Chapter 16
LIV
NO TIME - THE GUESS WHO
Icheck my reflection one more time as I take a deep breath, my eyes scanning the person in the mirror staring back at me.
A stranger.
Maybe a chameleon is more like it.
I’ve been so many people over the years, a different person during different phases of my life.
Right now, this phase seems even more difficult than the rest.
It feels like a ton has changed in the last seventy two hours, too much for such a short period of time. But I know better than anyone that fate only needs a few seconds to change your path entirely, so I shouldn’t feel so off about it.
I do, though.
Off and heavy, and it’s worrying Niko.
I lean toward the mirror and tilt my head, looking over the elaborate tattoo on my throat and follow it down to the huge one on my chest. I turn slightly and check out the beautiful ink on my back, what I can see of it, then rotate slightly to look at the black and white half sleeve on my left arm.
He’s talented, my omega.
So goddamn talented but when I asked him how quickly he could do some big work for me, I was still surprised by the time frames he gave me. Even more so when he managed to come in just under them.
Niko was worried about all of this, though.
He couldn’t hide it if he wanted to, not from me, but I don’t think he would have been able to anyway.
The drastic changes I’ve made to my physical appearance, my sudden shift in focus along with an almost standoffish attitude.
They’re freaking him out and I really don’t like it.
But I had a lot of time to think while I was recovering. Too much, some might say.
I was able to put some things into a clearer perspective, and I was able to see where I’ve been lacking. I recentered myself and dug back into the line of thinking I had before I left the shelter.
There’s something nagging at me, something that’s been bugging me ever since I was able to figure out that my starting point was the other side of Minneapolis. I’m still not entirely sure what it is, but I think I’m finally getting there.
When I was getting ready to leave our house, before I burned it down and went to grab what turned out to be way more money than I thought we had, there was a slip of paper tucked inside one of the rolled wads of cash.
It fell out while I was filling the duffle bags but I didn’t bother looking at what it said, I didn’t give a shit at the time so I just tucked it back inside and took everything with me.
That slip of paper didn’t cross my mind once until I started buying things for my trip.
I unrolled several of the rubber banded stacks and it was right there, and I paid a bit more attention the second time I discovered it.
Not that it did me a lot of good. It had one very messy, very cryptic thing scribbled on it that made no sense.
N44993W.
I had no idea what it meant, not really, and it took me a few weeks to put it together, but eventually it clicked.
It looked like coordinates, and I was right.
It was coordinates for Minneapolis.
Not exact, but pretty damn close.
Which made me wonder if that’s why when we left New York, the guys were so adamant on coming to Minnesota. Thief River Falls is about five hours from Minneapolis but having the coordinates had to mean something to them. Why else would they have them?
It did make the fact that I ended up at a shelter in that very city seem even more divine or extremely coincidental, but it didn’t answer any questions.
Why would they have those coordinates? Who is it that had some connection to one of the Twin Cities? To my knowledge, none of them were originally from here or anywhere close, and they didn’t have family to speak of. What made this area so special?
I started to wonder if whatever the draw or connection to a relatively normal and uneventful city—compared to New York, of course—is what ended up getting them killed.
It seemed unlikely, but I kept digging.
There wasn’t anything particularly nefarious or intriguing on the side of Minneapolis where I was living, nothing glaring anyway and that’s probably why the shelter is there, so I branched out and that’s when I started finding things.
Nothing major, I didn’t have some aha moment, but I was able to start piecing together the edges of the puzzle as I stumbled across the darker side of the Midwest.
Which is how I chose my starting point.
The location I should have been in weeks ago, and the guilt of allowing so much time to go by before I got there and started tracking down answers has been consuming, to say the least.
I can’t waste anymore time, I’ve done enough of that, and I need to get moving on my intel.
I roll my eyes as I push my hair back then tousle it, snorting at myself as the white blonde and teal pieces fall to my shoulders where my hair stops.
Intel.
Research.
Whatever you want to call it.
The solid lead I’ve been sitting on while falling in love with my omega, getting kidnapped and tortured, then rescued by my scent match who is a blast from my sordid past.
