Vengeful Bonds #2

35. Fen

Everyone except Binnie was suspiciously quiet on the way home. Maybe he talked to fill the awkward silence, or maybe he was just too excited to notice. He happily rambled on about baby names and which room they would want to use for the nursery and offered to help them pick out anything they could ever need or want for their newest little pack member.

Fen smiled in spite of himself. Binnie’s excitement was contagious. It almost took his mind off the drugs currently sitting in his lap. Maybe he shouldn’t have taken them. But if Seth found out Win had offered Fen a way to put Seth into heat during Saint’s current rut and he’d turned it down, he would be heartbroken and maybe even angry. It still didn’t make him feel any better about it. He knew, no matter the side effects, Seth would risk it.

Ollie and Deke sat side by side in the car, their heads together as they looked at picture after picture of their baby. Every time they reached the end of the strip of ultrasound photos, they started over again. It was almost compulsive. Fen didn’t know what they were looking for, but he could smell their combined anxiety. They all could.

Once home, everyone but Loch and Fen headed into the house. Fen heaved a heavy sigh, then looked from his alpha to the drugs cradled in his lap.

“It has to be his choice,” Loch said. “I don’t feel great about him taking them either, but he is an adult. All you can do is tell him the risks.”

“He won’t care what he’s risking. He wants a baby so badly,” Fen said, shaking his head. “Why did she even have to tell us about the stupid drugs in the first place?”

“They’re about to hit the shelves everywhere. You think Seth wouldn’t have found a way to get his hands on them the moment he knew of their existence?”

“Still,” Fen hedged. “It might have been a few months before he knew of them. By then, maybe he would have conceived on his own. There’s something…off about how comfortable Veritas is with pushing past nature’s boundaries. I’m afraid for him.”

Loch pulled Fen across the seat to side hug him. “Me too. But we’ll keep an eye on him. If we think something has gone wrong, we’ll help him. No matter what.”

Fen nodded, then asked, “And what about Ollie and Deke?”

“What about them?” When Fen gave him a look, Loch clarified, “What specifically about them?”

“Do you think they’re okay?” Fen asked. “Like seriously okay? They seem pretty spooked.”

Loch gave a heavy sigh of his own. “This is a lot for anyone to take in, but Ollie is trying to do what Ollie does and organize everything in a neat little spreadsheet in his mind. He’s having a hard time wrapping his head around being pregnant. He’s convinced his body will betray him. He worries Deke will resent him if something happens to the baby.”

Fen frowned. “How do you know that?”

“He told me when we talked the other day. This is the first time in my life where I’ve ever seen Ollie shaken by something. And who wouldn’t be?” Loch said.

Fen nodded. “Deke is terrified. Not that I blame him. He’s still a baby himself.”

“Has he shared anything with you?” Loch asked.

Fen’s heart squeezed like giant fists ringing out a dish towel. “He mostly talks to Binnie now. They have this…bond. I can’t really explain it. He trusts him—I mean, he trusts us all, but, for some reason, Binnie’s advice seems to speak to Deke in a way that makes sense to him. It’s like they…vibrate at the same frequency or something. It soothes him.”

“Binnie has always been a nurturer,” Loch said with a soft laugh. “He’s…unique. Even at Cerberus, when we wanted practical advice on a situation, we would go to Ollie. But if we just wanted to wallow about something, we all gravitated towards Binnie.”

Fen smiled. Binnie was the antithesis of what people thought alphas to be and everything alphas should be. He was smart and kind and kind of a badass, but he was also really soft and sweet and wasn’t afraid to cry or let people know he wasn’t okay. That was why he worked so well with San, who kept everything so close to the vest, afraid someone might use his feelings against him.

Truthfully, neither of them would have ever been right for anyone but each other. They were so very different but, in a way, that snapped them tightly together, like puzzle pieces. San still had a hard time letting Binnie love him, letting Binnie baby him a little.

San still carried all that baggage around from high school. Other alphas taunted him about being too fem, too soft, too delicate, too pretty. Meanwhile, Binnie had looked at San like he’d been shot with Cupid’s arrow from day one. He had so much love to give that it seemed to overwhelm San sometimes. But now, there would be a new vessel for Binnie to pour all that excess love and care into.

