Chapter 15
“Anam reaps every soul.
If one goes missing, He will find it.”
- The Old Book
We had been riding for several hours, and all I wanted was to rest.
I had barely slept last night because of the battle.
I was scared to rest while on horseback. There was no rope tethering me anymore, and I didn’t want to fall off. That, and the first time I did, I woke up with my head on Rowan’s chest. That was not something I wanted to repeat.
“Are you still angry?” Rowan asked since I had been pointedly ignoring him.
“Yes.”
He let out a disgruntled sigh.
“If I let you ask me a question, will you speak? I don’t enjoy traveling in tense silence.”
I contemplated being spiteful, but I did have something I was curious about.
“She calls you by your first name,” I said.
“Who?”
“Renata. She calls you Rowan, not by your title or by sir.”
“That’s not a question.”
“Why can she do it, but the others can’t?”
“Renata has been in the Order much longer than I have. She’s earned it.”
“How much longer?”
They both seemed to be the same age. A number I still hadn’t learned, but would soon ask about.
He didn’t immediately answer, and I thought perhaps he was going to evade the answer under the pretense that I only got to ask one question.
But he surprised me.
“She was raised by the Order.”
“Her parents were Veilers? That explains why she’s so bloodthirsty and ruthless.”
Rowan chuckled.
“You and she are very similar in some regards—both fueled by anger.”
“Do not compare us. I am not volatile like that monster.”
“You’re definitely no sweet, innocent flower now, are you?”
I changed the subject away from me, because the thought of being compared to a Veiler—especially one as cruel as she—brought out the exact rage he was describing.
“What could she have to be angry about?”
I glanced over at her on her silver horse. She didn’t have a companion riding with her. She probably would never deign to be saddled with one of the culled.
“It’s not as if she had to spend her entire life wondering if her village was going to be culled,” I continued. “Or if tomorrow were the day she, her friend—her brother—or someone else she cared about was going to be taken away forever.”
There was a tense moment of silence.
“Her story is not mine to share. But maybe she has just as much to resent as you. Many of us do.”
Rowan’s voice sounded honest and protective. Maybe it wasn’t purely platonic between them. It was not my concern either way, so I dropped the thought.
“And you?” I asked.
“I have made peace with my past,” he said bluntly, making sure I understood that the topic of his past wasn’t a road he wanted to venture down.
“Is that a long past then?” I asked not so subtly.
“If you are trying to ask my age, Mavis, I have seen twenty-five summers.”
“Oh.”
“Does that surprise you?”
“I mean, I knew you were young, but I didn’t know you were that young. Should you be a commanding officer when there are others older and more experienced than you?”
“Would you rather Balor be in command?”
“Gods, no!” I choked out, and he chuckled again. If Balor had been the commanding officer, then I would never have left Oak Hollow alive. “I’m just curious how a Veiler rises in the ranks at such an early age. You must be very skilled at killing.”
“Something like that,” he murmured.
“How did you get the scar on your lip?”
Rowan’s body immediately stiffened. I almost felt bad for asking—perhaps it was too much—but I shut that thought down at once. I did not pity Veilers.
“A shaving accident,” Rowan said flatly.
“A shaving accident?”
That was a lie. It had to be. Though the scar had paled and thinned over time, it was far too prominent to have been an accident.
“You’ve asked enough,” he stated. “It’s my turn. Do you know how to fight?”
“Are you asking because most women aren’t taught how?”
“I know many women who can fight, and fight well. But you don’t come from an area that typically condones such teachings.”
“I love my home,” I said, crossing my arms over my chest.
“I never said you shouldn’t.”
“My brother taught me how to wield a knife, and my father took me hunting with a bow. Oak Hollow isn’t against teaching women how to fight; there just isn’t a need. We mainly hunt with our weaponry, not use it to kill.”
“Combat doesn’t mean killing. It’s about protecting yourself.”
For a few long moments, we didn’t speak.
“I’ve visited cities where women hold positions that are just as high, if not higher, than the men. And they can all defend themselves in combat.”
“Athelney?” I asked.
“No, in the Free Isles.”
My eyes widened. The Free Isles were not welcoming toward the Ravarie, or vice versa. There was some trade between our lands, but they mostly kept to themselves. Why anyone would want to visit the land of the godless pirates was beyond me.
“You’ve been to the Free Isles?”
“Many years ago, during my travels.”
“I always wanted to explore the continent,” I murmured thoughtlessly.
“Why didn’t you?”
“Because I had responsibilities, I couldn’t just abandon them. Not everyone can leave their life behind to gallivant across the world.”
“Then I’ll ask again: why did you offer yourself up instead of that girl?”
“I made a promise to keep her safe.”
“You want to know what I think?”
“No.” I didn’t. I had a feeling I wouldn’t like it.
“I think you wanted out, away from your responsibilities. You saw an opportunity, and you took it.”
“You know nothing about me,” I snarled.
My temper was rising again. He had a way of doing that to me.
“I’ve grown quite familiar with you these past few days.”
“If you knew anything about me, you’d know that I would do anything for those I love.”
“I don’t doubt that.”
“I had the chance to leave before. I didn’t take it.”
Kaven’s pleading eyes flashed in my mind. The memory stung.
“Oh? Was it with that boy from before?” he mocked.
“His name is Kaven.” I corrected.
“And was he your lover?”
“That’s certainly none of your business.”
“So no, then.”
“I didn’t say that.”
“Whatever you two were, I got the impression you didn’t agree on it.”
I knew he was riling me up intentionally; I just didn’t understand why. I should have stopped replying, but I didn’t.
“He was—is—my friend.”
“I see.” He hummed to himself quietly. I hated the sound of it—the sound of arrogance.
“And you and Renata?” I snapped. After the words spilled, I silently kicked myself for asking. Especially since I had decidedly chosen not to.
“What of us?” he asked with a hint of amusement.
“Is she your lover?”
“Why would you think that?”
“You’re protective of her.”
“At one time, I wanted her to be. But we were both young and had yet to discover ourselves.”
My reply caught in my throat as the acrid stench of smoke reached my nose. Ahead, a thin column of black curled into the Sky. The closer we drew, the heavier it became. Then I saw it—orange tongues of fire consuming what was left of an encampment.
Bodies lay scattered across the scorched Ground. Some were in Veiler black, and some wore the plain tunics of the culled.
“Riders—water! Put it out now!” Rowan ordered. His voice was steel, sharp and commanding. In seconds, several Veilers leapt from their horses toward the scene.
I watched as the Veilers threw water onto the roaring flames and stomped on the embers. The fire hissed and spat as they worked.
The heat stung my eyes, forcing tears I didn’t want to shed.
A small hand peeked out from beneath a fallen tarp.
My stomach dropped when the wind blew it aside, revealing the vacant eyes of a girl no older than fifteen. Gone.
The thought was unbearable.
When the worst of it was under control, I found my voice.
“What happened?”
There was a moment of silence before Rowan finally replied.
“Rebels.”