124. Azrael
AZRAEL
Inever had parents in the conventional sense. The only womb I was birthed from was purely in the cosmic sense. Akash’s womb that cast forth fragments of her divine nature into infinity.
What would it be like to feel a mother’s love?
Is that the price of primordial godhood?
To never experience the selfless, unconditional love of a parent?
Not that mortality guarantees such a thing, but it’s an experience I long for all the same. An experience—a gift—that I can’t help but wonder, if I had been blessed with something as precious as a childhood, and kind, loving parents... Would I be better?
Initially when my power had been stripped of me, I was terrified. Furious. Petulant, even.
But the more time I spend in this mortal form, the more I grow to appreciate it.
It’s liberating to surrender. To relinquish control.
And if I were to die... Would I reincarnate?
The leash on my soul being gently tugged to return to my realms has waned to nothing in my newfound mortality. I can only assume it’s passed onto Lazarus.
Does this mean that when I die that I would get to lead a normal life?
To be born without the burden of knowledge that comes from eons of life and death?
Would I get to lead a life where I don’t get left behind in this physical realm wrought with beauty and suffering in equal measure when all those I love inevitably perish?
And when I died again, would I finally get to return to Akash?
I love Violette and Levi with every ounce of my being. I yearn to fulfill this vow to her—to complete the courting rituals.
But if this is my one opportunity to not have to endure, for all eternity, this corporeal realm where joy and suffering swing like a fucking pendulum in a storm...
My one opportunity to not be left behind; where I don’t have to endure the inevitable deaths of the two greatest loves of my eternal life—no matter how distant that event may be...
I don’t want to throw it away.