VELVETEEN PRESENTS THE PRINCESS vs. The Congressional Committee for Superhuman Oversight #3
“Manners are the core of domestication, and you can’t be domestic help if you’re not domesticated,” she said sternly, and even some of the congressional representatives looked abashed, their expressions remaining downturned as she took her seat, folded her hands neatly on the table, and turned her attention on them, perky as a kindergarten teacher sitting down for a job interview.
“Now,” she said brightly. “I believe you lovely representatives of the United States Government wanted to have a few words with me about the rationality and feasibility of specific power regulations, and how they could best be accomplished without violating the natural freedoms of the American people? I do so appreciate you taking the time to speak to those of us who are directly involved in the situation, rather than basing your decisions off of lobbyists and rumors. Those are two things that have never once done this nation any good at all, and it eases my heart to know that you’re invested in holding them at bay. ”
The man sitting at the center of the bench leaned forward and said, “We appreciate you coming to see us today. Can you please state your name for the official record?”
“I’ve shown ID five times to make it this far, and been through two metal detectors and stared at by a nice young man with X-ray eyes. I think y’all know precisely who I am.”
“It’s just for the record, miss,” he said, and smiled, as sweetly as a man with a face like a parking ticket could smile.
The Princess hmphed quietly, but loudly enough to be picked up by the microphone, and replied, “My legal name is Carrabelle Diana Miller. I am more commonly known as ‘The Princess,’ living magical embodiment of children’s dreams of a fairy tale princess.
Anything the children think their perfect princess can do, I can do, hence the raccoons. ”
“Can a perfect fairy tale princess not catch rabies?” asked one of the women at the bench, and paled as her microphone picked up her words and broadcast them to the chamber. Some of the other representatives laughed softly. The woman moved on to looking like she wanted to die.
“A perfect fairy tale princess really doesn’t get sick at all,” said the Princess, taking pity.
“My friends can have medical issues, and a few too many of them have for my comfort in the last few years, but I’m right as rain, no matter what happens, and all my animal companions have had their shots. ”
“Your friends include the animus known as Velveteen, do they not?” asked the first man.
The Princess swung her attention back around to him, smiling sugary-sweet and calm as anything.
“Now you know they do, or I wouldn’t be here talking to your little committee,” she said.
“You called me because you can’t get at her, and her ex-boyfriend told you no, and her best friend looks bad in the media, what with her being a literal rainbow lesbian shackin’ up with a time traveling gadgeteer who doesn’t own a bra.
Somehow, the transgender fairy tale princess whose corporate masters have the best lawyers in the world turned into your best option. Isn’t that just a hoot?”
The man blustered for a moment, then cleared his throat, and said, “Yes or no answers, please. You consider the animus known as Velveteen a friend?”
“Yes. I do.”
“According to the update we’ve received from the state of Oregon, she has renewed her hero’s license and is returning to active duty. Can you tell us why she was unavailable to take this meeting?”
“Sounds to me like she was unavailable because she’s been renewing her hero’s license and returning to active duty, both of which are things that can take up a considerable amount of time, especially if you take your job seriously, which Vel always has, sweet girl that she is.
I don’t understand why she’s so committed to a life of civil service, given how hard the world has tried to dick her down, but she keeps popping back to her feet and divin’ right back into the fray.
You ask me, we need more heroes like her. ”
“Heroes like her are the exact reason we’re all here today. Supermodel was a hero like her.”
The Princess looked at him levelly, not blinking. “Try again, and pull the other one this time. It’s got bells on it.”
The man frowned. “What do you mean?”
“I mean Supermodel was an animus, sure, but she was a vitalomancer. She manipulated life itself, and she used it to control people, set them dancing like puppets on a string. That’s why she was classed as a psychic for so long.
She couldn’t bring inanimate objects to life.
She didn’t know how to focus her powers in that direction.
She couldn’t raise the dead. She could control the living, and that was where she stopped.
