, bounding to his feet. “It’s a charm.” He shoves my charms book at Holden. “It’s a charm,” he says a third time, closing his eyes as though relieved.
Holden reads the page, and slowly the binds lessen, but remain pressed against me.
I grin as I lie back, an exhaustion I’ve carried with me for most of my life, lighter with this revelation, realizing I belong here, despite their doubts.
“Stars. What were you doing?” Kai asks.
“The charm didn’t kill me,” I tell him. “I’m an Elemental.” I close my eyes. “I’m an Elemental,” I repeat.
A beat of silence and then two. “Of course you’re an Elemental. Your powers were so strong they set off every damn alert for the wardens.” Kai sounds exasperated, making it easy—too easy—to imagine his furrowed brow and clenched jaw, that always make his dimples flare.
I let his words soak into my thoughts, where they grow roots.
I thought they didn’t trust or want me because they shared my doubts—because, somewhere deep down, I feared they saw what I saw.
Hearing that’s not the case is somehow worse.
It confirms their doubts were always about who I am. My heart. My soul. My belonging.
I work to find the right words to ask what I want without revealing the entire mountain of vulnerability beneath the surface. “Why did it take them so long to bring me here?”
When I open my eyes, Kai’s kneeling beside me, eyes vacant of emotion. He doesn’t answer.
I close my eyes again, pain seeping through my chest, though I don’t fully understand it.
“My elements usually only work when I’m hurt,” I admit in a small voice, as a traitorous tear streaks from the corner of my eye, down my temple.
“But not always.” There have been countless occasions when I’ve begged and pleaded for the powers to work—moments where I was strapped to a table, having my fingernails ripped off and injected with things that made my skin feel like it was blistering, that I tried to make the fire like they demanded—and couldn’t, leaving me to endure more torture.
“I don’t know why it sometimes happens, but I’m not like you guys.
I can’t control it.” I swallow to stop my voice from wavering.
“I need you to remain still so I can heal this,” Holden says. So you don’t imprint on me, are the words he doesn’t say, but are the loudest.
I slip my hands under my back, resuming the neutral position I was forced into at the prison, and like then, I remain still as someone heals me, only this time there’s no contact, and it’s nearly instant.
“Brielle.” It’s the first time Holden’s said my name without venom, and it does the opposite of relieve me.
“Please don’t.” I keep my eyes closed as another tear falls down the newly defined path the others constructed, wishing I could wipe them away, but refuse to move.
His soft sigh echoes through the room. “Scarlet’s waiting for you to go to Thornhurst.”
I don’t want to see her or anyone else, but I know she won’t leave without me. “I need a moment.”
“I’ll keep her downstairs until you’re ready,” Holden says. The soft scuff of his shoes against the floor and the click of my door closing confirm his absence.
I release a weighted breath, waiting several seconds to move just enough that my hands rest on my stomach to prevent them from falling asleep as they did whenever I was forced to remain like this for any length of time due to a disturbance or alarm in the prison.
The slight tingling sensation is a tripwire, triggering too many memories that flash through my mind, turning my stomach as my heart sprints, as if I’m in a race for my life.
I roll to my side, tucking my knees up as I press my thumbs to the knuckles of my forefingers and then middle fingers, pressing the nerves that I was taught as a child would help me calm down after chronic nightmares.
Slowly, reluctantly, my heart slows. I take a deep breath and face where Kai sits beside my window, studying me as I edge my way off this cliff. His presence doesn’t startle me, but the realization that I knew he was there does.
“Healing charms are complicated and advanced.”
I don’t respond.
I don’t have anything more to give.
“Light is the easiest charm,” he says quietly.
“Some say it’s because our souls are made of starlight.
” He closes the charms book, still balanced between his large hands.
“Charms are all about timing. You have to say the incantation at the right time. If you’re too fast or slow, nothing will happen.
For light, pretend you’re writing the number four, and then say lux, and circle the four.
” He raises his hand, explaining his movements again as he completes the charm, creating a small ball of white light that hovers in the air.
“How long will it last?” I ask, mesmerized by it.
“It depends on the person’s strength. Some an hour, some days.”
“Will it follow you?”
His icy-blue gaze lowers to me, jaw ticking. “I’ll tell you what, we’ll play a game.”
I turn wary eyes on him, certain I won’t like the terms.
“Every question you ask, I get to ask one in return.”
“Can I ask about things that don’t involve charms?”
“That seems fair since I won’t be asking you anything about charms.”
I smirk. “Will you answer honestly?”
“If I can’t, I won’t answer.”
I consider the grounds before nodding. “Deal.”
“The light won’t follow me unless I cast another charm. You never used your element as a kid? An unexplained fire, a huge ass wave, an unexplained storm?”
“Nothing that I can think of.” I don’t hesitate asking my next question. “How old are you?”
He looks taken aback, and then catches me off guard, chuckling.
“Stars, we’ve done a really shit job of these introductions, haven’t we?
” He shakes his head as he combs his fingers through his dark locks.
