23. Levi
LEVI
My eyes bore into the blank page of a leather-bound journal. The pen in my fingers feels as heavy as the weight on my chest. I haven’t written a riddle since my mother’s funeral. I flip to the previous page, reading the last one I’d ever written.
My hunger is never sated.
My heart is never full.
Solitude is my destiny.
Who am I?
The answer returns to me as though I wrote it yesterday.
Before I can linger on the past, my phone rings. I glance at my nightstand to find Astor’s picture lighting up my screen.
It’s not actually a photo of him, but his favorite video game character—Link. The best Christmas I’ve had since my parents passed was playing The Legend of Zelda with Astor until the wee hours of the morning every night, until New Year’s Eve, when we finally beat it.
Setting aside my journal, I pick up the phone, turning my voice serious.
“Hello, Father.”
Without missing a beat, Astor’s voice turns equally severe—and British.
“My child.”
We break character in unison, chuckling.
I don’t actually call or consider him to be my father, but it doesn’t change the fact that that’s basically what he’s become.
There’s a certain weariness in his voice lately that never fails to make anxiety creep in. I can’t lose you too. “How are you feeling? How’re the bees?”
“Good…”
Lonely, is what I don’t admit.
“The bees are happy... Producing lots of honey. It’s become popular at the local stores. I’ve had to get Beau to help out a few times a week with harvesting and deliveries.”
I can hear the smile in his voice. “That’s wonderful. Which name did you decide on?”
A few weeks ago, I’d still been trying to decide, and I’d had him help me narrow down the list.
“Nectar of the Gods.”
He hums thoughtfully. “I think that one was my favorite, too.”
“How’s everything with you?”
He sighs for a moment, pausing. “Fine.”
My brows knit together. “Fine?”
“Yeah, just...fucking bored and tired of work shit. As usual.”
Of killing people and all the other nefarious deeds his line of work requires, is what he doesn’t say.
“You could retire?” I suggest for the thousandth time.
He gives a noncommittal grunt.
“You know… before you get yourself killed.”
Astor heaves a long-suffering sigh. “Yeah… probably a good idea.”
“But…”
“But you already know—there are a lot of people relying on me. Directly and indirectly. It’s not as simple as just closing up a storefront.”
“I could help?—”
“Absolutely fucking not.”
It’s my turn to sigh. We’ve already discussed—even argued—about this numerous times over the last few years. “So what… you just wait until someone comes along and kills you?”
Like my father.
The anxiety in my chest tightens further, like a coiling snake writhing in pain.
Astor remains quiet, and we sit in comfortable silence for several moments before a new suggestion tumbles out. It’s impulsive and thoughtless, but...
“What if I found you someone?”
I can feel his eyes rolling from here. “No.”
Despite his rejection of the idea, the wheels of my mind begin to turn.
As if the very thought was a harbinger of fate, I hear the soft whoosh of my burner phone receiving a message. It sits in my nightstand, connected at all times to a VPN in French Polynesia.
Almost never used.
Only Jeriko, a military buddy who owes me, has the number.
Opening the drawer, my heart kicks up in anticipation as I finally grab my burner phone.
My eyes scan the message over and over again.
“Found your starling.”
Starling, being one of the birds known to usurp nests by killing their inhabitants, is the code name for the person responsible for my father’s death. Somehow, Boston’s most powerful mafia has been run anonymously since my father was killed.
Until now.
And my heart is hammering in my chest.
Astor says something in my ear, but my thoughts have grown distant. It takes a few seconds for his question to register in my mind. “So when are you coming back down to visit?”
I’m holding my breath as the dancing ellipsis pops up beneath his message—Jeriko typing out a second message.
369 Harbinger Lane
Sagaponack, NY 11962
Astor is in my ear as I stare at the address. “Hello?”
I quickly hammer out a reply to Jeriko before I can think of an answer to Astor.
You certain?
“Uhhh, early November? I can see if Beau and Gideon can cover for me until Thanksgiving.”
“Would love it if you could.”
“Awesome. I’m sure it won’t be a problem.”
My eyes are glued to the screen of my burner phone. The ellipsis pops up again, followed by:
As certain as I want this fucking debt repaid.
Let’s see.
He’s out of town. Don’t ask me where or when he’s coming back. I’ll let you know when I have another update.
“You need me to let you go so you can get back to jerking off?”
I huff a laugh. “No… sorry. Was just multitasking.”
Astor grunts as another impulsive question poises itself on the tip of my tongue. A question I’ve contemplated asking for the last decade and a half.
“You don’t happen to have any connections in Boston, do you?”
Astor’s pause only lasts a beat. “No… why? You make some friends up there I should introduce myself to?”
By friends, he means enemies.
The lie feels oily on my tongue. “No.”
I can feel his suspicion from here. “But?”
“But nothing, I just haven’t been since…”
Since my family was murdered.
“Since I was a kid.”
Astor’s tone softens. “Oh... Well, if you feel compelled to visit, I can always fly up there and join you. If you want. It’s one of the few places I’ve never been.”
Absolutely not; you’d murder me if you knew what I was doing up there.
“That’d be great.”
My eyes drift back down to the address.
I hear talking in the background.
A distant gunshot returns my focus to Astor as he sighs. “Right. I gotta go. Talk soon, okay? Let me know if you need anything.”
Concern has my stomach twisting into another knot.
“Will do. The same for you…”
He pauses briefly. “And Levi?”
“Yeah?”
“I’m proud of you. Not just for your new business, but just… everything.”
Those words force me to swallow back a small knot of emotion that rises to my throat.
“Wouldn’t be here without you.”
A brief silence hangs between us before he closes our conversation. “Love you, kid.”
The endearment relieves some of the tension; the emotion, as an affectionate smirk slides across my mouth.
He’s barely ten years older than me, and doesn’t even look it.
“Love you too, old man.”
I’m gonna get you to retire soon; you just don’t know it yet.
And maybe Jeriko can fucking help me.
When he hangs up, my attention lowers again to the address. Reality creeps in, and the ensuing shock follows. All these years... all this time. And I’ve finally caught the fucking rat I’ve been hunting for twenty years.
My hunger is never sated.
My heart is never full.
Solitude is my destiny.
Who am I?
Death.