Chapter 40 Indie
Indie
Cliché - sad version - mgk
If I had balls, they would be shrivelled so far inside me, I’d need surgery to pull them out.
It’s that cold.
Thankfully, Regina’s internal snow radar hadn’t gone off before I left, despite it almost being the middle of November. I’m glad for her extra senses, because I didn’t pack snow gear.
Saint decided it would be a great idea to take me out in his truck tonight; it’s seemingly crafted for offroad, but I haven’t found the courage to question whether his driving is.
If it was snowing?
I think we’d be in a ditch by the way he takes the speed through these woodland trails.
His hand squeezes my knee. “Why the fuck do you look like you’re not breathing?”
I swat it away. “Both hands on the wheel please!”
He isn’t a terrible driver, not even close, he just seems to be fearless. I’d be travelling these at a snail’s pace, scared we’d topple off the cliff sides.
He cocks his head to look at me. “Indie darling, I could do this road with my eyes closed”—his gaze rolls over to me, lazily taking me in—“but I prefer to keep them open.”
Fuck, the whiplash.
Now I’m a hot mess.
My heart’s not sure whether it’s thumping through the tension of the truck’s speed, or the underlying meaning that usually comes with Saint’s sinful words.
I huff a laugh. “Think you could maybe at least, I don’t know, slow down?”
I’m lurched forward, my plea being answered with the creak of Saint pulling the handbrake up as we come to a stop.
“I was doing the limit, seeing as there’s precious cargo with me.”
A blush spreads across my cheeks, my natural reaction to this unholy being I seem to have been blessed with.
“Wait here,” he orders before closing the car door on my question of where we are.
Instead, I sigh, folding my arms on my chest and gazing out the windshield, staring into the blackened woodland.
The trunk door opens, the wisp of the night air breezing around my neck, causing me to pull the collar of my hoodie closer to my ears.
Saint’s phone is still connected to the speakers as the car runs, and I turn the music up just a touch whilst he clatters around in the back.
My finger hovers over his screen, tapping it to change the song.
A familiar piano harmonic waves through the car, and butterflies erupt in my chest. “Cliché - sad version” by mgk drags me back into nostalgia.
The nights spent locked in my room when this was released, adding to my ‘in my feelings’ playlist.
Some days would just hit harder than others, and I’d allow myself to get consumed by the emotions, because every other day was spent avoiding them.
It reminded me that I’m human, and that I had a love so strong once in my life, it felt like it would last until my dying days.
The door jerks open next to me, my head turning to face him blanked in the shadows with his dark kit on. The moonlight hits off the side of his face, displaying every sharp and hardened edge.
It ruptures thunder behind my ribcage.
He looks so utterly terrifying, so much so that every single one of my darkest demons runs away at the sight of him.
His hand stretches for me to take it.
“We’re not going hiking, are we?” My voice is tinged with the residuals of emotion, the lyrics still seeping into my bones and adding a chill the breeze has no match for.
His eyebrow hikes up. Impatience is etched into his clipped answer. “No.”
If I don’t move on my own accord, he’ll manhandle me out.
Unbuckling my seatbelt, I slip out and step onto the dimly lit gravel. Saint’s hands cover my eyes, despite there already being a lack of light, and he gently tugs my back flush with his front, and his voice whispers in my ear, “Do you trust me?”
A shiver dances down my spine.
There’s a million underlying questions laced in with those four words, a thousand scenarios it could lead to with my response.
And my answer will, undeniably, always be the same.
“Yes.”
He guides me forward, the dirt and branches crunching beneath our feet, and my pulse roars in my ears, every single nerve ending on fire.
We’re high up, that I can tell. The number of verges I caught on the drive up here, along with the altitude increasing with the long drive, tells me we’ve ventured to one of the nearby peaks.
“Saint,” I breathe, my hands wrapping around each of his forearms.
Despite the chill in the air, the man radiates an unnatural heat within him; it shields me from the nip of the elements as he keeps me close.
My legs get shaky, thinking maybe I’ve caused his firm too many issues, and he’s decided it’s best to launch me off the edge.
That is until he guides us backwards, his back pressing against a hard surface as he holds us still. His thumbs glide softly against my temples, the movement easing the drumming of my heart rate, then he releases his handmade blindfold, wrapping his arms possessively around my chest.
