Chapter 38
Rosomon
As she heads across the field toward the forest, I fall into step beside Surath.
“Zogar gave me only vague hints about your ordeal in the Darkness,” she says. “If I can do anything to ease your suffering, please tell me.” Bending down, she picks two pink daisies, pushing one behind her ear and offering the other to me. “There are some things only another woman can understand.”
“Thank you.” My throat squeezes, as gratitude threatens to make me cry. But I’m more interested in what’s gone on here than what happened to me.
“Let’s take a walk in the woods,” Surath says. “If you’re up to it?”
“I am.”
We enter the woods, quickly finding a path, and while I’ve been enjoying the experience of full sunlight again, I also love seeing it filtered through the canopy of leaves above us. I hold out my hand, loving the effect. Surath mimics me, and we watch the light dapple our skin.
Surath is at least half a span taller than I am, she’s both more muscled and curvaceous, but as we walk quietly together, I find myself less intimidated by her than I was on our first encounters.
“Zogar told me that you are his sister.” I flick my gaze her way, and a soft smile brushes her lips.
“That is true,”
That makes her my sister too, but while I am becoming more comfortable with her, I’m not sure I should point that part out.
“I can recount my family history sometime in the future, if you like.” Her fingers brush the leaves of a low hanging branch.
“In fact, I’m curious to know how my brother tells the tale.
But right now, we have more pressing matters to discuss.
I’m sure you’re concerned about your lovers and what has occurred in your absence. ”
My chest tightens around a breath. “Yes. I am concerned. Both for Saxon and Tynan. And for my family. For everyone in the Light.”
She nods.
“What happened when you were in Khotor?” I ask. “Why does Xendus think Tynan’s a traitor? And do you know what’s happened to my family?” I’m asking too many questions at once, but I can’t contain them.
“I know nothing of your family,” she replies. “I know that some kings bent the knee to the King of Khotor, but I don’t know which ones.”
I shiver. “I was supposed to marry the King of Khotor.”
Surath’s eyes widen. “Tynan’s father?”
“No, his grandfather.”
Her fingers run lightly down my arm. “You were brave and wise to refuse that marriage, but the king is not Tynan’s grandfather. It’s his father. The old man has died.”
“I wish I could say that I’ll mourn him.”
Surath chuckles.
“Tynan also hated his grandfather,” I tell her in case she doesn’t know. “The man was cruel.”
Surath nods.
“Why did you leave Tynan behind there?” I ask. She and Xendus called him a traitor, but it sounds as if they abandoned him.
“We didn’t feel safe in the castle,” Surath tells me. “I especially didn’t feel safe.”
I step over a large root in my path. “Even before the changes you mentioned, women were harshly treated in Khotor.”
She ducks under a tree branch. “We also feared that we’d be accused of having access to Darkness.”
“I understand.” The sound of running water drifts toward us, and we continue in that direction.
“When we arrived in Khotor, we found it swarming with those so-called holy men,” Surath continues.
“One said he smelled Darkness on us. In the past, Saxon has told me about klericks—albeit mostly through his thoughts—” Stopping mid-sentence, she glances my way as if wondering how much I know about Saxon’s past.
“Saxon told me about his childhood,” I tell her. “He told me what the klericks did to him when he was a boy, and what they do to girls with magic.”
I feel no need to withhold this confidence from Surath. Saxon has been riding her knot for five and twenty years. She likely already knows as much as I do, or more. Saxon is proficient at hiding his thoughts and emotions, but could not have guarded all his thoughts, while on Surath’s pommel.
We come upon a stream of gently flowing water and sit side-by-side on its banks.
“You were right to leave. The klericks would have recognized your Darkness,” I tell her once we’re settled. “They would have accused you both—arrested Xendus, and had you killed.”
Her shoes disappear, and she dips her feet into the running water. “Xendus and I could have evaded capture by shifting, but that would have endangered all of our people. It wasn’t fear that made me leave. That place repulsed me. I couldn’t spend one night in that castle.”
“But Tynan stayed.”
She nods. “He wanted to speak to his father before leaving, so we arranged to meet him in a specific valley. We agreed to wait for a week. He didn’t come.”
“What if he came after the week?”
“We waited an entire moon cycle. Tynan didn’t return.”
I draw in a long sucking breath. “Maybe he’s hurt. Maybe he was imprisoned.”
