Chapter 19
RUNE
ATWA - SYSTEM OF A DOWN
With a growl, I throw my shoulder against the bathroom door, using my size as a tool until the goddamn thing finally gives under my weight.
The reinforced metal buckles and folds in the middle as the hinges at the top pop from the frame, the deadbolt resisting a little, catching inside the wall before it pushes through with a screech.
I crouch down some and ram my shoulder into it again, level with the knob that doesn’t have nearly as much strength as the lock above it and I push through until the remnants of steel are bent back far enough they’re touching the floor behind it.
I take a deep breath as I step over the last piece, the last shred of this door preventing me from getting to my omega and when I don’t see anything but his boots sticking out from under a stall, this foreign feeling of fear spikes to a new high.
Less than three strides has me standing in front of it and without hesitation, I grab either side of the frame and rip it right out of the tile floor then toss it behind me as I drop to my knees.
“Nikolai,” I whisper as I reach for him, quickly pulling him into my arms.
He’s out cold. Not necessarily unconscious, he’s physically exhausted but still lucid enough to be considered a little more than asleep.
He is a mess, though. Panic stricken. Shaking and whimpering, I can see the tear stains on his cheeks as fresh ones flow from his eyes and follow those same tracks, and judging by where we are, there’s no doubt my omega is in here because he was going to be sick.
Anxiety. A panic attack. That’s what happened to my omega.
I grunt as I fall back on my ass, scooting until my back is against the wall as I cradle Nikolai to my chest. I try to reposition him comfortably in my lap and start to slowly rock from side to side, purring involuntarily as I lift my hand and unstick his hair from his face.
My omegas are truly beautiful.
Beautiful and more than I could ever ask for, even if I don’t deserve them.
My fingers itch to touch his skin, to soothe whatever sent him into a frenzy and despite how unworthy I feel, I let them.
They softly slide over his brow, pushing a few more blond strands from his sun kissed skin before gently following the definition of his cheek bone toward his jaw.
Nikolai’s breathing slows as I do it again, my omega turning his face toward my chest, pressing his nose against my shirt as his trembling hand lifts to clutch the same material.
I freeze as Nikolai leans into me, nuzzling closer on a whine, desperately holding onto me as if I’m the only thing anchoring him to the ground we’re sitting on. My hands lift, my body stills, and the low hum building in my chest comes to a screeching halt.
“Please,” he chokes out. “Please, keep doing that.”
I clear my throat, ready to ask which he’s referring to but I don’t have to.
Nikolai pulls himself up higher until he can burrow into the side of my hood, until his face is pressed to the side of my neck where he breathes so deeply that it steals my breath.
“All of it,” he says as he rubs his cheek against the erratic pulse pounding under my skin.
He grips the back of my shirt tighter, pulling as if he’s trying to share my clothes because he can’t get close enough.
“I didn’t think anything would change how I was feeling but I was wrong.
” When the scruff on his chin grazes my collarbone and when the hand on my chest moves to the back of my neck, I finally realize what he’s doing.
Nikolai is scenting me.
He’s found comfort in my scent, in my presence, and while it seems to help, it’s not enough right now.
Because you’re not enough. You’re worthless and no one could ever love someone as stupid as you.
I shake the voice from my head and push those thoughts deep down. My omega needs me right now. He needs what our bond, what our matching provides because it really is soothing him. Because I’m soothing him.
Slowly, I start to rock again, wrapping my arms tightly around Nikolai as I start to purr. His hand at my back flattens, his fingers flexing against the muscle as the sound grows louder, his palm on my neck sliding down over my throat until it stills in the center of my chest.
He keeps his nose pressed against me as I feel the collar of my shirt grow wet, Nikolai’s tears resuming despite the way his body relaxes in my embrace.
I close my eyes as my head tips back against the wall, sighing as I think about how this goes against everything I’ve been feeling lately.
Not about my omegas, never about them.
The bonds we share, my love—if I can call it that—is far too strong and that means how I think or feel will never change.
It’s everything that comes with those feelings that has me doubting myself more than I ever have.
I’m not good enough for them and I never will be.
I’ve allowed so much pain and hurt to happen to them when all I want to do is protect them and treat them the way they deserve.
Christ, I can’t even fucking talk to them without feeling like every syllable has the potential to damage their perfect hearts and beautiful souls.
I wasn’t meant to be anything more than a mindless monster, one used and abused until that was all I knew.
Then I found Olive.
She changed me, changed how I thought and what I knew. Then she did it again when she brought me to my other omega.
Both changed me for the better, that’s what I want to believe, but at the end of the day, it can’t rewire nearly four decades of being told otherwise.
Of being shown otherwise.
“Niko!”
My eyes snap to the busted doorway as a pain-filled cry and heavy footsteps come racing down the hall.
“Niko! Rune!” Olive yells as she skids past the entrance, nearly falling into the twisted metal before she’s righted by the redhead beta. “Oh my god.”
Tears instantly spill from her pretty eyes as she drops to her hands and knees, crawling toward us as quickly as possible.
It isn’t a huge bathroom, not to me anyway, but by the time Olive reaches us, she’s practically sobbing as she climbs into my lap without hesitation.
“I’m sorry,” she whispers as she scoots around until she’s able to cling to both of us. “I am so sorry.”
Nikolai drags his forehead along my throat until he’s facing Olive, the two tangled together in my arms, both leaning firmly against my chest. She repeats her words again and again, chanting an apology I don’t think she owes anyone, and I close my eyes.
Her voice is soothing.
Soothing Nikolai.
It’s soothing to me.
It’s all I hear as I focus on their heartbeats, her words fading into the sound of a smoky whisper, one that drowns out everything but them.
I would happily drown in them. Let my omegas consume me until there was nothing left of who I am, only them and the bond we share.
“I hate to interrupt…”
I open my eyes to see the beta still standing in the doorway, on our side of the broken metal, staring at us in a way I don’t completely understand.
Is it pain? Uncertainty? Confusion or hesitation?
The expression on his handsome, freckled face is puzzling, and that’s why I decide to hear him out.
“Staying in here, it’s going to be a problem as soon as Ransom checks the cameras in the hallway.
He’s on his way back upstairs and that’s what my brother always does before he goes home for the night.
” The beta lifts his hands as I narrow my stare.
“I won’t let him be your problem, but it might be a good idea for the three of you to get out of here sooner than later.
If you have the keys to your truck, I can—“
Olive reaches into my pocket and pulls out the keys then throws them to the redhead without uttering a word.
“I’ll pull around to the back exit, it’s at the end of this hall.
” He looks at me a little longer before his eyes quickly move between Olive and Nikolai.
“You should probably get them in the camper. I can drive you wherever you need to go. My place isn’t far from here if you want, there are woods behind it, or, whatever you decide, just let me know when you come outside. ”
I give him a quick nod then take a deep breath as he disappears from view.
I am not good with people.
Not in any way but especially when they’re trying to be nice and helpful.
Both of which the beta exhibited in spades.
“His name is Styx,” Olive says softly as she nuzzles my chest. “But you know that.” I can feel her smile through the fabric of my shirt. “I like him, but you know that, too.”
I do.
I know both of those things, just as I know the beta reciprocates the sentiment.
I know all of that just like I know he’s another person I’m not good enough for but most likely can’t argue out of my life now that he’s in it.
And I know I am going to regret that once I ruin him the same way I ruin everything I touch.