Chapter 40 Promise and Paradise
PROMISE AND PARADISE
When I open my eyes, the sky is a darker shade of turquoise, and I’m back in the springs rather than the cloud of a couch that lives in Lochlan’s mind.
For the first time since I began working out, my muscles don’t instantly ache when I move, but the detail that shocks me most is that Holden’s the only one out here with me.
His dark eyes shift from the forest to me, the slight scruff on his cheeks more pronounced as the day grows late.
I spend more time with him than any of the others, yet in many ways, he is the least familiar to me.
“Why haven’t you told us how exhausted you are?”
I stretch my legs under the water, trying to wake myself up. “I’m fine.” My words aren’t meant to be flippant, more of an assurance to myself. Maybe even to him.
“It’s a miracle you haven’t collapsed in the middle of class.”
I roll my eyes, though I wonder how far off the mark he is.
To my shock and surprise, he smirks before leaning his head back against the edge of the tub, gaze fixed on the darkening sky. “What do you think is more dangerous?” he muses. “A ruler with power but no strength, or a ruler with strength but no power?”
“I think both are set for failure. The ruler with power and no strength will be manipulated and bought, a tragedy Earth witnesses every damn day.”
His gaze flickers to mine. “Some believe strength exists in endurance, not dominance or power.”
I scoff. “Enduring isn’t the same as living.”
“Says the one who’s barely able to stand and wants to push harder.”
I laugh, a sardonic sound. “This is easy to endure.”
“Are you referring to the fact that your mind never rests or your physical exhaustion?” There’s a note of question in his voice that lends to what I think might be vulnerability, but his posture erases that thought.
I consider matching him and ending the conversation.
But something makes me feel reckless. Or maybe I’m just tired of hiding.
I lay down a card. “My mind races because I never know if I’m safe.
If something is a trap. If I’ll be lurched into another dimension or poisoned by a plant,” I admit.
“Not understanding and being perceived as the enemy is far more exhausting than any physical workout.” It’s the most vulnerable I’ve been with him since he barreled into my room when I was practicing the healing charm on myself.
Holden’s gaze flickers. “Trust takes time.” He shifts, the water rippling between us.
“So does understanding. I appreciate why you want to get the job at the library, but Scarlet’s right.
You need to acclimate. You need to learn your elements and find your footing here.
” His tone is matter-of-fact, but not unkind.
“Especially with the meeting with Lyra coming up.”
I hesitate, wanting to make sure he knows I’m hearing him. “It’s not just about the money.”
His gaze darkens, like he expected that to be my answer, and didn’t want it to be.
“I’ve been reliant on handouts, pity, obligation, and donations most of my life. Returning to that—to being dependent on virtual strangers, who didn’t choose any of this—makes me feel useless and, quite frankly, humiliated, on a daily basis.”
Holden sits up as he shakes his head. “You’re not—”
“No. Please,” I interrupt him with a raised hand. “Don’t finish that sentence. I’m not fishing for assurances. I just…” I lick my lips, trying to find the right words to say. “It’s been a really long time since I’ve had anything within my control.”
The muscle in his jaw tenses before he nods. “Would you consider waiting until after you meet with Lyra? I can reach out to Constance, the head librarian, and let her know I have you on a special project.”
I consider the offer. If my meeting with Lyra ends badly, there won’t be an after.
I nod.
Holden does, too. “We should get out so you can get ready.”
I never know how narrow my footing is or how far our friendship—if that’s what one can call it—extends. Sometimes it feels like for every step we move forward, he sprints three backward. Instead of testing things, I push out of the springs, shivering as I carefully climb out.
The moment my feet hit the deck, my suit and body are dry.
I give him a brief smile. “Thanks.”
He nods, gesturing for me to go ahead. The temperature inside is several degrees warmer than usual.
“I was about to come get you,” Gwen says, spotting me. “I already packed your bag since you were napping, and the guys said you’d be leaving as soon as you were awake.”
“You didn’t have to—”
Gwen waves her hand, as though erasing my words.
“It was no problem. Besides, you’ve never been to Portelina.
It would’ve been difficult for you to know what to bring.
” She places a hand on my back. “I put an outfit on the bed. Get dressed while I finish packing the snacks.” She shoos me when I don’t move. “Go on.”
“I’m going. I’m going,” I grumble.
I knew it wouldn’t be sweats waiting for me, but the dress Gwen has laid out is neither practical nor appealing. I head into my closet only to find it bare except for my hamper, which I also discover is empty.
