Hold Back
Chapter five
Finn stared into the empty hearth. Outwardly, he likely appeared tense, what with the way he clutched the back of the chair positioned in front of the fireplace.
But on the inside, he was consumed by an unsettling buzz of energy.
One that sometimes manifested in a slight tremble if he did not maintain control.
Sunlight streamed through the wall of windows to his left. If he turned, he would see the ceremonial gardens. Where an array of colorful flowers bloomed over his mother’s remains. Over his lost friend, Perci’s buried belongings.
Finn did not turn to the left.
His gaze slowly rose to the royal family portrait that hung over the mantel.
The frame was brushed with gold and engraved with roses and foxes, in the style of the Valengard crest. Finn stared at the younger version of himself.
In the throne room, the portrait only featured Uncle Theodus, Castien, and Aunt Alora.
But here, where the closest friends and family of the crown gathered after meals, the painting contained all of Finn’s immediate relatives.
Including his now-deceased mother, Maris.
Her blonde hair was so golden it almost matched the frame.
Finn’s younger sister, Marina, sat in her lap.
Their smiles were warm. The painter had captured his mother well.
Or perhaps Finn was forgetting pieces of her already. He gripped the chair tighter.
The door to the drawing room clicked open, and he startled, snapping his gaze in the direction of the sound.
Wren appeared in the entryway first, followed by Castien.
Wren wore a petal-pink gown with a white ribbon around her waist. Her hair was down, and there was a gold circlet nestled in her pale blonde curls.
She stood out amongst the dark wood furniture and navy walls of the drawing room.
Castien’s appearance was more suited to the environment, with his black suit and emerald waistcoat.
The only thing that tied his appearance to Wren was his matching gold crown, and his wedding band.
Finn turned back toward the hearth, unable to look at them long for fear of crumbling.
He had spent the entire morning shoring up his defenses.
His father instructed him to be his most charming self today.
Duke Morrowe should feel more than happy to leave his daughter in Finn’s care.
Finn didn’t understand why such things mattered if the man was willing to sell her off in this hasty manner. But he would obey orders.
“Finn,” Wren spoke softly as she approached him.
Finn shook his head. Though Wren was one of his closest friends in all the Seven Havens, she was the last person he wanted to see right then.
Wren was an empath. The Tides Gifted her with the ability to sense the emotions of those around her.
She kept her Gift hidden from most everyone—the kingdom thought her to be a Gifted storyteller.
Finn was one of the honored few she trusted with the secret.
Normally, he would tease her about feeling everyone’s emotions.
Ask her how the ladies he flirted with were faring.
But not today. He felt vulnerable enough without her Gift exposing what he was trying so desperately to keep inside.
“Dearest, perhaps we should let him be,” Castien spoke in a low voice.
“He has been a whirlpool of emotions for three days,” Wren said to Castien, then placed a gentle hand on Finn’s knuckles. They were white from how hard he was gripping the back of the ornately carved armchair. “There is time yet to discuss things before she arrives. To get some of this out.”
“I fear that would do more harm than good,” Finn gritted out.
Wren’s brow furrowed with worry.
“If you bottle everything up, it is bound to come out at an inopportune time.” She dug her fingers under his and tugged until he relinquished his grip on the chair.
He pulled away from Wren and the chair, turning to pace to the opposite end of the room.
“I am not good at this,” Finn said, reaching up to push his hands into his hair only to stop short and clench them into fists.
“I don’t think anyone is good at marrying a stranger,” Castien replied dryly.
Finn turned to glare at his cousin and caught Wren hitting him on the arm.
“I meant I am not good at these sorts of situations. Of controlling my emotions—” He cut off.
“Why do you need to?” Wren asked.
“Because I hate her!” The words burst out of Finn before he could stop them. Wren’s blue eyes widened in surprise. “No, I-I don’t mean that,” he amended quickly, though he struggled to find the words to encapsulate his mangled emotional state.
“You hate the situation?” Castien clarified.
Finn swallowed. “Yes, but she is wrapped up in that. Just her name sets fire to my nerves. I’m afraid I will meet her and take out the circumstance on her, when she’s likely just as upset as I am.”
Castien looked unconvinced.
“She’s a member of the new nobility marrying into the royal family. I doubt that she’s upset.”
Wren gave Castien a scolding look. “Just because she’s of a lower class doesn’t mean she wants to marry for status.”
