15. San
“Family meeting. Now.”
San paused at the outburst, brows raised, teacup halfway to his lips. Seth stood at the kitchen’s entrance, hands on his hips, staring at San and Fen like an exasperated mother. San caught Fen’s gaze but the omega only shrugged, clearly just as lost as he was. Ollie and Saint also exchanged curious looks but stayed silent, watching attentively.
Only a week had passed since their arrival, but they already seemed well-versed in Seth’s rather unpredictable behavior. Ollie had told San he found it endearing, and anyone with eyes could see Saint thought Seth was flawless. But Seth wouldn’t believe that. Years of relentless bullying about his neurodivergent tendencies had chipped away at his self-worth until all that was left was bravado, a front his friend put up to make the world think he didn’t need it. But that front was made of egg shells, easily cracked and damaged.
“Can I finish my coffee?” Fen asked.
Seth sighed dramatically but nodded. “Fine.”
“You okay?” San asked. “Did you take your pills this morning?”
“I-I think so?” Seth said, flushing.
“You think so?” Fen asked quietly.
Seth’s gaze darted to San. He gave a jerky nod, eyes flitting to Saint as if to gauge his reaction to San implying Seth took medication.
“I put my pill bottles upside down after I take my meds in the morning,” Saint said. “That way, if I forget, I’ll know I took them.”
“Meds?” Seth mumbled. “You take meds?”
“I’m on an antidepressant and I have a medication I can take when I have panic attacks,” Saint said before taking a sip of his coffee.”
“Oh,” Seth said faintly.
San had the insane urge to run over and kiss Saint square on the mouth. To the outside observer, Seth didn’t appear any different than when he’d entered the kitchen, but San and Fen both knew Saint’s admission had unknotted something within the omega.
Seth was always embarrassed about his ADHD. While he wasn’t the only person with the dysregulation, Seth’s symptoms had been worse than most. Zero impulse control, fidgeting, inability to stop talking. Seth had tried so hard to regulate himself—to stop being too much for everyone—but it never worked. Watching Seth try and fail again and again had broken San’s heart. There was nothing he could do to fix his friend. He’d needed medication.
But Seth’s mother didn’t believe in western medicine; she was convinced all doctors conspired against omegas. San had tried to assure her there were plenty of omega doctors out there, but she was too far gone in her delusions by then. So, she took him to these people who called themselves holistic specialists. They’d told her ADHD wasn’t real, that Seth was hyperactive. That he just lacked discipline and a strict diet. They’d advised her to completely remove carbohydrates and sugar. The woman had practically starved him to death because of those quacks.
And it hadn’t changed a thing. People who knew Seth made fun of him, and any new people he met were quick to write Seth off as annoying. Too hyper. Too talkative. Too scattered. Too loud. Too much. It was why Seth was always so eager to please now. He was always afraid someone would reject him and was always so grateful when anyone showed him even a tiny bit of grace. The only solace Seth had ever known—other than San—was languages.
Seth’s mother was born in Kyiv, and he was raised speaking Ukrainian and Russian. Then, in middle school, he picked up Polish, Czech, Slovak, and Serbian. In high school, he’d learned a bit of Romanian and Bulgarian. But nobody had seen any value in Seth’s fascinating ability to pick up languages until graduation. By then, he was able to take himself to doctors and finally got the medications he needed.
The tell-tale tap of claws on tile was the only warning they had before Wolf appeared at Seth’s side, whining until the omega absently scratched the animal’s head. Wolf seemed content there, in a house in the middle of the suburbs, but it seemed he’d dubbed himself Seth’s protector, following his friend everywhere. Seth said the wolf had even learned how to push down door handles just to break into his room at night and sleep at the foot of his bed.
San’s gaze wandered to Saint, watching him watch Seth and Wolf, looking so satisfied San felt a little like he was invading their privacy. Ollie watched, too, a dopey smile on his face. It was clear it wasn’t an act. They really liked Seth and that made San really like them.
Even Binnie.
San bit down on his lip as he thought of the other alpha. He was a giant question mark in San’s brain. He was smart, anyone could see that. Ambitious. Rich, obviously. Not that San cared about that at all. But there was this…childishness to him, too. But not in a bad way. Whenever Seth’s meds wore off, Binnie was the first to offer to go to the game room with Seth and play ping-pong or Mario Kart or even drag him outside to the tennis courts to help him burn off some of that excess energy.
But it wasn’t just with Seth; Binnie goofed around with Deke, too. They were always rough-housing with each other, dancing around the kitchen or the living room, watching stupid YouTube videos together. Binnie was everything San never knew he always wanted. He was perfect. And San kind of hated him for it.
