Chapter 15 Annie
ANNIE
His voice is pitched low, a deep rasp in his throat, and I feel my cheeks heat at the sound of it, an entirely inappropriate desire sweeping through me at how close he is.
I would have thought violence from any man would scare me now, but Elio’s violence turned on Desmond only makes me want him more.
“I want to break every single finger on his hands for touching you, then cut them off one by one,” Elio growls.
“I want to feed him his own fucking balls for thinking he had the right to have you. You think I can stand the idea of any other man touching you? You think it didn’t tear me apart every time I imagined you marrying someone else?
That I wouldn’t want to kill any man who had you, who wasn’t me? ”
My heart is beating so hard now I can hear it. “You left,” I whisper, and Elio curses in Italian, pushing away from the chair and away from me as he strides to the other side of the kitchen, running his hands with his hair.
“Mio maledetto Dio, Annie. What the actual fuck?” He spins around again, looking at me. “You know I had to stop. That I had to leave. Your father would have fucking killed me if he knew I kissed you behind the fucking gym when we were sixteen, let alone…”
He lets out a harsh breath, scrubbing his hands through his hair before looking at me again. “This isn’t what we need to be talking about right now. Of course I want to kill Desmond. I’ll be right fucking next to Ronan when we bring him in and take him apart at the fucking joints.”
The words hit me like a bucket of ice water. "No, Elio. Ronan can’t be involved in this."
Elio lets out another frustrated sound. “Don’t you think Ronan will want revenge as much as I do?”
“It doesn’t matter! What matters is protecting him. He’s my brother, Elio, and I love him. I don’t want to be the reason he’s hurting again. That's the whole point, Elio. That's why I came to you instead of going to my brother."
"Annie—"
“I’m not going to have him involved in this.” I set my jaw, looking at him stubbornly. “And if you go to him with it, I’ll regret ever coming to you. Ever saying a word to you. I’ll regret ever trusting you.”
The hurt on his face is so plain to see that it pains me, too. Elio swallows hard. “Your brother trusts me, too. I have to betray one of you. Jesus, Annie—”
I wince, biting my lower lip. “I’m sorry. Maybe I shouldn’t have come to you.”
“No. Don’t say that. I—” Elio blows out a sharp breath, and starts pacing again. "So what are you suggesting? That we just handle this ourselves and never tell him? Ever?"
"Yes." The word comes out more certain than I feel. "We find Desmond, we deal with him, and then I come back. I tell Ronan I needed some time away, that I was feeling overwhelmed. He’ll be angry, but I’ll come up with something. I’ll tell him I was dating someone else and we broke up.
That our father’s death got to me and I needed to escape for a bit. Something.”
"And you think he won't find out the truth?" Elio's voice is hard. "You don't think he’ll figure it out at some point? That someone will and he’ll realize we lied to him?”
"Not if Desmond is dead before he can tell anyone, or rally anyone else for help." I hold Elio's gaze. "That's why I need you. I can't kill him myself. But you can."
The silence that follows is heavy. I'm asking Elio to commit murder for me. To keep this secret from Ronan, to lie to his face, to help me protect my brother from the truth that I know will undo all the good that has come to him in the past months. Upend his life when he’s expecting a baby with Leila.
Ruin his peace, all because I made a stupid fucking decision.
"This is a bad idea," Elio says finally.
"It's the only idea I have."
"Annie, if Ronan finds out we kept this from him—"
"Then we make sure he doesn't find out." I take another step closer. "Please, Elio. I'm not asking you to understand why I need to do this. I'm just asking you to trust me. To help me."
He closes his eyes, and I see the internal war playing out across his features.
He knows this is wrong. He knows lying to Ronan is a betrayal.
But he also knows I'm not going to back down. I feel a stab of guilt, because I know I’m playing on more than just Elio’s sense of loyalty…
I know he feels something more for me. That what there was between us all those years ago isn’t gone entirely, if it was ever gone at all.
I’ve never been a manipulative person, and I hate that this makes me feel as if there’s even a shred of that in me now.
That Desmond has pushed me to this.
It makes me want him dead even more.
"You should tell him the truth," Elio says, opening his eyes. "You should go to your brother, tell him what happened, let him help you. This doesn't have to be on you alone."
