Chapter 44
CHAPTER 44
MICHAEL
“Do you think he’s dead?”
The distant, muffled voice softly broke through the haze as I drifted in and out of a deep sleep. There were more hushed whispers before I felt a sharp, painful pressure throb in the center of my forehead.
My heart leaped in my chest as I shot up, scrambling until my back hit a headboard and making me realize that I'd been placed in my bed with no recollection of how I got here.
Again.
I really need to reinforce my security measures.
I blinked a few times, disoriented, until the world around me came into focus and I found Amar sitting on the edge of my bed. Sofiane, on the other hand, leaned against the doorframe, his arms crossed over his chest and his legs crossed at the ankle.
Thankfully, whoever had brought me back to my place had had the decency to change me into more comfortable clothes and I wasn’t still dressed in a suit or left naked.
“What the hell, mate?” I managed to croak, as I rubbed my forehead to assuage the sting. “What did you do that for?”
“You weren’t moving so I just assumed,” Amar replied, with his attempt of an apologetic smile, but his amusement at the situation overpowered it.
I narrowed my eyes at him. “I was sleeping, you idiot. Besides, you couldn’t just shake me or check my pulse like a normal person?”
He shrugged. “Flicking you seemed like a better option, and look, it was effective.”
I shook my head and aimed my glare at Sofiane. “And you let him?”
Sofiane held his hands up. “I tried to stop him, but when does Amar ever do what he’s told?”
“Never,” we both said in unison.
I rolled my eyes. “What are you two even doing here? I might have to fire Mamadou because this is the second time you both show up unannounced,” I groaned.
I would never let Mamadou go, but the man had to be stronger when it came to Amar’s persuasion skills. They both were on my approved lists of visitors but I might need to remove them if these yearly birthday visits became a habit.
“Last night was your big day. We just needed to make sure you survived and we wouldn't have to die because you messed up,” Amar explained nonchalantly.
Sofiane’s eyes widened, as he crossed his arms over his chest. “There’s no we. You did. You showed up pissed drunk at my place to pick me up, and I wasn’t letting you drive all the way here.”
If Sofiane hadn’t said anything, I wouldn’t have noticed the dark circles under Amar’s eyes or the faint glassiness shrouding his eyes.
“Semantics,” Amar said, brushing him off with his hand.
“Always the pain in my arse,” I muttered as I reached for my mobile that had been left on my nightstand. It was almost nine in the morning and I had a few missed text messages from my mom and sister wishing me a happy birthday, the boys and I’s group chat, but I focused my attention on the last two.
Both were from Lucia, Ziani’s former assistant who’d become mine when I took on the role last month. She was welcoming me back from my holiday in Spain and reminding me of the weekly board meeting.
It didn’t take long for me to realize that the House had organized my being off the grid for an entire week well in advance and had made the necessary arrangements. Thankfully, I’d been to Spain a few times in the past, so if anyone asked about my trip, I’d be ready with a believable answer.
I had about an hour before I was due at the hospital, and I needed a proper shower to scrub off the lingering stench still clinging to my skin. I couldn't exactly show up like this, especially when I planned on speaking to Azara.
She hadn’t talked to me in nearly a month, and I really needed that to change. My heart ached every time I saw her and couldn’t reach out for her freely. Every time she looked at me, and the lingering gaze she once gave me was now replaced by one of resentment.
Earning her trust again and winning her back would take time, but I was prepared for whatever it took.
As long as she gave me the chance to.
I wouldn’t have enough time to find her before the board meeting, but she’d be the first and only thing I’d devote my attention to afterward.
“Now that you’ve got proof of life, I need you to move,” I said, though it was more for Amar’s benefit than anything. If it were up to Sofiane, he’d be at work right now, not here babysitting Amar. “I have a meeting to get to.”
“I will, but not until you open our present,” Amar replied with a mischievous grin.
I already dreaded what he might have gotten me, especially since the look on Sofiane’s face made it clear he hadn’t had a hand in choosing it.
Amar stood up, reached into his pockets, and placed a small object in my palm, his other hand gripping my shoulder. “Happy birthday, mate.”
I flipped my palm over to reveal his birthday gift: a familiar foil-wrapped square packet. Yeah, Sofiane definitely hadn’t been involved in this.
“Amar,” I groaned, narrowing my eyes at him.
He chuckled. “You’re thirty-three now. It’s the perfect gift.”
“Get off me, man,” I tsked, shrugging him off and tossing the gift at him as I got out of bed and headed to the ensuite bathroom.
That only made him laugh harder as he caught the condom just before it hit the floor. “You’ll have to let us know how it feels when you’re no longer a virgin,” he teased as I turned the shower on.