Seth was growing restless waiting on Fen. He was shifting his weight, bumping his thigh into Wolf rhythmically as his fingers dragged through thick fur, making a concerted effort to look at everyone but Saint. The alpha didn’t seem to mind the lack of attention. It gave him the opportunity to rake his heated gaze over Seth, like he was planning on making a whole meal out of him. When Seth noticed, he rounded his shoulders, pulling away from the animal to plunge his hands deep into the kangaroo pocket of his enormous hoodie, like he was trying to make himself smaller.
When Fen set his coffee cup in the sink, Seth looked at Ollie. “Where’s Deke?”
Ollie stiffened. “Why are you asking me?”
San and Seth snorted in tandem, but it was Fen who answered, “Because he’s slept in your room every night since we got here.”
Ollie’s eyes went wide. “What?”
Seth giggled. “Did you think we wouldn’t notice?”
Ollie’s cheeks turned a soft pink. “If you knew, then why’d you ask?” he muttered.
Seth rolled his eyes. “‘Cause he’s not in there, jackass.”
Ollie frowned, standing up straighter. “That’s where he was when I left him a few minutes ago. He said he didn’t feel well. Maybe he went to take a shower?”
“Is he sick?” Fen asked Ollie.
Ollie shrugged. “He didn’t say he was sick, just that he wasn’t feeling like himself. He seemed tired.”
Saint shot a smirk in Ollie’s direction. “Keeping the poor boy up all night?”
Ollie leveled a glare at the alpha. “He just doesn’t like sleeping alone.”
“Mm,” Saint said, noncommittal.
San bit his bottom lip to stop the smile threatening to spread across his face. Deke had never had a problem sleeping alone before. In fact, he seemed to relish having even the sofa to himself back at their old place. He grew up in a four bedroom house with seven siblings. Deke had never liked sharing his space. With anyone. He was weirdly territorial.
San took in Ollie with his floppy brown hair, gray sweatpants, and white t-shirt. He was adorably relatable. Handsome but not supermodel pretty. In shape, but not overly so. But when he smiled, his entire face changed. He looked…sexy? Competent? Like he was secretly the smartest person in the room. San suspected Deke sleeping with Ollie had more to do with Deke marking his ever-expanding territory than it did a fear of being alone at night.
But that was none of San’s business.
Ollie frowned, crossing the kitchen to Seth, taking him by the chin and pulling his head to the side. “Did you hurt your…” He trailed off, mouth twisting with annoyance as he looked back at Saint. “Really?”
San and Ollie crept closer, trying to see what Ollie had noticed. Fen gasped. Seth’s entire scent gland was bruised, mottled an eggplant purple, and faint traces of teeth marks marred his skin. No wonder he was swimming in that hoodie. He was trying to hide it.
Fen gasped. “What happened to your neck?”
Saint chuckled, clearly satisfied with his work. San shook his head. “I think the proper question is…who happened to his neck. And I suspect we already know that answer.”
Seth’s face turned red as he yanked at his collar, clearly trying to hide the injury. “Stop staring at me,” he snapped.
San had so many questions. “Okay. Okay. Let’s go find Deke.”
“Wolf, come,” Saint said quietly. Wolf whined, looking from Saint to Seth then back again, making noises like he was trying to convince Saint to let him stay with Seth. “You’ll see him later. I know you’ve been sleeping in his room, you little traitor. Come.”
Wolf gave Seth’s hand a little lick then hobbled to Saint, flopping down at the man’s feet and promptly closing his eyes.
San gave his best friend what he hoped was a reassuring smile. “Yeah, let’s find Deke and then we can all talk. Okay?”
Seth nodded, then turned on his heel, leaving San and Fen no choice but to follow or get left behind.
“Don’t forget we have an actual meeting in the theater room in an hour,” Ollie called. “I have a flight to catch.”
“We’ll be there,” Seth muttered.
They had just rounded the curve of the staircase when Binnie appeared before him in olive cargo pants and a fitted caramel sweater that emphasized his broad shoulders and narrow waist. He was barefoot. Why was that hot? He had really nice feet. San shook his head at the stupid thought. He tried not to stare, but it was impossible. The man looked great in a suit, but like this, in his casual clothes, his messy dark hair wavy, contacts traded for dark-rimmed glasses…it was too much. He looked like…well, he looked like San’s future husband.
Fuck.
“Morning,” Binnie said, nodding to Fen and Seth but barely sparing San more than a quick smile as he jogged past, taking the stairs two at a time.
