37. Deathbed
CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN
DEATHBED
Saya Claymore
Lights flash red, blinking on and off, and I stare down an empty hallway. My hands close into fists, tensing at the mirrors surrounding me.
I stare back at myself, the image distorted. A nightmare, but I am aware again. This seems to be a recurring thing, and something I can’t ignore anymore.
Making my way down the corridor, the red light saturates my pale skin, becoming a sickly purple as it blends with my natural ice-blue tone. My footsteps are light, and my reflections move forwards with me, eyes ahead on the distorted one looking back at us.
The light blinks out again, and the hallway plunges into darkness. My throat tightens, heart clenching at the memory of watching Manni on the other side of the door. With each flash of light, the creature from the airshaft had crawled down towards her…
I reach up to clutch my pendant, only to grab air. My breath hitches, and I look down to find I’m wearing a Feeder gown. Shakier breaths come at the rising screams behind me. “Open the door! Open the door! Open the door!”
“Don’t look,” I whisper. “It’s not real.”
I keep moving across the white tiles, tears slipping down my cheeks, tasting the thick wetness that sticks to the soles of my feet. Then the insect calls come into focus.
Manni’s screams. Emily’s panic. The scent of urine from Cole. Jax holding onto me as I tried to reach the door to save my friend. It all floods back until I am wading through a river of red.
It gets harder to keep moving, the blood rising higher, now covering my waist. Bodies float past. Lifeless eyes. Chunks of flesh. A massacre I’ve pushed down and tried to forget for my sanity, and now I am swimming in it, desperate to keep afloat.
“It’s not real!”
“Can you braid my hair again, Saya? It reminds me of when Nora used to do it,” Manni says.
It’s not real, I think to myself.
“Do you reckon my grandma is still okay?” Emily says. “Do you think she is still alive?”
My lips tremble, nostrils flaring as more bodies float by, and now my head is only just above the surface as the bloody water keeps rising, and those left behind sink. Ahead is my distorted reflection, and I reach for it, desperate to leave this room before I drown.
“Saya…can you tell me another story? The daywalker one. It’s my favourite.”
It’s not real.
As my head goes under and thick sludge encases me, my fingertips graze the mirror, and it shatters.
The blood flows, surging forwards, and I hit the ground, covered head to toe.
Dollops of gore sluice down my body as I retch and cough out the slop that got into my mouth.
The metallic taste fills me, and my gums swell, saliva pooling in my mouth.
Pushing up to my knees, I wipe the blood from my eyes until I can see. My body jolts at the sight of the tanks in front of me. My breath hitches as I examine the creatures floating inside. Wires hook to their bodies, their skins shimmering and translucent.
Above the tanks are familiar numbered Feeder labels.
Manni.
Emily.
Cole.
Julien.
Monsters float inside each tank.
“What?”
I stand, but as I step forwards on the tiles, they collapse underneath me, and I fall into the black.
I wake on a chilled surface, my cheek icy—wrapped in cold. Brows furrowed in confusion, I open my eyes to darkness and push myself up.
Walls surround me, and my back hits something.
Caged? Trapped? Serun fucking trapped me? Is this punishment? Throw me in a coffin to tell me what I did was wrong?
I touch my lips, and flakes of dried blood crumble away from my skin.
I bit Serun. I craved it. After Devan cut himself, it was as if all my willpower dissolved into thirst. All the days I have felt hungry combined, and I became ravenous in a matter of seconds.
It wasn’t human food I was craving all along. It was blood.
A disgusted shudder runs through me, and I focus on my surroundings, my hands pressing against a softened cushion. At least this one is more comfortable than the last, I suppose.
Still, I’m in here for—
Hands are holding my thighs. I look down, and with every slow blink to adjust to the darkness, I digest what’s happening. There’s a body underneath me.
Serun lies there, eyes closed, head tilted to the side, without breath. Not a rise of the chest, or any sign that he is alive, which, I suppose, is normal for a nightwalker.
But because of that, I didn’t realise he was in here with me.
My fingertips twitch against what I now know is flesh, like marble. He’s shirtless. My hands press against tense muscles, and as I shift, I realise how close I am to the sleeping Nightwalker Lord.
You could kill him, a purr of a voice whispers. He is vulnerable. Exposed. So easily killed. Nightwalkers can’t stay awake during the day…
With an exhale, I move my hand across his chest to where his heart would be.
A stake there and he will be ashes.
Could I do it, though?
I stare at his face. He’s peaceful. Content. His ears are pulled back, facial features soft, as if lulled into a deep sleep.
I don’t think I can, and not because he is my only way of getting Cole back.
I don’t think I can kill him because whenever I look at Serun, my heart wants to match him and stop completely.
My hand drags up to cup his face. There is something about him that makes me want to find the silver tear so he can see the sun again.
A drawn-out sigh escapes me, and I touch my mouth again to scratch off the rest of the dried blood. I will not bite anyone ever again. This isn’t me.