“I’m the youngest at twenty-six. Daire’s thirty, Loch is twenty-seven, and Griff and Holden are both twenty-eight. ”
“I’m twenty-two,” I say.
“I know.”
“I figured, but it feels kind of weird and presumptuous to assume, so…”
His lips soften—not a smile, but not another scowl.
“I need to get dressed and meet Scarlet.”
“Practice the light charm,” he says. “You’ll get it.”
I nod as I climb to my feet, the dried blood pulling tight across my thigh. I want to ask if this is a truce, if we can find something resembling acquaintanceship, but I’m too afraid to ask.
Kai glances down at his crystal link as it lights up. “Holden says Scarlet’s demanding proof of life.”
“I’m just going to clean up. I’ll be right down.”
He holds my gaze for a long moment, then nods. “I’ll let her know.”
I wash away the signs of my failed charm, then splash cool water on my face, because despite the multitude of differences here, tears apparently still stain.
I dress in my usual pair of jeans and a warm sweater, then bound down the stairs, feeling more hopeful than I have in weeks—forever—realizing I’ve found a part of me I didn’t even know was missing.
Scarlet is waiting at the bottom of the stairs with Kai, Lochlan, and Holden. I hate facing them because it makes putting on my act even tougher after they saw glimpses of the backstage, the pieces of me I constantly work to hide—have hidden for years.
I loathe the idea of them wanting to talk about what I was trying to do or why I doubted I was truly an Elemental.
“Ready?” I ask.
Scarlet doesn’t move. “You weren’t at breakfast.”
“I was tired.”
She doesn’t even try to hide her disbelief.
She’s become adept—too adept—at reading me, and I her.
“Because you’re working too hard. You’re doing advanced shielding, classes, and workouts when neither your mind, body, or cindrel are ready.
You need to acclimate. You need to rest. You need to see more of Wrenlow than your room and the gym.
” She turns to face Kai. “You guys are treating her like a soldier.”
Guilt hits me harder than I expected. She didn’t assume I was lying.
“We only have a few weeks until she meets with the council,” Lochlan explains.
“And?” Scarlet demands. “Her shields are strong. They’d probably be stronger if you stopped pushing her to her limits.”
“I want to train,” I interject. Especially now that I know I’m truly an Elemental. It isn’t just a theory or question anymore.
Scarlet’s eyes search mine. “You need balance.”
I shrug. “I have an eternity to find balance.”
She shakes her head, but I feel her fight dissipating.
Gwen steps into the foyer with a tray and an unreadable expression that she tries to hide behind a tight smile. “Breakfast for the road.” She passes out small brown bags and cups to go, the contents warm against my hands.
“Ready?” Scarlet asks.
My gaze scrapes against Kai’s as I turn to follow Scarlet, relieved not to find pity in his stare. Instead, there’s something that looks almost like understanding. Which somehow feels even more terrifying.
Griffin steps into the room wearing jeans and a long-sleeved tee. “Would you mind riding with me this morning?”
The simple question has my shields strengthening. Despite recognizing I belong here in Bryxton, there are too many questions about the Vestra and my role in it.
“We’ll follow you guys,” Kai says, before I can answer.
Scarlet gives me a questioning look, but I force an assuring smile, realizing I’m not afraid of Griffin. I’m pissed at him—more than that, I’m hurt, and I’m sick and tired of sweeping things under the rug and pretending they don’t exist.
The silence is taut, but the air remains warm as we head out to the gliders, Griffin’s magic coating me.
I’m so busy rehearsing lines for what I want to say that I don’t realize we’re halfway down the driveway until Griffin leans forward. “I was so far out of line.”
My heart skips a beat. I expected defense, excuses, and blame.
“I should never have raised my voice like that. Not in front of you, and never to you. I swore to make it safe for you, and I lost my temper and pushed you, making the space hostile.”
I stare at him, unsure how to respond, still waiting for the shift where he tells me how I provoked it.
My lungs feel condensed, everything off balance.
Griffin shakes his head, his brow creased. “Don’t,” he warns softly. “Don’t think you need to apologize, not for this, not for my failure.”
I turn to look out the window at the trees blurring past, trying to swallow the lump growing in my throat.
He curses under his breath, moving closer without imposing himself.
“I swear on my life, I will make every soul who tried to break you pay, Bondmate,” he says, conviction lacing each word.
“But hear me when I say you never need to fear my temper or anyone else’s. Not again. Not while I’m breathing.”
My throat is so tight it’s hard to breathe. “Why don’t you trust me, then?”
The intensity in his blue eyes pangs in my chest. “My temper was flared by fear, not doubt.” He lets the words settle. “Someone’s been manipulating your life, your records, and we have no idea who or how long it’s been happening.”
His words settle against my heart, and somewhere even deeper, a place that longs for him. Constantly.
“What if they’ve had a hand in everything? My whole life?”
His jaw ticks. “Then we’re going to find out, and when we do, we’ll burn every lie they built, and make them regret the day they agreed to hurt you.”