Chapter Three
STANDING AT THE Veritas’ helm, the one place that had been her sanctuary over the last three years, Grey ran her hands through her hair and looked out over the familiar expanse of Charlotte Amalie’s harbor.
Now that she was no longer fighting to control herself for appearance’s sake, her hands shook, and she was seriously tempted to fire Lauren before she had prepared a single meal.
Grey knew that it was not really an option—there was no way she was even close to being capable of preparing the meals for the next two cruises that Lauren had signed-on for—but that knowledge was not enough to keep her from thinking about it.
She took a deep breath, held it for five seconds, and then let it go. And then she did it again. And again. Eventually, the regulated breathing calmed her racing heart and eased the shaking in her hands, but it did little to stop her mind from spinning.
The past came back to her in flashbacks. A warm smile. Gentle eyes. Tender touches. Whispers of affection that were laced with so much emotion that her heart would skip a beat. Harsh fluorescent lighting. Beeping Machines. And then nothing. Always nothing.
If there was one road Grey could not allow herself to travel, it was that one.
She knew that time was supposed to heal all wounds, but the gaping hole in her heart was just as all-encompassing as ever, and she had yet to find anything that could make it go away.
Drinking herself into a stupor worked to a degree, as did losing herself in the desperate embrace of a woman whose name she never particularly cared to learn, let alone remember, but neither of those coping mechanisms were going to work for her now because she had guests arriving in a few hours and a new chef making herself at home below deck.
She could not help but be pissed at Lauren’s presence on her boat, and she latched onto that anger as she pulled her phone from her pocket.
She did not even have to look at the screen to pull up the number she needed, and she gritted her teeth as the call rang through.
She knew that what she was about to do was not at all fair, but she was too upset to care.
“You fucking suck,” she greeted her best friend the moment she picked up.
Kelly Kipling laughed. “Sometimes, yes. But why, exactly, do I suck this time?”
“Lauren Murphy,” Grey muttered, rolling her eyes and running a frustrated hand through her hair. “You were supposed to find me a goddamn chef for a couple cruises.”
“And, judging by her résumé, I did. She graduated first in her class from the Culinary Institute of America. From the handful of people I talked to while checking her references, I can tell you that she’s widely regarded as one of the best sous chefs in New York, and everybody is expecting her to be given her own kitchen sooner, rather than later.
Her bosses at Clarke’s have nothing but great things to say about her.
I found you a better chef than you usually get pillaging the local hotel kitchens—mine included, by the way.
She didn’t seem interested in relocating, but she looks so good on paper that I was hoping after a couple weeks down here she might be more open to persuasion. So, what’s the problem?”
Grey chuckled darkly and shook her head. “She’s a redhead. Wild fucking curls, gorgeous fucking hazel eyes, the whole nine yards.”
“Oh,” Kelly murmured. “Sorry?”
“I thought you interviewed her.”
“I did interview her, Grey. Over the phone,” Kelly said, her tone softening.
“It’s not like I can jet up to New York to interview a chef for a short-term position like the one you were trying to fill.
I mean, I do have three hotels to oversee on the island here, never mind the two on Saint John, and the one on St. Croix. ”
Properly chastised, Grey sighed and nodded.
“Yeah, I know.” The Kipling family had been a fixture in the Virgin Islands for generations, and Kelly was the general manager for Kipling Resorts, overseeing the family’s empire.
It was because none of the chefs for her hotels were available for the next few weeks that Grey had asked Kelly if she could help her find somebody to work on the Veritas. “I’m sorry…”
“It’s fine, Grey, don’t worry about it. Look, you just have to make it through two cruises and then you’ll be rid of her. Just give her a chance, and don’t rip her head off just because she looks like—”
“Don’t even go there, Kip.”
“Fine,” Kelly sighed. Really, she should have known better than to try and say Emily’s name. “Look, I am sorry. About all of it.” She paused for a beat and then added, “So, you leave this afternoon?”
“Yeah. We’ll be out for nine days. I’m just going to follow my usual loop through the BVI and back for this one, nothing spectacular.
” Grey held her breath at the sound of footsteps making their way up the stairs to the bridge, and her heart thudded heavily in her chest when Lauren came into view. “I, uh, gotta go.”
“She’s there.”
Grey nodded, unable to tear her gaze away from Lauren, who flashed her an apologetic smile and quickly backed down the stairs. “Yeah. We need to go do some grocery shopping to stock up for the trip.”
“Good luck. Call me when you get back. Or, you know, whenever you need to.”
“Will do.” Grey blew out a loud breath and added, “Look, I’m sorry I went off on you. Thanks for listening.”
“That’s what I’m here for,” Kelly murmured, her voice tinged with concern. “Be good.”
Grey laughed, the sound devoid of any genuine mirth, but she was grateful for the normalcy of the quip when her entire world felt like it was spinning out of control. “When am I ever good?”
“There’s a first time for everything, Wells. I’ll talk to you later.”
“Yeah. Later.” Grey shoved her phone into her pocket and started for the stairs, knowing that they really did need to get going if they were to get back in time to put everything away before the Muellers arrived.
Lauren was sitting at one of the tables on the back deck that was sheltered by the bridge, and Grey’s breath caught in her throat at the small smile the redhead greeted her with.
It was not fair that she should have to try and continue to survive, day after day, while being confronted with a reminder of all that she had loved and lost.
“Sorry about interrupting,” Lauren said.
Grey shook her head and glanced toward the salon.
The ache in her chest was easier to ignore if she did not actually look at Lauren.
“Don’t worry about it. It’s not a big deal.
I was just talking to a friend. I’ll, um, just show you to the pantry so you can see what we’ve got, and then we can head out. ”
“I went ahead and found it on my own before I came looking for you. Hope that was okay.” When Grey nodded, Lauren continued, “Anyways, I have my list ready.”
“Excellent.” Grey waved a hand at the dock and motioned for Lauren to disembark first. “Then let’s get going.”