Chapter 27
“A child is considered a part of its mother’s body, not its own entity, until birth.
When a sentry takes their oath, they promise their body to service.
Therefore, any child present in the womb when a sentry’s vow is taken is held to that same oath.”
Icame to while still in Rowan’s embrace, which was surprisingly comforting, as he held my limp body.
“I’ll take it from here, Karina. You’re dismissed.”
“Yes, commander.” Karina bowed her head and departed.
“Can you stand?” Rowan asked me with a softer voice than the one he had used to address Karina.
“I think so.”
I wobbled to my feet, with Rowan holding my arm to balance my weight.
Once standing, I turned to him, and the memories of my truth session came flooding back.
Tears welled up in my eyes, and I didn’t have the energy to keep them at bay any longer.
They started flowing freely down my cheeks in streams. I heard a choked sob, and to my abject horror, I realized it had come from me.
Rowan gently but firmly grabbed my arm and led me down the corridor. I didn’t care where we were going—just that my tears would stay quiet.
We approached a door without a handle, unlike most of the doors I had seen in the facility.
Next to the door was another device with numbers on it.
Rowan let go of my arm and pressed a sequence of four numbers on the device, ones he didn’t think to shield from me, and the metal door slid open.
Rowan gestured for me to enter the room, and in my distraught state, I didn’t even think to question the request.
Upon entering the room, I took in the layout. It was like mine and Talia’s, although there were slight differences. Rowan had a much larger bed than we did, and he had one of those square moving picture screens they called a television hanging on his wall.
I turned my body to face Rowan. He was looking at me expectantly.
“Is this your bedchamber?”
“These are my quarters, yes.” He then gestured to the bed. “Sit.”
I was reluctant to move until he sat in an armchair opposite the bed. I moved to sit, watching Rowan as he placed his hands on his knees and squeezed tight. He was nervous about something. Was it because I was in his room?
“What happened?” he asked.
“She asked about my family. That’s not exactly my favorite topic to discuss.” I folded my arms and looked away, pretending to examine the white walls that I was far too familiar with.
“Did you tell her about your gift?”
“No,” I said, hearing Rowan let out a sigh of relief. “But in truth, I’m not sure how long I could have held out.” I glanced back at Rowan and saw his face harden. Now he was angry. With who? It was unclear. His mood swings were unpredictable sometimes.
“You can’t tell anyone,” he said firmly.
I didn’t care much for his tone.
“I know that. I’m not a fool,” I quipped. “You didn’t need to send the redhead to tell me what I already know.”
“Renata came to see you?”
“Don’t act like you didn’t send her to scare me.” I rolled my eyes at his pathetic play of confusion.
“Telling anyone is too risky. It could mean that the Guild finds out. Marcum is a sly, manipulative coward. If he catches wind, all of his attention will turn to you. You don’t want that.”
“Strange of you to condescend one of your own people.”
“Marcum is not one of my people. He’s the farthest thing from one of mine.” He gripped his knees even harder until the whites of his knuckles showed, and then he released his hold when he saw me staring.
“How am I supposed to lie with that gods-damned transmitter in my head?”
“You can’t unless you want to experience searing pain.
” I flinched at the memory. “You don’t lie.
Instead, you evade certain facts. The transmitter can only detect deceit, not omitted truths.
Be vague as possible and learn to manipulate the conversation.
Remember that they are the hound chasing a scent, but it’s you who has control of where that scent leads. ”
“I felt like I was going to implode from the agony.”
The honesty of that statement hurt. I had experienced nothing so painful in all my years. It felt like lightning striking every nerve, lighting up my spine.
“The sessions make you confront your deepest fears and insecurities. They want you to hurt. It’s just another way they sort out the weak.”
And the weak die. That’s what he had said before.
“How long do I have to do the truth sessions for?”
“Until Adina feels that you’ve conquered whatever past that haunts you.”
“What would she know of the past that haunts me?”
“It shows. When you aren’t so focused on keeping your guard up and replying with snarky comments, I can see it. You’re just as traumatized as the rest of us.”
“As traumatized as Veilers?” My condescending tone couldn’t be hidden.
“You know, not all Veiled Ones crave bloodshed, but all are required to act as if we do.”
“Well, some of you do it really well,” I mocked.
“Balor was not a soldier of merit. Balor took the black to abuse his authority over others. Unfortunately, that is something that happens when certain people gain power. They become obsessed with wielding it and bending others to their will.” He took a deep breath.
