46. Levi
LEVI
“You gonna spit it out or just make me guess why you’ve been staring a hole into the side of my face?”
Beau smirks from atop his horse as we herd the cattle back towards their barn. “Just waiting for you to implode from all this brooding.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
I know exactly what he’s talking about. I’ve been stewing in silence, all but writhing in pain from this fucking bond.
Beau lets out a sardonic cackle. “Okay, sour puss. Keep your secrets.”
“I have no secrets.”
Liar.
Gideon snorts from atop his horse on the other side of Beau. They exchange a look.
“So... What was that thing about the rabbit the other day?”
Fuck.
It was Violette.
Had to be.
The realization sends another spear of pain shooting through that tether, directly into my heart.
“Nothing.”
Beau stares off into the distance as he speaks. “Cool. Cool, cool, cool. So you trapped the rabbit and just completely forgot? Or is there someone sneaking onto your property that I should be concerned about?”
My jaw clenches. “Nothing to be concerned about.”
Beau looks borderline annoyed as silence descends between us.
Briefly.
Because for all of Beau’s lighthearted goodness, he’s also a hothead. And I’m being a dick.
“Brother, I’ve fucking killed for you…”
Here we go.
“Stitched you up in the field.”
Sure have.
“Shielded your body with mine.”
Yep.
“And vice versa.”
And I wouldn’t hesitate to do it again.
“Which is why it gets under my fucking skin that you still feel like you can’t just open up with us. Even just a little, motherfucker.”
He lobs a ball of spit onto the ground as if to punctuate his sentence. “Goddamn.”
Gideon eyes the two of us, gnawing on a toothpick. Calm as ever. The man has always been unflappable, but now there’s a certain peace I’ve never witnessed in him.
Because he’s with his soulbound.
I’ve never been jealous of him until now.
Several silent moments pass as I struggle to form the words.
Yet another thing I should probably see a therapist about.
It’s not that I don’t trust Gideon and Beau or don’t want them to know all of me.
I’ve just been through so much that talking about upsetting shit, no matter how vaguely, is like disturbing clear waters by stepping into the mud and sand buried beneath.
Essentially, so long as I don’t think or speak about anything in my past, I’m cool as a cucumber…
Right?
Still, Beau has a point, and while I’m fine being a dick to most people, even I recognize my friends deserve better.
Let’s see. How do I word this?
I was kidnapped.
“I met someone.”
Beau’s brows nearly leap off his forehead.
Gideon smirks.
“... But how? Who?”
Beau looks downright dubious. Not that I can blame him.
“Is it so surprising that someone would be interested in me?”
Beau chuckles. “I mean... kinda, yeah. I’d put money on it that you didn’t approach her. Your resting murder face isn’t exactly welcoming, so you’ll have to forgive my shock.”
Can’t argue with you there.
“You remember that woman who came with Winnow’s cousin to find her?”
Gideon and Beau rear back in surprise.
“You mean the cunt that left Winnow for dead before Harlen found her lying on the side of the road?”
Anger flares to a low simmer in my veins at his harsh words, but I can’t deny that I would be murderous if someone had done the same to Violette.
“She showed up at my place.”
Gideon’s brows tense, scrutinizing me before his eyes fixate on my chest.
As though he can physically see the tether binding my soul to Violette’s.
“Do you feel something strange?” He rubs the center of his sternum. “In this vicinity?”
I meet his gaze with an affirming look. He swears under his breath. Beau quirks a brow. “That mean she’s his soulmate or somethin’?”
“Soulbound,” Gideon corrects.
Beau huffs a laugh, shaking his head in disbelief. “Well goddamn, brother. Congratulations.”
My hand rubs anxiously at the spot over my heart.
“What’s with the sorry ass look then?”
And there it is. The whole reason I wanted to avoid the topic.
Beau and Gideon know a little bit about my past, but not nearly in its entirety.
Not about my family being in the mafia, that my father’s death was deliberate, witness protection, the favors Astor had to call in to get me into the military—and special forces—without my past being unearthed to lower command.
So, without bringing any of that up, I do my best to succinctly explain why I can’t just dive headfirst into this thing with Violette.
The reason I’m compelled to abandon it.
And that Violette is searching for a way to sever it.
Gideon openly scowls at me.
“You’re a fucking idiot, Graves.”
My gaze snaps to his. “... Did you leave a note inside my nightstand?”
Gideon’s expression contorts in a way that tells me my idiocy is unparalleled.