7. Tucker
7
TUCKER
“ W here are you tonight?”
A jolt of surprise rushes through me at the touch of fingers to my hair. Somebody is running their nails through it, gently scratching my scalp. It’s not bad—I don’t hate it.
What I hate is knowing somebody thinks they have any right to touch me without asking permission first. No big surprise, twisting around in my chair and looking up to find Tiana standing behind me. The living room is dark except for a small handful of lights, just enough for people to be able to see by so they don’t trip and break their necks. Otherwise, the point of a party like this is to keep things dim. It’s easier to screw around in the dark. You can hook up with somebody, then walk away without thinking about the consequences.
The thing about Tiana is there are always consequences. She’s not the kind of girl who can just be chill and have fun. She’s got to try to stake a claim. The sort of person who doesn’t know when enough is enough. She’ll never actually be satisfied because she’ll always be looking for more.
I hate that I’ve even thought enough about her to figure that out. Yet another reason to toss back the rest of my beer in hopes it will blunt the razor-sharp anger that’s been simmering in me all day.
She asked me something, didn’t she? Oh, right. “Where am I? I’m right here. You’re the one with her hands in my hair—you should know.” I then duck out of the way, moving my head so she’ll lose her grip on me. Her bottom lip sticks out far in an epic pout. She either doesn’t fucking get it or she refuses to. I wouldn’t be surprised either way.
“Could you grab me another beer?” Carter holds up his empty bottle, dangling it a little bit from two fingers. “And after that, maybe I can get a scalp massage.”
“Get fucked, Carter,” she sneers before stalking away, shaking her head.
“That got rid of her.” Carter grins my way, giving me a thumbs up, and I can almost muster a laugh. Almost. We’re surrounded by people, half drunk, supposedly enjoying ourselves at another house party. I honestly don’t even remember whose house this is. I only know I need to drink more if I’m going to get through it.
I could’ve stayed home. I probably should have, all things considered, because I’m in a foul mood and have been since seeing Maya today. Fuck me, why does she have to be in my head? No amount of booze can get her out of it. And I’m trying. I really am.
“I wonder if those twins will show up tonight,” Carter muses. I don’t think I’ve ever envied him like I do now, as he sits there without a care in the world beyond when he’s going to get his dick wet and who the lucky girl will be. That’s all life is for him. He doesn’t have this burning, seething darkness threatening to swallow him whole. What I wouldn’t give to trade places with him. Then he could be the one sitting here, regretting the choice of coming out tonight. Wondering if something will happen to make it all worthwhile.
“Lucky bastard.” Carter nods at something happening behind me—I turn in the chair, my eyes narrowed in the darkness. Some guy and some girl, neither of whom I can see well enough to identify, are going at it in the corner. He has her pinned with one of her legs wrapped around his thigh, and the motion of his arm tells me he could very well be fingering her. Her hands run over his back, grabbing his ass, clutching his neck. Soon there are cheers all around us, with people encouraging them, instructing him, telling her what a lucky girl she is. Carter’s laughter rings out with all the other noise, but I can’t bring myself to laugh. I can’t feel anything. Isn’t that what I was going for? Drinking until I became numb?
“Oh, that’s charming.” Briggs laughs as he walks past, holding Wren’s hand. Of course. Wherever there’s one, there’s the other. He drops into a chair next to mine and Wren perches in his lap, one arm around his neck. He looks like a man on top of the world. Like there’s nothing he wants or needs. Completely content.
I’ve never seen him like this except when he’s with her. I have to remind myself how good it is to see him looking happy whenever my own bitterness threatens to swallow me whole.
“I just wish I understood.” Wren shakes her head, then touches it to Briggs’s shoulder. “What did I do wrong?”
“You didn’t do anything wrong. She’s probably just jealous,” he offers. The arm he has around her visibly tightens.
“I only want to be there for her. Why is she putting up all these roadblocks?”
I don’t need to ask who they’re talking about, because life itself has basically decided to fuck with me in every way possible. It’s not bad enough I can’t stop thinking of Maya, wondering about Maya, remembering the ghostly web of Maya’s scars. No, I have to hear about her, too. There is no escaping her.
