Chapter 28
NIKA
Moving Daniel wasn’t easy. It took three men and a lot of cursing to get him in the back of a van, and a lot more grunting and thrashing and eventually some strong pain meds before we reached our destination.
It’s definitely not Paris anymore.
We’re a couple hours outside of the city in a small village, barely more than rolling vineyards and a central town square. Daniel’s holed up in a villa tucked back away from the main residential area. If it weren’t for the fact that he’s in bad shape, I bet he’d love it here.
I drink coffee and watch the quiet main avenue.
Not much is happening this afternoon. Sun streams through trees and plays off colorful buildings.
It’s strange to think that half the structures here are older than my entire home town.
There’s a canal nearby and its weedy, algal stink wafts on the breeze when the wind blows, but I don’t mind it.
The pace here is brutally slow, at least compared to Paris, but maybe that’s a good thing. Maybe we need to take a step back.
My mind drifts. I stare off into the distance. There’s something missing. Something deeply wrong. Gabe came back from his mission like he’s been burned, but he wouldn’t explain what happened, only evacuated everyone from the city and said we had to regroup out here where we could be safe.
That was three days ago, and I’ve barely seen him since.
Which is why it’s such a surprise when he comes striding toward me, walking along like it’s the most normal thing in the world.
A powerful, dangerous man in jeans and a linen shirt, looking like he belongs to this tiny little provincial town instead of in the heart of the world burning his enemies alive.
I smile, sit up straight, and accept a kiss on the lips before he sits across from me.
“I almost forgot about you.” I study his face. I try to play it off like this is no big deal, like everything’s okay, but I’m deeply worried about him.
“I doubt that.” He sits back, looking off across the street. I know his men are lurking nearby and he’s probably checking to make sure they’re still in their positions.
“There’s something different about you.” I lean forward, tapping my lip with my finger. “Did you get a haircut?”
He laughs. “Not exactly.”
“New clothes? Deep tissue massage?”
“Actually, I did something even better. I kept a promise.”
“Huh, did you now? Here I was thinking you’re the biggest flake in the world.”
His grin fades, but I see it more clearly now. Ever since we left Paris, there’s been a tension in his shoulders like he’s carrying something. Whatever happened during that ambush changed him in an ugly way and he’s been struggling with it ever since. Now though, he seems lighter.
“I should apologize to you, Nika. We made a deal when this all started and I haven’t kept up my side of the bargain.”
My heart quickens. I wave a hand, playing it off like it's nothing. “That doesn’t matter right now. We can deal with my mother when you’re a Dragon.”
“No, baby, we can’t.” The way he says it sends a shiver down my spine, like he’s not sure there is an after. “I made a promise to you, and I need to keep it. You’re too important to me.”
“Well, I appreciate that, but come on—“
His eyes lock on mine. “Baby, I found her.”
I stiffen. I feel like someone jabbed me in the throat with a bare, hot electric wire. I try to form words but I can’t say anything. My heart’s hammering and sweat breaks out across my brow.
This is what I’ve always wanted. For so long I’ve dreamed about meeting my mother, speaking to her, getting to know the woman who gave birth to me and disappeared. “She’s not… she’s actually, I mean…”
“She’s alive,” he confirms with a nod.
I let out a soft gasp. He comes around the table and kneels at my side, one hand rubbing my back in slow circles, the other steadying me.
I feel strangely sick, strangely disconnected from my body, my head floating up into the air and my hands getting all big and bloated.
I’m puffy, bodiless, or maybe too much body.
My mother’s alive.
All this time, she’s been alive. I had secretly hoped she was dead—at least that would explain why she never came to find me.
Instead, she’s out there.
My mouth goes dry. I should say something, ask him questions, thank him, scream in his face, but I’m so afraid it’s crippling.
“It’s okay, Nika, it’s okay,” he says quietly, firmly, and I grab onto his wrist to keep me grounded. “What’s wrong? Why do you look so upset?”
I struggle to fight back tears. “Gabe… what if… what if she doesn’t want to see me?”
“Oh, baby—“
“She left. She could’ve come back, but she didn’t. What if she abandoned me… on purpose, and now… she doesn’t want…”
“Nika,” he says, pulling me against him, and hugs me tight as the emotions flood from my body.
God, this is so messed up. I sob into his chest, hating myself, feeling small and pathetic.
But I can’t help it. What if my mother doesn’t want to see me?
Can I handle finding her and getting rejected all over again?
I could’ve left this alone, acted like she was dead, pretended like she doesn’t matter, because she doesn’t, but I want her to. I desperately want her to care.
She might not.
The thought nearly kills me.
But Gabe holds me close. He strokes my hair and whispers soothing words in my ear.
I barely hear him, but his touch helps calm me down.
He wipes my tears, kisses my cheeks, makes me drink some coffee, and scoots a chair closer so he can sit with his knees pressed to mine, his hands tangled in my fingers.
“You don’t have to do anything with this information,” he says clearly. “This woman doesn’t change anything about who you are. No matter what she says, what she wants or who she is, you are still you, Nika.”
“I know. I know you’re right. I just, I’m really scared.”
“I’ll be there with you if you want. I’ll hold your hand the whole time or I’ll watch from a distance. Whatever you need.”
I lean in and kiss him. I’m overwhelmed by how badly I need him. “Will you really? Do you promise?”
“I swear, baby.”
“Even with everything that’s happening?”
“There’s time.” He runs a thumb down my cheek. “She’s not that far from here.”
I gag out another sob but swallow it down. I take a deep breath and blow it out, steadying myself.
I can do this. I can handle it. This woman is my mother, but she didn’t raise me. She’s not family and might never be. That’s okay too. I can live with that.
“Where is she?”
“Germany. She’s been there for a long time. I think ever since you were born. It isn’t far from here. We can go today and be there by tonight.”
I look around, struggling not to panic. “Right now? Seriously?”
“Or we can go tomorrow, or the day after, or never. It’s up to you, Nika. But let me tell you this: I don’t know what’s going to happen from here on out. This might be our only chance. The choice is yours, but you need to understand, I don’t know if we’ll get another opportunity.”
I stand. The table rattles and my coffee almost spills. I pace like a lunatic and ignore the looks I get from the bored waitress lingering inside the cafe.
It has to be like this. If I sit with it and let myself stew in these emotions, I’m never going to go. Fear’s going to hold me back. That’s how I’ve always been. I think too much and end up following orders, doing the easy thing, slinking back and making myself small.
But I’m not that girl anymore.
Even if I feel like a child all over again, terrified of getting rejected.
This is my mother. She’s not far away, living in Germany, and maybe she doesn’t know anything about me.
Maybe she’s got her reasons for what happened, but either way I’ve always wanted to meet her, and this is my chance.
I can’t be a coward my whole life. I have to do something hard, something brave, something that makes me a better version of me, even if it hurts in the process.
I turn to Gabe and nod once. “Let’s go.”
“Are you sure?”
“Right now. Let’s go. Before I change my mind.”
“Nika—“
“Seriously, Gabe, get up and take me to see my mother right this instant, or else I’m going to chicken out.”
He gets to his feet and holds out his hand. “Let’s do it then.”