“He’s gonna kidnap that baby,” Fen teased. “Every time they turn around, she’ll be gone. Probably sleeping in the pack nest while Binnie stares at her with hearts in his eyes.”

Loch grinned. “When I was a kid, I had this dog. And one day, I spotted something wriggling around underneath her. When I got closer, it was a baby bunny coated in dog slobber.” He grimaced. “I thought maybe she’d tried to eat her, so I took her back to a clearing where I often saw the rabbits, then set the baby down. When I came back later to check, she was gone. I figured the mom had collected her.”

“But…”

“But two days later, there was the bunny right between her paws. I took her back again. By the next morning, she was back. Every time I’d put her back, the dog would go get her. Eventually, we just let her keep it and she raised her just like she would a pup.”

“Are you saying that’s Binnie?” Fen asked, amused.

Loch nodded. “He’s genuinely excited to have a baby in the house.”

“It’s really cute.”

Loch’s expression grew more serious. “But I also think a lot of his enthusiasm is amped up to try to keep Deke and Ollie from spiraling into what ifs. We’re all doing such a shit job of hiding our anxiety that I thought about making scent blockers mandatory again just to save us all the stress.”

“Why didn’t you?”

“Honestly, I worried that not knowing might only make Ollie and Deke worry more. It’s not good for Ollie’s stress levels. And if Deke’s abilities work based on the chemicals his body releases as well as body fluids, then I can only imagine stress would exacerbate the issue. Besides, we’re bonded. I’m not sure scent blockers even matter when we have a connection as strong as ours.”

“Do you think Deke should let Veritas teach him control? Do you think they even know how? Win all but admitted they weren’t able to validate their current findings without Deke. Aren’t we taking a big risk?”

“I’m going to leave it to Deke. I don’t really know what he’s thinking about his brother or Win or Veritas. I do know that beneath all that anger lies a lot of hurt feelings towards Bas, which means Deke isn’t thinking logically. I don’t know if we can trust them either, but Win is right. Without training, Deke could change any of us.”

Fen nodded, gnawing on his bottom lip, trying to untangle all the threads of their current situation. Loch leaned in once more and pressed his lips to Fen’s forehead. “Let’s go inside before they start asking questions.”

Fen gave him a slow smile. “They’ll probably just think we’re defiling another vehicle.”

“If only we had time,” Loch teased, pulling Fen in to kiss him thoroughly.

When they entered the house, Fen set the meds on the entryway table, then went to join the others in the living room. Seth and Saint were already there. Fen was almost knocked down by the wall of alpha pheromones in the room, but Saint seemed perfectly in control. This was his pre-rut? Holy shit. Maybe Seth didn’t even need the heat inducers. Fen was a little worried he might get pregnant just standing too close.

It was clear the two were already pre-gaming. They wreaked of sex. Seth’s neck, jaw, and even his wrists were covered in mottled blotches. He had visible bite marks at his throat where Saint appeared to have opened his mating mark. Seth made eye contact with Fen, then looked away. The smaller omega was flushed with dark circles under his hazel eyes. Saint was sweaty and breathing slightly heavier than usual. He didn’t look like someone who was a couple hours away from going completely feral. Maybe having a mate changed something?

Deke sat on the sofa with Ollie in his lap. Ollie, in turn, had his laptop balanced on his knees. San and Binnie flanked them with Saint and Seth leaning over them from behind the couch so they could see the screen, too. Loch and Fen joined the two behind the sofa, also leaning in to see the video even though it was nothing new to them.

“Ready?” Ollie asked.

“Hit play,” Binnie said, shaking like an over-caffeinated puppy.

Ollie snorted. “You’ve already seen her. I don’t know what you’re so excited about.”

“Her?” Seth echoed, sounding a little shocked. “You know it’s a her?”

“Win wasn’t a hundred percent certain so she did a fingerstick to confirm,” Ollie said. “She said she’d know for sure tomorrow.”

Loch nodded towards the screen. “Our little track star kept running from the probe,” he murmured.

“She already has good instincts, running away from that woman,” San said, earning a small laugh from the others.

“She’s so cute and small,” Seth cooed, leaning so over the back of the couch Fen worried he would plummet onto Deke’s lap, too. “Oh, my God, is she sucking her thumb?” he squealed, his hands going to cover his mouth.

