13. Astor
THIRTEEN
ASTOR
“Ican’t,” I tell him. It might be the most honest I’ve ever been with anyone ever. Simple and direct, and the words singe my tongue and fill me with fear. “I couldn’t if I wanted to.”
He is like a fucking wildfire running rampant through my body, burning my insides until there is nothing left but us and the flames. Does he seriously think I could tell him to leave again?
“Good. I want it to be impossible for you to get away from me.” He squeezes the base of my dick, and I’m becoming convinced he’s found some cosmic leash to bring me to fucking heel.
I hate him, but I want him, and it’s the most confused I’ve ever been about anything in my life. But I don’t want him to stop. Orgasms have always been general body maintenance, nothing more than a self-care chore when the pressure built to be too much.
This is nothing like those sensations.
This is an all-encompassing need for Rurik to keep touching me.
Can I make him fit into my careful restrictions? It’s too much to consider. It feels like a death grip on the house of cards that is my self-regulation and one slip will send the cards flying.
He is anything but cautious. How could it possibly work?
But then he kisses me, and I forget the question and all of the thoughts piling up for just a moment. The peace is intoxicating. It’s like being in the eye of his hurricane.
“Keep doing that.” He demands into my mouth, using his tongue to etch the words over mine.
“What?” I feel drunk, but I haven’t had a single drink. Not even a damn glass of wine at dinner, and this is what he’s caused. He shouldn’t be allowed to have this effect on anyone. It’s dangerous, and maybe I shouldn’t be surprised considering what he’s destined to do.
“Making those sounds.”
“You can’t possibly like them that much.” I feel the heat creep up my neck and bury my face in his chest. It’s too much. I’m too seen, and I hate it. Not enough to make him stop, but I can’t let him witness it all.
When I imagined all the ways sex would be horrible for me, I never expected to be so exposed even with my cock out. How does anyone do this regularly and enjoy it without going mad?
He trails his lips across my jaw, eliciting more sounds I couldn’t stop if I wanted to. “Don’t hide, gorgeous.”
“I can’t.”
“You can, and I want it.” He’s surprisingly soft. I could have never pictured the gentle coax in a million years coming from his body, but I love it.
It feels like a secret reserved only for me.
“It’s too much.”
“It’s supposed to be.” He uses his grip on my jaw to lift my face back to his. But he doesn’t kiss me right away. He presses his lips to one cheek and then the other. Then over my closed eyelids. “Look at me.”
I force my lids to lift, glancing up into his face. I shouldn’t have. I’ll never be able to forget the way he’s gazing at me. A type of worship, a reverence, like he’s ready to kneel at my altar, is etched into the molecules he’s made of.
He could tell me anything in this moment, and I’d believe him. He could make me do anything too, I fear. No one should have this power. Christ, if a hand around my dick is making me think these thoughts, I was right to avoid sex. But I do not have the strength to stop.
He rubs his thumb through the pre-cum pooling at my slit and momentarily releases me to suck off the fluid. “Fuck.”
“That can’t possibly taste good.”
“Yours does.” He forces his tongue into my mouth, letting me taste myself between us.
It’s strange but not bad, which makes me want to know what he tastes like. Could it be so different?
“You’re doing so good.” His words bury themselves in my senses until I’m sure I won’t be able to taste or smell anything but him for days.
“I have no idea what I’m doing.” I break our kiss, and he fights me with his hold on my jaw.
“Trust me.” He leans over and spits in his hand.
I nod watching.
He wraps his hand around us both and thrusts, fucking our cocks together with the added lubricant. “Fuck.”
“Fuck indeed.” I drop my head back unable to do anything but focus on the sensation of our skin meeting. If heaven is real, it would feel like Rurik.
“You’ve really never done this before?”
“Never. Not with anyone.”
He groans bucking against me, sending our cocks sliding together. “All mine.”
I find I like the reaction and roll my fist over his cock, studying him to find what he likes best, his breath growing jagged.
I realize I want to make him come. I want the power and to know I can make him feel good, make him weak for me.
“Just like that.” He gasps and tightens his grip on my neck.