Briggs holds her close, nuzzling her neck. Fuck, I can’t stand this. I’m not jealous—really, nowhere close. At the same time, do I need to be reminded every minute how happy they are? Why is it so easy for them? Why do they get to be together? It’s like nothing else in the whole world matters to either of them but each other. I don’t know if I wish I could be like them or if I pity them.
I wonder how he managed to go from hating her to loving her.
It’s like he hears me thinking about him, his head snapping around, his eyes finding mine. “You all right?” he asks, looking me up and down. “You look like you have something up your ass.”
“You say the nicest things,” I retort, rolling my eyes and making Wren giggle.
“Why are you just sitting here?” Briggs waves an arm at everything around us. “There’s endless pussy here for you to sink into.”
When Wren wrinkles her nose and nudges him, he shrugs. “I’m not saying I’m interested in that. But I know he usually is.”
“Right. You’re just trying to be a good friend.” She shakes her hand disapprovingly but snuggles a little closer to him.
“What can I say? I’m a giver,” he tells her, grinning at me. I have to force it in return, so he doesn’t start asking deeper, more meaningful questions. Nobody wants to get meaningful at a party.
He’s not wrong, either. There is an abundance of perfectly willing pussy all around me. Plenty of opportunities to lose myself, to forget, to maybe relieve some of the burning anger that’s been eating at my insides all day. What the hell do I do with this feeling? It’s going to kill me if I don’t release it soon, I’m sure of it, because there is no damn way I can live with it eating my insides like acid.
Why does she hurt herself like that? What makes her think she has to?
My hand squeezes the empty beer bottle until my joints ache. Goddammit, I do not want to think about her. I need something else. Anything else.
Looking across the room, my gaze lands on the very willing, very obvious, Tiana. She’s wearing a tank top that barely covers her tits and a pair of shorts that hardly cover her ass. At least she’s got a decent body. Otherwise, it would be tragic to see her that way, shaking her shit around.
“Excuse me,” I mutter, standing, heading straight for her. I don’t really feel like having to work for it tonight. And she has already made it clear she’s interested. I don’t have any time to waste. I have to get a little relief. I sort of feel like my life might depend on it—or maybe the life of somebody else, since the way I’m feeling, I might start shit with any guy who accidentally looks at me.
“There you are.” She is all smiles when she turns to find me standing close to her. Her knowing gaze moves over me, her teeth scraping her bottom lip seductively. Suggestively. “I was wondering when you would come around.”
In full view of everyone around us, she cups my dick through my shorts and gives it a rub. “How about I take care of you? You seem so tense. There’s only one way to deal with that.”
“What did you have in mind?” I can do this with my eyes closed, without even thinking. Going through the motions. Knowing what the end result will be.
Her tongue slides between her lips before she leans in, this time using her tongue to graze my earlobe. “How about I suck you off? Would you like that?”
Something tells me I would. Especially with her being so eager. There’s nothing like getting head from somebody who really wants to give it. Maybe that will be enough. Maybe that will help me forget seeing those scars and knowing each one represents a moment when Maya didn’t see any way out but to hurt herself.
“That’s up to you, I guess,” I decide, letting her take me by the hand and lead me upstairs. Fuck this. I’m going to enjoy myself tonight.
All of the bedroom doors are locked, telling me we’re not the first ones to have this idea. “This will do,” Tiana decides, pulling me into the bathroom and immediately locking the door behind us. I guess it doesn’t matter if somebody has to use it at some point, there are plenty more in the house. That’s not my problem, anyway.
My problem is the girl in front of me, who backs me against the counter before rubbing her hands up and down my chest. I’ll go with it—if anything, I’m interested to see how she’ll do this. She’s been up my ass all night. Now that she has me, what is she going to do about it?
“I’m gonna make you feel so good,” she whispers, her eyes shining in the lights mounted over the mirror at my back. Her dark skin gleams, her lips parting so she can lick them again like she did downstairs. “I’m gonna treat your dick so good, baby.”
Enough with the descriptions. “Show me,” I grunt, taking her hand and placing it over me again. I’m starting to twitch, to swell, and that’s good. There’s nothing like a slow blow job to wipe a man’s mind free of everything that doesn’t matter.