Fen smiled. If this was what Seth was like over Ollie’s baby, what would happen when it was his own?

“I can’t believe she’s so big already,” Saint said. “Isn’t she supposed to look like a little tadpole at this age?”

“Less tadpole, more gummy bear. But she looks like a whole baby. Like, look at her little feet and her little hands,” Binnie said, pointing at the screen like an expert, the scent of his excitement filling the room with contentment.

San and Fen exchanged knowing looks at Binnie’s wide grin and the way he pointed out little things on the screen. Ollie and Deke seemed happy to let him. Ollie’s face was drawn; under his eyes was a little hollow. It was clear the day had wiped him out. Maybe Loch should order him to take a nap until dinner.

“Win said she’s measuring a few weeks ahead. That’s how they were able to see her gender so early,” Binnie explained.

“Does that happen?” Seth asked, concern leaching into his voice.

“She said it’s not a big deal,” Ollie reassured him with a smile that didn’t meet his eyes.

“She said that about everything,” Deke grumbled.

Seth’s frown deepened. “What’s everything?”

“Yeah, what do you mean?” San echoed, eyes narrowed in Deke’s direction.

“The baby implanted a little higher than usual, she’s a little bigger than usual, the placenta is more vascular than usual, which means that my body might be working harder to sustain the pregnancy,” Ollie offered. “She said there’s no cause for concern.”

The yet hung between them all, unspoken.

Deke absently placed his hand over Ollie’s belly, but he still looked a little shell-shocked.

“You don’t sound like you believe her,” Saint said.

“I don’t believe anything they say,” Deke interjected before Ollie could answer. “None of us should.”

“Does that mean you’re not going to accept her offer?” Binnie asked.

Saint made a low sound almost like a growl. “What offer?”

“They told Deke they could teach him how to control his pheromones if he agrees to let them use his blood and be their research subject,” Ollie said, his anxiety palpable.

“Research subject?” Seth repeated, eyes wide. “No way. No. You’re not considering it. Are you?”

Deke grimaced, his scent growing acrid like a forest fire. “I have to consider it. She had a point. If I don’t know how to control it, I could alter any of you. I either have to take their deal or leave the pack.”

There was a collective gasp from the group.

Ollie’s head snapped around to look at him. “Don’t even joke about that.”

“I’m not joking,” Deke said, refusing to make eye contact with any of them. “I don’t want to hurt you guys even more than I already have.”

“That’s crazy. You can’t leave,” Ollie said. “What are you going to do? Just leave me and your child?”

“If it kept you safe, I would,” Deke fired back, voice choked. “What if I hurt her? What if I alter Seth or Fen or Binnie or any of you? Every time I’m in contact with you, I could be altering something about you.”

“I’d rather be altered than lose you as a pack member,” Binnie said softly.

“Same,” Seth and Fen said at the same time.

The others nodded in agreement.

“You say that, but you can’t know what it’s like. Ask Ollie. I ruined his life,” Deke said, shaking his head, fighting back unshed tears.

Ollie startled. “What?”

“Don’t tell me I didn’t,” Deke muttered, a tear escaping before he hastily swiped it away with the back of his hand. “I know you had plans. You were gonna leave. You had a job and friends and a life. You told me yourself. You didn’t want this life anymore. I ruined everything.”

Ollie blinked at him. “Is…is that what you think?”

“Tell the truth,” Deke demanded. “If I hadn’t presented and asked for you, would you have left?”

Had they really never had this talk? Maybe Deke just hadn’t believed Ollie. Fen wasn’t surprised to see the cracks in Deke’s facade starting to show. But, apparently, Ollie was.

“I never even packed my bags,” Ollie said, expression pained.

“So what?” Deke mumbled.

“Ask them,” Ollie pleaded, looking desperately at Saint, Loch, then Binnie. “Have you ever seen me not pack at the very least a full day ahead of any trip?”

The three alphas shook their heads, but it was Binnie who said, “It’s true. He doesn’t leave things until the last moment. If his clothes were in the drawers, he wasn’t planning on leaving.”

Ollie gave a see? sort of gesture. “I was trying to convince myself to leave, but I just couldn’t go. I didn’t really want to go.”

“Even if you didn’t want to leave, it doesn’t mean you wanted to mate with me and have a baby. You didn’t even think that was a thing that could happen,” Deke countered, staring at the baby’s picture on the screen.

