24. Maya
24
MAYA
“ W ait. What are you doing?” Looking down, I find Tucker’s hand closed over mine as we leave the parking lot to cross campus.
“What do you think? I’m holding your hand. Try to relax and go with it.”
“Why? You do realize we’re not actually boyfriend and girlfriend, right?” I offer that with a brief chuckle, like it’s a joke, but the way my insides are quaking is no joking matter. I can’t help but look around to make sure nobody’s watching.
“Yeah, I know that, but you could try to not be so insulting,” he mutters. When a pair of girls eye us with surprise, he jerks his chin in greeting, and they look away. Almost like he’s daring them to say something. But why? What is he up to now?
“You could try to stop acting like I’ve got cooties,” he mutters through his teeth. “It’s for the best right now that we do this. Just trust me, okay?”
Sure. Why not ask me to live without breathing while we’re at it? Trusting him is the one thing I know I cannot do, but on the other hand, what choice do I have? He’s the closest thing to a protector in my life, which is really saying something. Things have gotten pretty bad if he is my salvation.
“You know everybody is going to have opinions about this, right?” Why do I care what they think about him? I don’t owe him anything. I didn’t ask him to protect me last night. I didn’t ask him to lie to his parents today about us being together. Maybe I need to stop trying to make any sense of him, since it’s impossible.
The recent memory of Wren’s guilt over telling him about the club makes me sigh as we walk. Like I need something else on my mind. “He was determined to get the truth out of me,” she explained in a whisper while we were in her room, grabbing things for me to wear. “Really, he was so upset. I sort of got the idea he likes you. Is that true? What is happening with you two?”
If only I could tell her, but that would mean understanding it myself. In the end, she only did it because she cared—I’m still not super happy about it, but I know things would have gone so much worse if he wasn’t there. It’s one thing to have pride, but I’m not going to be a stupid jerk about it.
And why would I bother, anyway, when there are so many people willing to take the job for me? Like the girl who barks out a laugh when she sees us coming. “You are fucking kidding, right?”
I know that voice. I know the complete disdain dripping from it. I still hear it sometimes in my dreams, like I’m back on that bathroom floor, forced to pose for a photo she’ll send to half the school.
“Don’t give her what she wants,” Tucker warns, squeezing my hand a little harder as we continue walking while Tiana waits for us, standing directly in our path. She folds her arms, popping one hip out to the side, snickering while staring at our joined hands. “Is it April Fools’ Day? Did I miss it on the calendar?”
“No, it’s Be A Bitch For No Reason Day,” Tucker retorts. “And it looks like you’re totally prepared.”
Oh, no. I don’t know if I want to laugh or cringe when Tiana turns her rage filled gaze on me. She’s going to make me pay for that remark. I just know it. Even if it was kind of fun to watch him take her down a peg or two, like she deserves. She deserves a lot worse than that, really.
Waving a hand at me, she demands, “Her? You’re seriously holding hands with her?” By now, she’s attracted a lot of attention, which I’m sure was the general idea in the first place. There are plenty of people now pausing instead of passing by and minding their own business. Since when is my life open to the public? Why does anybody care?
Instead of letting me hurry off the way I want to, Tucker holds me in place. “Get out of the way. Sorry if you’re jealous—though I’m really not sorry,” he confesses with a smirk. If anything, it’s actually sort of nice hearing him act this way with her. Now I know I wasn’t the only one he was capable of being so cruel to. And maybe if she hadn’t been so unforgivable toward me, I would feel sorry for her. I know what it’s like, being publicly humiliated by him.
But this is Tiana in front of me. Tiana who has never missed an opportunity to torment me. When I think about it that way, it looks like she’s getting exactly what she deserves.
“Jealous?” she scoffs. “It would be pretty fucking sad if I was ever jealous of this?—”
He lifts his chin. “Watch what you say about my girlfriend.”
Well, that did it. Her jaw falls open and a chorus of gasps and excited murmuring erupts around us. All she can do is gape, her eyes going wider all the time until I’m pretty sure they’re going to fall out of her head and roll across the ground before much longer. “Get the fuck out,” she mutters. “I know you didn’t just say that.”
“I’m pretty sure I did. Deal with it or don’t. I don’t care.” He lifts a shoulder and starts walking again, meaning I have to walk with him.
But Tiana has other ideas. She steps in front of me, hands on her hips now, giving me a narrow-eyed, cold stare. “You think you’re good enough for him? We both know you’re not. We both know what a pathetic loser you really are. You’ll never be good enough for him or anybody at this school.”
“I’m pretty sure I’m the one who decides that, not you,” Tucker reminds her. Before I know what’s happening, he pulls me close and drapes an arm around my waist. He likes this, I realize. He’s sort of getting off on it, knowing he can get under her skin. I wish I could feel the same way, but this is Tiana I’m dealing with. She was already completely determined to make my life hell.
