Chapter 36
Rosomon
My heart won’t stop racing, and I’m so lightheaded it takes a few moments to realize Zogar’s no longer headed toward the veil.
“Where are we going?”
To our plateau.
Our plateau. His phrasing warms my heart, but… “Why aren’t we going straight home?”
My reasons will soon become clear.
Anxious to be home, I want to argue, but I trust Zogar. And it’s not like I have a choice. I sense trepidation in his emotions, and wonder if the demons are following. Does he plan to wait here in Lymbo until he’s certain that nothing evil followed us into Lymbo?
Not answering my unspoken questions, Zogar slows to hover over the plateau. A loud clanging thud fills the still air. Something landed on the plateau. Zogar touches down, and I spot several bags of gold and treasures not far from us.
He carried that heavy load, all this way? When in human form, it seemed impossible that he could carry all those bags in his arms and draped over his body, but it seems even more impressive that he carried them in the grips of his talons as we flew.
His knot releases, but I linger on his pommel, not yet wanting to disconnect, and hoping to encourage him to take flight again. “Are we leaving the gold here for safe keeping? Do you want me to put the bags over your back?” They’re very heavy, but if I do it bit by bit…
Dismount, my love. I have something important to tell you.
“I hope you can tell me quickly,” I say.
“Every day we spend here is a month in the Light.” I said month, the word that’s used in the Darkness in the place of moon cycle—further proof I’ve been away for too long.
I’m beyond anxious to return to the Light, to learn what’s become of Tynan and Saxon over the time we’ve been separated.
Zogar shifts beneath me, making it even more clear that he wants me to dismount.
His wing is fixed at the gentle angle again, and I’m tempted to tell him that I can manage it steeper, but why do anything that will prolong our time here.
I slide down, and step away.
He transforms in seconds and then, in a flash of blue light, everything around us also transforms. The plateau returns to how it looked the day we first came here—the day that we married. The same lush gardens, the same floral-scented breeze, the same illusion of sunlight.
The same bed.
I love Zogar. And even before I knew that, I loved having sex with him, but no part of me wants that right now.
Not only am I eager to return to the Light, as quickly as possible, I can’t shake the threat of Gabreal’s studded member pressed against my entrance, or the permanent damage it would have done inside me.
Someday—Othrix willing—I will have sexual thoughts that aren’t haunted by that demon, but now, my entire body trembles at the idea.
Zogar lifts me into his arms and holds me tightly against him. His richly masculine scent, his protective hold, the tickle of his chest hair, they all work together to dilute my fear and slow my racing heart. I bury my face in his neck as he strides toward the bed.
Tightening my fingers’ grip on him, I lift my head so I can look into his eyes. “Can we wait until we get home? Time passes so slowly here, and…” How can I tell him I don’t want to have sex right now? I don’t want him to feel rejected.
“I thought you might want to rest before we speak—” Changing direction, Zogar carries me past the garden’s fountain toward the arch where we spoke our vows, and the scent of roses fills my senses.
The arch is covered in even more roses than the last time, more roses than seems possible, and the pinks and reds and purples erase every trace of where we truly are.
Suddenly, we’re wearing the same clothes we wore on the day we wed.
He’s in a silk chemise, velvet trousers and fur trimmed cloak, and I’m in the flowing, pale silver gown.
The only difference is the addition of my ring, and the necklace resting against my chest, its rubies dangling between my breasts.
I stroke the ring band with my thumb to confirm it’s there, and my impatience to leave is momentarily pushed aside by gratitude. Zogar has taken great care to create this beautiful setting. Whatever he wants to tell me, it must be important.
“Is it something you learned, while searching for Gabreal?” I hate the taste of the demon’s name on my tongue.
He shakes his head, and then sets me down on my feet, but still holding me steady.
“Do you want to make a plan for when we land across the veil?”
“Hush,” he says gently. “Let me say this. Please.”
Holding my tongue, I wait patiently, cognizant that every moment here is so much more time in the Light.
It’s already been so long since I’ve seen Tynan or Saxon, and I try to imagine what camp is like now.
There must be many dragons who can shift and take flight without riders.
Perhaps, while we’re here, Saxon and Tynan will fly through the veil to free more.
