Chapter 8 #2
"Yes." My own voice sounds strange to my ears, hollow and tinny. "That would be wise."
He activates the comm system, and I listen with half an ear as he relays our status and estimated arrival time. L'Zaen's response is brief and professional. D'Rett says something that makes Cody laugh. It is a natural, easy sound that helps drain some of the tension from my shoulders.
I turn my attention to the viewport as Cody brings the shuttle to life. We lift off, and I watch the facility grow smaller, then disappear into the vast golden expanse of desert. I am struck again by how much my world has changed, and yet the desert looks exactly as it always did.
The flight back passes in comfortable silence. Dr. Petrova and her team review their findings, voices low and excited. Cody pilots with his usual competence, and I watch the desert roll past beneath us, the ghost of his lips still tingling on my knuckles.
When the hangar comes into view, I nearly do not recognize it.
The transformation is remarkable. Where we left chaos and neglect, we return to find order and progress.
The thick layer of dust that coated every surface is gone, cleared away by the cleaning bots we deployed.
The broken windows are now covered by a clear protective film that ripples slightly in the wind but holds firm against the elements.
"L'Zaen's been busy," Cody observes as he guides into the hangar bay.
"So it would seem."
He sets us down smoothly, the shuttle settling onto the pad with barely a shudder. The ship's engines cycle down to silence. Behind us, the team begins gathering their equipment, the sounds of movement and conversation filling the cabin.
Cody turns to me before I can rise from my seat.
"I need to report in with D'Rett," he says. "Go over the flight logs and check in about tomorrow's schedule." He pauses, and a flush creeps onto his ears despite his obvious effort to sound casual. "But after that, if you're available, I'd… I'd really love to share a meal with you."
The warmth that spreads through my chest has nothing to do with the heat of the day.
"I would like that," I say. Then, reaching for the easy humor that comes so naturally to him, I add, "After I shower, at least. I have sand in places I did not know I had."
Cody's laugh is bright and genuine, and it fills me with joy. I did that. I made him laugh the way he so often does for me.
"Same here," he admits. "Pretty sure I've got grit in places that shouldn't be anatomically possible." He shakes his head, still smiling. "We could meet in the galley in an hour and a half?"
"That should be sufficient."
"Great." His smile widens, and for a moment he looks like he wants to say something else… or do something else. His eyes flick briefly over my shoulder toward the team behind us, and he swallows whatever it was.
"I'll see you soon," he says instead.
"I will be waiting."
I rise from my seat and join the others disembarking, but I feel his gaze on my back the whole way down the ramp.
And despite the exhaustion weighing down my limbs, despite the grit still clinging to my scales, despite everything that remains uncertain and unfinished about our mission here, I find myself smiling.
The shower aboard the main transport is small and utilitarian, but the hot water is bliss on my aching muscles. I stand beneath the spray longer than I should, letting the sand and dust sluice from my scales in rivulets of pale gold. By the time I step out, I feel almost like myself again.
I dress in something comfortable – loose pants and a fitted top in deep teal, and sit on the edge of my bunk to towel the water from my hair. I have perhaps forty minutes before Cody comes to find me. Enough time for a call I have been meaning to make since we landed.
It takes a moment for the signal to connect. The distance between Ceraste and the mothership orbiting Earth introduces a slight delay, just enough to make conversation feel like stepping carefully across stones in a river. Then the screen flickers to life, and Paige's face fills the display.
"There she is!" Paige leans forward, her dark eyes bright with excitement. "I was starting to think you'd forgotten about me. How is it? Tell me everything."
The sight of her loosens a tightness in my chest that I did not realize I had. She looks well. Her face is fuller, her color is good, and the swell of her belly is visible even on the small screen. Behind her, I can see the familiar walls of her quarters aboard the mothership.
"It is…" I search for the right word and find that there is no single word sufficient.
"It is everything and nothing like I expected.
The city is in ruins, Paige. The dust, the silence, the emptiness.
It is difficult to describe what it feels like to walk through streets that should be full of life and hear nothing but wind. "
Paige's expression crumbles. "Oh, A'Vanti."
"But the bones are good." I hear the conviction in my own voice and am grateful for it. "The infrastructure is largely intact. Dr. Petrova believes the water systems can be restored. The power plant is promising. It will take time and resources, but Ceraste can live again. I am certain of it."
"Of course it can." Paige says this with the absolute confidence of someone who has never once doubted me. I do not deserve such faith, but I am grateful for it nonetheless. "And how are you? Not the architect: you. Are you sleeping? Are you eating enough?"
"You sound like L'Awai."