I strode back toward my bedroom, my fingers curling around the sides of the doorframe. Amar flashed me a suggestive grin while Sofiane, still standing in the same spot, covered his face with his hand, clearly weary from Amar’s antics.
“I will do no such thing,” I shot back. “Now, leave.”
Both of them knew about my involvement with Azara, but I’d kept the details of that night firmly under wraps. It wasn’t for them to know. Not now, or ever.
Amar’s expression shifted, his eyes lighting up with sudden curiosity. “You shagged her already, didn’t you?”
I pushed off the doorframe and strode toward him with deliberate intent. My hands landed on his shoulders, spinning him toward the door in one smooth motion, and I gave him a firm shove, ushering him out of my room.
“You have, haven’t you?” he called over his shoulder, a knowing grin playing on his lips.
Sofiane stepped aside as I gave Amar another shove. “You cheeky bastard, you—” His words were abruptly cut off by the resounding slam of the door in his face.
Once inside my bathroom, I quickly discarded the white tee and black joggers I’d been changed into, tossing them aside to dispose of later, before stepping into the shower.
The scalding water hit my skin, and I tipped my head back, letting it stream down my face as I reflected back on the last twenty-four hours—and on her .
I tried to recall what had happened after I’d officially become a part of the House, but my memory faltered, offering only a hazy image of my father’s face, twisted into a grim smile before everything faded to darkness.
But it didn’t really matter how or when I’d made it back to my flat.
My Ascension was complete.
Becoming an Atlas came with its own set of responsibilities, but the full extent of its power would only be granted to me when all three of us had Ascended. That gave me a few years of freedom—or at least, the closest thing to it I’d ever get—before I’d have to dedicate myself entirely to the House and bear the weight of its decisions.
I had blood on my hands and a century of legacy to uphold on my shoulders. My life came with its fair share of complications, but I was determined to fight for her.
I just needed her to let me.
Once I’d scrubbed the grime of the past week off my skin, I dried off quickly and slipped into a clean pair of black trousers and black shirt. I then grabbed my coat and made the five-minute walk to the hospital.
I might be getting ahead of myself, but for the first time in over a month, as I walked into Amanar, I felt an unfamiliar glimmer of optimism.
Not wanting to get my hopes up just yet, I pushed the fleeting feeling aside and stopped by the cafeteria before heading upstairs. I still had about thirty minutes before the board meeting, and I hadn’t had a coffee yet.
I was in desperate need of one if I wanted any chance of making it through the day.
I stood in line behind two younger doctors—general practitioners, judging by their navy scrubs. Both had tanned skin and seemed familiar, but after working with so many people over the years, they all eventually blurred together.
There were a few people ahead of us, so while I waited my turn, I pulled out my phone and checked my inbox for any urgent emails. I was in the middle of replying to one when their conversation caught my attention.
“I still can’t believe Azara’s leaving,” the woman murmured.
At the mention of her name, I froze, my brows furrowing. I glanced up from my phone, and although I only caught the doctor’s profile, I could still see the sorrow that clouded her expression.
Shaking my head, I turned my attention back to my phone and resumed typing. There were countless doctors in this hospital who could share the same name, and surely, I’d just misheard them because I’d been thinking of Azara.
“After everything that happened with her dad, I don’t blame her. Besides, she’s not moving to a different country. You’ll still be able to talk to her,” the man next to her replied.
I paused, letting his words sink in, as dread coiled in the pit of my stomach.
They had to be wrong. There was no way my Azara was leaving.
“Excuse me?” I asked, stepping closer. Both of them glanced at me over their shoulders. I’d noticed the resemblance between them before, but their name tags—Zainab and Houssam Haddad—confirmed they were related in some way.
The woman’s eyes widened in surprise, while the man shot me a quick, assessing glance.
“I apologize for overhearing your conversation,” I continued, forcing my tone to remain calm. “But I couldn’t help but catch the mention of an Azara leaving, and I just wanted to make sure you weren’t referring to Dr. Ziani.”
The two exchanged glances before the girl responded in a wary tone. “No, that’s who we’re talking about. Today’s her last day.”
The confirmation hit me like a blow to the chest and the earlier dread morphed into a full-blown panic.
Today? Her last day?
No. No. That couldn’t be right.
They had to be wrong.
She wouldn’t be leaving.
I would’ve known. I was technically her boss for fuck’s sake.
“Are you sure?” I asked, my voice betraying the panic that was surging through me. I clung to the hope that this was a simple misunderstanding and that she’d tell me she’d made a mistake.
But she simply nodded.
