Chapter 12
Indie
Fade Into You - Mazzy Star
Age Twenty-One
I love coming out here; it allows me to clear my head.
When school got too much, when Dad’s death would force tears so hard I couldn’t see straight, I’d camp out here.
A secret slice of peace.
My bedroom opens up to a wide flat roof, and I often come out here to indulge in the utter silence of the night. I drag my mattress protector out, throw the bed sheets and pillows on it, and just watch the stars glitter in the sky.
This is where I found my love for stargazing when I was young, and when my brain isn’t jammed with studying for my business degree, I like to dip into astronomy.
There’s a light breeze tonight, the forest around my house gently swaying in the wind, the leaves brushing against each other.
It’s perfect.
What makes it better is that the night sky is clear; every star dances across the darkness above me, complete tranquillity.
I sigh with my head tilted upwards, wrapping the covers around me to shield me from the tiny nip of the wind.
Life has gotten a little less heavy.
Saint spent the entire three months after Dad’s death with me, doing everything he could to make me smile, even when I didn’t want to.
But for the last few weeks, he had to leave to help his dad out at his company, and he’s due back next weekend.
It’s my last year at university, and I’ve been playing catch-up whilst dealing with Dad’s death, so that’s kept me busy.
It sounds so needy, but I miss him.
Despite the fact I’ve known him my entire life, I don’t think I’ll ever be able to put into words the feelings I have for him now.
The first smile of the day creeps up my face.
We’ve been calling and texting whenever he can, but the time difference gets in the way, and today he’s been busy.
I already want to bombard him with messages, just so I can read his text and imagine the way he says the words.
God, I’m pathetic.
A sick, pathetic fool in love.
A shriek leaves my throat as hands wrap around my eyes, another silencing it with a large, warm palm.
That scent hits me first, and I instantly sag in his hold as he pulls me flush with his front.
Dragging his hand from my mouth, I twist in my spot to look over at Saint. Despite my pulse already shooting up a tempo, the mere sight of him has it ready to time out.
“Hello, darling,” he whispers, leaning down to capture my lips with his.
It’s slow, sensual, and even with the breeze, my body temperature has soared.
I try to pull away but end up speaking against his lips with the firm grip he has on me.
“I thought you weren’t back until Saturday? And how the hell did you get into my ro—”
He silences me again, deepening the kiss as his hands wrap around my jaw, pulling me to him in desperation. His touch makes it feel like an eternity has passed instead of weeks, especially when you’ve been fighting against the inevitable for years.
By the time we break apart, I’m breathless, sucking in the night air to help my failing lungs.
“I missed you,” I quietly admit, a blush reaching my cheeks at me so openly saying it out loud.
I don’t need to be intoxicated to conjure braveness around him anymore. Saint is slowly but surely enticing it out of me on his own.
“Just couldn’t stay away from you a second longer,” he says as his thumbs trace my cheekbones.
I nervously swallow, my eyes tracing every detail of his handsome face.
Seeing it in my dreams is one thing, but having the real deal sets me alight.
I pat the space next to me for him to sit. “Well, you picked a good night to come back. See that orange bulb to the right? That’s Mars.”
He follows my line of sight with my finger, pulling out a cigarette from the packet as he tosses the cardboard behind us.
“Are you serious?” he asks, the corner of his lips tilting as he drags in the smoke.
I glance from him to the sky, dipping my brows as he stares at me like I’ve gone mad. “You can’t see that amber-coloured orb? Maybe you need glasses.”
My witty mouth earns me a jab in the side, and he lifts me with ease over his thighs, letting me rest against his chest as his raised legs cage me in.
“I’ve got twenty-twenty vision, you little shit. Show me again; you can’t just point aimlessly at the fucking sky and assume I’ll know out of the thousands of lights the one you’re bloody talking about.”
My fingers pinch beneath his knee, earning me a laugh that rumbles deep in his chest, vibrating up my spine.
I sit up straight, and he immediately pulls me back to him, his head now resting on my shoulder.
My heartstrings tug like a novice harshly attempting the harp. Out of all the years I’ve grown up with Saint, I’d never in a million years imagined us being like this.
He thinks he’s incapable of being gentle, working his way towards the nature, but I’m not some fragile, delicate flower—I’ve survived his manhandling so far.
And I desperately want him to corrupt me the way he whispers about wickedly to me.
A blissful sigh leaves me when his arms wrap around my waist, hovering when he realises I only have panties underneath my baggy T-shirt.
“I’m waiting, Indie,” he says in my ear, and it’s coated with a warning, but thick with lust.
