Chapter 45 Depths and Despair
DEPTHS AND DESPAIR
The cold water burns down to my bones—ice instead of liquid—as I fight to block out the memory of nearly drowning, fear sinking sharp into my lungs like teeth.
I kick at whatever has my ankle. I can’t get a good enough look at it, only that its limbs are too long and thin—ribbons of liquid rather than muscle—that bind tighter the harder I fight.
My lungs burn, the familiar feeling dragging terror into my thoughts as I thrash and try to focus on my cindrel, begging the part of me I’ve spent the past year hating and fearing to protect me.
A shape emerges from the depths. A figure with hollowed eyes. Its skin is pale blue, shifting like it’s made of the water itself—liquid woven into flesh.
“Intruder!” Its voice is a raspy screech. “Intruder!” A ghostly hand reaches for me as I'm dragged deeper.
It keeps up easily while I struggle to focus the way Holden and Lochlan insist every damn morning. Its hand reaches toward me, ribbons of water clinging despite my thrashing and shoving.
The hand slashes through my dress and presses against my flesh as rows of gnarled teeth flash in the creature’s face.
Rage eclipses my fear. Fury for stolen time. Ire for Veronica kissing Kai. For how long I didn’t know what I was—how many memories were taken before they were mine to make. For someone trying to take my life again, without consent, without reason.
The whisper of heat ignites in my stomach, my cindrel yawning awake.
Finally.
I feed the embers with thoughts of the Vestra. The desire in Griffin’s kiss. The longing in Daire’s eyes. The quiet plea in Kai’s voice.
Heat extends from my fingers—lightning under water.
The grip on my ankle radiates pain, and suddenly a third shape joins the second.
I don’t hesitate—I fuel the anger, the desire, the longing.
Fingers swipe at me as I picture Holden’s curious gaze and how he knows my coffee order, the moonberry tarts that appear in every lunch Lochlan brings, Daire staying up all night with me the first time I used my element in the library.
I think of Scarlet and Lief, Gwen’s full laughter.
How they’ve all saved me. How I haven't had enough chances to save myself. To breathe. To love. To live.
A current crushes me, pain lancing through my limbs as my fire grows, searing and bright.
A crack louder than thunder burns my ears. Heat, then air, then a sinking feeling like falling and floating at once—until familiar arms wrap around me, hauling me up, up, up—
The surface shatters. My throat feels like it’s wrapped in thorns as I cough and splutter through gasps.
“There you go,” Daire coaxes. “Breathe, Spitfire. Keep breathing for me.” His heart races mine as he carries me out of the water, collapsing several yards from the shore with me still in his arms. His grip is crushing and unrelenting, his breaths ragged, eyes practically feral as they search across me.
“Runes!” Holden yells. “Use runes.”
Wind whips at our skin as the air turns frigid.
“Intruder! You break the balance!” The voice is not one but many—an eerie chorus carried on the wind. It screeches and howls. I want to cover my ears.
“Deep fractures. Missing pieces. Time thinning.”
Lochlan charges into the water, hands raised, eyes gleaming. “Godsdammit, answer me!” he roars.
“She is not whole. She cannot remain,” the eerie voices cry.
My heart stutters.
“The thread unravels. Fades. Burns. All will be lost.”
The wind stops, and the water stills, but Lochlan doesn’t move, his power crackling in the air, invisible but palpable.
Daire’s grip tightens on me. “Dammit, let’s go. She’s weakening, and we need to heal these wounds.”
I fight to keep my eyes open as my vision warps at the edges, a flickering haze of shadow and light. The world feels stretched, as though reality is rewinding and spinning—unraveling.
Four figures sprint toward us. Four faces streaked with exhaustion, concern, and something that looks too much like fear.
Daire’s pulse is a frantic thrum against my temple as the air shifts and the world bends. Air rushes around me like a collapsing tunnel. I become weightless, and then as quickly as it began, walls and objects reshape, the scents of minerals and the grotto filling me.
Water splashes, and I jerk in Daire’s arms, thrashing weakly as every muscle in my body screams.
His hold tightens. “I’ve got you,” Daire promises.
Tears sting my eyes, streak down my icy cheeks. “Not more water.”
Pain lances his face. “You’re frozen. We need to warm you up. I swear, I won’t let you go.”
Familiar scents perfume the air, as Holden cuts through the fog, issuing sharp commands. Kai rattles off a dozen ingredients, but the syllables barely register in my mind.
Warmth blooms beneath me as Daire splashes into the grotto’s water, keeping me cradled against his chest.
The water feels like fire and ash—my bones hollowed, my chest a chasm.