“Let me continue.” Surath shakes her head. “Since then, Xendus and I have ventured back to Khotor—many times. We’ve gone to that valley once a fortnight to be sure he’s not waiting for us. We never sought entry to the castle but spoke to several guards and servants.”
“And?”
“I’ll spare you the details.” She turns away from me. “But it’s very clear that your former lover is enjoying his return to royal life.”
I shake my head, unwilling to believe what Surath is saying. “Tynan only stayed in Khotor to learn more. He’s trying to help the enslaved women escape. He’s trying to figure out a way to help us all.” I have to believe that at least one of these things is true. I know Tynan’s heart.
Surath turns toward me and takes my hands in hers.
“Rosomon.” She uses my given name for the very first time.
“Tynan has claimed his place at his father’s side.
” Her eyes fill with anger. “On top of that…” She glances down, and when her gaze rises again, pity has replaced the anger.
“Rosomon, those enslaved women you hope that he’s helping?
Concubines visit Tynan’s bed—every night. ”
“No.” A rope tightens around my chest.
“We heard this, unprovoked, from many servants. All of their stories match.”
A knife stabs into my constricted chest, and pain shudders through me.
I shake it off. I can’t be jealous about him having sex.
Tynan and I expressed our love, but we never promised sexual fidelity.
The first time we were parted, Tynan swore he took no other woman in my absence, but I can’t expect him to remain celibate indefinitely.
Also, since I was last with Tynan, I’ve been with my husband—many times.
I raise my chin. “Just because Tynan’s been dipping his rod, doesn’t make him a traitor.”
Surath’s eyes narrow. “If Xendus’s cock dared venture close to another woman, I’d slice it off.”
I shake my head, and the fire in Surath’s eyes softens.
Her declaration stirs up all my conflicting feelings about love and fidelity. I bend up one leg and put my head in my hands. “I’m so confused.”
“About Tynan’s betrayal?” she asks.
“Yes, but about other, more emotional things.”
“What things?” she asks softly, and I’m grateful to have another woman to talk to about this.
“I’m confused about love, about my feelings, about everything.”
“Talk to me.” She squeezes my hand. “I won’t betray your confidence. Not even to my king.”
I smile softly as I look into her turquoise eyes. She might be manipulating me, but my gut says I can trust her.
“I love Zogar.” I gasp. I’ve told her something I’ve not yet told him, although he probably knows. I’m sure I had thoughts of love, while bonded to him on his back.
“During our time together in the Darkness, our relationship deepened. But—” My voice breaks. I need Surath to understand my dilemma. “I love Zogar. Deeply. But I also love Saxon and Tynan. I love all three of them.” I’m ashamed to admit this, and afraid it might drive Surath to break my confidence.
“Even if you love more than one man.” Surath nods. “How does that excuse what Tynan has done? Are you saying you’d share your cunt with any random man offering his cock?”
“No.” I shake my head quickly. “Of course not.”
“Would you lie with a man who’s enslaved, who’s fucking you to avoid punishment, or to stay alive?”
Disgusted, I shake my head, but I still refuse to believe that’s what Tynan is doing. I don’t understand why he’s remained in Khotor for so long, but I refuse to believe that it’s because he’s turned against us, turned against me.
“Zogar and Saxon both love you deeply,” Surath says softly.
My eyes widen. “How do you know that?”
“My brother told me how he feels, and while it’s been many moon cycles since Saxon’s ridden my knot, I know he fell in love with you—fast and hard—a very long time ago.”
I drag in a shuddering warm breath, and a soft smile teases my lips. It’s possible that Surath knew about Saxon’s feelings for me, even before I did. “I do know that Saxon loves me. And I love him. Deeply. But…”
“But what?”
“Zogar and I—” I kick a pebble into the stream “—we’re married. And now that he’s declared his love, I’m afraid he won’t allow me to continue my other relationships.”
Surath frowns. “Why would you need your husband’s permission?”
A chuckle bursts out of my chest. “Have you met my husband?”
She smiles. “Zogar can be overbearing. That is true. But while I can’t speak for him, I do know that, more than anything, he wants you to be happy.”
I draw my knees into my chest. “I want him to be happy too. I guess that’s what I’m afraid of. I’m afraid that Zogar won’t be happy, unless I give up Saxon and Tynan.” He still hasn’t fully explained how our vows changed, and refused to discuss our future, when I tried to bring it up.
Staring into the stream, Surath draws a long breath, and my discomfort grows with every moment she doesn’t reply.