The Agent
“Where are we going?” I asked, eyeing the street sign as we turned another corner.
Our surroundings were beginning to look too familiar.
Usually whenever we were back in my old stomping grounds, we never traveled too far into the city.
We all thought it was best to avoid any instances of someone recognizing me.
“You’ll see,” Mateo replied, glancing at me from underneath his shades.
He drove with one hand on the wheel and the other on my thigh, his seat leaned back.
He looked so relaxed, so normal. In another life, I could picture him with Rolexes on his wrist and a sliver of gold in his mouth.
If we were headed to the mall, maybe I’ll convince him to purchase some.
With all the work we’ve put in over the past few months, we deserved to live in a fantasy for a day or two.
My brows pinched together as we veered off from the main city streets towards the rural outskirts.
We rolled down the quieter streets for a while until Mateo made another turn down a long driveway leading towards a large manor.
Large fields with glittering ponds and trails lined with tall trees sat around it.
An abundance of cars sat in the large parking lot beside the mansion, mostly vans with company logos on the sides of them.
“What…what are we doing here?” I asked as he parked the car.
“If I recall correctly, you still have an ass to kick up an aisle.”
“Wait, are you serious?” I asked. “I can see Isabelle? But, I thought-”
“It won’t be like your relationship with Gabriel. We can’t check in as often, but…you deserve the closure and I’m sure she needs her big sister on a day like this.”
I leaned over the center dash and hugged him. “Thank you,” I murmured into his neck. “This means a lot to me.”
“I know,” he replied, patting my back. “Enjoy it because this is the last rule I’m breaking for you.”
I scoffed. “We both know that’s a lie.”
He playfully shoved me away. “Get out of my car before I change my mind.” He grabbed the hat sitting in my lap and plopped it on my head. “And keep your head down. Isabelle’s the only one allowed to see you. Alright?”
I nodded, adjusting the cap to fit better on my head.
“Take your time. I’ll be here when you’re finished.”
Smiling, I leaned forward to give him a kiss. There weren’t enough thank yous in the world to express how grateful I was for the moment he was giving me, but I was going to find a way to make this up to him. I just didn’t know how yet.
Keeping my head low and the cap over my eyes, I strolled past the workers milling around the building.
Some were putting up floral decor, others were carrying chairs and tables into the ballroom, and a few were running around with clipboards making sure everything was in its right place.
No one paid any mind to me, too occupied with their tasks.
I easily made my way up the spiral steps towards the bridal suite on the third floor.
The entire floor plan was practically engraved in my brain after all the times I visited with Isabelle and my mother.
Both of them were obsessed with the venue, and the wedding director invited us up nearly all the time to go over plans for the decor.
A symphony of familiar voices trailed out from the suite, echoing down the hall. I recognized the high-pitched obnoxious voices of Isabelle’s bridesmaids and my mother’s tight tone.
I stopped at the door and peered around the corner to get a glimpse inside.
The women stood in a cluster around the vanity dresser, clad in their matching pale pink satin robes with their wedding party roles embroidered on the back.
Isabelle sat in the chair in the middle of them with her head down.
Only the white pins in her hair and her fingers digging into her temples were visible in the mirror.
None of the other women noticed Isabelle’s position, all of them chattering on about a million different things. The makeup. The dresses. The photographer. Poses for the getting ready pictures. Every little thing I bet Isabelle couldn’t care less about right now.
“Who’s going to walk down with Darren?” Chelsea mused. “The best man can’t walk down without the maid of-”
“Shut the fuck up,” Isabelle snapped, finally raising her head. Her light brown eyes were ablaze with a rage I’d never seen before. The heat behind it made her bridesmaids take a step back. “Matter of fact, get the hell out!”
The small crowd erupted in a chorus of “What?” and “Huh?” as the women held their hands to their chests.
“Give us a moment, ladies,” my mother said, offering the bridesmaids apologetic smiles.
Isabelle put her face back into her hands, ignoring the dirty glances her bridesmaids gave her as they turned on their heels and walked out.
They grumbled amongst each other as they walked past me, not even sparing a glance in my direction.
“Isabelle,” my mother sighed, laying her hands on Isabelle’s shoulders. “I know parts of today are tough for you, but you need to be kinder to your friends. They’re only trying to help.”
“Yeah, well they’re not,” Isabelle mumbled. “All they want is to take her place, and they can’t.”
“Why not? Leaving an empty space may not present well in the pictures.”
“I don’t give a damn about the pictures,” Isabelle snapped, raising her head again. “Simone’s supposed to be here! But, she’s not.” Her voice cracked on the last word, a film of moisture forming over eyes.
“I know,” my mother murmured. “I wish she were here too.” She paused, the frown almost winning the tug-of-war on her lips.
She shook her head, wiping the sadness away, and masked it with the usual pursed poise.
“But, she wouldn’t want you to be sad on one of the best days of your life.
” Leaning down, she pecked a kiss on her head.
“Take some time to yourself. We’ll come check on you in a little bit. ”
She gave Isabelle’s shoulders one last squeeze before releasing her. Another sigh left her lips as she shut the door behind her. She fell back against the door, shutting her eyes tight to prevent any tears from falling.
She was close enough to touch. To pull close. To melt into an embrace one last time.
I could smell the signature florals of her favorite perfume, and for the first time since I was younger, I wanted nothing more but to bury my face into her shoulder and breathe it in.