And that’s why, when Tucker presses his lips against mine in a deep, long kiss, I can’t help but stiffen in his arms. There are whistles around us, people reacting to what they’re witnessing, but it’s Tiana’s gasp of surprise that rings out the loudest in my head. She can’t believe it, but then, neither can I. It’s like I’m still dreaming, like I never got out of Tucker’s bed this morning. Or maybe I’m still at the club, and I only dreamed of him coming to my rescue. That would actually make a lot more sense than the reality unfolding around me.
The world spins a little by the time he lets me up for air, wearing a smug grin. Tiana isn’t grinning, though. “Watch your back, bitch,” she warns before storming off. I almost want to tell her I don’t have anything to do with this, that he’s making all these decisions on his own, but then there is something about watching her melt down. It’s pretty damn gratifying after everything she’s put me through. Maybe I could learn to like this, as twisted a thought as it is.
“I’ll pick you up after your last class,” he offers once we reach the sciences building. “And don’t worry. I’ve got everything under control.” If what happened back there is his idea of having things under control, maybe I need to buy him a dictionary or something.
Still, it’s nice to be stared at with something like awe for once. There’s no laughter, no dirty looks. Everybody’s too busy wondering how the hell things got to this point with Tucker. They’re not the only ones. I’m still completely baffled, myself.
Somehow, I manage to pay attention in class and, by the time the hour is up, I can almost forget what happened last night. It’s like a dream that’s fading away a little more with every minute I spend awake. I can almost be happy and feel secure, knowing Tucker is on my side. No, I still don’t have the first clue why or what’s in it for him. You’d think he would want something from me in return, but what? It’s not like I’m going to be his personal sex slave or whatever.
But I don’t have to go back home, and that alone is enough to lighten my step as I leave the lecture hall, ready to find something to eat in the cafeteria before my next class. And if anybody has anything to say to me, all I have to do is remember, I have Tucker on my side. It’s beyond bizarre, but he’s the only thing able to bring a smile to my face right now. When I remember the way he talked to Dad, I have to bite back a grin. If only I could have seen the look on his face. For once, somebody was standing up to him. I’m sure he doesn’t have the first clue what to do about it.
“Hey. You.”
My head snaps back at the sudden, sharp sound of Tiana calling out to me once I reach the hallway. Dread slithers through my stomach, but I will not let it take hold. There is nothing she can do to me. She has to know that. It’s probably half of what makes her so mad in the first place, knowing she can’t really hurt me now. I have Tucker on my side, and she must know he won’t accept any of her shit.
Right now, it doesn’t seem like she cares, pushing herself away from the wall she was leaning up against while waiting for me to get out of class. Has she been waiting here all this time? “I don’t have anything to say to you,” I announce. One of us needs to be the bigger person through all of this. I’m not going to sink to her level.
“That’s fine, because I don’t want to hear anything you have to say,” she snaps, looking me up and down with disgust in her eyes. “So, what? Do you think you’ve won now? Is that what’s going through that stupid head of yours?”
It’s amazing, actually. I’ve always known she was sad and pathetic—I mean, who devotes so much of their life to making somebody else miserable if they have anything good going for themselves? But now it’s like I’m looking at her for the first time, really seeing her for who she is. Insecure, jealous, petty. I have to wonder what’s happening in her life that she feels she needs to be this way toward me.
Then again, my life has been fucked for years, and I don’t go around making it everybody else’s problem. There are only so many excuses to make for a person. “First you say you don’t want to hear anything that comes out of my mouth, then you ask me a question. Which one is it? Do you actually want an answer?”
Her head snaps back slightly like she didn’t expect me to retort. Maybe those days are gone. Maybe I can stand up for myself, after all. I’m not so alone anymore. Finally, I don’t have to be alone.
I lift my chin, meeting her gaze without blinking, silently daring her to do something about it. Let her try. It won’t go well, because at the end of the day, this is all about Tucker. She won’t gain anything by tormenting me.
“You disgusting, filthy fucking piece of trash,” she spits, getting in my face so I can feel the heat rolling off her. “It’s time for somebody to put you in your place.”
“Well, I guess you would know trash when you see it, right? I mean, you look in a mirror every day, don’t you?”
She can’t hide her shock any more than the people around us can hide their laughter. For once, the sound of it isn’t directed at me. I feel stronger, braver, and I can rest easy knowing this isn’t my fault. I didn’t approach her. I would be happy if I never saw her again.
Narrowing her eyes, she growls, “You bitch.”
It happens before I can brace myself. The force of her slap against my left cheek is hard enough to snap my head to the side. I’m only vaguely aware of the surprised gasps that ring out around us, a little too busy registering the sudden pain that explodes across my face and inside my skull.
What does she expect me to do? Am I supposed to crumple in a ball and beg her to stop? Or maybe she thought I would burst into tears and hide.
The truth is, she has no idea what she’s done because that is it. The final straw, the one that breaks the camel’s back for good. White hot, boiling rage explodes in my chest, consuming me.
