Chapter 51
“Netali’s Vow is most sacred.
It is only to be uttered with sincerest reverence and purest love.
But take caution, for breaking this vow will fragment the soul,
sacrificing one’s true happiness for eternity.”
- The Old Book
Iwas surrounded by a black void.
But not nothingness. There were sounds. Distant, muffled voices. Footsteps thudded. Strong arms caught me before I hit the floor.
I opened my eyes a crack.
Rowan’s face hovered above mine, pinched with panic. He looked like a man unraveling.
“Hold on,” he commanded, voice strained. His hands framed my face, trembling. “If you want to know more about me, I’ll tell you everything. You just have to live first.”
“I’m trying.” I coughed. “It’s getting harder… to breathe.”
He gently shook me, and my eyes re-opened. I hadn’t even known they were closed. “Want to know my favorite color? It’s blue. Want to know my middle name? It’s Rowan. I hate my first name.”
His voice broke.
“I’ll tell you even more. Anything you want. Just please, Mavis. Stay strong. Fight.”
That was all I needed.
I don’t know how I stood—only that I did. On shaking legs, breath shallow, and eyes half-lidded. He helped me when I swayed, and didn’t comment on how much I leaned into him.
We made it as far as the armory.
Then, my knees buckled.
Rowan cradled me in his lap, his arms tight around me like they alone could keep me from fading.
“No, no, no,” he murmured. “You don’t get to give up. You’re not allowed.”
His voice cracked, raw and terrified. “I can get you to a real healer—someone outside this cursed place. Someone who can save you.”
Hot drops fell onto my cheeks.
He was crying.
I lifted my hand with great effort, fingertips brushing the tears trailing down his face.
I murmured weakly. “Your tears do nothing but muddy the Ground.”
Rowan barked a laugh, choked with grief. “That’s the worst line in The Old Book. Fuck the idea of you dying, Mavis. I’m not ready to lose you.”
I wanted to respond. I wanted to tell him I was still here. But my mouth wouldn’t work. My body was betraying me.
Naia crouched down beside us, her hand finding mine. Her thumb made slow, rhythmic circles against my knuckles.
“Do not fear death. Death is a friend to life—they walk side by side. There is an end as surely as there is a begin—”
“Don’t you dare say those words! She’s not dying today!” Rowan spewed out, slapping Naia’s hand off mine. “We just need to get her to a healer.” His voice broke on those last words, and with it I heard his splintering conviction.
Renata’s protectiveness was evident as she positioned herself between Naia and Rowan. “Don’t snap at her like that! It’s not her fault you won’t accept the reality of the situation. Just look at her, Rowan!”
Rowan’s soft cries turned into gentle sobs.
“She’s all I have.”
Renata’s face softened, and she put her hand on Rowan’s shoulder. “You have us, Rowan. We are your family, too. Don’t you miss your freedom? Staying here and getting caught will have made Mavis’ death for nothing.”
“It can’t happen again,” he whispered.
Rowan looked at Renata and then shifted his gaze to me. I looked at him half-dazed. He took a deep breath and wiped the tears from his cheek.
“You see, Mavis, I lied to you. When we first met, you told me who you were, and I acted like you were a stranger. But I knew who you were. I knew who you were the moment I looked into those pale blue eyes. In those eyes, I saw a face I have tried time and time again to forget… I saw your brother.”
“Willam?” I choked.
Rowan nodded.
“It was my first mission, and I had met your brother along the way. I was in a dark place during that time in my life, and Willam had been the first one to show me kindness in a long time. In return, I promised him I would look out for him. But I failed. He grew ill while on the road, and I couldn’t get him to a healer.
He died quickly in the night and was buried by morning. ”
“Sick?” I coughed.
“A fever took him. He burned up before I could find help. Please, understand. I’m so sorry I lied.
I just didn’t want you to hate me more than you already did.
After Willam died, I swore I would never get attached to another destined for the same fate again.
But I failed at that, too—I became attached to you.
“I thought maybe I could redeem myself with you. That perhaps I could keep you safe until you got to the facility. Your fate would be tied to the program then, but I could at least get you here in one piece. My feelings for you are something I could never have predicted.”
I reached a shaky hand up and cupped the side of his face. He mirrored my action. My heart pounded unevenly in my chest. Tears burned at the edges of my eyes, not for pain, but from a deep, aching sorrow for the years of unanswered questions finally put to rest.
“I don’t hate you,” I croaked.
“Good, because I love you. I love you, Mavis Ashbone.” Rowan lowered his mouth to my ear and whispered.
“I will love you ‘till the air leaves my lungs, ‘till fire meets my bones and I’m all but dust and a memory. Should you perish before me, a part of me will follow. In this life, the next, and every other. I vow it.”
My breath caught painfully, his words hanging heavy in the space between us. Netali’s Vow. He had whispered words more sacred than any marriage oath without hesitation.
I knew what it meant. What it had cost. His soul had just bound itself to mine.
Beyond time. Beyond life. Wherever my soul went, a piece of his would follow—even into the afterlife.
The part of his soul that remained amongst the living would never feel complete until it was reunited with mine once more.
A life of mourning.
I lacked the strength and courage to make the same promise.
Rowan, as though sensing my hesitation, softly brushed my snowy hair from my face, the warmth of his touch anchoring me to consciousness. A sad, understanding smile softened his features.
“Don’t say it back. Not yet.”
I shifted in Rowan’s arms, barely, my strength a thread unraveling. My vision was blurring again, the pressure in my chest growing heavier by the second.
“I tried,” I rasped. “I really did.”
Rowan held me tighter, as if he could stop time by sheer force of will. “Don’t say that. You’re not done yet. We’re so close.”
A soft smile curled on my lips. “It’s my time, Rowan.”
“No.” His voice broke, fractured at the edges. “No, it’s not.”
“I’m not scared,” I whispered. “Not anymore.”
My eyes found his through the haze. I memorized the lines of his face—the panic in his expression, the desperation swimming in his eyes. “You need to let me go.”
“There’s no fucking chance I’m doing that,” he said, choking on the words. “You’re staying alive, Mavis. I need you.”
His lips found mine, one last kiss—fierce, trembling, filled with everything he couldn’t say. My hand brushed against his chest, over the place where his heart beat furiously.
When we parted, I touched his cheek with the last of my strength.
“This…” I murmured, barely audible now, my hand weakly motioning between us, “…this was all real.”
And then, with a soft exhale, my eyes closed.
The stillness that followed was complete.
As if the world had paused.
And there it was—peace at last.