Griffin presses his hand against my stomach, murmuring charms.
“Bri, stop!” Kai’s voice is razor-sharp. “Stop using your fucking element.”
A splash and then warmth presses to my other side, fingers stroking my hair, my face.
“Breathe with us.” Daire’s voice is a demand. A plea.
“Loch,” Griffin growls. “We need your help!”
Another rush of voices.
“Fucking stop.” Daire sounds almost defeated.
I want to tell them that Lochlan’s not doing anything this time, but my voice is lost, swallowed in the abyss, countless miles away, where unseen hands still clutch at me and whispers coil like smoke in my mind.
Pain ricochets through my skull, so sharp my body convulses, and then I’m in Lochlan’s mental space, and he’s wrapping his arms around my middle, his shields surrounding both of us like steel walls, drowning out the whispers as I fall into him.
Darkness claims me completely.
The world is too quiet.
Warmth surrounds me as I float in that strange space between sleep and wakefulness. I force my eyes open, taking in the dim room, bathed in a faint golden glow.
The scents of cinnamon, clove, and smoke fill my senses before I register the weight of Daire’s arm draped over my waist, his large hand resting possessively on my stomach.
The steady rise and fall of Griffin’s chest against my back is a silent tether to the present.
I recognize the gold sheets and the giant bed at Portelina.
I blink slowly, muscles heavy. The events of the lake hover at the edges of my mind, making my entire body tense.
Daire’s hand constricts. “She’s waking up.” Relief leaks into his voice.
“That took a little too long, Trouble,” Griffin says. Lines of exhaustion and relief mark his face.
The term of endearment eases something in my chest. I plant my palms, working to sit up, but my head swims, and my body feels like it’s made of lead.
“Easy,” Daire says, settling me back against his bare chest, hot against my exposed skin as he pulls the covers higher on my shoulders.
Across the room, I feel Lochlan’s gaze before I see him. He’s standing near the window, arms crossed over his broad chest, silver eyes unreadable. Kai and Holden are nearby, perched in a pair of chairs.
“How are you feeling?” Griffin asks.
“What were those things?” I ask.
Holden leans forward, resting his forearms on his knees. “We don’t know.” He looks almost haunted.
I swallow, my lips dry as the feeling of being pulled in the water has me fisting the sheets.
“The surface—it froze,” Holden continues. “We’ve never seen anything like it in all of Bryxton. It wouldn’t let any of us in. Kai could only go down a couple of feet, and Daire couldn’t transport. It was as though our elements and powers were completely immobilized.”
I recount the hand around my ankle, the unnatural faces that appeared in the water beside me. How they had touched me, triggering my element to finally work.
“You lit up most of the lake,” Griffin says. “Your power fractured something, allowing us to use our elements again.”
I shiver as Daire runs a hand down my back. “It was talking to us at the end. Did they come out of the water?”
“No,” Lochlan’s voice is clipped.
I glance at Griffin. “Were they Elementals?”
He drags a hand through his hair as he shakes his head. “No. Whatever they were, we’re not even sure they were alive. Loch couldn’t sense them.”
My gaze returns to Lochlan. “How did they know me?”
“They didn’t,” Daire insists, his voice confident. Sure.
“One of them talked to me beneath the surface.” I smooth the hard line of his brow with my fingers.
He captures my hand in his and firmly shakes his head.
“Old magic in large volumes can be unpredictable and volatile. The lake could have sensed your multiple elements and assumed you were part of the original coven or reacted to your Titan ancestry. It doesn’t matter.
What matters is that you’re safe and that we stop making careless mistakes. ”
I wait for Lochlan to flinch, balk, or laugh—anything, but he remains still.
I glance back at the covered windows. “What time is it?”
“Nearly ten,” Holden says.
I cringe because we’d left past noon. “What day is it?”
“Tuesday.”
“Shit. Scarlet.” Dread climbs my ribs as I move to sit up, but Griffin lays a firm hand on my shoulder, pinning me to Daire’s chest.
“We talked to her. She’s fine and she knows you’re here,” he says.
“I missed her game.”
“You nearly died,” Griffin’s voice drags over the last word, a hoarse sound that feels like a million paper cuts.
I stare at him, unsure what to say, whether to offer assurances or apologies, promises or questions.
“We should get you something to eat,” Kai says, saving me from having to say anything.
“What about your jobs? Thornhurst? Training?” I ask.
“You need to rest,” Daire says. “We’ll see if you’re feeling well enough to travel tomorrow.” The finality in his tone is echoed across his features, and I don’t have the strength to argue.