23. Astor
TWENTY-THREE
ASTOR
He sleeps here…and maybe I like it. His presence seems to chase away my sleep paralysis demon, which is a gift in itself. But I won’t be telling him. It would go straight to his head.
He much too quickly entrenches himself deeper into my routine, but while it’s easy and I like it, the fear of the tiniest loss of control compiles in my chest until it’s a constant weight on my lungs. I just know it can’t work. It’s temporary relief and I dread the end.
I’m stuck on the puzzle, and I’m not sure if I should just ask him, but my pride won’t let me.
I’m already too connected to him. I can’t risk a place in Legacy to ask him.
Maybe he wouldn’t care, but the risk if he does…
And every time I get close to asking him, I have a breakthrough.
Maybe I just need to decide to do it and then it will come to me.
Rurik is at a Legacy meeting so I use the time to work on the puzzle.
I’m so tired of staring at it, I’m thinking I should just finish my tea and give up when Finn knocks on my door frame.
“Yes?”
“Just seeing what you’re up to.” Finn glances around my room like he’s looking for something.
I refill my cup from the pot and wave at it. “Want one?”
“No, thank you.” He ventures further into my room. “You’re going to make yourself lose your mind with all the studying. You need a break.”
“I’m fine.” I sit back and rub my eyes. Maybe he’s a little right.
“What are you working on? Can you ask the professor for tutoring if you can’t get it?”
“It’s not…” My pride speaks before my brain catches up. “It’s a side project. Not homework.”
“Even more reason to take a break. You need time away from things to get a different perspective. Even you know that.” The bastard has a point.
I blow out my cheeks. “It’s a weeknight. You can’t possibly have a party to go to.”
“It’s a low-key thing. I won’t even make you stay out too late.”
I tap my pencil against the notebook, considering it.
Rurik will be at Legacy late. They have their events Wednesdays and Sundays.
The idea of trying to fall asleep alone isn’t appealing.
Why am I considering this? Who am I? Between letting a guy sleep in my room every night and amenable to going out, I’m really losing it.
“Come on. It’s been weeks since you’ve been out. I’ll drag you if I have to.”
I hold up my hands. “Fine. But only for a couple of hours.”
Finn grins, clapping a hand on my shoulder. “Excellent. I really didn’t think I was going to win that one.”
I toss my pencil down and get up to change. “What is the dress code?”
“Casual.”
I stare at him.
“What?”
“You really want me to pick out my own clothes?” I wait, knowing he’ll pick.
“Can you, like, please learn even a tiny bit about fashion? I am begging you.” He does always look good, but I’m not about to add another thing to worry about to my brain.
There is already enough going on in here.
He tosses clothes at me and turns to walk out.
“Five minutes. I’m not giving you time to reconsider. ”
“I won’t.” Which might be tipping him off, but I can’t be bothered to care. A distraction sounds good right now.
I pull off my shirt but pause to trace over the marks Rurik left on my chest and throat. My cock stiffens seeing them there. Why do I like the little bruises so much?
We get to a bar, and he hands me a fake ID.
“Memorize this. America has their drinking age.”
“Don’t tell me I look like a Franklin Martin.” It was close enough, though, and would probably work. “It’s weird I can legally drink at home but not here.”
“That’s why I had my guy make you a fake ID.”
When I hand it over, the bouncer doesn’t even take a second look. We make our way to a table towards the back and are warmly greeted by a group of Finn’s friends as we slide into the big round booth.
I keep an outside seat, both so I can make my own exit at some point and because I’m already claustrophobic in the bar. If I were in the middle and trapped, I’d have a panic attack.
Finn gets us a round of drinks, and I nurse my beer, already tired. I don’t need to add to it.
“Where is Viv?”
“She has something on tonight. But she’s meeting us here in a bit.”
My one beer quickly turns into a drinking game with shots at the table.
Viv appears and nudges me to get up so she can get into the booth without trapping me inside. I love her. “Look at you out, and I didn’t even have to do any work.”
“I’d say blame your brother, but he actually didn’t do much. I was tired of being in my head.” I offer her a half smile. “I’m trying.”
“I figured he blackmailed you.” She side-eyes me as she takes a shot.
“No, I needed a break from what I was working on. But I can see why that would be more believable.”
“Come with me to the bar. I need something other than this disgusting vodka they are drinking.” She nudges me again, and I get up.
We walk over to the bar, and she takes a seat. I sense she just wanted to get away from Finn and his friends for a bit, so I take a stool next to her.
She orders and turns to me. “Do you need help with something?”
“No, I got it.” I need to stop talking about it before they both get more suspicious. Not even side comments.
“You know I’d help you with anything, right?”
“I know.” I take the gin martini she ordered and sip it, feeling the shots. I should get back soon.
“You are much better company than my brother, and I’m happy you’re here.” She studies me for a moment. “I’d help you even if it’s on the illicit side.”
I laugh. “What are you suggesting I’m into?”
My phone vibrates. Odd. The only two people who would call me are here, and it’s the middle of the night at home.
I slide it out of my pocket.
Missed call from Rurik.
What?
I’ve never given him my number.
A string of texts come in one after the other. Not giving me any time to answer.
Rurik: Where are you?
Rurik: Are you at a bar?
Rurik: Your location says a bar.
Rurik: I’m coming there.
“Is everything okay?” Viv asks.
I flip my phone over and force a smile like that doesn’t make me look more guilty. “It’s nothing. Just a friend.”
She looks at me over the rim of her drink. “Okay.”
“What were you doing tonight?” A headache begins to pound in my temples, probably from the mixture of alcohol and loud music. and I just want to change the subject.
“I’m on the planning committee for a school event. It’s endlessly boring but great for the resume. I have to start applying to grad schools this year, so I have to get as much as I can for my resume.”
“Right. I don’t even want to think that far ahead. Is it going well at least?” My phone keeps vibrating in my pocket.
I don’t want him to be upset. How long have I been here? Other nights he’s been out, it’s been much later. I check my watch, and it’s after one. I hadn’t realized so much time had passed. No wonder he’s upset.
“Very well. But you know everything I do goes well. Even if I have to drag them along, I will make it good.”
“The family perfectionism is showing.”
“Mix that with eldest daughter sickness!” She laughs and presses her forehead into the bar.
I pick up my phone and see another missed call. “I’m going to use the loo.”
My headache is only getting worse, and I’m beyond exhausted after burning the candle at both ends with this puzzle. So I’ll piss, call Rurik and tell him I’m leaving, then break it to Viv. She knows how early I get up.
Rurik: Why are you whispering with an attractive woman?
Rurik: Ash.
Rurik: Don’t make me jealous. I can promise you, you won’t like me when I’m jealous.
I smile. I can’t believe he’s jealous of Viv. I push into the bathroom, starting a reply.
Ash: Okay stalker. I was talking to my cousin not—
But everything goes black before I can finish it.