The way his thumb gently brushes under the curve of my breast, I’ve lost all train of thought.
He takes a drag from his free hand, and I lift my shaky one as the smoke from his cigarette curls around it, temporarily blanketing it in a haze of vapour.
“Look down my finger.”
He follows me, pressing his cheek flush with mine, and I can feel him squinting one eye closed against my skin.
“You see it? It’s a little brighter than the rest, more orange.”
I turn my head to look at him, and there’s a smirk tilting his mouth.
“You need fucking glasses!” I laugh, throwing my head back against his chest.
Saint leans over, crushing out his cigarette and pinging it off the side.
I bet my mom will give me shit for that if she finds it, and I’ll need to take a lecture that should be for him.
“I see you just fine, darling.” He kisses my neck, licking and sucking on it as his hand ghosts my nape, pulling me closer.
My eyes flutter shut, letting him feast on me. “How was working with your dad?”
He smiles against my skin, knowing I’m toying with him.
Another thing I’ve found out that I love is annoying him, especially when I play dumb about his intentions.
“Same old,” he answers, his other hand travelling to the apex of my thighs, forcing my breathing to go shallow.
I try to fight back the whimper as I speak. “You’re so mysterious, never giving anything away.”
I have no idea what Saint’s learning when he’s working with his dad. Maybe he’s going to take over as CEO one day.
He nips my skin, and my yelp echoes across the backyard.
“Trust me, darling, it’s nothing life changing.” He soothes the ache with a wet kiss. “I want to hear what you’ve been doing.”
His fingers dip past my panty line, moving agonisingly slow, causing an ache to form in their wake. “Well, today was okay”—he nibbles the sensitive spot between my neck and shoulder, making my voice hitch—“until someone was an asshole in class. I came home early.”
Saint locks like a boa constrictor around me, his hands and lips removing themself so that I look at him.
His voice drops dangerously low, sending a chill down my spine. “Who?”
“Just some guy,” I blurt out, hiking my shoulder.
Saint’s body is always warm, but I swear he’s heating under this blanket like an inferno.
“A name is what I was looking for, Indie.”
“Why?
“Because I want to know,” he grits through his teeth, and I frown at him, reading the expression on his face. The grey in his eyes has disappeared, only providing a rim around his pupils.
My hand cups his face, searching his eyes whilst he looks like he’s zoned out, somewhere far from this world.
“It wasn’t that bad. I was just being sensitive, that’s all.”
I’m trying to play it down, defuse whatever’s swirling in those depths, when it’s the whole reason I escaped to the roof in the first place.
Answering questions in class used to fill me with anxiety, but with the confidence I’ve grown over in the last few months, I felt brave enough to raise my hand this morning.
That was until some dickhead named Bryan scoffed at my answer, like he had some masculinity complex and pointed out every reason why I was so stupidly wrong.
Saint takes my hand, pressing a kiss to my inner wrist.
“Did he get you upset?” His eyebrow raises with his question, but his frown is still there, and I reach up to smooth the pads of my fingers against it.
He nudges me with his shoulder when I stay silent, so I drop my voice to whisper. “A little.”
A low, heavy growl rattles in his throat. “Then I want a name.”
Dropping my hand, I squirm as I try to get loose of his grip to face him, but Saint’s arms band around me, and it makes me laugh. “Forget I said anything, muscles. Honestly, it’s no big deal.”
Curse me for oversharing with my clearly alpha male boyfriend.
Note to self, never tell Saint anyone’s pissed me off.
I almost get loose, but Saint’s paw flattens against my lower stomach, sparking heat against my core at its placement, his hand dipping back beneath my panties.
“No, I won’t forget it. Do I have to fuck it out of you? Because trust me, if I have to make you scream another man’s name, he’s fucking dead.”
A gulp works its way down my throat.
Why did I just find that threatening behaviour…kind of hot?
“What, you’d kill someone for me?”
That was intended as tongue in cheek, but the way Saint’s glare burns into me, I’m wondering just how far he’d go to protect me, more so in a serious situation where life or death mattered.
The darkness in his eyes fritters away as he blinks a few times, a steady lopsided smile forming before he presses a chaste kiss to my lips.
“Quite frankly, I’d do fucking anything if it meant you stayed happy.”
A vice ties itself around my throat, choking me with a variety of emotions.
Disbelief.
Madness.
Love.
“Really?” I ask as he cups my nape, bringing our foreheads together as his sigh brushes against my lips, his fingers slipping inside me as I gasp.
“For you, darling, I would.” His hand dips further, making me moan. “But I want the name.”