Stars and Secrets
Chapter thirty-six
Lucianna tipped her head back toward the sky. Finnick had not left the crow’s nest. He was now sitting down inside of it, his head barely visible beneath the moonlight.
“If he does not come down soon, I’m going to drag him down,” Castien groused from the table where he sat with the rest of the crew, save Kaiden.
Cora had been forced to relinquish her workspace so that there was a place for everyone to eat dinner.
Even if dinner was meager as it was. They had salted beef as their main portion, with some honey oatmeal Wren had made with her makeshift stove.
The food was plenty to fill Lucianna’s stomach, but it left much in the way of enjoyment.
She was looking forward to a real meal, and it had only been a couple of days.
Lucianna eyed Finnick’s lukewarm bowl of oats and the portion of salted beef on a swath of linen next to it. Castien and Wren had both called up to Finnick to tell him to eat, but he hadn’t so much as acknowledged them.
She couldn’t make sense of it. There had been a wild panic in his eyes when he opened the barrel and pulled her out. And then he fled. No explanation given. The couple had whispered to one another over dinner, but if they reached an understanding, they didn’t share it with Lucianna.
“He’ll come down when he’s ready,” Wren insisted, but she glanced up at the sky with worry in her eyes.
No one else said anything. They simply stared at their empty bowls.
Everyone had finished their meal a few moments ago and seemed to be waiting on someone to be the first to excuse themselves.
Wren had called their crowded gathering “family dinner,” so Lucianna suspected the others would feel guilty for abandoning first. She decided to help them out.
“I will go talk to him,” she said, and stood.
Wren wore a look of surprise, while Castien seemed suspicious.
Lucianna did not wait for them to protest or encourage, she simply gathered up the salted beef in the linen and tied the parcel to her belt, then walked to the shroud.
The ropes scraped against her palms. As she got closer to the top, Lucianna realized she had no idea what to do or say when she arrived.
Perhaps she would simply drop off the food and then leave.
That way Wren and Castien could quit worrying, and she could cease wondering.
Surely seeing his face would rid her of her curiosity.
She grasped the lip of the basket and heaved herself up. Finnick’s back was pressed against the wood, his knees up and his head hung. He lifted it as she swung a leg over, and his bloodshot eyes widened.
“Lucianna?” he rasped, staring at her as though she were a mirage.
“You are being ridiculous, you know.” She dropped into the nest.
He stood up so there was more space. Lucianna studied him in the starlight.
His clothes were wrinkled, and his hair was mussed.
Though he wore a look of shock, she saw the weariness hovering about his expression.
Whatever occurred on the deck must have truly shaken him.
She slightly regretted her greeting. Only slightly, though, as he was ridiculous to have stayed up here so long.
“Why are you up here? Did Cas or Wren send you?” he asked, looking off toward the star-speckled horizon, not meeting her gaze.
“No, though Castien did threaten to drag you down,” she replied.
Finnick huffed in response but said nothing more. A salt-laden breeze washed over them, rustling Finnick’s blond locks and tickling the back of Lucianna’s neck.
“Why did you pull me out of the barrel, Finnick?” she asked after a moment of quiet.
He crossed his arms over his chest in a manner that seemed more protective than aggressive.
“Why did you lie about your Gift?” he countered.
She mimicked her husband’s posture and crossed her arms.
“I didn’t lie.”
He shook his head, a rueful smirk on his lips.
“Everyone has a limit, Lucianna. A cost or detriment of some kind. I’ve never met anyone who didn’t.”
Lucianna looked past Finnick to the Tides in the distance. Watched the white caps of the dark waves catch the moonlight.
“I didn’t hear any of you offering up a weakness in exchange,” she replied.
Finnick took on a teasing tone. “If you wanted to bargain, you should have asked.”
Lucianna glared at her husband.
“Your family has been worried sick about you, but it seems all for naught since you are clearly your same, insufferable self.”
“As per usual, you misinterpret my motives,” he grumbled, then gestured toward the main deck. “If you despise me so much, leave. I didn’t ask for company.”
Lucianna bit back a snarky reply related to his ability to attract a certain kind of company with ease.
“Not until you tell me why you acted the way you did,” she challenged.
Finnick met her gaze. There was something haunting hidden in the bejeweled blue of his eyes tonight. Lucianna thought perhaps she didn’t want to know, after all. Not if it could transform her carefree husband into this hollow shell.
“If I tell you, will you tell me your weakness?” he asked.
She paused as she considered the bargain.