“Neither did you,” Ollie said. “You didn’t trick me into anything.”

“I knew I wanted to be with you the second I saw you,” Deke admitted, cheeks turning scarlet. “I was selfish. I spent so many nights praying that something would happen and you’d stay. What if I subconsciously did this to you? Like baby-trapped you on purpose.”

Ollie flushed, too, the tips of his ears practically glowing red. “You didn’t baby trap me. You didn’t even know you could do something like that.”

“But what if my alpha knew?” Deke asked. “What if he knew that the way to get what I wanted was to alter you?”

“It doesn’t matter now,” Ollie said, trying to look into Deke’s eyes. “I wanted you, too. It wasn’t that I didn’t want a mate or kids, I just didn’t know that was an option for me,” he admitted. “If I’m honest, I was running away from the thought of getting too attached to you, to the others.”

“Wanting kids and birthing kids are not the same thing. I turned you into an omega. I got you pregnant. Oh, my God.” Deke looked like he’d been sucker punched, looking at the baby still moving on the screen. “That’s a baby. Our baby. What if I alter her ?”

“Look. I knew what I was doing to the same extent you did. This is a huge adjustment. It’s a lot of pressure. I get that you’re freaked out. I’m freaked out, too. But not because I mated with you.” Now, Ollie was the one batting his tears away. “I don’t want to hurt her either. I don’t want to disappoint you if my body fails us. I don’t want you to hate me.”

“I would never hate you,” Deke said, resting his face against Ollie’s chest.

“I could never hate you either.”

“Great,” Binnie said. “Can you two just stop feeling guilty about everything now and get a little excited about this baby?”

They looked at each other then nodded. “Yeah, okay.”

“You guys aren’t doing this alone. We’ve said it before, but it bears repeating. You have a whole pack at your disposal,” Loch reminded them.

The two nodded, then looked back at the screen.

“She is really cute, huh?” Deke said quietly. “She has your nose. Look.”

“And your chin.”

They spent another ten minutes cooing over their newest pack member’s modeling debut. When Seth and Fen made eye contact, Fen gestured towards the kitchen. Seth frowned but then nodded, his confusion etched across his pretty face. They entered the kitchen and went to the farthest corner of the large space, right beside the butler’s pantry.

“What’s up?” Seth asked, eyeing Fen closely. “Why do you look like you have to pee?”

Fen realized he was tapping his foot on the floor and abruptly stopped. “I wanted to talk to you about something.”

“Okay…” Seth said, hands signaling for him to go on.

Fen sighed. “I just need you to really think about what I’m about to say before you make a decision.”

Seth huffed out a breath through his nose. “Can you just tell me what’s happening right now because you’re freaking me out. You know I don’t like not knowing things.”

“Okay, okay,” Fen said, holding his hands out palm up. “While we were at Veritas, Win showed us this new line of medications that are going to be available soon.”

“What about it?” Seth asked, frowning.

“One of them was a heat inducer,” Fen said, foot beginning to tap again.

“A heat inducer? That’s not a thing.”

“It is now. It’s just finished phase three clinical trials and is set to go to market soon. She said it can induce heat within a few hours.”

Seth still looked adorably confused. “Do you want to have a baby, too, now or something?”

“No, baby,” Fen said. “She gave me samples…for you.”

Seth tilted his head, studying Fen’s face. “Why are you saying this like she asked you to give me arsenic? Isn’t this a good thing?”

Fen collapsed against the counter. “I don’t know. I almost didn’t even take them from her, but she insisted. And I also thought if I didn’t and you found out, you might be upset.”

“You said they passed all the clinical trials. Doesn’t that mean it’s safe?” Seth asked.

“If you believe Win. I don’t know if we should believe her or Veritas. I just don’t want you to take something that might hurt you just because you want a baby so badly.”

Seth swallowed audibly, crossing his arms over his chest. “So, you don’t want me to take them?”

“I didn’t say that.” Fen shook his head helplessly. “There are side effects.”

“Like?” Seth prompted.

“Well, uh, multiples for starters.”

Seth blinked at him. “Multiple what?”

“Babies. Multiple babies,” Fen clarified, exasperated. “She said omegas have had twins or triplets and one even had quadruplets.”

