Chapter 41
“Vows made to the gods are allowed while in service of the Order,
so long as they do not supersede the directive.”
When I reached the gym to spar, there was still no sign of Rowan. Instead, Naia and Renata were both inside.
They had their hands intertwined and were giggling with one another. It sounded so foreign to hear Renata giggle I didn’t believe it at first. But sure enough, she was smiling, laughing, and looking enthralled with Naia.
I stopped so abruptly that my shoes scuffed the floor, drawing their attention.
Naia’s demeanor didn’t change, but Renata’s warming smile dropped, and her usual scowl returned.
Naia cupped Renata’s cheeks and kissed her forehead.
“I’ll see you later.”
Renata nodded.
Naia sauntered toward the exit, brushing past me, and whispering in my ear as she left.
“Don’t let her bully you.”
I watched Naia exit, stunned at how someone like her could be with Renata.
“Hey,” Renata scolded, snapping my attention back in place. “Don’t stare.”
“I wasn’t staring,” I said a bit too defensively.
She narrowed her eyes for a moment and then asked, “Are you finally ready to train?”
“Yes.”
“About time.”
I stepped onto the mat and assumed the fighting position while Renata tied her hair up into a bun.
“Have you ever thought about binding your soul to Naia?”
Both of them seemed to be committed to one another, and since marriage was outlawed between Veilers, it made sense that they would consider the ultimate vow instead. Marriage was paper, easily torn. Netali’s Vow was irrevocable.
“What was not clear about the phrase: we are not friends?”
She threw a punch, and I flinched back, but it still landed.
“I was just curious.”
I touched where she’d hit my collarbone. The ache hurt more than usual.
“I thought you came to spar; talking is not sparring.”
“Can’t I do both?” I quipped.
“No,” she kicked at my feet, and I hit the floor, hard. “You’re slow today.”
When I didn’t get up immediately, Renata let out a sigh.
“We both want to make the vow eventually, when we’re free.”
I looked up, rubbing my sore ankle.
“Doesn’t that scare you? The idea of fusing your soul with another? It can never be undone.”
“Nothing scares me anymore.” She lightly kicked my wounded ankle, and I flinched. “Now, are you done nursing that scratch?”
“Yes,” I muttered.
“Good, then get up. Your stance was all wrong. That’s why it was so easy to knock you down.”
I pushed myself to my feet, ignoring the dull throb spreading up my leg.
I swung at her, but my arm felt like lead, barely rising fast enough to meet her strike. She easily sidestepped, her foot catching my ribs, and I stumbled backward, gasping. My vision swam, the harsh lights above the gym streaking my peripheral.
Renata didn’t give me a moment to recover. She lunged again, fists moving too fast for me to track, and I blocked clumsily, the force reverberating up my arms and into my shoulders. My breath came in shallow bursts, each inhale tasting metallic.
“You’re holding back,” she said, her voice sharp.
Instead of explaining how strange I felt, I nodded stiffly, circling her, trying to look more in control than I was.
The next flurry of strikes forced me backward, sliding across the mat.
My knuckles scraped the thin padding, leaving little welts, and the floor smelled faintly of old blood and sweat.
My chest heaved, and I felt a strange flutter in my temples—lightheaded, dizzy—but I pushed through, parrying her blows as best I could.
“You’re… slow,” she said again, breathing evenly, like she hadn’t exerted herself at all. “Why?”
I struggled to catch my breath; black spots speckling my vision.
“Honestly, I’m not sure.”
“Does Rowan know?”
I deflected. “Where is Rowan?”
“If he didn’t tell you, then he probably didn’t want you to know. Now, answer my question.”
“It’s nothing. I just feel weaker today, that’s all.”
Her expression shifted for a second, almost imperceptibly, but I caught it. She was concerned.
“Have you noticed a shift in your mood at all?”
I scoffed, “I’m not going mad.”
“So you have talked to Rowan about the effects.”
“Yes, I’m aware of them.”
Renata crouched over me, studying me. “You’re hiding something,” she said.
I swallowed.
She may have been helping me train on behalf of Rowan, but she was right; she was not my friend. I still didn’t trust her. Telling her I felt weaker than usual today was already a mistake.
She certainly didn’t need to know what I had read in the library.
I shook my head, though the world swayed. “Nothing,” I muttered, voice hoarse.
She stood upright, letting her gaze drift around the gym, as if she were satisfied I’d failed. Steam hissed from the pipes, wrapping us in a wet, heavy fog. The sound of the boiler was almost deafening now, drowning out everything except the pounding in my chest.
“You can do better than this,” she said finally, crouching back into her stance. “Or I’ll think you really are broken.”
I clenched my fists, forcing myself to rise, to center. My legs wobbled, but I stood, adjusting my guard. Every movement felt sluggish, like wading through water. And yet, the edge of my fear sharpened me.
Renata smiled then, almost approvingly. “There. That’s better. Now, fight like someone who wants to survive.”
I nodded once, tight-lipped, and lunged—not because I thought I could win, but because I refused to go down without meeting her blow head-on. Pain radiated with every strike, sweat dripped into my eyes, and the air in the gym felt thick enough to choke on, but I kept moving.
Finally, I collapsed from exhaustion. My eyes were sticking together from the sweat, and I struggled to pry them open.
“We’re done for the day,” Renata said sternly. “Go rest. You need it.”
She left, and I stayed there, heaving, heat pressing down like a weight I couldn’t lift.