“Perhaps not. But I spoke with her father at length. Duke Morrowe made it clear that his children were raised with the expectation that their marriage would be arranged for them one day. He said Lucianna would be a dutiful wife, as well as a valuable member of our crew.”
Wife. The word rang in Finn’s ears. He once longed for the ability to use that word. Daydreamed of getting to introduce someone as his wife. Now that the opportunity was upon him, he felt more sick than excited.
Wren’s worried gaze speared him again. She must have sensed an increase in his anxieties.
“No matter how she feels, I am struggling to muster up anything other than dread. And yet my father expects me to charm her.” A bitter taste filled his mouth. “I cannot stomach the idea that I will be tricking my wife into liking me.”
Wren’s expression turned sorrowful. She looked to Castien for aid.
Finn’s cousin sighed.
“Hold back,” Castien instructed, surprising Finn. He figured Castien would want him to enamor the woman so that she would be a willing member of their team. The heist would fail if they couldn’t work together.
“Your Gift will be present as it always is, but don’t push it,” Castien continued.
“That way, you can maintain as natural an interaction as possible. If you need to use it on Duke Morrowe, then you can, but given his demeanor during our meeting, I suspect you won’t.
He loves his daughter, but this is what he raised her for. There will be no hesitancy.”
Finn’s Gift worked a bit like a stream. It was constantly flowing, unless he used a mental block of sorts as a dam.
He often used a barrier because if he didn’t, he would spend his days second-guessing if anyone liked him or if it was just the effects of his Gift.
There were times when managing it would wear on him, but he had learned over the years how to bear it.
“I suppose my father won’t know the difference,” Finn said. Castien nodded in agreement. “And if you’re wrong about her? If she wants nothing to do with me?”
Castien shrugged. “She’s already committed to the mission, whether she hates you or not. I’m sure we’re all going to dislike each other at some point during this expedition.”
Wren let out an exasperated huff.
“This is not about the heist. She is going to be his wife. They should like each other.”
“This entire situation is because of the heist. They’ll have plenty of time to learn to like each other later,” Castien replied. “Once we stop Grimhaven.”
“Insufferable man,” Wren grumbled, drawing a laugh out of Finn. “We’re supposed to be helping, not speaking of worst-case scenarios.”
“Don’t worry about me, darling Wren.” Finn reassured her with a small smile. “This talk actually helped.”
“It did?” she asked skeptically.
Finn chuckled. “Believe it or not, yes. Knowing that Cas doesn’t care if my wife hates me frees up a lot of mental space. I didn’t want to jeopardize our task with a rift.”
Wren’s frown deepened. “How does that lift your mood? There is still the matter of you being forced to marry a stranger.”
“Now who’s speaking about worst-case scenarios?” Castien teased.
Wren gave Castien another admonishing look, but her lips were turned up at the edges in the beginnings of a smile.
“I suppose I will let things be, since you do seem better.” She pointed at Finn with a delicate finger. “But I will be paying attention and checking on you.”
This pulled a genuine smile from Finn.
“I’d expect nothing less.” He met Wren’s gaze, then Castien’s. “Thank you. I would not want to do this without both of you by my side.”
Castien dipped his chin, and Wren gave an encouraging smile.
“We are here for you, always,” Wren promised.
Finn knew her words to be true. Castien had proved it long ago, as he and Finn had grown up together.
Their trust was forged in steel. When Wren came along, Finn liked her right away, but it still took time for him to trust her.
Once he saw how fiercely she loved Castien, though, it was easy to welcome her into the fold.
Now he knew that they would both stand with him against any adversary.
Finn supposed his betrothed was not an adversary, though he did worry she would see him that way. If she’d found out as recently as he had, then he doubted the poor woman would have had time to parse through her emotions.
A knock sounded at the drawing room door. It opened to reveal the castle’s head butler, Farradin. He inclined forward in a deep bow.
“Your Highnesses, Lord Finnick, I am to inform you that the Morrowes’ carriage has just passed the outer gates.”
Finn’s heart somersaulted in his chest.
“Thank you, Farradin. We will be out to greet them shortly,” Castien replied.
The butler bowed once more, then departed, closing the door behind him.
Finn drew in a shaky breath. The internal restlessness returned.
This was it. He was about to meet his wife.
“Perhaps she will be kind,” Wren offered in a small voice. “And beautiful.”
Such qualities were fine things, but they did not guarantee love. Finn wanted so badly to have something to hope for, but love felt too grand in the face of all that was against them. Maybe friendship. That seemed less impossible.
“Perhaps,” Finn echoed numbly.