Chapter 23 #2
“I told you that you weren’t going to get rid of me, Laney.
I meant it, but I didn’t know how much I would grow to truly mean it.
I can’t imagine a time in my future when you are not the person standing beside me.
Where you are not the one that I get to experience every milestone and celebration with.
Where you are not the one that I tote around big holiday galas and parties to show off in front of my colleagues and my boss because damn do I have something amazing to brag about.
I have you. My rock. The one that keeps me grounded, who reminds me to take care of myself when I get too caught up in work or life.
Who is there for me every single step of the way with a sarcastic comment dripping with support and acceptance and—and love…
” she trails off finally looking me in the eye.
Hers are brimming with unshed tears but they’re not full of sadness.
I just see the same longing and admirance I have kept hidden all these years.
“It—it is love…isn’t it?” Her voice shakes and it’s then my thoughts were confirmed.
She is afraid. She seems scared and nervous and unsure of herself, which isn’t her.
She’s always so certain and confident and headstrong, but seeing her kneeling before me like this, anxiety radiating from her being, a sort of timidness in her movements and words…
I nod. It’s a small, barely noticeable dip of my chin, and a weight settles in the pit of my stomach as I wait.
The dress has been forgotten. The panic of the claustrophobic fabric and feeling her body so close to me is gone.
It’s completely vanished, and instead the panic I am experiencing now is screaming at me to run.
To deny it. To pretend this never happened.
Make it a joke. Ask her if she drank too much.
Anything to alleviate the seriousness of what is happening, and to push away the knowledge of what that one little nod means.
That slight motion in agreeance with her words has put me on a razor’s edge.
This could be the single greatest moment of my life, where I finally have the thing I have always dreamed about, where my suspicions were right and she does feel the same enamored entanglement of devotion, yearning, and euphoria.
Or…it could be just the opposite. And tonight, she reached an epiphany, realizing the small actions all this time built into the larger picture of me pining over her for years.
She smiles. The same bright, toothy, dimpled smile that took my breath away when I was sixteen years old and cemented my fate.
Her tears have finally fallen, streaking her mascara, but it doesn’t take away from how perfect she is.
The glassy sheen the tears caused in her eyes have brought out all the small details I could lose myself in.
The lighter flecks of brown against the dark chocolate pools, so deep it blends into her iris.
They're so dark, but they're not cold. Her eyes are filled with warmth, so much I can almost feel the heat against my skin each time she looks at me like this. Like I’m worth something.
“I’ve hoped for so long,” I start, reaching out slowly, but hesitating. “I never thought it would come true. I never thought you could find anything worthwhile in me. Something you could want.”
“No. Not something, not one thing. I want you, Laney. Every single piece of you, and everything you will become. I love you. I have loved you for so long. No one could ever compare. I said you weren’t getting rid of me.
I said I couldn’t do this without you.” She grabs my hand and I barely feel it, I’m too focused in the overwhelming joy blooming in my chest, in the hole that has been taking residence where my heart should be, only filling partially and slowly by the small moments I have stolen for myself.
Yet here she was, saying all of the things I have wanted to hear for so long, and my chest feels like it’s going to burst.
“This—” she shakes my hand “—This life. I can’t do this without you. Without you right here, by my side, hand in hand, ready to face anything thrown our way.”
“Do you mean—” I trail off shifting my weight, trying to still my shaking hands.
Hope is the only thing that keeps me from running out of the door right now because if she says this, but tells me it can’t truly happen, I don’t think I would recover.
I wouldn’t be the same person any more. An irreparable part of me would shatter indefinitely.
“Oh, for fuck’s sake, Laney!” She tugs my hand sharply, dragging me down to kneel in front of her in the floor. All I’m able to do is brace myself for the fall, before her other hand is tangled into my hair pulling me forward.
Then, she’s kissing me.
Her lips are softer than I had ever imagined, plush and sweet from the hint of champagne lingering from early in the night.
I’m in heaven. Surely, I have died and this is heaven, or the beyond, or some sick, twisted dream because it cannot be real. It cannot be true that the most beautiful soul walking this earth could want me.
She pulls away first, eyes shining, grinning so much.
The happiness and relief in my body are almost too much to bear.
I probably look like a lunatic with how wide my smile is in return.
My cheeks burn from the stretch, but I can’t help it.
My body has taken on a mind of its own, and it is focused solely on the perfection of this moment.
Both of us kneeling in our small one bedroom apartment we can barely afford, wearing ridiculously fancy dresses in various stages of undress, tear stained faces, holding onto each other like we are the only thing keeping us from floating away. It’s perfect. She’s perfect.
“You’re so beautiful, Vanessa.” My hand reaches out to wipe the tears from her full cheek. The black streak smudges beneath my thumb but I ignore it.
The look in her eyes tells me everything I have wanted to know and for the first time, all the fear and worry are gone.
I lean forward, pressing my forehead against hers, closing my eyes to savor every second of this.
“I’m not going anywhere. I’m going to be right here beside you. For as long as you will have me.”