I keep these hopeful thoughts to myself.
The sooner Zogar’s done telling me whatever this is, the sooner we can continue our journey.
His eyes show a hint of nervousness—a strange look on my self-assured husband—so, I draw a deep breath, resolving to show him more patience, to let him speak when he’s ready.
He wouldn’t be delaying our return, without a good reason.
His hands, holding mine, tremble slightly, but as he looks deeply into my eyes, his uncertainty shifts into a combination of affection and desire.
My belly flutters, and my nerves shift and dance. His gaze has awoken my own desires, and I’m glad that Gabreal didn’t completely kill that part of me. My gaze flicks down. Zogar is fully rigid under his trousers.
Apprehension invades my desire. Even if I can get past my aversion, we don’t have time for sex.
“Rosomon,” Zogar says softly. “My Queen, my love.”
At that last word, my lungs fill with love for him. The moment we’re home, I’ll tell him how I feel.
“I must tell you something very important,” he says, “something I’ve known for some time and should have told you sooner.”
Nerves scramble inside me.
“I’ve been a coward.”
“The last thing you are is a coward.” I stroke his palms with my thumbs as he holds my hands firmly. “You saved my life today.” I shiver. “You don’t know the horrible things that monster had planned.”
His eyes darken. “I have some idea.” Then he shakes his head. “Let’s not speak of that demon, now—not ever again, if you prefer.” He lifts my hands to his lips and softly kisses each one of my knuckles in turn.
Warmth flows up my arms straight into my heart, and my head lolls to the side as if the touch of his lips on my hands stole all the strength in my neck.
“I wasn’t referring to today,” he says. “I’ve been a coward about a completely different matter.”
What could be so difficult for him to say?
“My queen,” he says, “I fear I must break one of the agreements I made on our wedding day.”
Fear seizes my heart. “Which one?” Every one of those vows were important—important to me.
Zogar clears his throat. I’ve never seen him so uncomfortable.
“I’m beyond grateful that you agreed to our marriage,” he says.
“In fact, the word grateful doesn’t begin to describe the debt I owe you.
Without your help, I would have lacked the power to accomplish any of what has transpired since that blessed day—not to mention what I hope will transpire in the future.
” Gratitude flows between us, but his eyes are still tinged with nerves.
A realization strikes me so sharply I feel foolish for not seeing this sooner.
Zogar needs me for sex. After what he did on that roof, after carrying those heavy bags through the shield, he needs to have sex to replenish his powers.
That’s why we stopped here. That’s why he was carrying me toward the bed.
And he’s nervous about it, because he knows all I’ve been through.
My internal muscles squeeze. I’m still rattled. Ideally, I’d like more time before having sex, but if Zogar needs me, I can’t deny him. Not after all that he’s done for me. And not now I know that I love him.
“Our union wasn’t based on love,” he reminds me. “Our wedding was based on practicality, on necessity. On your kindness and generosity.”
His words not only confirm he wants sex, they remind me why I’ve been reluctant to confess my love. When I tell him, he won’t say it back. He made that abundantly clear.
“On our wedding day,” he continues, “we knew little of each other. On that day, the presence of love in our marriage was unimportant to me.” His chest fills with a deep breath. “But my feelings about the importance of love in a marriage have changed.”
I suck in a ragged breath. He no longer wants to be married.
He wants to marry someone he loves. Does dragon-shifter culture have a way to dissolve a marriage?
In the Kingdoms of Light, aristocratic men find excuses to execute wives they no longer desire.
And in the lower classes, men simply abandon unwanted families.
“Today, while Gabreal had you captive…” Zogar’s eyes close, and he shakes his head. “I can’t begin to describe the intensity of my fear—of my utter despair.” He draws a shaky breath. “I thought I’d lost you.”
He’s fully trembling now, so much that my hands vibrate inside his. “No.” He sharply shakes his head, and his eyes reopen. His resolve has firmed.
“I don’t want to connect what I’m about to say to what happened earlier today. I knew this before, and don’t want you to think I’m saying this because that demon took you.”
I’m no longer sure which one of us is shaking. “What do you want to say?” My theories have shifted. Is it possible he feels the same as I do?