"But it does." My voice cracks. "Because I'm the one who can spare him this pain.
I'm the one who can keep him from blaming himself for my attack the way he did for Siobhan’s death.
From making him believe all the shitty things our father said to him about it when he finally has all of that out of his system.
That's worth lying for. That's worth keeping secrets for. "
"Even if it destroys your relationship with him when he eventually finds out?" Elio shakes his head.
"He won't find out. Not if we're careful." I reach out and take Elio's hand. "Please. I wouldn't ask if I had any other choice. But I can't do this without you."
Elio looks down at our joined hands, and I see the moment he breaks. The moment he decides that protecting me, helping me, even in this impossible situation, matters more than his loyalty to Ronan.
That I matter more.
"Fuck," he mutters. "This is going to blow up in our faces."
"Does that mean you'll help me?" I bite my lip, twisting it between my teeth, and I feel his fingers brush against the side of my hand before he lets it go.
"You know I will." He looks up, and the intensity in his dark eyes makes my breath catch. "You're my weak point, Annie. You always have been. I can't tell you no even when I should. I did once, and…”
He lets out a heavy breath. I want him to finish that sentence. To tell me what came after him denying me what we both wanted so badly all those years ago. But more than that, I feel so powerfully relieved that he’s given in that my knees go weak. "Thank you. Thank you so much—"
"Don't thank me yet." He takes a step back, refocusing as he runs a hand through his hair.
"We need to plan this carefully. Desmond isn't stupid.
After the meeting today, he will have gone to ground, and he won't surface unless we give him a reason to. I need to think about this. Plan it properly. We're only going to get one shot—if Desmond realizes we’re after him and we lose him, there’s a good chance he'll disappear and we'll never find him. "
"How long will you need?"
"A couple of days. We need to do this quickly.
" He looks at me. "In the meantime, you stay here. You don't leave the safe house, you don't contact anyone. My men will get you anything you need. If you give me a list, I’ll have them go shopping for you. I can’t risk anyone seeing me or my men at your house, or I’d get you some of your own things from there. "
I nod. “Okay. I’ll stay put. I won’t do anything.”
"I mean it, Annie. If you accidentally tip him off that we're planning something—”
"I won't," I repeat firmly. "I trust you to handle this." I laugh, a little bitterly. “I can’t contact anyone, anyway. My phone is gone. I’m entirely reliant on you now.”
Something flickers in his eyes at those words, something that looks almost like pain. But before I can try to figure out what he’s thinking, he's turning away and pulling out his phone.
"I need to check in with Ronan," he says. "He's been texting me since I got here, asking for updates on the search for you."
Guilt twists in my stomach. "How is he?"
"How do you think?" Elio's tone isn't unkind, but it's pointed. "His sister is missing, and he has no idea where she is or if she's safe. He probably hasn’t eaten all day, and he’s probably not going to sleep tonight. He's tearing the city apart looking for you."
The guilt intensifies, burning in my gut. "I hate doing this to him."
"Then tell him the truth."
"I can't." I wrap my arms around myself. "Not about this. It would break him, Elio."
"And lying to him won't?" But Elio doesn't push further. He dials Ronan's number and steps out onto the back porch, leaving me alone with my thoughts.
Through the window, I watch him pace as he talks, his body language tense. I can't hear what he's saying, but I can imagine. More lies. More promises to keep searching. More betrayal of a man who trusts him completely.
All for me.
I can feel the weight of that on my shoulders. And I wonder if it might get so heavy that it could crush us both.
—
Elio leaves after that to go back to the city, saying he needed to check in with Ronan and actually help with the search for me—or at least appear to be helping—so Ronan wouldn't get suspicious.
He promised to be back sometime tonight, and I have to believe that he will.
That nothing will happen to spoil our plans.
I spend the time alone trying not to spiral.
I clean the already-clean kitchen. I read the same page of a book four times without absorbing a word.
I stare out the window at the woods surrounding the safe house and wonder if Desmond is out there somewhere, watching.
If he’s found me already and is just biding his time.
By the time I hear Elio's car pull up, it's well past dark. I'm at the door before he's even out of the vehicle, desperate for any news.