Chapter 9
Pierce
My thighs burn as I near the end of my run, but I try to push past that to get to the end. I’ve been at the gym for over an hour. Earlier today, I found out Wesley had a crush on me, and the smile that seems to have tattooed itself on my face still hasn’t gone away. I mean, yeah, we had sex, but a crush is different. It means he thinks of me with connotations other than the physical. Doesn’t it? I mean, when I had crushes as a boy, I thought about marrying them and what our babies might look like.
I kind of love that he has an affinity for me. And the fact that it seems to have been there for a while means he never really hated me. Relief comes off me in waves. Knowing he likes me makes me feel better about myself and my actions. Plus, it’s very flattering.
The thing is, I’m not a relationship guy. Or at least I don’t think I am, but from the lunch to the apology and what happened after, I may need to reconsider. That’s why I’m running longer and at a higher speed than usual, hoping I can avoid this existential question by tiring myself out.
A man and a woman walk into the gym and starts stretching next to the treadmills. They are in matching grey tank tops and shorts and they smile at each other every once in a while when their eyes meet. The man even reaches over at one point when they are doing that stretch where you have your legs open and you reach to one side then the other and he taps her shoe. She giggles in response.
I try not to stare but it’s hard. Not only because they got up and are now running side by side on the line of treadmills in front of me but because I like it. How… lovely they are with each other. They run at different speeds and once in a while check in on each other.
I feel my knees about to buckle so I stop the treadmill and get off.
I hear the woman laugh at something her man said and my fist clenches. I’m not mad. I’m… fuck. I’m jealous. What I wouldn’t give to have something like that with someone. To have someone that can make you smile just by looking at you. Someone to share your life with.
Having it with Wesley would be incredible.
But I’m afraid. I’m afraid of being rejected. Ending up like my parents. Falling out of love with someone. I don’t want to be but it’s all those things that are holding me back. Plus, the fact that he’s my employee but I do have that job offer that could get rid of that barrier.
I start walking towards the gym doors, deciding I can shower back at my apartment since the gym is in the building.
I run my hand over my hair as I walk into the elevator back to my apartment.
Fuck, I can’t describe how pissed off I am at myself. But as I press the button that’ll take me to my floor I realize that I’ve never felt like this before. Not only the pull to someone but I’ve never been mad at my own fears. I never cared. It was something that I had and I felt no need to deal with it.
Now? Well, now it seems like I’m being forced to deal with it because I can’t stop feeling this ache in my chest. Every time I walk away from Wesley it’s like a piece of me stays behind with him. And now that I’ve had another taste of him, it’s stronger. I’ve been resisting him since the second I walked out of that hotel room six months ago but my resolve seems to be cracking.
The elevator doors open and I walk down the hallway to my apartment. As I step into my inside I begin to rethink every thought about love and romance I’ve ever had. Because whether I like it or not, something is changing inside me and I’ll have to face it one way or another. And if I’m smart and brave I might get everything I want.