San tried to ignore the sharp stab of Binnie’s quick dismissal, but he couldn’t. It had been like this for days. Ever since Binnie had challenged San to court him, there’d been this strange tension between them. It was all Binnie’s fault. He was the one to suggest the ridiculous idea in the first place. Why would San court him? He didn’t want to mate with another alpha. He didn’t. He’d already told him this. Many times.
Binnie could wait forever as far as San was concerned.
Except, Binnie seemed perfectly content waiting forever and it was driving San crazy. He all but ignored him now. Sure, they cooked together every night, but it was downright clinical. Binnie rarely spoke unless San initiated a conversation. When he did, he was perfectly polite, pleasant even, but it was hardly the same intimate moment they shared in the cottage.
Not that San wanted that. At all. Or even a little. But it was disconcerting. Binnie had just…stopped trying. He didn’t flirt with him even a little bit. He no longer looked at San like he thought he was desperate for him. He treated him just like everyone else. Even when San brushed up against him—even when he curled his hand around his hip under the guise of getting past him—Binnie just nodded politely and moved out of his way.
Like…what the fuck?
It was infuriating. He’d wanted Binnie to leave him alone. But he’d never thought Binnie would actually leave him alone. And he certainly hadn’t thought he’d miss him when he did. Fuck. He did. He missed him. He missed his attention, his scent, his smile, the way he looked at San like he was something special.
San couldn’t even blame pheromones. This wasn’t some omega his alpha had latched onto due to some accident of biology. No, his alpha craved Binnie just because he was…Binnie. And Binnie’s fucking alpha had thrown down the gauntlet, challenging him to seduce him, win him. And Binnie seemed fine with leaving San high and dry until he played his stupid game.
But even if San was willing to entertain the stupid idea—which, to be clear, he wasn’t—he had no idea how to court someone. It was stupid and antiquated. Was he supposed to bring him flowers and silly little trinkets like Saint? Was he supposed to write him poems or something? San’s skin grew hot just thinking about it. It was absurd. Stupid. San didn’t know how to do this and he hated doing anything he was bad at. And he was really bad at love.
San was happy alone. Well, maybe not happy, but he was fine. He didn’t even like alphas. He liked betas. Like Ollie. Stable, dependable, diplomatic betas. Sure, Binnie was probably the sexiest person San had ever seen. Sure, San wanted to bury himself in the other alpha’s scent…and his body…but that was Binnie’s fault. He was the one who just had to be the very antithesis of what the world thought an alpha should be. He was the one who looked at San like he was the single most beautiful man to ever exist.
Or he had…before his ultimatum. Now, he looked at San like he was a sous chef, a co-worker, nobody important. And it was driving him fucking crazy. Binnie knew it, too. The sexy, stupid bastard. What was San supposed to do? He wanted to scream. To kick his feet and lament about how fucking stupid Binnie was. Except, he didn’t want anyone to know Binnie had challenged him. It was too mortifying to think about. But keeping the secret was killing him.
They found Deke in his own room, curled up in the center of the large bed wearing a soft jacket with Ollie’s name stitched onto the pocket. He wasn’t sleeping, just staring at the wall, his nose buried in the fabric.
Oh, no. Deke wasn’t sick. He was sad.
The three exchanged worried looks, then converged onto the bed. San spooned Deke. Seth made himself Deke’s little spoon, then dragged Fen down to cradle him, too. There was something to be said for king-size beds. They never would have been able to do this at the apartment.
“What’s the matter, muffin?” San asked softly, stroking Deke’s hip. “Sad your beta’s leaving?”
Deke nodded, his misery permeating the whole room. Seth wiggled until he was facing Deke, pancaking himself between his two friends. “If it helps at all, I don’t think he’s actually going anywhere.”
“He bought a plane ticket. His stuff is already packed,” Deke said softly. “Why do I even care?”
Seth sighed. “For the same reason I almost let Saint claim me last night. For the same reason Fenny literally went ass up in a Costco parking lot?—”
“Hey!” Fen squeaked.
Seth continued as if Fen hadn’t spoken. “The reason San looks so emotionally constipated?—”
“Rude,” San muttered.
He was also ignored. “Ollie’s yours. Deep inside, you know that, whether you’ve presented or not.”
Deke gave a heavy sigh. “I guess, but—Wait…you almost let Saint claim you…like bite you, bite you? As in a permanent mating mark? For life? Are you insane?” Deke whisper-yelled.
Seth scoffed. “Duh, I’m pretty sure we established that a long time ago.”
“Seth…” Fen whispered. “Is that why you called a family meeting? Are you about to tell us you’re, like…engaged?”
Seth slapped Fen’s thigh. “Shut up.”
“Well, what is it then?” San cried, exasperated.
