Chapter 3
“Do not linger in your sorrow.
Your tears do nothing but muddy the Ground.”
- The Old Book
Iwalked into my mother’s house, and dust immediately rose, stinging my throat.
What once was a beautiful home, filled with laughter and light, was now a house in shambles.
The roof leaked, the windows were broken, and the floors rotted.
All things that should have been resolved years prior.
But it wasn’t my home anymore, and it hadn’t been for a long time.
“Mom?” My voice echoed.
No answer. But then again, there never was.
I walked into the kitchen and observed the dishes I had yet to wash. They were next to a moldy loaf of bread I had forgotten to throw out.
Going further back into the hall, I walked to her bedroom. The door was open.
Inside, Mother was sleeping in her moth-eaten armchair. The one she refused to let me get rid of.
I paused, waiting for her chest to rise and fall just to make sure. Then I moved closer.
“Mom?”
She startled awake, eyes half-closed. “Willam?”
“No, Mom. It’s Mavis.” I pressed my hand gently to her sternum, easing her back down.
“Oh.”
Not the child she wanted to see.
“Just sleep,” I cooed.
She made a noise of agreement and closed her eyes again.
She was taking far too much valerian root. But it was a moot point; she wouldn’t have wanted me to interfere. She didn’t like being awake; it made everything real.
I went back to the kitchen and opened a jar of soup. I didn’t care to heat it; it wouldn’t matter to her. It was just something for her to eat when she woke up.
Once I put the soup on her side table, I took a walk through the rest of the house. I mentally cataloged all the tasks I needed to get to, but probably wouldn’t. There was only one room I didn’t enter, and that was my childhood bedroom. The room I had once shared with my brother.
Another shiver ran down my spine, and I instantly decided I didn’t want to spend any more time there. Kaven might not believe in spirits, but I did.
I hated my mother’s house. It felt like an empty shell, one I didn’t want to be in more than I had to be. I often spent the night with Kaven. I spent the night only at my mother’s house on her bad days. Those were the days I slept on the couch and covered my head with a pillow while she sobbed.
I worked most of the time to keep away. It was a terrible job that made me barely enough money to survive on my own, let alone with a dependent. So when I wasn’t working, I was hunting.
After I completed my walk-through, I went back to check on Mother. She hadn’t moved.
I bent over and placed a kiss on her cheek. When I stepped back, her eyes were open and sharp.
“You look so much like him.”
“I know,” I whispered.
Her eyes fluttered closed once more.
She could have been talking about Willam, or perhaps Father. I couldn’t be sure of which. Emotion burned my throat.
I slowly stepped back until I was in the hallway again. Covering my mouth with my hand, I let out a muffled sob. I needed to contain myself, otherwise it would make things worse. It was time to leave.
I ran out the door toward Kaven’s house. Tears rimmed my eyes, but I refused to let them fall. I quickly wiped the moisture away with my sleeve. Everyone knew my pain. It was clear as day, but that didn’t mean I enjoyed showcasing it.
Maybe I shouldn’t have been so quick to turn down Kaven’s offer to leave.
I pinched myself for thinking that way. I could be free of Oak Hollow if I wished, but I could never remove its imprint.
It was too much.
The rain drizzled once more. It was almost as if Our Lady was listening and grieving with me.
Once I reached Kaven’s house, I picked up a pebble and threw it at his window. A few seconds passed, and then I threw another.
Kaven opened his window, and when he looked down at me, no words needed to be spoken. He understood. He always did.
“Come on up,” he shouted.
I nodded and made my way into his home, my only anchor left.
Kaven met me on the stairs and laced his fingers with mine in a quiet show of support. Even when we were children, his presence was always comforting.
Once we reached his bedchamber, we both silently moved to his bed and lay down.
I lay there with his arm thrown over my waist for hours. I stayed perfectly still until I heard his soft snores.
As I moved my hips to exit, he twitched. Kaven grunted and then shifted to his other side, freeing me from his hold. I quickly got out of bed and went into the attached bathing chamber. After relieving myself, I discarded my clothes to change into my nightgown.
By accident, I glimpsed my foreign body in the mirror.
The candlelight was dim, but it still exposed every curve and crevice.
Years had passed since the last time I had properly looked at myself in a mirror. I had been too scared to see the changes taking place, so I avoided them altogether.
My hair was the same, midnight waves that fell to my shoulders and contrasted with the piercing blue of my eyes.
However, I looked more hollow, my face thinner. I wasn’t too frail, though. While I would be no match for someone as broad and strong as Kaven, the subtle muscles from my hours as a tanner were visible.
I was careful not to make any noise as I climbed back into bed. Kaven seldom rested well, so I didn’t want to chance waking him. Too often, he woke screaming from dreams he didn’t dare to tell me about. Dreams I never asked about.
I got under his sheets and felt his hard chest press firmly into my soft back.
Kaven’s arms tightened around me, as if afraid I might slip away. My chest ached at the thought.
He deserved so much better.