But, Mateo’s rules were clear: the less people who knew about me, the better. And I needed to be careful about who I shared the knowledge with. Isabelle and Gabriel would keep my secret. I wasn’t sure my mother would ever let me go if she knew.
So, I had to let her continue thinking I’m already gone.
Opening her eyes, my mother straightened her shoulders, pasted a smile on her face, and walked down the hall where the bridesmaids had gone.
I waited until her footsteps out of earshot to walk inside.
Isabelle’s head rose at the soft click of the lock as I shut the door behind me.
“Didn’t I say to-” She froze when our eyes caught each other in the mirror.
Her eyes widened, staring at my reflection in disbelief.
Moisture glazed over her eyes with every passing second.
“Simone?” she whispered, her voice barely audible. “Is…is that you?”
“Yeah. I…I couldn’t miss your big day.’
She shook her head. “No…no… you’re…you’re not real… I’m just…I’m literally losing my mind. Oh my god…”
I started walking towards her. “You’re not going crazy. This is real.” I set a hand on her shoulder. “I’m here.”
In one instant, she spun around in her chair, leaped up and threw her arms around me. She nearly knocked the wind out of me when our bodies collided against each other.
Still, I hugged her as tight as I could.
“Simone,” she whispered again, her voice cracking. “I…I can’t believe this. I thought…I thought you were gone. I…I was so…I was so upset. I…I didn’t know how to live without…without you.” She could barely speak between her sobs. “Where…where were you?”
“It’s hard to explain,” I replied. “I’m here now. That’s what matters.”
She pulled away to lay her hands on my face.
“You’re here. You’re really here. But how?
We all thought you were dead. We had a funeral.
We…we tried to move on. We thought… Oh my god, we have to tell mom!
” She grabbed my hand and tried to tow me towards the door.
“She is going to flip when she sees you! You may not believe it, but she was a wreck when she thought -”
“Isabelle,” I said gently, remaining firm in my spot. “We can’t…we can’t tell mom.”
“What? Why not? She’ll be so glad you’re alive!”
I frowned. “Let’s sit down.” I led her to the small couch on the other side of the room.
Isabelle crossed her legs and waited patiently as I gathered the words I didn’t want to say, but knew I needed to.
“The woman I used to be…the one you knew…she is dead.”
Her brows pinched together. “No, no, she’s not; she’s right here.”
I shook my head. “I still look like her, but I’m…I’m not her. I’ve…I’ve changed a lot since I’ve been gone. I’m not the same person I used to be.”
She set her hands over mine and squeezed. “But you’re still my sister, right?”
“Yeah. I’ll always be your sister.”
“Then, why can’t we tell mom?”
The innocence in her voice reminded me of when we were younger and she’d bombard me with questions I struggled to answer. Not because I didn’t have them, but because they were hard to say aloud. “Because I’m not staying,” I replied.
“Wait, you’re not…you’re not coming back?”
I shook my head. “I just…I just wanted to see you one last time. Just so happened the right time fell on your wedding day.”
She nodded, slow tears falling from her eyes. “I’ve really missed you. I’ve…I’ve really needed you.”
“I know. And I’m sorry. I’m sorry I can’t…I can’t be a better sister.”
“Don’t say that. You’re the best sister I could’ve asked for. I just wished we had more time.”
“Me too.” I glanced over my shoulder at the door. “You did scare your bridal party off pretty well, so I’m thinking we’ve got enough time to touch up your makeup before they come scurrying back in.”
Isabelle smiled as I took her hand and led her back to the vanity dresser.
There, we fixed the smudges from her tears as she filled me in with all the things I’ve missed.
The drunken fun at her bachelorette party.
The tears she shed at her final dress fitting.
The family drama at her rehearsal dinner the night before.
Her light, dim when she’d first seen me, grew brighter and brighter with every word.
Before long, it shone in her smile and beamed behind her eyes.
“So, what’s been up with you?” Isabelle asked once she finished her stories. “I’m curious what one does after they fall off the face of the Earth.”
“I’ve been traveling a lot; meeting new people, learning new skills. And I have a boyfriend.”
Isabelle gasped. “Ooo do tell!”
“Remember my secret admirer? The one you met at the fundraising ball?”
Her jaw dropped. “Shut up! No way!”
“Yeah, I would’ve actually been dead if it weren’t for him. He saved me…in more ways than I could’ve ever expected.”
Isabelle smiled. “I’m glad. You deserve love and happiness. You always did.”
“Thanks, Izzie.”
Footsteps pattered past the closed door, breaking our smiles.
“I should go,” I murmured. I opened my arms and welcomed Isabelle back in them. “Keep giving your bridesmaids hell. Remember this is your day, so make sure to enjoy it. And live well. Okay?”
Isabelle nodded. “You too.” She squeezed me tighter, more tears falling on my shoulder. “I love you, Simone.”
“I love you too, Izzie.”
Our words made it harder to let go. We lingered in each other’s embrace, neither one of us wanting the hug to end.
But eventually, we came apart and smiled between our tears.
I took her in bright eyes and wet cheeks one last time, admiring the beautiful woman I had the privilege of calling my sister.
I thought the connection would unravel with every step I took towards the door. Yet, to my surprise, it strengthened instead, tethering us with an invisible rope. It gave me hope that maybe this wasn’t goodbye forever; it was just goodbye for now.