Seth flailed. “I just needed my friends. Last night was…confusing. And hot. But so, so confusing. But…really hot.”
“Yeah, we get it, he’s hot,” Deke said, his amusement obvious.
“What do you mean last night was hot?” Fen asked, suspicion creeping into his tone as he pressed his face against Seth’s neck and started to sniff. “Did you and he…”
“No!” Seth cried. “I mean, I thought about it.”
San was getting whiplash. “Just tell us what happened?”
Seth sighed. “I got up for a snack in the middle of the night. I was watching TV and he was suddenly just there. He sat right next to me and then asked if I found him suitable as a mate.”
“He asked that?” Fen gasped. “Just blurted it out?”
Seth nodded rapidly. “Just like that. Well, actually, he asked if I found him unsuitable because he’s so weird, but like…who am I to judge?”
“What did you say?” Deke asked, clearly delighted by this turn of events.
“I was too busy choking on my cereal to say much of anything,” Seth said.
“And then…” Fen prompted, poking the other omega’s ribs.
“Then he took off his shirt and told me I could have it, then he asked to scent me.”
“Just his shirt?” Fen asked.
Seth nodded.
“Fuck, that is hot,” Deke whispered.
“Right?” Seth agreed, not sounding happy about the situation at all. “So, I said yes. While he scented me, he told me we were perfect for each other. That he thought I was perfect. I tried to explain all the reasons why I wasn’t a good mate for him but everything I said only seemed to make him more interested, not less. He said he liked that I was pretty and smart and funny and…that I have a high sex drive.” Seth’s voice dropped to a whisper. “That he can hear me when I’m…getting myself off at night.”
“Holy fuck,” Deke whispered.
“I know,” Seth said, face bright red. “He said he liked it. That he liked me. He kept biting at my scent gland, not hard enough to break the skin but hard enough to let me know he wanted to. And I wanted him to. So badly. He says we’re fated. That we’re meant to be. He kept saying he wants to take care of me, which freaked me out a little, but then he said he didn’t think I was weak, that he would never have a weak mate and I would take care of him, too…and our kids. Our fucking kids, guys. And my omega lost it at that. Like…his scent is delicious. Our babies would be so cute and they would smell amazing. He even said he didn’t care if I continued to fool around with Fenny. San, too, as long as I waited until after…” He trailed off, biting his lip.
“After?” San asked, frowning.
“After he took my virginity. Claimed me. Bred me. Mated me,” Seth said, voice barely above a whisper.
“This conversation’s making me horny,” Deke whispered.
San smacked Deke playfully, then said to Seth, “He said I could…fuck you…as long as you waited for him to deflower you?” San said, voice raspy. “Why does he think I want to fuck you? Or that you want to fuck me?”
“‘Cause I smell like you,” Seth said. “He was scenting me so hard because he was trying to make your scent go away. He just wants me to smell like him.”
San wasn’t opposed to sleeping with Seth, no matter how much they teased each other about it. They had just never wanted to muddy the water of their friendship. Sex for the sake of sex was fine, but if one of them caught romantic feelings for the other, it could have ruined their whole lives. San had always known he and Seth were destined to be pack mates—family—but they had never let themselves look past that idea. They’d both always known they were waiting for…something more.
“Saint doesn’t mind you being with me or San?” Fen asked.
“He said I could fuck anyone in the pack as long as I was mated to him first.”
“Pack,” San said just as Deke whispered, “Whoa.”
“Loch said the same thing,” Fen admitted quietly. “He said it was normal for packs to be polyamorous. And that’s what we are. The eight of us. We’re a pack. He thinks we’re meant to be. Fated. That we all belong together. Saint and Seth, Ollie and Deke, San and Binnie…him and me. He says we’re inevitable, that he just feels it. That we’re his pack. He said he thought the idea of me with the others was…hot.”
“Now this conversation’s making me horny,” Seth whined.
“Everything makes you horny,” San quipped.
“That’s because I’m a virgin,” Seth whined.
“Whose fault is that?” Deke teased.
“What about you?” Seth shot back. “Are you a virgin? You’ve literally never told us anything.”
“I’m unpresented,” Deke muttered.
Fen shrugged. “What does that have to do with anything? You’re not a little kid?”
“I’ve fooled around,” Deke admitted. “But I’ve never, like…done…it. I just wanted to wait until I knew my secondary gender.”
“Why?” San asked.
Deke sighed. “I don’t know. It felt important. Some people out there only want to be with a specific type. What if I fell for someone and then presented as something they didn’t want? Once sex is involved, things just get…complicated.”
They all squeezed in on him. He smelled miserable. But also…like something else. Something earthy. San pressed his face against the collar of Ollie’s shirt. Maybe the beta’s scent blocker or cologne had transferred to Deke when he put his jacket on that morning?
