Dark Amalgamation
Chapter twenty-three
Finn did not need to be an empath to know that his wife was seething.
He’d felt her anger in the way she barely touched his arm on their way back to the carriage, as though she was repulsed by his nearness.
Seen it in the heat of her hazel gaze. But even if he’d been oblivious, she wouldn’t let him remain that way for long.
The carriage door shut and it unlocked her clenched jaw.
“Do tell me how that wasn’t manipulation,” she fumed.
Finn gripped the seat of the carriage and returned Lucianna’s glare.
“What would you have had me do, Lucianna?” His skin grew hot. “We needed him to agree. I merely made him a worthwhile offer.”
She scoffed. “You dug into his brain and latched onto a weakness to exploit.”
“Again I ask: what would you have me do instead?”
Her arms crossed over her chest.
“Anything but that.”
He shook his head as a bitter laugh fell from his lips.
“That’s not an answer. You criticize me, yet you have no alternate approach. Forgive me, did I miss the part in the conversation where you contributed? Did you even think for a moment to try, or were you content with playing judge?”
Lucianna stared at the shut window, not meeting his eyes.
Finn’s knuckles turned white. His clothes were too tight.
His skin too warm. Shame stirred in his stomach and made bile rise in his throat.
Certainly, he was frustrated and angry. But he didn’t know what or who was the true subject of his ire.
The wife that had been forced to marry him? He could hate her words, but how much of them were lies?
The Tides who gave him his cursed Gift? They weren’t sentient. Merely a reckless pool of magic that he’d been dipped into as a newborn.
His father? Or perhaps Cas? They made use of his Gift, but he couldn’t fault them for that. They had the kingdom’s future in mind.
Himself?
He let out a slow breath.
Yes, his anger found a worthwhile home in the mirror, for the only person he had control over was himself. Finn slumped against the carriage seat.
Across from him, Lucianna still stared at that closed window.
Her gaze wasn’t listless or blank. It was furious.
He sensed that though she didn’t continue the argument aloud, it was alive and well in her mind.
Finn hung his head. They would not get anywhere like this. But he did not know what to do.
His wife hated a core element of his being.
Any act of kindness, flirtation, joke, or even smile would be viewed through the lens of manipulation.
Though he held back his Gift with her as much as possible, he couldn’t pluck it out anymore than the heart from his chest. His eyes burned. He squeezed them shut.
Sometimes Finn wondered what it would be like.
Death. He used to fear it, like any man.
But after his mother passed, something cracked open inside of him.
A slithering darkness began to wander through his soul.
It crept up in his darkest moments and whispered that perhaps death would be sweet.
When Perci had been murdered a few short years later, that dark amalgamation of sorrow and shadow had feasted on Finn’s despair.
What was once an easy pest to bat away became something much more like a cryptura.
It grew fangs and claws. Developed a voice that grated and gnawed on his mind.
He drew in a measured breath and thought of his family.
Precious Marina who needed his protection.
Cas who needed his levity. Wren who needed a brother now that hers was gone.
His aunt and uncle and father, who needed him to lead.
To bring honor to the Valengard name. As crushing as the mantle he bore was, it also lent purpose to his scarred mind and bruised heart.
This is what kept him going. What made him raise a sword and slash at the darkness.
If it were not for them, he would succumb. But as long as they breathed, he would not yield.
He reached over and pulled on the blind. Light flooded the carriage. Lucianna blinked a few times but said nothing. Finn noted their location, making out the castle gate in the distance.
“When we return, I will find Castien and report to him that we have secured our strong man. You are welcome to join me, or you can seek out your family. If Castien was successful in obtaining our wayfarer, then I suspect we will set sail very soon.”
Lucianna’s attention flicked to him. A pair of soft lines formed between her dark brows.
“If I know Aunt Alora,” he continued in spite of her silence, “she will throw at least one farewell dinner. I imagine she will invite your family, but I can speak with her to ensure that happens if you wish.”
She cleared her throat and winced a little.
“I will visit them. And . . .” She looked at her lap where her fingers were tightly interwoven. “I would appreciate you speaking with the empress. Thank you.”
Finn nodded, saying nothing more as they passed through the castle gates.
Hopelessness clung to him, but he tried to shed it. There was a time when Castien described his relationship with Wren as hopeless, too. Maybe his fate would change the way theirs had. But even if it didn’t, there was still much to do. A soldier did not have time to wallow.
Finn had hardly set foot inside the castle before his name was shouted, echoing through the stone fortress.
“Finn! Finn!” Marina bounded toward him, curls and ribbons streaming behind her.
He let out a weary chuckle at her excitement.
“What has you in such an uproar? And where is your governess?” He surveyed the main hall, finding only Wren, who was making her way toward them with a gentle smile on her lips.
“Birdie and I are spending the morning together while Cas does . . . whatever it is he does,” Marina answered, drawing a true smile from Finn.
“Is that so?” He raised a brow at Wren. “I’m surprised my cousin let you out of his sight.”
“I aided him with a few matters before Marina was up for the day, then left him to whatever it is he does.” She echoed Marina’s words with a smirk.
Lucianna hovered on the edge of their group. Finn tipped his head toward where he knew her brother was residing.
“Do not feel you have to stay. I know you wish to see your family.”
Her gaze bounced over the three of them. Then she nodded.
“I will find you later, then?”
“If Cas doesn’t send for you first, I suspect I’ll see you at dinner,” he replied.
“You should sit by me at dinner!” Marina bubbled. “Birdie says you will have to leave soon, so we must get to know each other better before you do.”
Lucianna granted Marina a faint smile.
“As you wish.”
She bobbed a slight curtsy before disappearing toward the east side of the castle.
Marina tilted her head to the side.
“She does not talk much.”
Finn chuckled and tugged on one of his sister’s curls.
“You only say that because you never stop talking.”
“Not true!” she protested. “I can be quiet.”
“Maybe when sneaking pastries from the kitchen,” Finn teased, and wrapped an arm around Marina, drawing her into his side. “I am going to miss you, moonbeam.”
Finn felt as though he’d only just returned home. After the academy, he’d traveled with Wren and Cas to Wild Holm, where Wren was from. By the time they’d traveled and had a series of wedding celebrations, it felt as though he’d just taken a breath, and then war was on their doorstep.
“Then take me with you! I’ve gone on political excursions before. My governess says they’re fantastic learning experiences.”
He met Wren’s laughing gaze. She shook her head as if she’d already had this conversation with the young girl.
“I’m afraid you have to stay home this time,” Finn said. “Perhaps in the future.”
“But I could use my Gift to entertain the nobles and make them like you more,” Marina insisted.
Marina was a Gifted musician, specializing in the harp. She played in a way that moved hearts and brought peace to those listening.
“That would be useful, but I think I’ve got that covered.” Finn winked, though the reminder of his Gift made his heart twinge.
Wren watched him with concern. He shook his head. This was one of those times when he wished Wren’s Gift was actually storytelling. He felt too exposed in her presence.
“I must go find Castien, but I will see you both later,” Finn said, and Wren narrowed her eyes. He would hear from her later, no doubt, but he could put it off until he felt more stable.
Finn kissed the crown of Marina’s head, then stepped back and bowed dramatically.
“Get into some mischief for me, hmm?”
Another wink, and then he was off, his spirits lifted by the sound of his sister’s laughter echoing down the hall.