A wicked smile flashes across her face before she slowly lowers herself to her knees. Enough with the seduction already—I have to bite my tongue to keep from saying it, choosing to watch her work my belt, licking her lips as she does.
Fuck. I don’t want this. It’s all wrong. I’m pretending again, the way I’ve been doing for too long. Acting like there’s anything right about this. I can’t force my heart to be in it.
Then again, who the hell cares about my heart when it’s my dick she’s pulling free from my shorts? “Let’s get this nice and hard,” she murmurs, her voice low and suggestive. With our eyes locked, she extends her tongue and runs it along the underside of my shaft. My nerves dance and sizzle, but not much else happens.
She tries again, again, holding me in one hand, running the other hand under my shirt, over my chest. Closing my eyes, I lean against the counter, focusing on the sensations. What the hell is wrong with me? I need to be in the moment, but I’m anything but. My thoughts are miles away.
“What’s wrong, baby?” Tiana’s voice is heavy with concern that sets my teeth on edge. “Is there something really bothering you? Or did you just have too much to drink?”
Fuck, this is humiliating. A rush of heat that has nothing to do with pleasure runs through me all at once. “It’s fine,” I tell her, looking down to find her frowning, slowly stroking me in hopes of getting me hard.
She’s all wrong. She’s not the girl I want to see on her knees right now, holding me in one hand. It’s not her eyes I want staring up into mine, full of so much promise.
I know exactly who I want here and now, and she’s the girl who has owned my every thought all day.
“There you go,” Tiana croons, but it’s Maya I see in front of me. Maya’s innocent, wide eyes. Her heart-shaped mouth, her tongue lavishing one long lick after another.
Now I can relax, holding the back of Tiana’s head but imagining it’s Maya’s strawberry blonde locks running through my fingers.
Wet heat envelops me, and I groan, closing my eyes, letting my head fall back as I give in to the growing pleasure. Her head bobs slowly, almost torturously, but that’s good. I don’t want it to end too soon. I want to savor every sensation, every throaty moan.
When my hand tightens around the back of her head, she moans again, louder this time, encouraging me. “You like that?” I rasp, working my hips, feeding her my dick. She gags a little when I hit the back of her throat, and I like the sound, so I do it again, moving my hips in time with her bobbing head. Good, so good. My heavy balls are starting to lift, the excitement growing with every second. That’s right, Maya. Take it. Take every inch. You know you love it.
“Getting close,” I groan, gritting my teeth, trying to hold on. What’s the use? The whole point was release, and I am about to release, for sure, the pressure building, a tingle beginning at the base of my spine.
Maya, Maya, the thought of her weaves itself around me, the idea of her sucking me so greedily, determined to make me come. And I’m going to. I’m so close, I’m going to give her every drop.
“Just like that… don’t stop, so close… I’m gonna come… will you swallow me?” I ask, and she moans in response. Yes, that’s what she wants, what I’m going to give her while those nails drag across my skin until I hiss.
“Oh, fuck!” I groan one last time before the rush takes over, and I let go. Filling her mouth, my balls draining while she slurps up every drop.
“Oh, fuck, yes.” I have to lean against the sink for support. My head is spinning from the force of the explosion that just rocked me, my chest heaving. “Fuck, yeah, Maya.”
Oh, shit.
“What did you just say?” Tiana pauses in the act of searching for mouthwash in the medicine cabinet. “Did you just call me Maya?”
“Did I?” Fuck me. I have to play it off, and I do, shrugging as I zip up my shorts. “I must have that dumb bitch on my mind. Don’t take it personally. I just fucking hate her.” That’s not a lie. I hate her for hijacking my brain. I hate her for being a lying, two-faced bitch who doesn’t care whether she destroys lives.
“Oh, baby.” She shakes her head, running her hand down my chest. She’s gentler now, almost tender. “Don’t let her have that power over you. She’s nothing. Don’t let her ruin your night.”
“I know you’re right.” The problem is, there is no taking my power back. Somewhere along the way, Maya took it, and I hate her for that, too.
Tonight is just one more reason.