Vel, though…Vel can’t control the living.
She can barely control herself some days.
She brings things to life when they weren’t before, and those things she can control, to an extent.
They may both be considered animus powers, but Vel ain’t never been an animus like Supermodel was.
They’re not the same kind of hero at all. ”
The man frowned. “You do know the purpose of this committee, don’t you?”
“I do.”
“To be sure we’re all on the same page, can you state that purpose as you understand it, please?”
“You’re exploring the idea of putting legislative limits on the freedom of superhumans whose powers have been filed under the ‘animus’ classification, all because you don’t want to deal with another Supermodel, and you think you can control us if you make it illegal for us to exist outside your control.
” The Princess tilted her head, ever so slightly, and continued not to blink as she spoke.
“You like to think this is all your own idea, and maybe for some of y’all, that’s true.
But the lobbyists I mentioned earlier, they’ve been drooling at the idea of clapping more controls on the superhuman population while they won’t have to deal with The Super Patriots, Inc.
and their amazing legal department. So they want to get you to classify animus-type heroes as somehow uniquely dangerous and lock them all down, and it’s all because Supermodel was an actual supervillain, when we don’t have many of those. That about right?”
“Er,” said one of the other men. “Yes, that basically sums up the situation, although I want to stress for the record that this isn’t about special interests or lobbyists. This is for the protection of the United States of America.”
“Supermodel was dangerous because she was a nasty piece of work, but there wasn’t anything wrong with her that couldn’t have been fixed by being raised by my mama,” said the Princess placidly.
“She had a hole in her heart, and no matter how much love people put into it, she always needed more. I won’t say that wasn’t her fault, because she had choices, but someone had to wound her for her to wind up the way she was.
Maybe you should be focusing on making sure that superhuman children have the support they need to grow up mentally and emotionally healthy, instead of turning into monsters.
That might do a lot more to protect the United States of America. ”
“You used a term I’m unfamiliar with before,” said one of the women. “You said Supermodel was a ‘vitalomancer.’ I was under the impression that she was an animus.”
“That’s because she was,” said the Princess.
“‘Animus’ isn’t a power all by itself, any more than ‘mammal’ is an animal.
” One of the raccoons chittered, as if to illustrate her point.
“‘Animus’ is an umbrella we spread over a whole bunch of powers, and some of them are more similar than others. Supermodel manipulated life itself, hence ‘vitalomancer.’ She’s the only one of her sort I’ve heard of, but she might have been to blame for that. ”
“Please explain,” said the woman.
“Well, shoot, I don’t know how much y’all know,” said the Princess, which was a lie.
These people knew everything she did, had been given full reports on the final battle before the dust had even finished settling.
But years of dealing with politicians and the press had taught her that leaning on her accent and encouraging them to think of her as just simple folks was a good way to keep an equal hand in whatever fight she was trying to avoid engaging in.
For too many people, a Southern accent translated to “not very bright” in the privacy of their heads, and while she hated it, she was also willing to exploit it.
“Humor us,” said the woman.
The Princess smiled as she leaned into her microphone.
“Well, ma’am, Supermodel thought a lot like your committee seems to—to her, every animus was the same as every other animus, with no distinctions between them.
If one animus was dangerous, than all the rest must be dangerous, too, and so it was important that they be controlled.
Which she did by killing them. See, somewhere along the way, she’d figured out that all the animus heroes tap into the same power source, which meant that when there were lots and lots of them, they were pretty weak, but if you picked off the little ones at the bottom of the pyramid, the rest of them got stronger.
So for years, she was killing every animus she could find.
She let a few of the weaker ones slip through now and then, so she could study the way they used their powers, see if they did anything that might be useful to her, but she killed all the heavy hitters.
Maybe there are supposed to be dozens of vitalomancers running around, changing the world. She made sure there couldn’t be.”
“Your assertion is that all animus heroes pull from this unified power source? Is this the case for other hero types as well?”