“Oh…wow,” Seth said breathlessly, the flush on his cheeks darkening. He couldn’t hide the smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. “Is that it?”

“No. It could extend your heat cycle, make you more sensitive to Saint’s hormones, and even after your heat ends, you could have some residual heat symptoms.”

“That’s it?” Seth asked again, giving Fen a flat stare.

Fen shrugged. “If Win is to be believed, yeah.”

Seth made grabby hands. “Then gimmie.”

“That’s it? You don’t want to think about it? You don’t want to talk it over with Saint? Or the pack? Or even San?”

“What’s to talk about?” Seth asked. “You think he’d care if I had his babies two or three at a time? He’d probably be bragging about it.”

Saint would never be upset about anything Seth did. Everyone knew he was completely enamored with him. Having two, three, or even ten babies would be fine with Saint if it made Seth happy. But Saint wouldn’t be happy if something were to happen to Seth.

“What if she’s lying? What if there are side effects she didn’t tell us about?”

Seth made a noise of frustration. “But you just said they’re going to market any day now, right?”

Fen gave a stilted nod. “Yeah.”

“Then the risk isn’t any worse than if I walked into a fertility doctor’s clinic and asked for the drug myself, right?”

“I suppose not,” Fen agreed. “She also gave me rut inducers just in case, but, just so you know, she said the conception rate is ninety-two percent. I just want you to be really sure you want a baby or two or, shit, three.”

“Do you think I can’t handle a baby?” Seth asked, sadness rolling off him, his look of betrayal breaking Fen’s heart.

“What? Of course not. I just want to make sure you know what you’re getting into. I know you’ll be great at it,” Fen assured him.

Seth’s shoulders sagged. “Sorry. It’s just old shit resurfacing,” he muttered. “My grandmother…”

Fen nodded. Seth’s grandmother had convinced him he was the reason for all their suffering. She was the worst kind of person and Fen was glad Seth had gotten away from her.

Fen gave him a smile to let him know they were fine. “The meds are on the table. Let’s go get them.”

Seth nodded eagerly, following him to the foyer where the meds were dumped in a heap.

Seth took one of the boxes and flipped it over, reading the label. “Take two capsules with a full glass of water at the first sign of the alpha’s rut. If heat isn’t induced within four hours, take two more capsules. Repeat up to six pills until heat is achieved. Do not exceed six pills in a twenty-four hour period.”

Seth popped two pills from the blister pack, then walked with them back into the kitchen to pull a bottle of water from the fridge. Seth was about to swallow the two pills when Fen remembered something else Win had said.

“Wait,” Fen cried, startling Seth.

Seth gave him an exasperated look. “What now?”

“She also said you’ll be extra susceptible to Saint’s alpha. He’s already pretty feral without the enticement of a fertile omega in heat. Are you really sure you’re good?”

“You think I can’t handle my own alpha?” Seth asked, tossing back the pills and chasing them with half the bottle. He grinned at Fen. “I like it when he plays rough.”

Fen took a deep breath and let it out. He smelled Saint before he saw him enter the kitchen. He gave Fen a smile, but it was clear his rut was kicking into high-gear.

“We need to get back to our room, little one,” Saint rasped.

“I’m all yours.”

Saint’s grin was chilling as he reached down and upended Seth over his shoulder, making him cackle with glee.

Saint looked at Fen, nostrils flaring. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. Have fun.”

“We will,” Seth promised, getting a swat on the ass from Saint.

Saint frowned, looking Fen up and down, his expression questioning. Fen just shook his head. “Just…be careful with him.”

Saint nodded, still looking unconvinced about Fen’s obvious hesitation. “I’m always careful with him.”

Fen gave him a tight smile. “I know. Just…just be extra careful. It’s your rut and all.”

Only when the two disappeared did Fen sag against the counter. He went to the cupboard and grabbed a wine glass. He was uncorking a bottle of red when San strolled in. “You’re drinking? It’s not even dark out.”

Fen pulled another glass out, filled it up, then pushed it over to San. “Sit.”

“Why does this feel like an intervention?”

“An intervention with wine?” Fen teased. “That sounds like a terrible idea.”

“You’re stalling.”

Fen shook his head, taking a gulp of his wine, before looking San dead in the eye. “I’m worried I might have fucked up.”