“Open them,” he whispers, his breath tickling my neck as he places the most tender kiss on my skin, and my eyes slowly flutter as they adjust to the view before me.
I’m breathless at the surrealness surrounding me. “Oh my God.”
My gaze strolls along the edge of the peak, flickers of the faraway town’s lights hundreds of feet below, engulfed in a ragged circle of darkness, swallowed by the dominating woodland of Kingstone’s natural habitat.
And when I glance up, my heart skips a number of vital beats.
The small town has a halo of light from the life within it, the entire sky almost as black as the woodland, but the twinkling stars sculpt the treeline into a silhouette.
It’s clearer than those nights we spent on my roof; we’d lie there for hours, me telling him about the stars in between him telling me he’d do anything to keep me happy.
I’d never felt so content in my entire life.
Tears well in my eyes as Saint wraps his arms around my chest, his head resting atop of mine. “Do you want to know what my letter said?”
My body freezes, thinking he’s had it all this time, but he doesn’t move, doesn’t even shift.
The only movement between us is his thumbs drawing circles against the joints of my shoulders, his shallow breaths a soothing rock.
“Take. Your. Time, I’ll wait for you, Indie.
Until we’re old and grey, if I have to. I know one day we’ll find our way back.
It doesn’t matter how much time passes, because loving you is like breathing.
I can’t live without it. Every second with you has been a gift, one I often don’t feel worthy of.
But you’re my person, my entire universe.
There’s no number of miles that can separate us that will change that.
And one day, those orbs you love so much will guide our souls back home.
Just know that whilst I’m not with you, I’ll do everything I can to make sure the earth you walk on is safer for you.
” His jaw flexes against me, and his next words come out strained.
“Because I fucking love you.”
Hairline fractures erupt across my protected heart. The toughened scar tissue deep beneath it ruptures, letting the entirety of the love I’ve contained within it seep through like a bursting dam.
The last clasp on my feelings clicks, no longer able to withhold how I truly feel, and I throw that damn lock right across the edge of the peak.
I drag in a shaky breath, the twinkling lights ahead of us smudging into a haze of white and amber, tears blurring my eyes.
“How do you remember it?” My voice is barely above a whisper, so low, I’m taken by surprise that he hears it.
“Those very same words have been my thoughts every single day since I walked away from you.”
The question clings to the back of my throat, but I push past it, letting it come out hoarse, desperately needing to know. “Do you still feel that way?”
It feels like there’s no sound in the world; the sway of the trees has calmed, and my breathing has stopped.
All that remains is the steady drum of my pulse as I dare myself to look over my shoulder at him.
His grey eyes burn into mine, and he tugs me to take his place, arms caging me in at the sides against the open trunk.
“I need you to get this back in your head, darling. Seeing as that wasn’t clear enough.
” He dips his head, getting to my eye level.
“I love you more than those stars bleed for the night. More than the sun’s need to burn from its core.
I never stopped, Indie. There wasn’t a second gone by where your name wasn’t whispered in my mind like a cruel curse. ”
My breathing hitches, and I don’t even fight it, allowing the warm droplets to break free and roll down the chill of my cheeks.
Saint catches them, cupping my face with his hands, thumbs gently stroking across my cheekbones. “I’ll always fight for you. Worship you until my dying breath, then search to find you in the next life, just to learn new ways to show my love for you.”
My face is soaked, and I battle with the sob that aches to be free, battle with the wings that want to break out of my chest.
Then…his gaze blends in with the night.
“But I’m a different man now, Indie. I’m not the same one you knew six years ago. If there ever comes a time where you try to push me away again? I won’t walk away. I’ll take you kicking and screaming, because you fucking belong to me.” His jaw grinds. “Never. Underestimate my love for you.”
A hand slips behind my nape, and our lips crash together.
Our kiss mixes with my salty tears. It’s raw, full of pain and dependence. We might have been physical the last couple of weeks, but this?
This is what I need more than anything.
It’s above it all.
His love is the anchor I’ve so desperately needed in the world.
He pulls back, gaze beckoning me to his every command. “I’ll get them. Every single last one of them. I won’t rest until the Montgomerys’ world is consumed in flames.”
Everything catches up to me at once, the love, the moment, the devotion to one another.