“I knew you’d come looking for an alternative.” Gwen’s hands are stapled to her narrow hips.
“I don’t like dresses.” I don’t even attempt to stop my whine.
“Try this one.”
I dramatically throw my head back before dragging myself back to my room, where I grab the dress and stalk to the washroom to change.
I pull on underwear and then the dress. The dark olive material is impossibly soft and silky smooth as I slide it on.
I stand in front of the mirror, taking in the narrow straps that leave my arms and shoulders mostly bare and the scooped neckline that accentuates my cleavage slightly, or maybe that’s because it’s so form-fitting to both my chest and waist before flaring out at my hips and ending just below my knees.
“How does it look?” Gwen asks from behind the door.
“How does everything fit me so well?” I demand, though my anger has evaporated. I’m too shocked by how much I adore this dress and how pretty I feel in it.
“Can I come in?”
“Yes, but for the record, just because I love this dress does not mean that I want to wear it.”
She enters laughing, a jovial sound that I’ve come to love. “Come on. Everyone’s waiting on you.”
“I like my sweats.”
She nods. “We know.”
“They’re comfortable. Practical.”
She nods again but presses a hand between my shoulder blades. “And they’ll be here when you return.”
“Promise?”
She passes me a pair of sandals. “On my life.”
I accept the shoes as she pulls the elastic out of my hair and combs her fingers through in an attempt to smooth what I’m sure is a mess.
When we reach the stairs, I have both shoes on, and Gwen has stopped fixing my hair.
“How long is the trip?” I ask.
“Stop counting the hours down until you can change,” she warns, swatting at my hand when I go to tug on the dress.
“When did you get so bossy?”
“Where do you think they learned it from?” Gwen teases, gesturing toward the front door where Daire stands, looking more attractive than should be socially acceptable in a pair of dark jeans and a heather-gray tee that shows off each toned muscle in his chest and shoulders.
His eyes shine as he takes me in. Beside him, Lochlan’s dressed in worn jeans and oatmeal-colored shirt that fits entirely too well, staring at me, crystal link in hand like he’s either reading or sending another one of his million messages.
“I’ll see you on Tuesday,” Gwen says, patting me on the shoulder before taking a wide step back.
“Tuesday?” I ask.
“We’re going to make it a long weekend,” Daire says, placing a warm palm against my spine. “Ready?”
I’m not sure I’ve been ready for any part of today.
Outside, the other three are gathered next to a glider, the doors already opened, waiting.
Griffin steps forward, his look of concern capturing my full attention.
“We’ll catch up in the glider,” Lochlan says from behind me.
Griffin ignores him, studying me for another beat before I nod and answer his silent question. “I’m all right.”
He doesn’t look assured or remotely relieved, but he steps to the side so I can climb into the glider.
The others pile in, Griffin and Daire on each of my sides, sitting so close that my body touches theirs from shoulder to thigh.
The others are spaced out, lounging casually, Lochlan and Holden across from me, and Kai in the middle, entering directions as the doors close.
As we speed down the driveway, my thoughts shift to the female Keystone and her Vestra that I saw at the tidescast game, wondering how they ride together in a glider. Do they have a rotation? Do they care? Is there jealousy?
Kai spreads his knees, and my thoughts darken, wondering if I were their Keystone, if this time locked away would consist of pleasure and heat.
Before my thoughts can spiral too far into those corners, Daire places his hand on my arm and skates his hand down to my palm, linking our fingers. My skin hums in response, and it’s hard to fight the urge to not press every sliver of my skin against his to see if the humming will grow louder.
“Are we going to talk about this asshole now or on the ride home?” Griffin asks.
“Later,” Holden says almost instantly.
Kai shifts. “Let’s play a game.”
“Let’s not,” Lochlan mutters, scrolling on his crystal link.
Kai ignores him, reaching into a hidden compartment and withdrawing a small obsidian disk the size of his palm. It’s smooth, almost liquid-looking, etched with rules that faintly pulse as though it’s alive.
“What’s that?” I ask.
“A Fatespin Disc,” Kai says, spinning it with the same lazy finesse he does rune stones in class.
“You spin it, and it chooses a question or a challenge based on the player’s energy,” Griffin explains.
I raise a brow. “And if someone refuses?”
Kai’s lips twist with amusement. “The disc takes something from you.”
My stomach tightens. “Takes what, exactly?”