"Where do you think I learned it?" Paige teases. "If he were there, you know that L'Awai would be asking if you're eating enough and then bring you food whether you wanted it or not." She tilts her head. "So?"
"I am managing. Some moments are harder than others." I pause. "Being here stirs things I thought I had put to rest. But I have good people around me. And Dr. Singh gave me tools for exactly this. It is hard. But… it is also good."
"I'm proud of you, you know? You're so damn strong." Paige studies me through the screen with the particular scrutiny of someone who has learned to read me despite my best efforts at concealment. Then her eyes narrow. "You're glowing."
"I am not glowing. I have just showered."
"Mmhmm." She leans back, folding her hands on her belly. "And where is our favorite pilot this evening?"
I keep my expression perfectly neutral. "I assume he is in his quarters. Or reporting to D'Rett. I would not know."
"You would not know." Paige's voice is flat with disbelief. "The man who has been orbiting you like a lovesick moon for the past four months, and you would not know where he is."
"He does not orbit me."
"A'Vanti, when you walk into a room, that man's entire body rotates toward you like he's a sunflower and you're the sun. L'Awai says his scent goes so sweet it makes him nauseous." She grins. "Soooo. Has anything happened? And do not give me that ice queen face. It doesn't work on me anymore."
I consider lying. I consider deflecting. I consider telling her that my personal life is not a topic for discussion.
Instead, I tell her about the kiss.
Not the details, those are mine. But the fact of it.
The corridor outside my quarters after movie night.
I leave off telling her about the pleasure his mouth induced.
The way my knees went weak, and my walls came down, and I retreated to my room and pressed my hand to my heart like a girl in one of the romance novels she is always trying to get me to read.
Paige makes a sound that reminds me of a dying keth'ra. Her hands fly to her mouth, and her eyes go so wide I can see the whites all the way around.
"A'Vanti!" she gasps. "When? When did this happen? Why didn't you call me immediately?"
"It just happened. I've barely had time to process it. Plus, things have been rather busy since then."
"I don't care if the planet was on fire, you call me for this kind of news!" She is practically vibrating. "And? How was it? Was it everything? Please tell me it was everything."
I think of the way the universe narrowed to a single burning point. I think of the ache that bloomed inside me, sweet and devastating.
"It was... adequate," I say.
Paige stares at me. "Adequate."
"Quite adequate."
"Your scales just went three shades darker, you absolute liar." She jabs a finger at the screen. "I knew it. I knew it from the moment I saw you two in the lounge that first week, when he brought you that blanket and you looked at him like he'd handed you the stars."
"I did not look at him like—"
"You did. L'Awai and I had a bet. He said it would take at least six months. I said less than that." She preens. "I win."
Despite myself, I laugh. It comes out slightly watery, and I press my fingers to my lips to steady myself.
"He is having dinner with me tonight," I admit. "He asked me to share a meal."
"A date." Paige's voice softens, the teasing melting into something gentler. "You're going on a date."
"I don't know what it is. It could just be dinner."
"It's a date." She reaches toward the screen, as if she could touch me through it. "A'Vanti, listen to me. You deserve this. You deserve someone who looks at you the way Cody does. Don't you dare talk yourself out of it."
The tightness in my throat returns, but this time it is not grief. It is something warmer, more fragile and precious.
"I miss you," I say, and the words come out with more feeling than I intend.
"I miss you too." Her voice catches slightly. "But I'm going to be here when you get back, and you are going to tell me every single detail. Every. Single. One."
"Within reason."
"Nuh uh. Every detail." She holds up a finger before I can argue.
"Paige, I need to go. I still have to get ready, and we're meeting in less than an hour."
"Oh my God, go! Go go go!" She flaps her hands at the screen. "Go get yourself prettied up for your date. Not that you need to do much. The man would worship you in a burlap sack. But do it anyway. For you."
"Goodbye, Paige."
"Goodbye, ice queen." Her smile is radiant. "Go melt."
The screen goes dark, and I sit for a moment, smiling at nothing. Then I rise and move to the small mirror mounted above the washbasin. I study my reflection, turning my head slightly, examining myself.
The face that looks back at me is sharper than it was before captivity. The bones are more prominent, and the angles harder. But my eyes are clear, and there is color in my scales that was not there four months ago. I look like someone who is healing.
I look like someone who is looking forward to dinner.
I run my fingers through my damp hair, letting it fall in loose golden waves around my shoulders.
I adjust the neckline of my top. I consider braiding my hair into something more elaborate, but dismiss the thought, deciding to leave it loose.
If things go well, I like the idea of him running his fingers through it.
Then I stop fussing, because I am A'Vanti, and I do not fuss.