She said something else after that, but I didn’t catch it. My mind was spinning as I brushed past them, storming out of the cafeteria and heading straight for the lifts.
I bumped into a few people coming out of the emergency room, but I didn’t care.
All I could think about was finding Azara.
This had to be some kind of mistake.
By the time I reached the lifts, my heartbeat was hammering in my chest. I jabbed at the button, my impatience growing with each second the doors didn’t open. The illuminated numbers above the doors flickered, but they weren’t moving fast enough. I pressed the button again, and again, hoping somehow it would help speed up the process, but it was still stuck on the bloody eleventh floor.
My panic mingled with frustration that bubbled up inside me.
Fuck this.
I wasn’t waiting a second longer.
I had to find her.
Now.
With a swift turn on my heel, I rushed toward the nearest staircase. I pushed the door open and took the stairs two at a time. I hadn’t thought about how far the operating theaters were, but I didn’t care that I’d have to climb thirteen floors.
I just needed to get to her before she left.
I thought I’d have more time to talk to her, but I should have learned my lesson the last time I’d lost her.
I wouldn’t make the same mistake again.
By the time I made it to the tenth floor, my legs were screaming at me to stop and my lungs were gasping for air, but I gripped the railing, and pushed harder.
Three more floors to go.
With a final burst of energy, I reached the thirteenth floor. My chest was tight from the exertion as I threw the door open. The ward was eerily quiet, save for the few scrub nurses and orderlies who glanced at me like I’d sprouted another head.
I didn’t pay them any mind, and instead headed straight for the large white board where all the scheduled surgeries were listed. My eyes scanned the names frantically until I found Azara’s.
I checked the time on my watch only to realize that her surgery had ended fifteen minutes ago. Without a second thought, I rushed to Theater B, clinging to the faint hope that, by some miracle, she hadn’t already left, or that her surgery had run longer than expected.
“Please”, I whispered under my breath as I neared the operating theater. I just needed one thing to go right for me today.
I pushed open the double doors to the scrub room, and a strangled exhale of relief rushed from my lungs when I saw her emerging from the theater.
Alone.
“Azara,” I panted, my voice strained.
She looked up, and when our eyes met, the fleeting sense of relief I’d just felt was instantly replaced by something far heavier, something that pressed against my chest and made it harder to breathe.
She stared at me for a long moment, the silence stretching between us like an unspoken barrier, before she removed her surgical mask and moved to wash her hands.
“Can I help you with something, Dr. Young?” she finally said, and my heart pinched at her cold, indifferent tone.
I used to love it when she called me Dr. Young, and she’d ruined me the moment she called me Michael. Now, I’d never despised my name more than I did in this moment.
“Were you going to leave without telling me?” I still held to the hope she wasn’t really leaving. I wanted to hear from her that the doctor from downstairs had gotten the wrong information, and this was just some twisted joke to get back at me.
Another breathless, painful silence filled the chasm between us.
“I’ve gone through the appropriate channels for my departure,” she said, her tone still so distant. “There was no need for you to be?—”
I didn’t let her finish because we both knew her response was a complete load of nonsense. “Don’t do that,” I said, roughness edging my words.
She closed her eyes, taking a slow, deliberate breath, before looking at me again. A simmering fire danced in her brown eyes.“Do what, Dr. Young?”
“Act like we don’t know each other, or mean anything to each other.”
She let out a bitter laugh, one that echoed around the room and wrapped around my heart like a vise. “But we don’t, Dr. Young.”
The vise crushed my heart so tightly, an unbearable pain seized my chest. I hated that this was how things turned out. As if these past few months had never happened and we were back to being complete strangers.
“We do. And would you stop calling me that? It’s Michael to you.”
She shook her head, a slight tremor in her hands as she crossed her arms. “Why do you keep doing this?” she demanded. “Everything about whatever this was,” she motioned between us, “was a complete lie. I don’t understand why you are so relentless in keeping up this charade?”
I swallowed hard, forcing the lump in my throat to dissipate.
“It was never a lie.”
We never were.
No matter how much I’d tried to convince myself otherwise, I knew things would never be the same the moment she barreled into my life.
I just didn’t know how back then.
Chance moments had the power to change the course of your life, and she’d been the best unexpected event to ever come into mine.
“I had to do it,” I continued, my voice faltering as I tried to find the right words. I…” I exhaled a shaky breath and brought my hands up to grip the back of my neck, hoping it’d help steady me.
I was allowed to read her in, but I’d never done it before. I didn’t even know where to start or how much to reveal. But this might be my only chance to explain.