I’ll have bruises, and the idea makes my dick throb in his hand. My lungs burn, and I’m practically floating.
“Give it to me,” I demand.
Rurik pries his eyes open. “How badly do you want it?”
“It’s mine.”
“Mmm, baby. I love when you talk dirty.” His face relaxes, bliss evident in his eyes and I like it. Like that I can do this to him. And selfishly I want to be the only one who can do this to him. No one else should see him like this.
“I’m not kidding. You will give me your fucking cum when I want it.” I mirror his hand on my neck, showing him I’m not messing around and this isn’t talk. “You will come when I tell you to.”
“Fuck.” His dick pulses, and his breathing hitches.
I’m entranced. He softens, and the lines leave his face. Watching what I’m doing to him is a kind of power I’ve never tasted before. I’ve always seen sex as violently extracting pleasure from another, but this is anything but. He’s perfect, moaning my name, spilling all over my hand and his abs.
What has he fucking done to me?
I should hate the mess and the rawness of it. But when his mouth clashes with mine, I release his throat, sliding my hand around to the back of his head, welcoming the kiss full force.
And suddenly I’m close, his cum adding lubrication enhancing the feel.
I’m more open and willing to let him have this part of me. I want him to be the one who makes me cum. A thing I never thought I’d want.
But he’s not going to let me go, not now that his hooks are in me. His all-consuming hunger will chase me until the ends of the earth.
Maybe I don’t want him to.
“Come for me, baby.” His words pull down my last resolve, demanding the orgasm from me, and in this moment I will do anything he asks.
I explode in ecstasy. Nothing like my maintenance orgasms. This is something beyond necessity. I can almost see why others chase this so often. Pleasure rocks my entire body, sending sparks up my spine and pumping through my blood. I grab his face, needing to kiss him while he destroys me.
I’m shaking and spill all over his hand, gasping groans I’m glad don’t materialize into any of the words running through my head.
He can’t know them. I can never tell him.
He wrenches out every last drop from me, leaving me spent and panting. Empty in more than one way, and I drop my face again, unable to look him in the eyes after my display. I can’t face even myself.
But he surprises me, pulling me out of the cycle of thoughts by releasing my cock and bringing his fingers to his lips. I watch as he sucks the cum off of them.
My shock must show on my face because he laughs and says, “I told you, you taste good.”
“I thought you meant for a taste, not like this is a porn video.”
“Porn video,” he repeats with a laugh. “Everything you say is so posh.”
“It is not.”
“A little.” He holds up his thumb and forefinger an inch apart.
We’re a mess, and I hate it, but I’m not about to shove his massive body off me. He rubs his nose over mine, and I’m not expecting the tenderness from him. Especially after he’s gotten what he wanted.
He pulls off his sweater, then his tee, using it to clean up the rest of the mess. “Next time I’m going to make you eat it.”
“Next time?” I let him wipe me off.
“You heard me.” He tucks the shirt in his pocket, then puts his sweater back on. It hugs his pecs without the added layer.
I fumble to fix my clothes, at least getting my dick put away because it’s a miracle already no one has caught us. He takes the cue and does the same.
I expect him to back off, but he doesn’t. Instead, he slides a finger under my chin, tilting it up to nibble the corner of my mouth. “You watch porn?”
“No. But I’ve seen it.”
“I didn’t think so. You really think people aren’t into all those things they do in porn.”
“Maybe in theory.”
“It’s both. Some things are hot to watch but not do, and others are hot to do. And it’s different for everyone. That’s okay too.” Why is he so fucking sweet?
Never in a million years did I expect to get this from him. I half expected him to bail the second he came.
“So you like my taste?” I’m confused by it.
“Fishing for compliments?”
“I’m curious if this is a normal thing for you?”
“Not usually no, but you’re different.”
My insides spark.
I force it back. Stop taking everything he says literally, idiot. He’s charming. You already knew that. He’s probably like this with everyone.
“Don’t bullshit me.”
“I’m serious.” Rurik looks me right in the eyes with his huge grin. “If I could pop a straw in it and drink your cum like a Capri Sun, I would.”
I’m torn between being revolted and charmed. What is wrong with me? “You’re not putting a straw in my dick.”
