31. Lara
I guess I’ve finally seen so much blood and death that it’s stopped surprising me, because I’m a still as stone as I stand next to Rory.
“You can’t mean that, Rory,” Duncan starts, but Rory holds up a hand to cut him off.
“Let’s just get this cleaned up first, and then we’ll talk.”
Duncan nods numbly, and I can understand how he’s feeling. I feel like none of this is real, like I’m watching it all take place from somewhere up on the ceiling or something.
Rory takes a deep breath and snaps into action, fixing all the things on his father’s desk that have been in disarray.
I lean down, taking the gun out of Niall’s cooling hand and putting it back in the desk drawer.
Duncan stares down at the old man for a long moment before bringing out his phone and making a call, presumably to a cleaner from the sounds of it.
“We’ll have to replace the rug,” Rory says, and there’s no emotion in his voice. “We’ll never get the blood out.”
I put my hands on his shoulders, and he looks at me tiredly.
“Rory, are you okay?”
He shakes his head. “No, but it’s over now. I will be.”
I bite my lip. I don’t know how to tell him how grateful I am. I don’t know how to tell him that I love him so much in this moment I could explode. I know that he hadn’t killed Niall because he wanted to, or to save himself.
He’d only lunged at him when Niall pointed the gun at me. He killed his own father for me, and I will support him as well as I can.
I lean up on the tips of my toes and kiss him softly, and he favors me with a small smile.
“They’re coming to get the body.”
Duncan’s voice seems to surprise Rory, and he turns to nod at him.
Rory’s shoulders are slumped. He looks exhausted even though it’s still fairly early in the morning, and I can’t blame him.
We’ve been through so much in the last twenty-four hours that it seems like a lifetime.
“Thank you. Things are going to change around here, Duncan, and if you want to stay, you’re welcome. But if you want to go… I’ll understand.”
Duncan shakes his head fiercely. “I’ve always been a part of this clan, and I always will, no matter how it changes. I’ll be in my room if you need me.”
Rory pulls out his phone when Duncan leaves, putting it to his ear.
The sounds of his conversation with my brother, and then my father, make it clear to me that Rory wants no part of this.
“You can have it all. I can’t promise you that his men won’t still fight you…”
“Let me talk to him.” I hold out my hand, not even sure exactly which one of my relatives is on the other line.
“ A’stor ?”
My father’s voice comforts me like I would have never imagined, and I brace myself on the desk to keep my knees from going weak.
“Da, it’s so good to hear your voice.”
“It’s good to hear yours. Are you all right?”
“I’m fine,” I say quickly, but my voice sounds thick and liquid. Tears burn at the back of my eyes and for once, I just let them fall. “I’ve just missed you, Da.”
“We’ve missed you too, a’stor . We’ve been worried sick, but from what I hear from your brothers, you’re in good hands with Rory Murphy. Is that so?”
“That’s so.” I smile at Rory, and he gives me a weak smile back. “I’ll see you soon?”
“Later tonight. We’re sending some men to wrangle up all the guys who might try and avenge Murphy, but they’re few and far between. I wouldn’t worry your pretty little head about it.”
“Nice to know I finally don’t have to worry.” I laugh softly. “I love you, Da.”
“I love you, Lara.”
I hang up the phone and hand it back to Rory. He’s looking down at his father’s body, his expression unreadable.
He takes my hand wordlessly, leading me down the hallway and toward our bedroom.
I follow him without arguing because I just want to be there for him.
He strips off his blood-stained shirt first before removing the rest of his clothes, and I walk into the bathroom to run him a hot bath.
By the time he slides into the water, it’s cooled off slightly, but he still hisses when he gets in.
The blood pools on the surface of the water, but he doesn’t seem to notice, looking at me instead.
“I told your father to talk to Bree.” His voice almost startles me as I take a cloth and start to wipe him down, making sure to get rid of all the blood on his skin.
“Aye?"
He nods. “I don’t care what she does with the house or with his clan. As far as I’m concerned, it’s all Burke territory now.”
“You’re sure about that?”
“It's not like I ever had a problem with your family, Lara. It was always my father. Some decades-ago grudge that he could never get over.”
“Da says he doesn’t even remember what started it.” I continue to wash him.
By the time we’re finished, the water is tinged pink, but Rory doesn’t seem to notice.
Rory and I almost mechanically get into bed together.
I lay there for a long time, staring up at the ceiling.
