18
Ilona
Larz pushed inside me, just an inch. Just that little bit felt better than anything I’d ever experienced. My head fell back as I hissed in a breath, widening my legs even farther.
She groaned as she went deeper, the toy halfway inside me. She stopped for a moment, swiping a hand over her face like she needed to gather herself.
“Fuck, Ilona.” She looked down at where the strap was attached to her, a wide grin spreading across her cheeks.
I sat up to look, and all the breath was sucked from my body. Her skin morphed, growing around the toy. Attaching to it. Before I could ask what was happening, she pushed the rest of the length into me. We both gasped.
Whatever just happened, I didn’t care anymore. She had that effect on me, making all the new and strange things seem not so bad, at least not when I was in her arms.
Larz pulled out of me slowly, watching as every inch came out coated and glistening with strings of my arousal.
“Good girl. Ready to be fucked, aren’t you?” She smirked over me, rubbing the tips of her fingers over my swollen clit.
I nodded frantically, craving her inside me again.
“Tell me, babygirl. Tell me how bad you want it.” She paused on my clit.
“Fuck. Please, daddy. I need you to fuck me. I feel so empty without you.”
She pinched my clit, the sharp pain causing my pussy to clench. “How bad.”
“So bad, so fucking bad. I’ve been waiting for it since the second I saw you.” The whine of my pleas made it sound like I’d die without her, and that’s exactly how I felt.
She repositioned her hands over my hips, gripping hard as she thrust inside of me until our hips met.
I felt stretched and full almost to my limit. The sting of the dildo deep inside me hurt so good. My pussy formed around it perfectly, clenching and begging to be fucked.
Larz thrusted inside me, only going slow for a moment before picking up to a punishing pace. A heavy pleasure radiated from my belly and out across my whole body. I wanted to feel this forever.
I didn’t realize I had squeezed my eyes shut until Larz firmly grasped my chin and tugged my face toward hers.
“Look at me, Ilona.”
When I looked at her, she was like a God above me. Her eyes went completely black along with her forked tongue. Her skin glistened, panting as she fucked me with no mercy.
“You feel so fucking good,” she rasped.
Through my own pleasure, I almost didn’t notice the way her brows clenched. The glisten of sweat that coated her skin. The throaty moans that escaped her chest. It was almost like-
“Can you feel it?” I asked.
She smirked down at me, “Do you want to feel what I feel?”
I didn’t know what she meant. I didn’t understand most of what had happened since I’d met Larz, but I was eager to keep discovering, so I nodded.
Her black eyes flashed with a brilliant sheen of gold and I was jolted by a warm beam of light scorching my pupils. Molten liquid traveled through my nerves, curling through the folds of my brain and twisted at the base of my skull.
The molten hardened and secured in a tight ball where my head and neck met. When the light faded, and I was able to see clearly again, a feeling so vivid slammed into me like a wall of bricks.
The pleasure was almost too much to handle.
The radiating heat from my belly intensified.
Every thrust inside of me felt four-dimensIlonal, like I was experiencing it in several different ways.
My brain couldn’t wrap around the feeling of the hard, fleshy toy pounding inside of me and the tightening of silky, wet walls around me.
Sounds I didn’t know I could make spilled from my mouth like a song. I looked up at Larz, who seemed like she was reacting the same.
Do you want to feel what I feel?
The words replayed as my climax grew closer. I was feeling her pleasure and mine all at once. And so was she.
“You feel that, baby? How fucking amazing that pussy feels?”
“Yes! Oh, you fuck me so good, Larz. So…fucking…good!”
Tears brimmed in my eyes and spilled down my cheeks. I was about to come and it was going to be fucking life-changing.
“Look how pretty you cry for me.” Larz wrapped her hand around my throat, pressing the sides with her strong fingers and it pushed me over the edge.
I saw stars. Flashing all around my vision, even when I squeezed my eyes shut. My pussy clenched and convulsed around her, locking the toy inside me as I almost passed out. I was screaming, louder than I knew humanly possible. Larz was gripping my hip, pulling me hard into her as we both came.
“Yes, baby. That’s it. Come with me. That’s my good, filthy fucking girl.”
The entire world melted away. Nothing existed but me, Larz, and the way my body was engulfed by her.
I had completely relinquished control, handing it to her on a silver platter.
I was nothing more than a vessel for her pleasure and the sick thing was, I loved it. I wanted her to use me. Over and over.
She stayed inside me as our orgasms subsided, thrusting into me slowly as we came down. When we finally settled onto the bed, Larz pulled me into her arms and angled my head so I was looking into her eyes.
The tight, solid lock I felt at the back of my skull unraveled, traveled back the way it came through my brain and out my eyes. I felt a lot less fatigued, but still exhausted. My breathing calmed all the way and the fog cleared. I was left with only my own sensations.
