Chapter Twenty-Six #2
“You don’t want to see him now, Kira.” Jace rubbed his forehead. “Give him more time. It’s hard for him when memories of Ava surface.”
I touched Jace’s arm. “You’re a wonderful friend. Not only to Owen, but to me, too. And I’m sorry, Jace. I’ll let you know where I’m going next time.”
He looked both surprised and pleased with my apology.
“Right now I need to find Owen.”
This time I ran toward Owen, desperation making my feet almost stumble over themselves.
The need to see him was overwhelming. Jace was hot on my heels, yelling at me to slow down while reminding me that he had spent the night on a floor.
Shae only lived a few blocks from the rom, so it wasn’t long before we entered the museum.
I found Owen on one of the upper balconies overlooking the main floor. He faced away from me, his head bowed, his back tense, his hands gripped the railing. The slight shift of his shoulders told me he knew I was approaching, but he didn’t turn around. I was vaguely aware of Jace leaving us alone.
I began to reach for Owen, but joined him at the railing instead, resting my elbows on it and leaning over to watch people stroll through the gallery below. He didn’t look at me.
“I’m sorry,” I said. Sorry for what I did. Sorry for what I said. Sorry for Ava.
No response, not even a flicker of movement to acknowledge my apology.
“Jace told me what happened with Ava.”
His jaw ticked.
“You don’t have to talk about it,” I quickly added. “But I’d like to share my story, if you want to hear it.”
He paused for so long that I feared we had crossed the point of no return, but he eventually gave a sharp nod.
I took a deep breath. After years of therapy, this still wasn’t something I talked about easily.
“The night of the car crash that killed my parents, I remember watching the raindrops run down the outside of the car window. I would pick one and trace it with my finger, watching it twist and weave. I pretended it was racing the others. When it got to the bottom, I’d pick a new drop and start over.
I’m not sure why that’s one of my strongest memories from that night.
Maybe because that’s the last time I felt safe and loved.
“Dad was driving, Mom was in the front passenger seat. A song was playing on the radio, but I can’t remember it. I’ve tried so many times to remember that song, but I can’t. Strange how I remember the water droplets, but not the song, right?
“Everything was dark outside, but inside it was warm and lit up with the glow of the dashboard lights. My mom laughed at something my dad said. He looked at her, and she reached out to touch his cheek. They were so in love. And they loved me. We used to call ourselves the three musketeers and we’d pretend to go on adventures together. ”
I was silent for a few minutes while I collected myself.
“I remember one time, my dad and I set up a tent in our backyard, and we played jungle sounds from a cassette tape he found at the library. We pretended we were on an African safari. Then my mom popped her head into the tent and roared and scared us both, and we all laughed and laughed.”
I took a deep breath and forced myself to continue. “We were driving back from my birthday dinner—”
Owen’s hand shot out and covered my own, and I gripped it with my other hand, relieved that I finally had a reaction from him.
“The police report said my dad took a wrong turn and entered a road that had been closed for construction. There was a bridge, and it was spring, so the water was high, and he apparently drove right through the barrier.”
I ran my thumb over Owen’s knuckles. His hand was broad and calloused, strong and capable. There was a small white scar on his last knuckle, and I rubbed it absently. The tendons running up his wrist shifted visibly as his hand tightened over mine.
“I don’t remember any of that myself, though.
All I know is that one minute I was safe and happy, and the next, water poured in from all sides, and I was screaming.
The car was hooked on the edge of the bridge, so the back seat was half out of the water.
My parents were knocked out on impact, and the water rose fast. My seatbelt was stuck, so I couldn’t move.
I thrashed against it and pushed and pulled. ”
I brushed a tear away.
“I couldn’t wake them. I screamed and screamed, but the water covered them…”
Another tear ran down my cheek. Then more, and I couldn’t wipe them away fast enough.
Owen turned to me, his eyes bright and filled with compassion. He cupped my cheeks, wiping the tears with his thumbs, and I grasped his wrists, holding tight.
“You don’t have to tell me any more,” he whispered.
“I want to. If you want to hear it.”
“Of course. Always.”
“I was stuck in the back seat, half submerged in water, all night. The construction crew found me the next morning.”
Owen closed his eyes and rested his forehead against my own. “Kira…”
“For a long time, I couldn’t go into water. I had always loved swimming as a child, but after the accident, even looking at a lake or a river would send me into a full-blown panic attack.”