Too many distractions and not enough action, and I’m struggling with it.
I think the realization that Rune is my scent match and the overwhelming drive to climb him like a tree is what did it.
It snapped me back to reality and made me remember why I left the shelter in the first place.
Not that I necessarily forgot, Niko has been helping me piece things together since he crashed my roadtrip, and despite how the relationship developed between us, he’s kept me focused on my end goal.
But two mates? True mates, a soul bond and scent match showing up while I’m trying to avenge my fallen pack is starting to really scare me. More than just being attracted to my omega.
It scares me because it’s another way fate is fucking with me, a new way that my future is going to change, and while my instincts are telling me to accept that and be with both of them, I don’t feel worthy of either of the men tagging along with me.
I don’t feel like I should have a second chance at happiness when my pack barely had a first. I shouldn’t be given the opportunity to fall in love and create bonds, to build a family when I lost my alphas and our baby.
Those thoughts are why I’ve been withdrawing, I can’t help that, and they’re why I’ve made some drastic changes the last few days, including how I look.
All so I can finally start avenging those three men the way I promised.
But I feel like I’m running out of time.
Granted, the only time constraints I have are the ones I put on myself but those are enough for me to feel like I’m failing and I won’t ever do what I set out to.
Two years and five weeks is way too long to let such a horrible tragedy go unresolved.
So, the first time over the last week that I woke up and could tolerate the pain long enough to stay awake, unmedicated, and feel mostly clear headed was when I told Rune and Niko what needed to happen.
Then I made a list.
Our alpha bought the hair dye and tattoo gun, got everything we needed for our makeovers including the clothes and masks I requested, and Niko got to work on helping me really become Sparrow Manning.
Even while his feelings were hurt.
My plan is finally in play but I’m ruining one of the best things that’s happened to me in the process because I can’t process jack shit.
If I’m too focused on my guilt and getting the answers, and ultimately the justice, my pack deserves, I’m going to lose Niko and I won’t ever have a chance to see what could happen with Rune.
But if I explore my feelings and let them become the focus, no matter how long, I won’t do anything I intended to over two years ago.
Giving in and letting myself get wrapped up in my alpha and omega, letting the two of them completely consume me?
I’m convinced it’s going to mean abandoning my mission and erasing my pack.
That’s why I have guilt over not feeling guilty about falling in love with Niko, and having Rune here smelling like my future, isn’t helping.
My instincts toward both of them are so strong, so hard to fight, and I hate myself for how natural and guilt free they are.
Which turns into more self loathing because how dare I feel that way about anyone other than my pack. Ever.
I can’t fucking win.
And it’s all eating at me.
This is so fucking hard.
I have to get my act together.
I have to be strong and keep boundaries so I can honor the memory of my pack, so I can avenge them and the life we were robbed of. But if I do, I could lose everything I might be able to build now. Then again, I don’t deserve that, so why bother?
I swear to god I’m going to lose my mind over all of this. I just have to keep my sanity long enough to focus on the task at hand.
I’ll deal with the mess I’ve made along the way after I kill the fuckers who murdered Jay, Dante, and Emery.
“Liv.” My gaze shifts to the door over my shoulder as Niko knocks softly. “Kitten, we should get going.”
Tears immediately spring to my eyes as he hesitantly uses his pet name for me, a term of endearment that I love as much as I love him.
I hate that I’m hurting him, especially knowing what he went through with his alpha. And I really hate that I can’t seem to get my shit together enough to stop doing it.
“I’m ready,” I say as I open the door and force a smile. “Does this look okay?”
Niko’s eyes move over me from head to toe, taking in my black tank top, jean shorts with the flannel tied around my waist, and my combat boots before he drops his gaze and nods. “You look great.”
My heart pinches as he turns to walk away, his entire aura heavy with the hurt I’m causing.
I can’t do this.
I can’t do this to my sweet omega, and that’s why I let my instincts lead for a moment.
“Hey.” I reach out and stop him, grabbing his hand and forcing him to look at me as I pull him close. “Thank you.”
He nods again, giving me a weak smile as he reaches out and flips a piece of my hair over my shoulder.