I’ve seen so many men die in the last couple of days. I’ve been so afraid. And now that everything is over, I’m still afraid, but in a different way.
Instead of being afraid for my life, I’m afraid for my heart.
It’s not just that Niall Murphy is dead. It would usually be something to celebrate, but now, the way things are with Rory, it’s complicated. He’s obviously affected by having to kill his father, and I can’t help but feel guilty.
He did it for me, after all.
I should also be celebrating gaining my freedom, but do I even really want it?
I love being married to Rory. I love how he touches me, how he kisses me, how he holds me. I don’t know how to live without him anymore.
I don’t think I sleep much that night at all.
The next morning, I still feel groggy, and I reach over to touch Rory, but there’s only empty sheets.
Panic rushes through me.
“Rory?” My voice sounds raw.
He doesn’t answer.
I frown, standing up to put on my robe–or rather, one of Rory’s that I've taken over.
I step out into the hallway and look both ways. Still no sign of him.
I start to rush down the stairs and nearly run smack into Raquel, who’s rushing up them.
“I heard what happened."
I step backward, sighing heavily. “I’m so sorry, Raquel,”
She’s become a friend and even if I benefit from Niall being gone, there’s no reason to be cruel.
She lets out a slow breath from her nostrils and looks down at her feet.
I slowly reach out to take her hands in mine. “Are you okay?”
Raquel looks up at me, sniffling, her eyes wet.
“I kn-know what he did to you was wrong. I know that he’s done a lot of bad things. But he took me in when I had no one else.”
I nod, squeezing her hands. “I understand. Rory has been taking it hard, too.”
“Duncan says Rory didn’t have a choice.”
I swallow hard, not responding because I don’t want to tell her that Rory did have a choice. He just chose me.
“I haven't seen him this morning. Did you happen to see him as you came in?”
She shakes her head, pulling away from me gently. “I didn’t, but I can probably guess where he is.”
I tilt my head. “Where?”
“The greenhouse.” She jerks her head to gesture down the hall. “Go over to that wing.”
“But it's been closed off since?—”
Raquel shrugs. “Doesn't matter now, does it? Any secrets that Niall had won’t die with him.”
“Are you sure you’re okay?” I ask her, genuinely concerned.
She smiles weakly. “I will be. And in the meantime, I hear I’m going to have a strong female boss in Bree.”
“You will.” I look at her a moment longer, and she doesn’t have tears in her eyes anymore.
It feels all right to leave her alone.
I hurry down the hallway into the forbidden wing, stepping over crates and boxes of God knows what.
Niall had made a mini-barricade, I guess to dissuade people from entering. But now he’s dead, and he can't hurt me.
And something tells me that Rory needs me, needs someone.
I know that his relationship with his father was complicated, but I also know he loved him once.
The greenhouse is at the very end of the hall, built out from the mansion.
I’m surprised to see that it's well kept-up. I thought this entire wing was shut off to everyone, including staff.
I peer in the door first to see if I can catch sight of my husband, but it’s not until I walk further inside that I do.
“Rory?”
He’s just staring at a few different-colored rose bushes.
He doesn’t even look at me as I approach him, not even when I take his hand.
“Why did he keep it?” he asks, as if speaking to himself more than to me. “Why would he do this? This was her favorite place. She was here every morning, checking on her flowers.”
I don’t respond, just waiting because it doesn’t seem like he’s finished.
“I went into her sewing room, too. Everything’s just as she left it, but it’s been dusted like she’s still working in there every day. Even the book she was reading the day she...” His voice cracks.
I watch his throat working, and I lean against his shoulder, squeezing his hand.
“Maybe he did love her,” I say softly. “People are complicated.”
“You don’t murder the people you love.”
“This lifestyle changes some people. Maybe when he met her, he did love her. In the only way he could love.”
Rory runs a hand through his hair, which I notice is damp from a shower even though I’d bathed him just last night.
I bit my lip, wondering how hot he’d let the water run when I wasn’t there to turn the cold water on.
“Do you think he loved me that way, too?”
Rory’s voice is so quiet I can barely hear him.
“I do. I can’t see how anyone couldn’t love you, Rory.”
He finally turns to me, leaning down to kiss me softly, putting his arms around me to hug me.
I hug him back tightly.
For the next half an hour, we walk around the greenhouse, and Rory points out his mother’s favorite flowers,
I wouldn’t have it any other way.