This isn’t who I want to be.
My heart speeds up, and the ache in my throat warns me before the warmth slips down my cheeks. I cup my mouth to stifle a sob as I bow forward, resting my forehead on Serun’s chest.
What if I look at Cole like I did Devan, and there is no one there to stop me?
Tremors shake my shoulders uncontrollably, and the tears I’ve held back since coming here—so fucking alone—leak out and soak into his chest.
But at least Serun is…
A streak of cold moves up my thighs and to my waist. Serun moves, turning onto his side. He doesn’t talk. Not even a murmur to indicate he is awake. He just wraps his arms tighter around me and rests his chin on my head.
Unsure what to do, I am stone; the only part of my body moving is the organ in my chest. It slams against my cage, making me painfully aware that a piece of me is still alive.
Then, the hands on his muscular chest move on their own—a machine wanting more than my mind can comprehend. With little willpower to stop myself, my hands move around to his broad, tense back, and I crush my body closer to his.
“When I said I wanted you in my deathbed, I didn’t mean this,” he murmurs.
I breathe a laugh and push closer to him, as if that is even possible. “And when I woke, I didn’t expect to see myself sleeping on a naked corpse.”
A hint of a flutter fights off my torment when I see his crooked smirk. “Partially naked.”
“Right, sorry,” I say, my long fingernails drawing down his back to graze the waistband of his pants. “You are still somewhat presentable.”
Serun peeks out of one eye to look down at me. I know he can see me better than I can see him. He likely sees the blood staining my face.
Prickles crawl across my hairline, and I look away. The guilt returns as fast as the steam train. Thoughts race through my mind, overlapping like dough folded and pressed by fingertips.
“Serun—” His mouth crushes against mine, and the hand on my hip moves up and into my hair. One moment, we are side by side, and the next, I’m underneath him. He leans in for another kiss when I shrink back and say, “I have your blood on my mouth.”
I wanted to see disgust or repulsion over what I did, but Serun only nudges his head slightly and says, “And? I bit you too.”
With a shake of my head, I push up on the cushions and glare at him.
“I’m still human…I think, and you aren’t.
I may be naive when it comes to this nightwalker side of me, but I know enough to understand that what I did wasn’t normal.
If nightwalkers could drain each other dry, there wouldn’t be such a desperate need for human blood. ”
“My kamai—”
“No, answer me, and hold your liar’s tongue.” My brows bunch inwards when I say, “What I did wasn’t normal, was it?”
The softness in his eyes turns a solid, dark red. “No. It wasn’t.”
I nod and look away in search of an escape. “I’d like to leave.”
As I reach up to open the coffin, Serun’s arms become a cage. My ear flicks back, and I curl my lip.
“It isn’t an issue,” he says. “I enjoyed it…perhaps a little too much. So, if you’re hungry, you can—”
“No,” I snap. “I will not feed on you—and look at your liar’s tongue now. You liked it? You liked that I invaded your memories and witnessed how your parents died, and that you were an orphan because of some war between humans and vegodians?”
Serun’s eyes crinkle, and he chuckles.
My ears pull back with hostility. “What is so amusing, nightwalker?”
He sighs, and with a tilt of his head, those dark red eyes burn brighter. A tingling sensation crawls up my spine, warning me he can very much control me, but I hold my ground.
“The first time we met, I bit you. I stripped you of your memories and saw everything about you. It made me…yearn for you even more. It is only fair that you see mine.” He leans in, his eyes lowering to my mouth.
“So, I care little if you bite me and uncover my memories. Drink my blood. You can take as much as you need.”
“I hate you,” I whisper as his mouth brushes against mine.
“Hold your liar’s tongue, my kamai, and fucking kiss me.”
He leans in, but before I can give in to the allure of what he is saying, I tip my chin higher and look down at the lustful lord.
“Now, now, Nightwalker. We need to find your brother and his wife. There’s no time for this when my brother is with those slayers and white coats. How long was I out for?”
“Only a day.”
“Olivia is likely wondering where we went.”
His brow twitches as I turn my attention back to the coffin lid. I grunt as I try to push it open, but it’s as if we are fifty feet under with a solid stone above us.
I need to escape. One more heated kiss, and I know myself well enough to realise we wouldn’t be leaving this coffin. My body would tangle with his, and I’d demand that mouth of his explore my entire body.
“And I would have relished every moment,” he murmurs near the shell of my ear.
“What did I say about responding to my thoughts, nightwalker?” I grunt as I find a slight crack and start to claw at it.
He mutters his complaints, then in one swift motion, he drags the lid to the side until it thunks to the ground.
“Thank you,” I say as I rise from the coffin and shuffle out. Serun huffs a breathy laugh.
A smile spreads across my face. Now he can taste the frustration I felt every time he stepped away when I was longing for a kiss. And I know you can hear me, Serun.
He simply grunts his response.