Epilogue
RURIK
THREE WEEKS LATER
“I’m wise to your antics,” Frederik says when I slip into his study.
“I’m a delight, and it’s wild behavior to just accuse me of things.” I’m not deterred. This has become our dynamic, and I rather like that Frederik goads me and doesn’t just take my shit.
He downs his glasses, looking over the rim. “And people just accept this gaslighting from you without question?!”
“You wound me with your accusations! May I, Your Majesty?” I nod at the wingback across from him.
“Please.” He slides a bookmark in to mark his page and sets it aside. “What can I do for you?”
“I wasn’t kidding before.”
“You’ll have to be more specific. That could be your affinity for murder, or perhaps your desire to start a cat rescue and retire to the countryside.” While the assessment was fair because I have said both this week, it was still uncalled for.
But I’m a man with a mission, so I press on. “I mean about marrying Ash.”
“How long have you been dating?” He fucking knows the answer.
“Officially or unofficially?”
Frederik removes his glasses and places them next to my book. “He’s nineteen.”
“He’ll be twenty in October.”
“I like you, Rurik. But this is not a small thing you ask. He’s still a prince, and it becomes a public matter when he’s engaged. There will be media and attention. Is he even ready to come out?” Frederik gives me a sympathetic look, like it helps his case.
“It doesn’t have to be any of that before he’s ready. This isn’t about any of that. I want him to know I’m serious, that I’m not going anywhere.”
“Do you think he doesn’t know that already?” Frederik asks, pouring himself another drink.
“He knows. I don’t know if he believes it. But I’m sure it’s hard for him to believe anything right now. He’s still settling into the truth of what happened.” I’m not going to lie to Frederik. He wouldn’t respect me if I did. I knew that the first time I met him.
“He’s been through a lot, but he’s too young to get married, and you’re his first boyfriend. He doesn’t even know who he is fully yet.”
“I’m not going anywhere.”
“You can’t know that. I was your age once too, and I thought I knew the way my life would turn out. Things happen, and circumstances change. I never expected not to have children of my own or to lose my sister so young.” His openness is respectable, but he doesn’t know me.
“I’m sorry those things happened. I won’t change my mind. I know myself. I know I’ve never felt this for anyone.”
“And if he changes his mind.”
I smile but don’t say a word.
“Are you different than your father if you don’t give him a choice either?” His words hurt but they still don’t persuade me.
“I give him a choice. He’s told me to leave before, and I left.” I cross my ankle over my knee knowing I’m not my father.
He tilts his head in a silent standoff.
I’m comfortable in silence, but in the stillness I’m surprised to see parts of a like mind in him, and I guess that makes sense.
How could you rule a kingdom and hold the throne against usurpers without being at least a little on the ASPD spectrum?
The weight of being raised for it alone has got to do something to a person.
He finally breaks the standoff. “But you don’t really leave.”
“I respect his wishes and what he actually wants. But you and I both know a person’s words don’t always match their desires.”
“True enough, but how can you assure me you’re doing what’s best for him and not just yourself?”
“Because I’d let him kill me if that’s what he really wanted.”
He lifts his brows. “I believe you. I don’t know why, but I do.”
“Because it’s the truth, and if there is anything our kind can do, it’s spot each other and know when they're lying. I wouldn’t lie to you. I respect you too much. I’ll just tell you the truth.” And do what I want. But I’d rather have him on my side. It makes Ash happy.
“And if I don’t agree with your truth, even knowing it’s the truth?” Frederik asks pointedly, and I know what he’s really saying.
So I answer the unspoken question. “This is just a formality. I’ll ask him and marry him when we see fit, and good luck to anyone who gets in the way.”
He sits with my words for a moment, then laughs. “Only if it’s a long engagement. Give him time to grow into who he is without his father hanging over his head. Give him time to breathe. And we keep it quiet. At least for a year.”
I hold out my hand. “Deal.”
As much as I want to, I don’t propose directly after the chat with Frederik, despite having the ring ready to go. No one is allowed to ask when I bought it. We aren’t talking about me. I’m a planner and I like to think ahead. I don’t think that’s wrong.
So with the patience of a god, I set it up for the next day. But no longer. I am still human.
I enlist the help of Nik, Viv, Finn, Rain, and Kiho, who all joined us here this week, and those bitches better not make me regret this.
It’s fine.
I’m fine.
I’m not experiencing tight flicking in my chest and a slight humming in my ears I don’t understand. Then it hits me. Ash said this was how being nervous felt before we had dinner with my family.
I’m instantly horrified.
“People just feel like this all the time?!” I claw at my chest, needing to free the butterflies.
“I think he’s finally cracked,” Nik leans over whispering to Kiho.
“Just ignore him. He’ll sort himself out. That’s what I always do.” Kiho waves it off.
“Fuck both of you. I’m nervous!”
“Oh no.” Nik approaches me cautiously. “Are you broken? Or cured? Can psychopathy be cured?”
“It can’t be cured!” I don’t want to be cured if this is how regular people feel all the time.
“Then how are you feeling nervous?!”
“I don’t know, but that’s what Ash told me it was before, and I hate it.”
Kiho bursts out laughing. “Sweet little guy! May this kind of horror never find me.”
“I cannot believe you’re laughing at my pain.” I cross my arms. “Friends off.”
Kiho keeps laughing.
Nik hovers, concerned. “What if we knock him out? Do you think that will reset him?”
Kiho laughs so hard he falls off his chair. “Like a computer?”
“Don’t you fucking dare! I am not missing my own proposal.” I check the ring again and then wonder if this is how Ash feels all the time with his checking things. And I’m more appalled. “How does Ash live like this?”
“You’re going to have to be more specific.” Nik looks like he wants to do something but is afraid to.
“Never mind. Does Rain have Ash out yet?” I pace the room, needing to be doing something. Because I’m going to rip my own chest open if I stay in this room any longer.
Kiho checks his phone. “Yes. Sorry about that, Rurik-chan. I missed the text laughing.”
“I already friendship offed you, but double friendship off.” I pat my pockets, making sure I have everything, including the ring again, and then head down to the river with everyone else.
They load the supplies into their boats and head further down river out of sight, ready for Rain to bring Ash back.
“Tell him we’re ready.”
Kiho gives me a thumbs up before getting in the last boat.
It’s dusk, and the timing needs to be just right to have the effect I want. So hopefully Ash figures it out quickly because I could have really misjudged all of this.
Maybe the sea glass won’t be enough?
Fuck.