Chapter 2 #2
After everything I have survived – the facility, the experiments, the years of being treated as something less than a person, I refuse to accept anything less.
"Was that guy bugging you?" Paige asks, moving to my side. "He looked like he was getting in your face. I thought you were about two seconds away from clawing his eyes out."
L'Awai's expression hardens. "I can make a formal complaint on your behalf. Harassment of any crew member is taken seriously, especially harassment of—"
"That won't be necessary." I hold up a hand, cutting him off before he can finish the sentence.
I know what he was going to say. Harassment of Cerastean females.
We are so rare now, so precious to our species' survival, that there are protocols in place to protect us from exactly this kind of pressure.
But I don't want to be protected. I want to be left alone.
"Are you sure?" Paige asks. "Because I will absolutely throw hands with Mr. Tall-Dark-and-Pushy for you. I mean, L'Awai would have to do the actual throwing because—" she gestures at her pregnant belly "—but I would provide enthusiastic moral support."
Something shifts in L'Awai's expression, not quite a smile, but close. "I have no objection to this arrangement."
Despite everything, I feel my lips twitch. "I appreciate the offer. But I can handle D'Vorak."
Paige studies me for a moment, her brown eyes seeing more than I'd like. She's always been like this, able to look past my walls to whatever's hiding beneath. She was the first human who refused to be intimidated by me. The first one who saw my coldness as armor rather than cruelty.
She's also the one who named my defense mechanism.
"Well," she says finally, "if you're done terrorizing warrior boys, we're doing movie night tonight. You should come. A'Shael and L'Senna already said yes."
Movie night. Blankets and replicated snacks and human women laughing at fictional problems. A few months ago, I would have dismissed it as frivolous.
All of us rescued Cerasteans would have.
But Paige and the other bride volunteers refused to let us retreat into isolation.
They pulled us into their orbit with a cheerful persistence that refused to take no for an answer.
They did not treat us like fragile things to be pitied.
They treated us like friends. L'Senna, who had barely spoken a word in the first month after her rescue, now argues passionately about which human films are superior.
A'Shael still flinches at sudden noises, but she laughs at Paige's commentary, and each time, the sound comes a little easier.
I am grateful to these human women in ways I will probably never be able to articulate.
"What are the choices?" I ask.
"We're voting between a new romance comedy or an action movie." She grins. "I'm pushing hard for the romance, but Ally is on some kind of explosions kick, so it could go either way."
"I should be able to make it," I say.
"Yes!" Paige pumps her fist in a gesture of triumph. "Fair warning, I'm going to sit next to you and provide commentary whether you want it or not. L'Awai has zero appreciation for romantic comedies."
"I appreciate them," L'Awai protests mildly. "I do not understand why the male lead always makes such foolish choices. If he would simply communicate his feelings directly—"
"And that, right there, is why I need A'Vanti." Paige pats his arm consolingly. "She gets it."
My tablet chimes before I can respond. I glance down at the notification scrolling across the screen.
A'Vanti. Your presence is requested in the Command Center. Meeting begins in one hour.
My brows furrow. A meeting? With no additional details, no agenda? That's… unusual.
"Everything okay?" Paige asks.
"I'm not sure. I've been summoned to a meeting in the Command Center. But I should have time to attend movie night afterward."
"I wonder what command wants." Paige's eyebrows rise.
I shrug, equally unsure. "I'm not sure how long this meeting will go. But I will try to make it tonight."
"You better." Paige opens her arms. "Bring it in."
The hug catches me off guard, as it always does. Human customs around physical affection are still strange to me – all this casual touching, this easy intimacy between friends. But I've learned to accept it from Paige. To even appreciate it.
I lean into the embrace, and the press of her rounded belly into my stomach sends an unexpected pang through my chest.
D'Vorak's words echo in my mind. My duty.
I'm not jealous of Paige. That's not the right word for this hollow ache beneath my ribs. Before the genocide, I was focused on my career, my architecture, and my research. The notion of motherhood seemed distant and abstract, a goal other females pursued.
But now, with Paige's pregnant belly pressed against me and D'Vorak's accusations ringing in my ears, I feel…
something. A complicated tangle of emotions I can't quite name.
Loss, maybe. Every male who approaches me acts as though my womb is community property, as though wanting children on my own timeline is a luxury our species can no longer afford.
But I refuse to bring a child into this universe out of obligation. If I become a mother, it will be because I want it. Because I've found a partner I love and built a life I want to share. Not because D'Vorak or anyone else has decided it's my duty.
And the cruelest part? I do want children. Someday. I want to choose motherhood, not have it demanded of me.
I pull back from the hug before Paige can sense my turmoil.
"I'll see you tonight," I say, and my voice is steady. Normal. My anger has passed, but I keep my walls firmly in place.
"You better," Paige says cheerfully. "Or I'm hunting you down."
I incline my head to her and L'Awai, then turn and slip into my quarters.