“I’ll put that on the maybe list.” He winks, stealing another kiss.
“I said no.”
“Your nos sometimes mean yes.”
“Rurik!”
“If you keep saying my name, my dick is going to want to be in your mouth.”
“I need to get home. I have a lot to figure out…” I trail off, not sure how much he wants me to say.
“I’ll walk you.” He still doesn’t back off.
“Is that a good idea?”
He shrugs. “I don’t hide.”
We take our time walking through the dark campus. It’s still pretty active as it’s early, and there are plenty of drunk students all around. But he doesn’t shy away from walking shoulder to shoulder with me. Thankfully, he doesn’t do more.
“What are you going to do for the rest of the night?” I shouldn’t ask. I’m sure I don’t want the answer. I fear it’s finding someone else to spend the remainder with.
“I’ll probably see what my brothers are up to so they get off my back.”
“How many do you have?” He’s mentioned his brothers, and I know his eldest brother is at least partly in charge of Legacy.
“Two brothers and one sister. What about you?” The sister surprises me. In all my research, she’s never come up. I wonder if she’s much younger or something.
“Just one older brother.”
“Aw, you’re the baby. My baby.”
“I am not.” I roll my eyes and stop short of approaching my building. I’d already gone out without my bodyguards, and the last thing I need is anyone asking questions about Rurik.
“Why did we stop?”
“I told you, I have expectations placed on me…” But I don’t want to let him go, knowing what will probably happen.
I need to get a fucking grip. The only reason I did this was for his help, and now I’m dickmatized because the guy gave me an orgasm. It’s entirely too juvenile. I need to be an adult.
“So you said.” He’s tight lipped.
I can’t get in his head, and I hate it.
“This is not me telling you to leave.”
That seems to make him smile.
“What are you saying, baby boy? You want me to keep invading your solo sports? I knew you missed me!”
I hesitate. “I’ve…grown accustomed to your presence, and I reserve the right to reassess my decision.”
“Your dad must be a lawyer.”
“Something like that.” I smile despite myself.
“What’s like that?”
“I’ve told you. Aristocrat,” I offer because it will placate him, but not give too much away.
“Ah, nearly the same thing. Lots of talk without saying anything.” He leans closer, always the imposing presence, and it feels like if he could, he’d lock me in a cage and not let anyone have access to me.
I shiver and hate that he can have such an effect on me. “You understand it perfectly.”
He strokes a finger down my throat. “I see you trying to mask your reactions. Don’t.”
“I can’t help it. I’ve been trained to my whole life.”
“Not with me.”
“You make it sound like I’m going to see you again.” Why am I fucking asking? He already said he’d come back to rowing.
“You are. You’re not getting away from me so easily.”
“Goodnight then.” I hate the words as they leave my mouth.
“Goodnight?” He lifts his brows like he’s expecting more.
“I’ll see you in the morning?” I ask, not sure what he’s looking for.
He grabs the back of my neck, dragging my body to his, kissing me like the savage he is. It’s quick, burns hot, and is over too soon. “Now you can go.”
And I do, reluctantly.
I’ll feel better if he shows up in the morning. Even if I can figure out the second set of Legacy puzzles on my own, he’s a safety net. Nothing more. I won’t let myself rely on him. I can’t.
Now to focus. I can beat these. I did the first set.
The clue is just a picture printed on the back of the invitation. I scanned it and reverse image searched it, but nothing came back, which led me to the library, where I found nothing. That led me to walking by the Vault…and then Rurik.
What else can it be hiding?
I walk right into Viv in the entryway. I didn’t even see her. “Good evening.”
“You were out late…” She inspects me. Is she suspicious?
“I was at the library. I needed a reference.”
She cocks her head. “That’s outside your routine.”
“I’m not a fan of it either. But it did loosely fit into homework time.”
She purses her lips, and I’m not sure she believes me.
I can’t explain this to her, and I don’t know what to say.
She steps closer, and I’m fucking sure I probably look like I was just fucked with no explanation for that either.
“I’ve heard some guy has been rowing with you. What’s that about?”
Fuck.