It was not as though it mattered all that much for him to know overuse hurt her.
She had only hidden it from Castien because she was afraid it would lead him closer to the truth of her using a stranger’s voice with them.
He was a strategist, after all, and might pick up on her periods of silence or need for tea and honey.
“Will you tell Castien?”
Finnick tipped his head to the side as he regarded her.
“No,” he replied after a moment of studying. “This will be between you and me.”
She dipped her chin. “Very well. I agree.”
He raked a hand through his hair and let out a heavy sigh. Then he gave her a sad smile.
“I did not think you would agree. Now I wish I would have bargained for something more from you, for your weakness must not be too terrible since you gave it up so easily.”
Lucianna’s curiosity—as was her custom—got the best of her.
“What would you ask for?”
“Tell me something you love most in the whole world,” he said.
She blinked in surprise. The request seemed utterly harmless. How was that a proper addition to their exchange?
“I am amenable to adjusting the bargain for that.”
Finnick let out a soft chuckle, as if he found her amusing.
“Very well, wife, then I will tell you my secret.” His gaze drifted from her again and out to the sky beyond. “You have probably heard rumors of my time at the academy. Perhaps even heard of the serial killer that terrorized the island.”
Lucianna fought to keep her expression neutral. She had heard rumors, yes, but they were highly varied and from unreliable sources.
“Well, that monster took someone very important from me, from us.” Finnick’s voice tapered into something small and soft. “He mutilated and killed someone who was a brother to me. And so, with Cas and Wren’s help, I killed him.”
Lucianna felt frozen in place. She didn’t utter a word. She barely breathed.
“He had taken Wren into the tunnels beneath the academy. Castien found out, and we went to save her. We had to split up, and by the time I found them, Castien and Wren were in a fight for their lives. The vile creature started spewing all of these awful words about—” Finnick cut off and shook his head.
“Anyway, I slit his throat before he could finish.”
The plain way he spoke caught Lucianna off guard. She had sparred with Finnick, so she knew he was far from incompetent with a weapon. And he’d mentioned having blood on his hands before. But hearing the details stated in such a clinical manner felt different.
“What does this have to do with the barrels?” she asked once she had found her—or rather, the stranger’s—voice.
“Ever since that night in the tunnels, being in small spaces makes my chest tight. I think of the panic I felt at almost losing two people I care very much for. I hear the murderer’s last words.
Feel his blood on my skin.” He looked down at his feet, shame clouding his expression.
“I don’t know why, but I thought of you stuck and incapable of breathing, and something just came over me. I felt as though I had to get you out.”
Lucianna did not know what to say. Finnick had shared far more than she expected. In truth, she thought he’d confess the whole thing was a ruse to get her up here alone or perhaps tease her for thinking he’d ever share something personal with her instead of his family.
“Well, you should have traded for a much better secret than my Gift’s weakness,” she mumbled. “That is far more information than I’m going to give you.”
A laugh burst out of Finnick. Lucianna pressed her lips together to hold in a smile.
“That’s why I asked for the thing you love most, too,” he said after his laughter dimmed. Then he gestured to her. “Your turn, little thief.”
Lucianna drew in a steadying breath and let her hands fall to her side.
“If I use my Gift for long periods of time, my throat grows sore. If I’m not careful, I can strain it to the point of not being able to use it at all.”
The worry that such a situation would occur had been haunting her as of late. But she still wasn’t sure of the right time to confess. Lucianna gazed at her husband. Though it was a night of swapping secrets, she didn’t feel ready to give up that one yet.
“You are right. That is hardly comparable to what I said,” Finnick joked, and a smile slipped onto Lucianna’s lips. “Hopefully, your treasured belonging will be more interesting.”
Her mother’s locket weighed heavily around her neck.
She could lie. He would never know. The memory of Marina mentioning the ceremonial gardens came to mind.
Lucianna connected the pieces. Finnick had visited that place the night before their wedding.
His mother’s resting place. Possibly the location of this friend of his, too.
He knew loss and had shared some of it with her.
Even if she didn’t trust him, she felt she owed him a fair trade.
“My locket.” She grasped the cool metal in her hand. “It belonged to my mother, before she passed.”
Finnick’s bright blue eyes filled with understanding.
“I can see how it would be what you love most,” he murmured. “Thank you for sharing.”
She shrugged, feeling uncomfortable with the meaningful way he stared at her.
“I had to uphold my end of our agreement.”
A small smile tipped Finnick’s lips.
“No, you didn’t.”