When San pressed his nose to Deke’s scalp, there was no discernible scent. “Are you feeling okay?” he asked the younger boy, voice against his ear.
Deke sighed. “I’m tired. Edgy. I think Ollie leaving is just making me…anxious? I really thought he’d stay.”
“He’s not gone yet,” Fen reminded him.
For some reason, that only seemed to make Deke’s scent sour further. It was clear Seth was going to continue to try to cheer Deke up and it was also clear Deke didn’t seem to want that. A change of subject seemed necessary.
“Binnie wants me to court him,” San blurted.
San’s heart rate shot up as the words left his mouth. Had he really just said that out loud? What was wrong with him?
“What?” they cried in unison, three heads popping up to look at him.
They looked like lemurs. He would have found it funny if he wasn’t too busy reeling. He couldn’t take it back now.
“Yeah, we…uh, had dinner about a week ago. The first night we were supposed to cook together. I told him I would never let him alpha me. He told me that he didn’t want to be an alpha anyway. He said I could court him. I could…woo him. Kind of threw it out there like a challenge.”
Seth gasped. “Wow, does he know you?”
San glowered at Seth but said nothing.
“What did you say?” Fen probed.
“I-I didn’t say anything. I…didn’t get a chance. He just sort of threw down the challenge, called me alpha, and then disappeared. And now…now, he’s just…ignoring me.”
“I thought you wanted him to ignore you?” Seth said, tone dripping with mock innocence.
San huffed, pouting just a little. “I did. I do.”
“Then why do you sound so angry?” Deke asked.
“I’m not,” San snapped, flopping onto his back. “At least, I don’t want to be. This is all his fault. He did this to fuck with me.”
“Or because he really likes you. Maybe you should just give him a chance?” Deke said. “He’s a really sweet person.”
Seth nodded. “I’m not siding with the enemy or anything, but Deke’s right. Binnie is a sweet guy. He’s funny and smart. And he never stops talking about you. He interrogates me every time we hang out together.”
“What?” San hated the way his heart tripped in his chest. “Really?”
Deke nodded. “Me too. He asks me questions about you all the time. And when he’s not asking questions, he’s just telling me how perfect he thinks you are. He’s not lying. He genuinely seems impressed by you.”
Heat bubbled in San’s core at these confessions. “Oh.”
“I think you should do it,” Seth said. “I think you should court Binnie. I know you want to.”
San gaped at him. “Ten days ago, you were afraid that Fen and I would abandon you for them.”
Seth shrugged. “That was before.”
“Before?” Fen asked.
“Before Saint,” Seth whispered.
They all fell silent for a long while, each lost in their own thoughts.
Finally, Fen said, “What do we do?”
“What do you mean?” Seth asked.
“I mean Binnie, Saint, and Loch seem to think this is all part of some greater plan. It’s been less than two weeks. Do we just go with it? Do we fight it? Are they crazy? Are we? I…I want Loch more than any person I’ve ever known. He smells like mine. I know that’s insane but it’s true. But I don’t want Josh getting lost in all of this. He deserves his revenge.”
Deke sighed. “It’s like you said. Fate. If this is all meant to be, nothing we do or don’t do will stop it. The pendulum is already in motion. All we can do is wait and see what happens. And we won’t forget Josh. I know I didn’t know him or anything, but Ollie talks about him all the time. He seemed like a good person.”
San nodded. “I’ve been thinking about it a lot, honestly. We’ll get Josh his revenge…but this isn’t going to be something that happens over a couple of months, you know? According to you, a whole network of powerful people kept this Dresden guy protected. This could take years, Fenny. A decade, even. I’m in it for the long haul, but do we just…surrender our lives to this? Stay here permanently? Form a pack and spend our days pretending we’re normal and our nights hunkered down in a fortress?”
Fen sniffled. “I can’t ask you guys to give up your lives for my brother.”
San shook his head, stretching his arm over Deke and Seth to wipe at Fen’s tears. “You didn’t ask us, Fenny. We volunteered. I just feel like we can’t move forward unless we all agree to be all in, whatever that entails.”
“Even if it means you courting Binnie?” Seth challenged.
San froze. He could refuse. Binnie wouldn’t hold it against him. They could try to be friends. Live together. Work together in this vengeance plan. But why? Why push Binnie away if they were all trapped together anyway? Fuck. Was he just kidding himself? Giving himself permission to have something he wanted? Was that okay? Was that…cheating somehow? Why did he feel guilty at the idea of getting what he wanted?
San sighed. “Yeah, even if it means courting Binnie.”