Slowly, I turn my head, glaring at her, and she has the nerve to smirk… before I curl my fist and shoot it out as hard as I can.
I don’t know what’s better: the way she stumbles backward, or the absolute shock on her face when she does before covering her eye with her hand. “Fucking bitch!”
What am I supposed to do when she throws herself at me? The only thing I can do. I vent everything that’s built up in me, everything I’ve locked inside for much too long. The outrage and the pain, the loneliness, the heartbreak. The fear that nobody will ever understand me or want to be around me if they knew what I did.
It all comes out and so much more as I shove, kick, punch, and slap. By the time a pair of hands takes me by the shoulders and pulls me away from her, I’m panting for breath, snarling, ready to fight off whoever stopped me because this feels too damn good.
Only it’s a professor, not a student, and they look pretty pissed. “What is this, a wrestling ring or a school?”
Another professor is holding Tiana, who I have to say looks a lot worse than I feel. Her eye is already swelling shut after I landed that punch, her T-shirt torn at the neck and blood-stained. It’s only when I taste copper on my tongue that I realize it’s my blood, because she busted my lip.
I’ve never felt so triumphant in my life. I could almost sing. I’m so happy, because I felt something. Something real, something brutal and intense. And it’s amazing. I almost want to thank her for giving me the opportunity to experience this rush of pure exhilaration.
Instead, I go along with being led to Mr. Kingsley’s office along with Tiana, who is still grunting in anger by the time we’re dropped off in the waiting area. One of the professors ducks inside and murmurs something—I guess they’re explaining what happened. I hear Mr. Kingsley mutter something in response before his door opens wider to reveal him standing in the doorway, folding his arms as his gaze bounces between me and the girl whose eye has almost swollen shut.
It’s only now that reality trickles in, icy cold, and extremely vivid. Just this morning, the man agreed to let me stay in his house, and now I’m outside his office after getting in a brawl with another girl. There is nothing good about this, no matter how it feels. I think I’m going to be sick. In a flash, I see myself having to go back to Dad’s with my tail between my legs, praying he won’t make life too painful for me. What was I thinking? Since when do I let anything get to me that much?
“Exactly what do you young ladies think you’re doing?” There’s no familiarity in the question. Nobody would ever know I had breakfast in this man’s kitchen, wearing his son’s clothes on top of it. He’s just as stern with me as he is with Tiana.
“I’ll tell you what happened.” Suddenly, Tucker appears, looking a little flushed and winded like he hurried here. Somebody must’ve told him what happened. News travels fast. “Tiana has a problem with me dating Maya. This isn’t the first time she’s tried to start trouble today.”
I’ve never seen anyone look so much like a wounded puppy than the way Tiana does now. “Right,” she whispers. “I’m the bad guy. Like your father would not just believe everything you say.”
“Excuse me, but I think you’ve forgotten I’m standing here,” Headmaster Kingsley murmurs. “I know Tucker would not tell me something like that if there weren’t other people who could back him up. I’m sure there were witnesses?” he asks me. I’m too overwhelmed to say anything, so I settle for nodding. “I’ll ask around and get the full story before making any decisions. Unless, of course, there’s an apology here and now. What do you think, Tiana?” he asks.
I can tell him what she’s thinking. She would rather swallow her tongue than apologize to me for this or anything, but she can’t exactly say that to him. “Sorry,” she grunts without looking at me, instead staring at the floor.
“I accept that,” I murmur, because I know I’m being handed a favor. For a second there, I was sure I’d be thrown out on my ass. I am not about to waste a second chance.
“Very good. Tiana, you can go.” She wastes no time doing what he says, almost fleeing with her arms crossed and her head down. My fist sort of aches from making contact with her face, but I’ll live with it. It’s too satisfying to watch her run the way she is. For once, she didn’t come out on top.
Mr. Kingsley slowly turns toward me next. “And as for you.”
Dammit. I thought I got out of this.
Slowly, I lift my gaze, holding my breath. Maybe this will be when he tells me I need to go. Maybe he didn’t want to embarrass me in front of Tiana.
He exchanges a look with Tucker, who doesn’t say a word. It’s enough for him to shrug. “Take her home,” he decides. “Our house. She’s already been through enough today.”
Wait. What? I would ask, really I would, if Tucker wasn’t in such a hurry to take me by the hand and lead me out.
I’m still sputtering by the time we reach the hall outside the waiting area. “I don’t understand. Why am I not in trouble?” I ask in a whisper.
“For once, can you just take a win?” Tucker glances my way, smirking. “You gave her a black eye, huh?”
“It looks that way,” I admit, my lip throbbing.
“It’s an improvement. And you must have a hell of a punch.” He sounds proud of me as we step outside without me even taking a minute to clean myself up. No, instead, it’s like I’m wearing the blood on my lip as a badge of honor. Proof that I am not to be fucked with.
And all of a sudden, it doesn’t hurt so much anymore.