It was incredibly lonely, being abandoned to my own body and sensations again after experiencing the most intense connection I’d ever felt. Possibly the only true connection I’d ever felt.
I almost didn’t want to move. I didn’t want to speak. I didn’t want to wake up from the dream of what had just happened, of what had been happening since the moment Larz came into my life. But my curiosity was a persistent, nagging thing.
“What was that?” I asked as I snuggled into Larz’s chest.
“Mind connection. I connected certain parts of our brains to let us feel what the other does.”
“Oh,” I considered what that meant. “Is it just physical sensation?”
She played with my fingers, lacing them between hers. “No. We can connect emotIlonal feelings as well.”
My stomach went sour, twisting with uncertainty. If Larz could connect to my brain and make me feel what she felt, was any of this real?
“Have you…ever done that with me?”
“Yes. Once. To help calm you down about Stellan.”
It was the first time I had felt uneasy around Larz. I trusted her, but something about knowing she could control how I felt made me question every second I’d spent with her. I left my old life behind and moved to Cutwood to escape control, not run right back into it.
“What is it, babygirl?”
“I…” I hesitated. I didn’t know how I felt. “I just need a minute.”
I scurried into the bathroom, shutting the door behind me before sinking onto the floor. I didn’t know what was wrong with me. I had someone who had shown me nothing but love, kindness, and gentle care, but I couldn’t even trust it.
My entire life had been controlled since the moment I opened my eyes.
Growing up with ultra-religious parents meant every second was lived by the book.
How I dressed, how I spoke, even how I ate, was watched and planned meticulously.
When my parents caught wind of me not liking men, I was forced into courtship with a boy of their choice from the church, and the control only continued, narrowing my world down into an even tighter cage.
I couldn’t go back to feeling like I wasn’t my own person. I wouldn’t let myself.
I heard my bedroom door close and the twist in my stomach turned into panic.
Maybe I’d hurt her feelings. Maybe she was going to leave me.
No matter what I was feeling, I couldn’t let that happen.
I had to remember that she was a different kind, mind connections were probably a normal thing for her.
I owed her a conversation at the very least and the open-mindedness to try to understand.
When I burst into the room, Larz was there, setting down a mug of tea and a tray of snacks. She settled back on the bed and waved me over.
When I got close enough, she pulled me onto her lap and placed the steaming mug in my hands. I took a long sip, letting the steam seep into my pores. Larz then held a fresh strawberry to my lips.
My panic started to melt away. Being in her arms felt so nice. But just as quickly as it faded, it started to build again. Am I really feeling calm, or was Larz making me feel that way?
I choked down the fruit and averted my gaze, running my fingers down Larz’s scorpion hip tattoos. “Are you doing that?”
“Doing what?” She massaged my thighs. I could feel her trying to meet my gaze, but I refused.
“Making me feel calm again.”
She took my chin in her hands, forcing my gaze to hers. “Is that what you’re worried about?”
“I just…I don’t know if what I’ve been feeling has been you or me. If you can get inside my head whenever you want, how will I ever know?”
“I would never do that without you knowing. Well, I wouldn’t ever do it again, and I’m sorry I did before. It was wrong, I just hated seeing you so panicked.”
I didn’t know what to say. It’s like there were two, very different me’s fighting inside me. One who was ready to surrender and be loved, and one who wanted to retreat back into the safety of being alone.
“With your permission, I’ll help you recognize what it feels like when the connection is made, that way you’d know if we ever connected.”
“Okay,” I nodded.
She pulled me into a soft kiss, “just relax. First, I want you to focus on what you’re feeling in this moment. Your fear. Your worries. How you feel about me.”
I did as she said, closing my eyes and taking note of every emotion and every sensation I felt in my body. There was worry, a bit of hesitation, and something deeper that I couldn’t quite bring myself to admit. But there was no fear.
Our gaze met again and her eyes flashed gold. It felt different than the physical connection. It was more subtle. More gentle.
“Do you feel that?” She asked. “Like warm honey melting down your skull.”
I nodded, letting the sensation take over me.
“In a second,” she started, her voice low and calm, “you’ll feel exactly how I feel. Not physically, but emotIlonally.”
The warmth in my head spread throughout my body, burning especially hot in my chest. A sweet softness mixed with possession vibrated just under my skin. It was intense, primal, definitely not mine.
But, in a way, it was exactly how I felt for Larz, just heightened and more feral. She made me feel warm, she made me want to have nothing but her, and for her to have nothing but me.
There was something else, though. The urge to entwine with her. Like I was ready to claw into her skin and settle myself inside her body. My teeth ached, wanting to feel her flesh pressed against them.
Then, in an instant, the feeling was sucked from me, leaving me alone with my own emotions again. But one thing remained, the pull. The pull was stronger and warmer than ever. The possession I’d felt inside Larz’s emotions stuck with me, like I wanted her to possess me in every way possible.