I stole a quick glance through the large windows, confirming we were alone as I saw the last housekeeper finish up and slip out through the other exit door. With a sigh, my hands fell to my sides, and I started from the very beginning.
“I’m part of what is called the House of Atlas. Over the last century, the three families involved in the society, including mine, have been tasked with producing a single male heir to take over when they each turned thirty-three. But only if they complete their Order.”
I was well-aware she could walk out at any point, but I pressed on, my words spilling out faster with each passing second.
“Earlier this morning, at four minutes past midnight, I turned thirty-three and taking your father’s job was my Order.”
I told her about the bribes her father had taken, the ultimatum I’d given him and how lives, mine included, had been at risk if I hadn’t done what had been necessary. I told her about how we were looking into The Gilded Truth , where I’d been over the last week and how I’d made sure her building and the surrounding areas were now secured so that no one else would ever invade her privacy again.
The only thing I’d left out was the reason behind her father’s ties to Nyx. They weren't my sins to confess and he would tell her if and when he wanted to.
When I finished, her complexion had drained of color, and her gaze was fixed on the floor. I wanted so badly to wrap my arms around her, to hold her and comfort her, but I remained still as an excruciatingly long silence ensued my confessions.
“Why?”
I frowned, confusion sparring with the anxiety roiling in my stomach. Of all the things I’d expected her to ask, that hadn’t been one of them. “Why what?”
Azara lifted her gaze to meet mine, the earlier fire now doused with unshed tears. “Why did you do it? Why is this House so important that you ruined my father and used me to do it?” Her voice cracked and my chest caved from the anguish in her tone.
I couldn’t change what I’d done and I didn’t regret Ascending, but breaking her heart would forever be my biggest regret.
“Because people that look like us, like you and me, we were never given a seat at the table back then. The House made sure we’d always have one, and I couldn’t end that legacy—no matter how much my heart fought me against it.”
As a suffocating tension pervaded the space between us, I saw her eyes flitting with a thousand emotions while processing my reply.
Please, baby, let me in, I silently pleaded.
“My shift’s over. I have to go,” she said, incinerating any sliver of hope I had left.
She moved to make her way to the doors, and fear gripped my lungs. I stepped into her path, my heart pounding furiously against my ribs.
“You can’t leave.”
A pained sigh escaped her lips. “Let me go.”
Something inside my chest stretched past the point of painful. I instinctively placed my hand over my heart, willing it to stop hurting, but it didn’t. The exchange of three words often had the power to change the course of a relationship, but I hadn’t expected these to be ours.
“I can’t.”
My eyes bounced between hers, and I saw every ounce of effort she put into maintaining a straight face and remaining emotionless. But I could see beneath the cold demeanor. I could see that despite how much she was fighting to keep me at arm’s length, she didn’t want to,
But maybe that was wishful thinking on my part.
Hoping that I still had a place in her heart and with time, she’d let me back in.
So, for the first time since I’d walked in here, I moved toward her.
But she stepped back.
And then again, until her back hit the wall and I reached for her, my hands trembling as I grabbed her face.
My eyes burned as I whispered, “I could never let you go.”
Her face twisted in torment, and she turned her head away from me. But then, as if her body betrayed her resolve, she leaned into my palm, closing her eyes as she drew in a shuddering breath.
For a fleeting second, I thought I’d slipped past a tiny crack of her armor, but just as fast, she ripped my hands off her. “I have to go,” she whispered, her voice barely audible, before slipping out of my reach completely.
Desperation surged through me, and before she reached the door, I grabbed her wrist, her name leaving my lips in a strangled cry. “Azara… ”
The three words I’d longed to say to her were caught in my throat. I wanted her to hear it, needed her to know how much I loved her.
But I didn’t want it to be the reason she stayed.
I wanted her to give me a chance because she wanted to.
I wanted her to give me a chance because she wanted me. Because she wanted us .
She hesitated, just for a moment, and I almost thought she’d turn around. But instead, she shook her head and pulled free from my grasp, her hand slipping from mine with a heartbreaking finality.
Then, without another word, I watched the love of my life leave with my bleeding heart in the palm of her hands. My shoulders slumped as I stood there, a wave of hopelessness threatening to take me under.
I felt like the world around me had been sucked away, leaving me only with the hollow echo of her absence.
Letting her go went against my every instinct. Every fiber of my being screamed for me to chase after her, to fight with her until she forgave me. But I knew, deep down, I wouldn’t be able to get through her.
At least not right now.
I could only push her so far and I’d already done too much.
She might be leaving, but I wouldn’t let her go.
I couldn’t.
I’d fight for her even if it meant I’d have to beg and plead for the rest of my days.