My words came faster now, and I could hardly breathe. I needed to tell him everything. Needed him to understand.
“And then one day, when I was seventeen, I was walking a shelter dog, and he jumped into a pond to chase some ducks, and his collar got caught on a sunken log, and he was drowning, and there was no one around to help, and I ran straight in and saved him because I had no other choice. I joined the swim team after that. So, I overcame that fear. But there are some fears I still can’t overcome. ”
“Like the fear of being left?” he asked, pulling back to look at me.
“Like the fear of being abandoned,” I whispered. “Again.”
“I understand,” he said, and I knew he did.
“There’s more. I’m almost done.”
“Take all the time you need. I’m here.” He rubbed my cheek, and I leaned into his hand for a minute, closing my eyes while I gathered my emotions.
“I met Todd through a mutual friend,” I said, opening my eyes again to meet his gaze.
Owen’s body tensed, but his hands remained gentle.
“She convinced me to go with her to a party. She was late, and I stood at the door not sure what to do or who to talk to. Todd swept in and swept me off my feet. It was a whirlwind romance, and he proposed after only a month. I knew his reputation, of course. But I ignored all the red flags: secret texts he wouldn’t show me, nights he’d come home with no explanation.
He told me I was being paranoid, but he could be so kind, too, showering me with gifts and taking me out on romantic date nights.
I was so happy in the beginning. I ignored my instincts because… ”
“Because what?” Owen asked.
“Because I finally felt loved, and I was excited to have a family again.”
“Oh, Kira.”
“I never told him the details about my parents’ deaths.
Never wanted to, but I would have messy moments, times where I doubted myself or my worth, where I would be unreasonable or extra emotional, and I often needed more reassurance from him than he could give.
I thought he would stay, despite what I was still working through.
He would get frustrated with me and we’d fight, but then we’d make up and go on a date.
Then I walked into our bedroom one night and found him screwing our mutual friend. ”
My voice turned angry, bitter. “They both saw me. I saw the guilt in their eyes. I ran but neither of them followed.” I couldn’t stop the tears this time, and my shoulders shook as silent sobs racked my body.
Owen hugged me tightly against him, he lips moving against my hair as he whispered words of comfort I couldn’t hear. I closed my eyes and let the rhythm of his heart calm me, his warmth envelop me.
“So that’s me,” I said, sniffling. “All my messy history and emotions. And sometimes I do silly things because…you’re right.
I was testing you, and I didn’t even realize it.
I guess I was testing you because there’s something great between us.
From now on, I promise not to run off without telling you first.”
He pressed a kiss to my head. “And I promise to follow you. Always.”
“You already did. But, Owen, you were so angry.”
Owen sighed. “Jace said I was too hard on you.” He pulled back suddenly, looking alarmed. “You weren’t scared of me, were you?”
I smoothed a wrinkle from his shirt. “Not of you.”
He tilted my chin up. “I’m sorry, Kira, more sorry than you’ll ever know.
When I saw your tears yesterday, I felt like I’d been gut-punched.
Losing Ava changed me. I like being in control, and I’m extra protective with people I care about.
I’ve also learned how quickly you can lose someone.
Ava fell so fast and Granddad disappeared in an instant… but, Kira?”
“Yes?”
“I wasn’t angry, love. I was fucking terrified. The thought of losing you…” He shuddered, pulling me against his chest. “I don’t know how to explain my reaction, and I can’t promise it won’t happen again. I’m messy, too. Am I making sense? Please tell me you understand, that I haven’t ruined—”
“I understand,” I whispered, my heart full as I hugged him tightly. He heaved a sigh of relief.
Happiness swelled within me. The real Owen was right in front of me and had been all along, from the moment we first met.
Aggravating and sweet. Gentle and overprotective.
Brave and, at times, insecure. He was figuring everything out as he went along, just like me.
Doing his best with a situation neither of us had expected.
Scared as hell that I would leave or that he would fail to protect me.
I knew how that felt. Fear had been my constant companion for too long.
We were both dealing with traumas that had shaped us, and our reactions to situations and to each other.
Neither of us was perfect, but Owen had chosen me—had stayed when it was hard to love—and now I needed to choose him. He was worth the risk.