“I’m not sorry he’s dead, but I am sorry you’re the one who killed him.
His reign of torment should have ended long before he ever came in contact with you. ”
“I’m fine.”
“I saw you struggle to rinse your hands of his death, even long after the blood had cleared.”
“I just… don’t want to be so vulnerable again. He almost killed me several times, the others want me dead, and I’m just so tired of relying on luck to protect me. What happens when my luck runs out?”
I rubbed my arms slowly. Exhaustion was beating down on me.
“Perhaps I can help you feel you have a bit more control over your fate.”
I scoffed. “No one can control their own fate.”
“Being able to protect oneself is a way we can exert control in our lives. I can teach you to fight in hand-to-hand combat.”
“You would do that for me?” I scrunched up my nose. “Why? I’m your enemy.”
“Although I’ve always been your enemy, you’ve never been mine, Mavis.”
The stretch of silence in the room seemed never-ending. Pin-pricks raced up my arms and throat as I tried to swallow. I wasn’t sure how much of it was because of the truth session, and how much of it was stirred by Rowan’s quiet confession.
One thing was for sure—the lines between us had blurred beyond comprehension.
Enough that I couldn’t even be disgruntled about sitting on his bed.
Rowan made me forget about our titles and the color of our clothing.
The importance of our distinction was skewed.
And I didn’t know what that meant anymore.
Rowan cleared his throat and continued.
“There’s an old gym here. No one uses it since the newer one was built a few years back. It’s on the base level, at the end of the third corridor on the right. We can meet there once a week. We have to be discreet, though, you understand?”
“I know.”
“Good.” Rowan stood from his chair.
“Rowan, what’s going to happen to me?”
The vulnerability of my question startled him, as it did me. A few moments passed before he replied, a foreign gentleness coating his words.
“I’m not entirely sure. Once the blood transfusions start, people change. Some become more aggressive, and others become more reclusive.”
“What about the faith and truth sessions?”
“The faith sessions are a ploy; they just want to test you and see if you will blindly believe everything they say. But the truth sessions—those shatter your mind. They want to rebuild you themselves. They call it enlightenment.”
“Great,” I murmured. It seemed it was only going to get much worse.
“The transfusions, though—those are different. They don’t just want to alter you mentally; they want to physically change you, too.
By modifying you on a molecular level, they believe they can strengthen you, make you more durable.
They say the goal is to genetically improve you and rid you of all disease markers. ”
Disgust churned in my stomach. I swallowed back the nausea and spewed my frustration instead.
“How are you able to sit back and watch these horrors unfold? How can you do nothing?”
“I help when and where I can. I reckon that there are more eyes on me than there are on you,” he imparted. I opened my mouth to ask further, but he continued. “Let’s get you back to your bedroom before anyone notices your whereabouts.”
I followed Rowan to his door. He opened it and stuck his head out, scanning the hallway for any signs of others. Once he determined the coast was clear, he looked back at me and nodded.
His expression was back to being the guarded mask I knew so well, but also the one that made me the most uneasy.
While his closed-off demeanor was what he showcased most often, I had grown accustomed to the relaxed conversation and small smirks he reserved for me.
To see him barricade himself behind an emotional wall made me bristle at the unintended offense.
Honestly, it wasn’t my place to be offended at all, but I couldn’t deny that a small part of me was disappointed.
He escorted me back to my room and hesitated at the entrance. A part of me wanted him to stay. Another part wanted to shove him through the door and bolt it shut. Instead, I let the silence press between us like a held breath, until he slipped away without a word.
Our interaction had been weighted, and I forced myself to push it to the back of my mind to dissect later.
There was no sign of Talia in our bedroom.
She had picked up craft-making in the recreation room.
She even brought back a few bracelets and clay figurines that she had sculpted and painted.
They were currently decorating the top of her dresser.
I staggered over to my bed and let myself unceremoniously collapse onto it. I felt the tension in my muscles relax ever so slightly as I allowed my body to deflate and sink into the mattress.
The day had been draining physically and mentally. I closed my eyes and felt the residual sting from the truth sessions buzz throughout my bloodstream. The pounding pain in my temple had ceased, replaced by a faint echo of all that I had endured.
Eventually I surrendered to sleep, quietly hoping that I could escape into the dreams I once thought too illusory.